Strawberry Fields Forever
Title: Strawberry Fields Forever
Fandom: Heroes
Author: Meli Parker
Word Count: 2990
Rating: PG-13
Characters and Pairing: Nathan/Peter, Mrs Petrelli, Heidi, Others Mentioned
Warnings: Incest, violence, time jumps, character deaths.
Spoilers: Slightly Season Premire, but I really write it before it aired.
Summary: Nathan's life collapses after Peter explodes and flashbacks to other times in their lives.
Notes: Written in the same format as I'm Only Sleeping and Girl but not the same universe as either story. It's Beatles lyrics mixed in with my own. I also wrote this one a little bit differently than those, so it's easier to read and less confusing time wise. I also picked less songs, but more lyrics. Notes at the end.
Strawberry Fields Forever
Look at all the lonely people.
The people of the city I loved wandered aimlessly without a purpose. People just walked, or rode in taxis or trains; they moved to and from with destinations, but no purpose. It was automatic, like waking up or eating. People had to move. They had somewhere to be, but that didn’t mean anything. Because, I could see how lost they all really were. Because we’re all really alone in the world aren’t we.
Even when we think we’re not, we’re just going to end up alone; all alone in a cave of a dark room with a bottle to keep us company. And let me tell you, bottles, they aren’t the greatest company in the world. Can’t even keep decent conversations, bottles. They look good and what sits inside their innards is why you have them in the first place, but honestly, they’re worthless in the end because all they do is shatter. Just like him. Just like he did, even when he told me he couldn’t.
Oh living is easy with eyes closed. I liked it very much. I did so my whole life until one day my brother and daughter decided to open them. Now I can’t keep them shut. Every night I pour my heart into a glass and drink it back down. You mine as well be dead.
*
“Rain!” he yelled to the sky, opening his arms wide to the water falling from the dark abyss.
“I can see that!” I yelled to him from the curb of the restaurant. He turned and looked at me with his crooked smile. His dark hair plastered to the side of his face. His eyes were aglow with happiness.
“The weather’s fine!” I rolled my eyes.
“You’re gonna get sick, brother,” I responded. He grinned even wider.
“I don’t mind.” I could feel myself beginning to smile.
Fuck, I miss him.
*
“Try to see it my way,” I said to Peter before he ran off to Texas. “Just think of what you’re saying. You can get it wrong and still you think that it’s alright!” Peter looked at me with a look of determination.
“No,” he said. “I know what I have to do. I’m going to save the world. Life is very short…”
“Exactly! You could die or worse.” He rose his eyebrows at me.
“Or worse?” I shrugged. I just didn’t want him to go.
“Please, just don’t go,” I practically begged. He refused. “But what if something happens, Peter?”
“Nothing’s gonna change my world,” is all he said to me with a blank look on his face. I looked at him like he was crazy.
Why didn’t I ever just agree?
*
“It feel’s so right now,” I muttered in his ear, slamming his body into the wall as he kissed my neck. “Hold me tight. Tell me I’m the only one, and then I might, never be the lonely one.” He pushed me back and smiled. I then slammed my mouth into his kissing him harder than I had ever kissed anyone before. I moved lower, to his chest, pressing my face into his body and closing my eyes. It was so wrong, but so right.
“Hold me tight,” he moaned. I looked up at him.
“Tonight,” I said. He grinned and pushed me to the bed. I fell and smirked as he climbed on top of me, peeling off his sweat drenched t-shirt. I flipped him over, making sure I was on top. His smile diminished; he became very serious.
“Tonight, it’s you,” he said looking into my eyes. “You. You…” I kissed him, wrapping my arms around his body. We flipped amoung the sheets and comforter and took other wise completely dysfunctional relationship and made it more complicated.
“Peter,” I moaned as his body arched into mine. He pressed his soft head against mine and I closed my eyes.
“Let me go on loving you, tonight, tonight. Making love to only you.”
“It’s you.”
