Shige Essay n.50 - Hungry -
Here it the translation of the latest Shige's essay (Myojo 08.2010)
Aoi Hitorigoto n.50 - Hungry -
Kato Shigeaki
I don't understand well when I desire something or when I'm not. The I feel like vaguely starving for something, I begin to desire it and it's like that thing is floating all around me. Since I can't recognize clearly the identity of that thing it's really a bother because I don't know what to do to satisfy myself.
That's why I'd like to have an hunger provoked by a clear unusual "appetite". To people who suffer for hunger and poverty everything can work to fill an empty stomach, I guess. I long for that kind of mental greediness.
By the way, I'm aware enough that this is the acme of irrationality and I don't have the spirit to throw away all my fortunes saying "From now on I'll be poor! I'll manage somehow!" taking a lot of risks. Having this kind of "hungry spirit" in a rich country like Japan is difficult.
The charm of an hungry spirit is the unmistakable clarity of the aims they want to fulfill. Turning an empty stomach in a full one. With hunger I don't necessarily talk about food.
"Intellect" or "triumph" or "career", no matter what you're starving for, if you want something so fiercely you will become an hungry spirit. If you look forward maybe you'll be closer to what you call "dream".
"Dream = Hunger" is an extreme assertion but anyway I don't feel hungry. I don't care about the type of hunger, I long for any of it.
Maybe it's because I was an only child or for the background where I was raised but I never had complaints. For this, if I couldn't fulfill a desire I always gave up easily the things or people I wanted, I had little occasions to do my very best. Of course I learnt that at work you have to try with your utmost effort so since I'm working I'm doing my best. But I still think that I never really worked desperately with all my might.
If I look back to my life's turning point, the middle school texts, the entrance in the Jimusho, the debut, I realize that I always entrusted myself to the flow, there were no greedy efforts incited by starvation. If I have to define "luxury" this is what I think of.
So, recently I've been thinking. Am I satisfied? I'm not complaining. I'm not starving for anything so why am I not satisfied? Maybe it's because I'm not full in the soul. Maybe my soul is like that cheap Soba shop in the corner, it may serve sometimes luxury hamburgers or high-class steaks but I don't know that, so I go on eating always the same Soba. But recently I don't feel like going to eat in that common Soba shop no more. I no longer want to be in this half-way situation where I can't even understand if I'm hungry or not.
Until now I didn't have an hungry spirit but somehow I feel hungry. Maybe it's good the same. Until I don't starve to death there will be no problem. In the end the Soba is not so bad. But Soba is so easy to digest that maybe I ate too many of it and didn't notice.
Now, I want to eat a real hamburger or steak again. I want to certify one more time that taste that I couldn't understand before. By the way if you can eat steak then you have to consume the its calories. I have to work hard. Firstly, I want to starve myself more. I want to starve and starve until my stomach is completely empty so that I'll be able to eat the steak. When I'll suffer from hunger by myself I'll get the best of the blowouts.
Hunger = Dream. If this is right, I have to begin to work to achieve my dreams. This is an hard work. Anyway there's something I have to do first. You can't fight with an empty stomach. A spiritual hunger is important but you also have to fill your physical hunger.
So, now a real steak...ihihih. Itadakimasu!
Once again I'm totally charmed by this guy :)