Comments | sosiouxme: Almost four weeks of TMS

sosiouxme

Almost four weeks of TMS

Jan 30, 2017 15:11

Tomorrow will be my 20th treatment, which makes four weeks of treatment (5 days a week). This is about when things are "supposed" to change. I'm nervous about it because I don't feel like things have changed yet ( Read more... )

tms, depression

Comments 5

lapin_musical January 31 2017, 01:05:06 UTC

It was so good seeing you last week. :) Journaling is a good thing, and you've inspired me to give it a go again.

The TMS might be happening in smaller stages. A little calmer here, a little more "socializing" there. That sort of thing. The fact that you're so open with your struggle is such a good thing. It's always good for me to be in an online community (since I don't get out of the house much) and see that I'm not alone in my feelings.

As far as work goes, you are not slacking off for not being there. You have a good reason to be out. If you think you're ready to go back, maybe a part-time trial?

Baby steps. The road to healing is a slow one at times, and it feels like you're never going to see the end of the tunnel. You are worth so much to so many people, and we're pulling for you! <3

sosiouxme January 31 2017, 17:33:43 UTC

Thanks. Really hope there's an end to the tunnel.

evelynne February 1 2017, 18:51:25 UTC

FWIW, "less bad" is progress. :)

It's super frustrating, how slowly recovery can go, not to mention its up-and-down nature, but the fact that you were feeling something less awful than "crushing despair" is encouraging. I was so impatient to be 100% better that I would think that every stage was awful and I would never get better, and then I'd remember how it used to be and realize I was actually improving even though I still felt shitty.

If you think working would help you feel more productive and accomplished, go for it.

FWIW, here are some notes I made for myself probably a month or two into my recovery process (I think it took about 8 months before I was stable, and I had a few "relapses" after that too):

OLDER STUFF -- look how far you've come ( ... )

sosiouxme February 1 2017, 21:26:31 UTC

Thanks, evelynne you're pretty awesome. While everyone's path is a little different, I hear you saying that I need to be patient with my progress. Patience, one of the things I may be learning through all this.

I think there *is* progress. Sleep is a little better, and I've managed to enjoy a few things in the last few days (workout music, an apple, playing piano). I'm less frustrated with the kids.

And although I feel kinda crappy today, it's helpful to know that ups and downs are both normal in this process. And that you came back from what sounds a good deal worse than what I'm experiencing. Gagging down food! At least my appetite has been fine the whole time.

evelynne February 1 2017, 21:49:02 UTC

Patience is hard. :) For me, the big lesson was acceptance. Accepting that I felt terrible and not "fighting" it but just letting it exist. I'm not good at that, and I'm still working on it. Heck, I'm a huge whiner when I have a *cold*.

That's very encouraging to hear that you enjoyed a few things!! Those are some lovely glimpses to be having. I hope you continue to have more!! <3