*
“Oh, look at all the lonely people,” Peter said to me from high above the city, burning so tragically from the inside. I held him the best I could, trying to get him high enough. I tried to get him over the ocean. I really tried. I looked at him one last time, his eyes so sad and lost. “Don’t let me break you,” he seemed to say without saying anything. And then I let go.
I don’t remember what happened next.
*
“Your brother is dead because of you,” my mother said to me one morning, opening the blinds to my office. I shielded the light with my hand sloppily, hung over from the night before.
“Fuck, Ma,” I muttered.
“Language, Nathan,” she said picking at the bottles around the room.
“You sure know how to greet someone that’s for sure,” I said to her rising from my chair slowly. “Get out of here.” She looked at me sternly.
“No, I will not, Nathan.” The way she said my name made me want to kill something.
“Stop saying my name.” I pushed my hands through my hair that was too long, but I had stopped caring.
“I named you,” she said. “I can call you by your name, Nathan. It’s a mother’s G-d given right!” I shut my eyes and flinched at the name. I couldn’t take her anymore. Her need to control everything in my life. I just couldn’t take it. G-d, it’s like she thinks I’m some kind of fucking robot or something cause I’m not. I have a life of my own that she didn’t plan and her name is Claire; and she’s beautiful…She took her away from me.
“Seriously, Mom, I’m not in the fucking mood today to have you come round here, insult me, mess with my stuff and then act like you can control me cause you can’t!” She looked at me with absolutely no emotion.
“This isn’t the way a congressman should be acting, Nathan,” she said with an almost mono-toned voice. I laughed.
“I think I know, I mean, ah yes, but it’s all wrong,” I said looking up at the ceiling. My anger suddenly increased and I gazed at her with a dark look as I yelled, “that is I think I disagree!”
“You can’t wallow in your brother’s death,” she said moving to pick a bottle off the filing cabinet. I bit my lip and looked out the window to the sky above. It was so beautiful and clear. The blue sky so clear above the pollution. I began to smile. “Nathan,” my mother said even though I couldn’t hear her. Oh how he would have enjoyed flying above the smog. Feeling the sun’s rays upon his face and hair; his body tingling with delight. She repeated my name once again. I never answered.
*
“I read the news today,” Heidi said to me the morning after he died. By this time I was already knee deep in a bottle of old scotch.
“Oh boy,” I grumbled. She reached out to hold my hand. I looked at her beautiful face to see that it was written with concern.
“There was a light in the sky,” she said. “Above New York; an explosion and they don’t know what caused it. Nathan, we got out of there just in time. I mean what if it fell!” I began to laugh. And not just laugh, I became hysterical. I looked at her with wet eyes and wrapped my hands around hers. She looked down at my hands with even more concern. Slowly, as I continued to laugh and cry at the same time, she turned them over and saw the blistering burns. She took a step back and inhaled sharply. “Nathan! What did you do?” I grinned amidst the hysteria.
“I couldn’t save him,” I said. I took another long sip out of the bottle and collapsed to the floor, unable to hold in the tears.
*
He smiled at me as he lay beside me in his bed. “Why are you so worried?” I turned and looked at him and then pushed his dark hair out of his face.
“I don’t think I’m the marrying type,” I said. “I don’t think this is gunna work out, Pete.” His grin grew larger.
“There’s nothing you can do that can’t be done,” he stated. I looked up at the ceiling.
“You know this means that you and me are over.” I could feel him shift beneath the blankets.
“Yeah,” he said quietly. I turned and stared into his eyes that were so much like my own. He began to grin his lopsided smile. “She loves you.”
“I know.”
“And you love her.”
“Yeah, yeah, yeah.”
“Then I see no problem.” Peter then quickly spun out of bed and ran to his closet. I watched his naked body move so elegantly. He came back with a picture. “Take this brother.” It was a picture of the two of us at the lake that we went to back when we were younger. I could feel my lips twinge into a smile.
“Thanks.”
*
“You say yes,” Peter said to me after he had just come back from the dead. I was still a bit in a state of shock at this point.
