there are some days when i think i want to be a mother, and i want to love something, and i wouldn't mind not being alone.
most of the time, though, i feel terrible about the idea of being a mother. i do not want to be a mother. i have never wanted to be a mother. the whole idea of it makes me feel so sad and tired and worried.
i know that when this baby comes, it will just be something. it will be a part of my life, and i wont think of it like being a mother vs. not being a mother. i will just exist. but for now, i often have this sense of dread and it's really, really hard.
i actually woke up today feeling really sad about it. i have been worrying lately about having to share jeffery. it makes me feel so sad in some moments. i woke up with thoughts about how i wanted to go back to school and i wanted to get my life together, before i even thought about having children, and how it's all just going to be so hard to manage now.
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there are some days when i think i want to be a mother, and i want to love something, and i wouldn't mind not being alone.
most of the time, though, i feel terrible about the idea of being a mother. i do not want to be a mother. i have never wanted to be a mother. the whole idea of it makes me feel so sad and tired and worried.
i know that when this baby comes, it will just be something. it will be a part of my life, and i wont think of it like being a mother vs. not being a mother. i will just exist. but for now, i often have this sense of dread and it's really, really hard.
i actually woke up today feeling really sad about it. i have been worrying lately about having to share jeffery. it makes me feel so sad in some moments. i woke up with thoughts about how i wanted to go back to school and i wanted to get my life together, before i even thought about having children, and how it's all just going to be so hard to manage now.
but, i know that it will be okay.
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