“I say no,” I said, holding the piece of glass in my hand. Its red stain was intriguing, to think that it was stuck in my brother’s head mere moments before. To think that I had just cried over his death. What would have done without him? Oh G-d, I didn’t even want to think about what I would have done without him.
“You say stop,” he said, looking up at me with a fierceness I had never seen. I frowned deeply. “But I say go, go, go.”
“No,” I said. “Peter, enough. No more running around trying to save the world alright! You just died.” He smiled all-knowingly.
“I can’t die,” he said. My eyebrows quivered.
“So…You could survive the explosion if it was you?”
“Think so,” he said shrugging. That’s when our Mother came into the room.
*
I let my beard grow out because there wasn’t any reason to save anymore. Over four month’s had passed since he died. Two months in, she said he died in the church and was buried along with his name. Nobody came; no one was saved. I walked along the crowded street, watching the people move to and from. Living is so easy with eyes closed, misunderstanding all you see. It’s getting hard to be someone, but it all works out. It doesn’t matter much to me. Then a blonde girl ran into me, holding the hand of a dark haired boy. His hair was short, but familiar. I looked at the girl, who said,
“Sorry, buddy; best to watch where you’re going.” I wasn’t looking at her though, I was looking at the boy…no the man. He looked lost, confused and intense until he looked at me. He smiled. Then she pulled him away. I stood there in shock.
“I’ve just seen a face…” I muttered to myself looking back at them. “Peter? Peter!” I suddenly seemed to explode with happiness. I ran through the crowd trying to reach them again. “Peter!” I yelled. He never turned around. “Peter!” I pushed my way through the lonely people and grabbed his hand. He turned back and looked at me sharply. His hand retracted quickly. And the girl turned to look at me as well.
“Dude, we apologized for running into you, ok?” Peter said. I grinned wider than I have in my entire life.
“Peter! You’re alive!” I went to grab him and he pushed me away.
“Seriously, what’s you’re deal,” he said looking at me with wide eyes. I could feel my heart sink into my stomach.
“Peter what are you talking about?” I couldn’t say it. I couldn’t say, ‘Hey Peter! It’s me! You’re brother! Nathan! All you need is love, man! Give me a hug!’ It was the way he was looking at me. He stared as though he was looking through me and I looked through him. I saw it in his eyes. He didn’t know who I was. Before I could even react, she pulled him away again. By the time I came to from the shock, he was gone. I screamed his name and people stared. I didn’t care.
Nothing mattered anymore.
*
In the alley is where it ended. In the same alley where it began. I looked up and remembered how frightened I was when he jumped and how I braced myself to catch him. That was the best day of my life in some sick, twisted way.
“I wonder how you manage to make ends meet,” said a dark voice from behind me. I turned quickly and saw no one but shadows.
“Hello?” I asked the nothing; the nowhere man.
“You quit your job and live in your dead brother’s apartment, how do you do it?” the shadows said, mocking my predicament. “The less one knows.” My eyebrows furrowed in confusion.
“What do you want?” I asked in a growl. A man stepped out of the shadows smirking.
“To be you Nathan Petrelli,” he said, his dark eyes glinting. I stood my ground and smiled at the man.
“You want to be me?” I asked him and began to laugh. His smirk faded.
“This isn’t supposed to be funny you idiot,” he said. And then I began to laugh harder. If the man really wanted to be me, oh I would let him.
“Just remember, anytime you feel the pain don’t carry the world on your shoulders!” I exclaimed smiling at the man who wanted to kill me. I moved towards him in one large stride, it was like I flew to him…I probably did. My face was mere inches from his. His countenance was surprised, but I kept on grinning like the fool I was. Because I was just a fool on the hill watching the sun going down and the eyes in my head saw the world spinning round. I was the man of a thousand voices talking perfectly loud, but nobody ever hears me or the sound I appear to make. And I was done. Completely done.
I wanted to die. My family and life had fallen apart. First Peter died, then my wife left me…she took my children and I had let her…I tried to cut off ties with Claire and even she eventually gave in. Then my Mother was murdered in her home and Peter…Peter was alive, but he wasn’t Peter. He was someone else now. There was nothing left for me. I could die. “Nothing’s gonna change my world,” I said to the man. The thick masses above his eyes shifted in confusion once again. “Nothing’s gonna change my world,” I repeated with more strength. “Nothing is real!” I shouted and I lifted into the air happily. “So why don’t you take me down, cause I’m going to Strawberry Fields! It’s nothing to get hung about.” He held his hand out towards me and I felt my hovering body being pushed.
The brick plated building hurt more than I imagined it would. I collapsed to the ground and another brick in the wall fell onto my head. The world became a blur, but I could make out his outline. I grinned at him. “Well, you’re there beneath the blue sub-urban skies eh?” I began to talk and I never stopped.
“You’ve really gone insane haven’t you?” he asked me amused.
“Four a fish effing good pies, yes?” At this point, a part of my brain agreed with the psychopath. I blame the brick. He laughed.
“I take it that’s a yes.”
“I am heres you are heres and you are near…” I faded off and noticed the sky and how beautiful it was. “See how they fly like Lucy in the sky? See how they run?” I didn’t want to die anymore. Once again, I blame the brick. “Boy, you’ve been a naughty girl you let your knickers down.” The world was beautiful again because I could see the stars. “We all wanna change the world,” I said to him forcing my head back down.
“Don’t you know it’s gonna be alright?” he asked me leaning down to become eye level with my crumpled, dazed body that was spitting out nonsense.
“Brother, you have to wait,” I said. “Let it be. There will be an answer, let it be.”
“You do realise you’re quoting all Beatles songs right?” I had no idea what he was talking about, so I just kept talking.
“You say you wanna change your head? The way things are goin’ you’re gonna crucify me.” He laughed.
“I like that one.” I didn’t hear him. I was lost in a swirl of thoughts, trying to figure out in my delusional state, how to escape this fate.
“Across the universe, pools of sorrow waves of joy…they’re drifting through my open…” I looked at the sky again and smiled. Peace. I was going to die and it was ok. They were calling me, on and on. I remembered Peter.
I remembered how he wasn’t afraid to die to try save the world and I realised that I had saved it, I just couldn’t save him. And that was ok, because Peter didn’t need me anymore. The world didn’t need me. It was alright to die at the very moment in time. Don’t you know it’s all gonna be alright?
“Nothing’s gonna change my world,” I whispered. I looked straight at the man and finally began to feel the blood flowing down my face. “Sylar,” I said. He pointed a finger at my forehead. “Find Peter.” Bang, bang, Maxwell’s silver hammer made sure that he was dead.
Notes: I basically wrote this because of Across the Universe and the 'upcoming premire'. Then the premire came and a lot of my speculation had happened so it became spoilery. Anyways, I hope you enjoyed. Originally, Peter was going to swoop in and save the day, but I'm in a bitter mood so Nathan suffers. Plus, who wants happy when it has to do with nathan Petrelli? No one, that's who. We wanna see our Petrellis suffer. It's sick really. ;)
Note on the choice of songs: I did pick one from the across the universe soundtrack, just because I liked the interpretation (Hold Me Tight. The original version isn't one of my favourites, it's just alright). Other than that, basically all the songs I picked (With the exception of Rain, Maxwell's Silver Hammer and the Inner Light) are songs that have basically always been my favourite songs ESPECIALLY Across the Universe because that's the song that got me into the Beatles in the first place. I was considering naming this fic Across the Universe and also Eleanor Rigby but in the end went with Strawberry Fields because Across the Universe is now a movie and Eleanor Rigby is a name. Strawberry Fields Forever I though also worked because Nathan is so messed up, that nothing is real. I think the song is perfect for the character of Nathan because so many people forget how messed up he is. They just see the slimy bitch, not the guy who's got the weight of the world on his shoulders. In a sense, maybe the fic should be called Carry the Weight or Hey Jude, but one's too out there and the other is too 'this is what this fic is about'. I like to be obscure. I hope that you enjoyed this fic. Lots of notes...:D
Fandom: Heroes
Author: Meli Parker
Word Count: 2990
Rating: PG-13
Characters and Pairing: Nathan/Peter, Mrs Petrelli, Heidi, Others Mentioned
Warnings: Incest, violence, time jumps, character deaths.
Spoilers: Slightly Season Premire, but I really write it before it aired.
Summary: Nathan's life collapses after Peter explodes and flashbacks to other times in their lives.
Notes: Written in the same format as I'm Only Sleeping and Girl but not the same universe as either story. It's Beatles lyrics mixed in with my own. I also wrote this one a little bit differently than those, so it's easier to read and less confusing time wise. I also picked less songs, but more lyrics. Notes at the end.
Strawberry Fields Forever
Look at all the lonely people.
The people of the city I loved wandered aimlessly without a purpose. People just walked, or rode in taxis or trains; they moved to and from with destinations, but no purpose. It was automatic, like waking up or eating. People had to move. They had somewhere to be, but that didn’t mean anything. Because, I could see how lost they all really were. Because we’re all really alone in the world aren’t we.
Even when we think we’re not, we’re just going to end up alone; all alone in a cave of a dark room with a bottle to keep us company. And let me tell you, bottles, they aren’t the greatest company in the world. Can’t even keep decent conversations, bottles. They look good and what sits inside their innards is why you have them in the first place, but honestly, they’re worthless in the end because all they do is shatter. Just like him. Just like he did, even when he told me he couldn’t.
Oh living is easy with eyes closed. I liked it very much. I did so my whole life until one day my brother and daughter decided to open them. Now I can’t keep them shut. Every night I pour my heart into a glass and drink it back down. You mine as well be dead.
*
“Rain!” he yelled to the sky, opening his arms wide to the water falling from the dark abyss.
“I can see that!” I yelled to him from the curb of the restaurant. He turned and looked at me with his crooked smile. His dark hair plastered to the side of his face. His eyes were aglow with happiness.
“The weather’s fine!” I rolled my eyes.
“You’re gonna get sick, brother,” I responded. He grinned even wider.
“I don’t mind.” I could feel myself beginning to smile.
Fuck, I miss him.
*
“Try to see it my way,” I said to Peter before he ran off to Texas. “Just think of what you’re saying. You can get it wrong and still you think that it’s alright!” Peter looked at me with a look of determination.
“No,” he said. “I know what I have to do. I’m going to save the world. Life is very short…”
“Exactly! You could die or worse.” He rose his eyebrows at me.
“Or worse?” I shrugged. I just didn’t want him to go.
“Please, just don’t go,” I practically begged. He refused. “But what if something happens, Peter?”
“Nothing’s gonna change my world,” is all he said to me with a blank look on his face. I looked at him like he was crazy.
Why didn’t I ever just agree?
*
“It feel’s so right now,” I muttered in his ear, slamming his body into the wall as he kissed my neck. “Hold me tight. Tell me I’m the only one, and then I might, never be the lonely one.” He pushed me back and smiled. I then slammed my mouth into his kissing him harder than I had ever kissed anyone before. I moved lower, to his chest, pressing my face into his body and closing my eyes. It was so wrong, but so right.
“Hold me tight,” he moaned. I looked up at him.
“Tonight,” I said. He grinned and pushed me to the bed. I fell and smirked as he climbed on top of me, peeling off his sweat drenched t-shirt. I flipped him over, making sure I was on top. His smile diminished; he became very serious.
“Tonight, it’s you,” he said looking into my eyes. “You. You…” I kissed him, wrapping my arms around his body. We flipped amoung the sheets and comforter and took other wise completely dysfunctional relationship and made it more complicated.
“Peter,” I moaned as his body arched into mine. He pressed his soft head against mine and I closed my eyes.
“Let me go on loving you, tonight, tonight. Making love to only you.”
“It’s you.”
*
“Oh, look at all the lonely people,” Peter said to me from high above the city, burning so tragically from the inside. I held him the best I could, trying to get him high enough. I tried to get him over the ocean. I really tried. I looked at him one last time, his eyes so sad and lost. “Don’t let me break you,” he seemed to say without saying anything. And then I let go.
I don’t remember what happened next.
*
“Your brother is dead because of you,” my mother said to me one morning, opening the blinds to my office. I shielded the light with my hand sloppily, hung over from the night before.
“Fuck, Ma,” I muttered.
“Language, Nathan,” she said picking at the bottles around the room.
“You sure know how to greet someone that’s for sure,” I said to her rising from my chair slowly. “Get out of here.” She looked at me sternly.
“No, I will not, Nathan.” The way she said my name made me want to kill something.
“Stop saying my name.” I pushed my hands through my hair that was too long, but I had stopped caring.
“I named you,” she said. “I can call you by your name, Nathan. It’s a mother’s G-d given right!” I shut my eyes and flinched at the name. I couldn’t take her anymore. Her need to control everything in my life. I just couldn’t take it. G-d, it’s like she thinks I’m some kind of fucking robot or something cause I’m not. I have a life of my own that she didn’t plan and her name is Claire; and she’s beautiful…She took her away from me.
“Seriously, Mom, I’m not in the fucking mood today to have you come round here, insult me, mess with my stuff and then act like you can control me cause you can’t!” She looked at me with absolutely no emotion.
“This isn’t the way a congressman should be acting, Nathan,” she said with an almost mono-toned voice. I laughed.
“I think I know, I mean, ah yes, but it’s all wrong,” I said looking up at the ceiling. My anger suddenly increased and I gazed at her with a dark look as I yelled, “that is I think I disagree!”
“You can’t wallow in your brother’s death,” she said moving to pick a bottle off the filing cabinet. I bit my lip and looked out the window to the sky above. It was so beautiful and clear. The blue sky so clear above the pollution. I began to smile. “Nathan,” my mother said even though I couldn’t hear her. Oh how he would have enjoyed flying above the smog. Feeling the sun’s rays upon his face and hair; his body tingling with delight. She repeated my name once again. I never answered.
*
“I read the news today,” Heidi said to me the morning after he died. By this time I was already knee deep in a bottle of old scotch.
“Oh boy,” I grumbled. She reached out to hold my hand. I looked at her beautiful face to see that it was written with concern.
“There was a light in the sky,” she said. “Above New York; an explosion and they don’t know what caused it. Nathan, we got out of there just in time. I mean what if it fell!” I began to laugh. And not just laugh, I became hysterical. I looked at her with wet eyes and wrapped my hands around hers. She looked down at my hands with even more concern. Slowly, as I continued to laugh and cry at the same time, she turned them over and saw the blistering burns. She took a step back and inhaled sharply. “Nathan! What did you do?” I grinned amidst the hysteria.
“I couldn’t save him,” I said. I took another long sip out of the bottle and collapsed to the floor, unable to hold in the tears.
*
He smiled at me as he lay beside me in his bed. “Why are you so worried?” I turned and looked at him and then pushed his dark hair out of his face.
“I don’t think I’m the marrying type,” I said. “I don’t think this is gunna work out, Pete.” His grin grew larger.
“There’s nothing you can do that can’t be done,” he stated. I looked up at the ceiling.
“You know this means that you and me are over.” I could feel him shift beneath the blankets.
“Yeah,” he said quietly. I turned and stared into his eyes that were so much like my own. He began to grin his lopsided smile. “She loves you.”
“I know.”
“And you love her.”
“Yeah, yeah, yeah.”
“Then I see no problem.” Peter then quickly spun out of bed and ran to his closet. I watched his naked body move so elegantly. He came back with a picture. “Take this brother.” It was a picture of the two of us at the lake that we went to back when we were younger. I could feel my lips twinge into a smile.
“Thanks.”
*
“You say yes,” Peter said to me after he had just come back from the dead. I was still a bit in a state of shock at this point.
“I say no,” I said, holding the piece of glass in my hand. Its red stain was intriguing, to think that it was stuck in my brother’s head mere moments before. To think that I had just cried over his death. What would have done without him? Oh G-d, I didn’t even want to think about what I would have done without him.
“You say stop,” he said, looking up at me with a fierceness I had never seen. I frowned deeply. “But I say go, go, go.”
“No,” I said. “Peter, enough. No more running around trying to save the world alright! You just died.” He smiled all-knowingly.
“I can’t die,” he said. My eyebrows quivered.
“So…You could survive the explosion if it was you?”
“Think so,” he said shrugging. That’s when our Mother came into the room.
*
I let my beard grow out because there wasn’t any reason to save anymore. Over four month’s had passed since he died. Two months in, she said he died in the church and was buried along with his name. Nobody came; no one was saved. I walked along the crowded street, watching the people move to and from. Living is so easy with eyes closed, misunderstanding all you see. It’s getting hard to be someone, but it all works out. It doesn’t matter much to me. Then a blonde girl ran into me, holding the hand of a dark haired boy. His hair was short, but familiar. I looked at the girl, who said,
“Sorry, buddy; best to watch where you’re going.” I wasn’t looking at her though, I was looking at the boy…no the man. He looked lost, confused and intense until he looked at me. He smiled. Then she pulled him away. I stood there in shock.
“I’ve just seen a face…” I muttered to myself looking back at them. “Peter? Peter!” I suddenly seemed to explode with happiness. I ran through the crowd trying to reach them again. “Peter!” I yelled. He never turned around. “Peter!” I pushed my way through the lonely people and grabbed his hand. He turned back and looked at me sharply. His hand retracted quickly. And the girl turned to look at me as well.
“Dude, we apologized for running into you, ok?” Peter said. I grinned wider than I have in my entire life.
“Peter! You’re alive!” I went to grab him and he pushed me away.
“Seriously, what’s you’re deal,” he said looking at me with wide eyes. I could feel my heart sink into my stomach.
“Peter what are you talking about?” I couldn’t say it. I couldn’t say, ‘Hey Peter! It’s me! You’re brother! Nathan! All you need is love, man! Give me a hug!’ It was the way he was looking at me. He stared as though he was looking through me and I looked through him. I saw it in his eyes. He didn’t know who I was. Before I could even react, she pulled him away again. By the time I came to from the shock, he was gone. I screamed his name and people stared. I didn’t care.
Nothing mattered anymore.
*
In the alley is where it ended. In the same alley where it began. I looked up and remembered how frightened I was when he jumped and how I braced myself to catch him. That was the best day of my life in some sick, twisted way.
“I wonder how you manage to make ends meet,” said a dark voice from behind me. I turned quickly and saw no one but shadows.
“Hello?” I asked the nothing; the nowhere man.
“You quit your job and live in your dead brother’s apartment, how do you do it?” the shadows said, mocking my predicament. “The less one knows.” My eyebrows furrowed in confusion.
“What do you want?” I asked in a growl. A man stepped out of the shadows smirking.
“To be you Nathan Petrelli,” he said, his dark eyes glinting. I stood my ground and smiled at the man.
“You want to be me?” I asked him and began to laugh. His smirk faded.
“This isn’t supposed to be funny you idiot,” he said. And then I began to laugh harder. If the man really wanted to be me, oh I would let him.
“Just remember, anytime you feel the pain don’t carry the world on your shoulders!” I exclaimed smiling at the man who wanted to kill me. I moved towards him in one large stride, it was like I flew to him…I probably did. My face was mere inches from his. His countenance was surprised, but I kept on grinning like the fool I was. Because I was just a fool on the hill watching the sun going down and the eyes in my head saw the world spinning round. I was the man of a thousand voices talking perfectly loud, but nobody ever hears me or the sound I appear to make. And I was done. Completely done.
I wanted to die. My family and life had fallen apart. First Peter died, then my wife left me…she took my children and I had let her…I tried to cut off ties with Claire and even she eventually gave in. Then my Mother was murdered in her home and Peter…Peter was alive, but he wasn’t Peter. He was someone else now. There was nothing left for me. I could die. “Nothing’s gonna change my world,” I said to the man. The thick masses above his eyes shifted in confusion once again. “Nothing’s gonna change my world,” I repeated with more strength. “Nothing is real!” I shouted and I lifted into the air happily. “So why don’t you take me down, cause I’m going to Strawberry Fields! It’s nothing to get hung about.” He held his hand out towards me and I felt my hovering body being pushed.
The brick plated building hurt more than I imagined it would. I collapsed to the ground and another brick in the wall fell onto my head. The world became a blur, but I could make out his outline. I grinned at him. “Well, you’re there beneath the blue sub-urban skies eh?” I began to talk and I never stopped.
“You’ve really gone insane haven’t you?” he asked me amused.
“Four a fish effing good pies, yes?” At this point, a part of my brain agreed with the psychopath. I blame the brick. He laughed.
“I take it that’s a yes.”
“I am heres you are heres and you are near…” I faded off and noticed the sky and how beautiful it was. “See how they fly like Lucy in the sky? See how they run?” I didn’t want to die anymore. Once again, I blame the brick. “Boy, you’ve been a naughty girl you let your knickers down.” The world was beautiful again because I could see the stars. “We all wanna change the world,” I said to him forcing my head back down.
“Don’t you know it’s gonna be alright?” he asked me leaning down to become eye level with my crumpled, dazed body that was spitting out nonsense.
“Brother, you have to wait,” I said. “Let it be. There will be an answer, let it be.”
“You do realise you’re quoting all Beatles songs right?” I had no idea what he was talking about, so I just kept talking.
“You say you wanna change your head? The way things are goin’ you’re gonna crucify me.” He laughed.
“I like that one.” I didn’t hear him. I was lost in a swirl of thoughts, trying to figure out in my delusional state, how to escape this fate.
“Across the universe, pools of sorrow waves of joy…they’re drifting through my open…” I looked at the sky again and smiled. Peace. I was going to die and it was ok. They were calling me, on and on. I remembered Peter.
I remembered how he wasn’t afraid to die to try save the world and I realised that I had saved it, I just couldn’t save him. And that was ok, because Peter didn’t need me anymore. The world didn’t need me. It was alright to die at the very moment in time. Don’t you know it’s all gonna be alright?
“Nothing’s gonna change my world,” I whispered. I looked straight at the man and finally began to feel the blood flowing down my face. “Sylar,” I said. He pointed a finger at my forehead. “Find Peter.” Bang, bang, Maxwell’s silver hammer made sure that he was dead.
Notes: I basically wrote this because of Across the Universe and the 'upcoming premire'. Then the premire came and a lot of my speculation had happened so it became spoilery. Anyways, I hope you enjoyed. Originally, Peter was going to swoop in and save the day, but I'm in a bitter mood so Nathan suffers. Plus, who wants happy when it has to do with nathan Petrelli? No one, that's who. We wanna see our Petrellis suffer. It's sick really. ;)
Note on the choice of songs: I did pick one from the across the universe soundtrack, just because I liked the interpretation (Hold Me Tight. The original version isn't one of my favourites, it's just alright). Other than that, basically all the songs I picked (With the exception of Rain, Maxwell's Silver Hammer and the Inner Light) are songs that have basically always been my favourite songs ESPECIALLY Across the Universe because that's the song that got me into the Beatles in the first place. I was considering naming this fic Across the Universe and also Eleanor Rigby but in the end went with Strawberry Fields because Across the Universe is now a movie and Eleanor Rigby is a name. Strawberry Fields Forever I though also worked because Nathan is so messed up, that nothing is real. I think the song is perfect for the character of Nathan because so many people forget how messed up he is. They just see the slimy bitch, not the guy who's got the weight of the world on his shoulders. In a sense, maybe the fic should be called Carry the Weight or Hey Jude, but one's too out there and the other is too 'this is what this fic is about'. I like to be obscure. I hope that you enjoyed this fic. Lots of notes...:D