One Piece: Bound For Glory - Chapter 2 Part 1
Unfortunately, this Chapter wasn't nearly as lulzy as the last one. In fact, I was pretty much frothing at the mouth near the end of it...
My internet has been down yesterday, so I did a lot of sporking since I could fool around TV Tropes. I'm using the school internet now. I hope it gets back up soon, because I'm going through a bit of Trope Withdrawal...
Anyways, enjoy!
Disclaimer: One Piece: Bound For Glory is written by Inhuman X, and can be found here: http://www.fanfiction.net/s/7143147/1/One_Piece_Bound_For_Glory. I do not own the story, and I do not wish to own it. One Piece is owned by Oda Eichiro. No copyright infringement is intended, and no profit is being made from this. This project is undertaken for the sole sake of entertainment. Nanai, Caroline and James belong to me.
Fandom: One Piece (although you won't notice)
Summary of Fics: Two sociopaths masquerading as canon characters wander around the One Piece universe, brutally killing and torturing anyone who annoys them. Features rage-worthy levels of sociopathy and horrible, but hilarious writing.
Rating of Fic: T
Warning for Spork: Very mild innuendo, Capslocked ranting, ranting in VERY LARGE FONT, coarse language, mild subtext between two female characters, mild incestuous subtext
Sporkers: Nanai, Caroline, and James.
Well, it looks like we've got a new Sporker, so here's an introduction:
James is a family friend of Caroline and Nanai, and is a mild-mannered twenty-year-old, currently studying Ancient History in university. He is unaware of Nanai's true nature, and ignorant of her 'fixation' on Caroline. He is perhaps the second closest person to Nanai, and is often blamed by Caroline for 'corrupting' her sister. He has a secret crush on Caroline, but hides it very well.
Now, onward with the Spork!
The small house where Caroline and Nanai lived was silent. Its former occupants had evidently left in a hurry. The windows were still open, the pale blue curtains fluttering a little in the afternoon breeze. A few apples were laid out in the kitchen, as well as an open packet of chocolate. Upstairs, Nanai’s bed was still unmade, the blankets heaped on one side of the bed haphazardly. In the living room, the radio buzzed with static. A small envelope lied innocuously on the floor, bearing four words printed in ink.
‘Caroline? Are you home?’ Increasingly baffled, a young, scholarly-looking man wandered into the living room. ‘Caroline?’
It didn’t make sense. He had called the day before and informed her that he was going to visit. Not to mention, even if Nanai dragged Caroline out on a trip just to prevent the two of them meeting (as she is wont to do), Caroline would never have left without having made up all the beds neatly.
He stood at the centre of the room, listening to the deafening silence that answered his question. Feeling nervous all of a sudden, he swept his eyes over the room, unsettled by the eerie quiet of the house.
It was then that he noticed the envelope.
‘What?’ Having nothing better to do, he walked over and picked it up. ‘To my lovely…Sporker…’ He frowned, turning it over in his hands.
It looked innocent enough, except for the lack of an address. Curiosity getting better of him, he opened the envelope.
‘Is it time yet, Caroline?’ Sitting idly on the leather couch in the lounge, Nanai asked, an incessant whine sneaking into her voice.
‘No. There’s still three minutes left of the break, and I’m going to enjoy it.’ Caroline snapped.
‘Really? I thought-‘ Whatever she was about to say, Nanai was rudely interrupted by a bright flash of light in the adjoining cell.
Caroline leaped up, grabbing the dining knife that they had been supplied with along with their steak. ‘What was that?’
There was a moment of terse silence, and a familiar, male voice answered. ‘Wha…Caroline? Is that you?’
A clean-shaven young man peeked into the room tentatively, eyes wide with bewilderment.
‘James?’ The two women all but cried in unison.
‘Uh…yeah…’ James fidgeted. ‘I…I went over to your house and I kind of found this envelope…’
With a grown, Caroline buried her face in her hands. ‘Oh…Not you too!’
‘So…what is this place?’
Caroline didn’t have a chance to answer as the megaphone boomed again. ‘Please proceed back to the Sporking Room, your break is over…Oh hey! A new Sporker!’
‘W-What?’ James swung around so rapidly that he stumbled.
‘There’s this crazy…person, and…they kidnapped us here so we can make fun of stupid, stupid fanfiction.’ Caroline sighed. ‘And you just had to get yourself involved too!’
Breaking out of her reverie, Nanai added, ‘And it won’t let us out until we finish this, so you’ll have to help!’
James looked helplessly between Nanai and Caroline, ‘But I don’t-‘
‘Come on! Break’s over! Let’s get cracking!’ Bounding forward, Nanai grabbed hold of Caroline and James’ elbows and all but dragged them into the Sporking Room.
Chapter 2: The Start of the Journey!:
Nanai: Ooh! We’re going to get some plot in this section! Yay~
James: This…is the second chapter, right? So if we’re only getting plot now, then what was the last chapter for?
Caroline: Be glad you were here to read it. It was utterly boring shit.
Nanai: Come on! It wasn’t boring at all! Remember the ‘jean pants’? And the ‘his hair was clean-shaven’?
James: What?
Caroline: *Darkly* That’s why I said you shouldn’t have gotten yourself into this mess…
"Dawn Island! I'm here!"
Nanai: *Confused* I thought he arrived last chapter?
Caroline: The Stuthor had been too busy orgasming over the fried corpse of the enemies of his self-insert to bother with continuity, I would guess.
James: You…You can’t be serious! I mean, how bad can this thing-
Nanai: Stop that! *Pouts* Fate doesn’t like to be tempted, you know!
David had announced with arms wide open, "Home sweet home!"
Caroline: *Sourly* And stop insulting good fiction by referring to them in your fic.
"Shut up!" Chase barked as he hit the back of David's head,
James: Uh…that’s nice of him…Why are these two friends again?
Caroline: I suppose the Stuthor wants us to see is as amusing, friendly banter…except this is right after they remorselessly killed a bunch of officers of law, so it doesn’t work nearly as well.
James: And nice tense change there…
Nanai: Come on, guys! Stop nitpicking! I want to get to the good part!
Caroline: *Dubiously* This things has a good part?
Nanai: Have you seen the last chapter? This thing is filled with good parts!
Caroline: *Flatly* Have you seen the last chapter? This thing is filled with PAIN!
causing him to squat down and hold his head,
Caroline: Ha. Ha. Ha. Stuthor, it’s really hard to make bodily harm amusing right after you brutally murdered someone. Shoving humour in our faces is not how comedy works!
Nanai: *Frowns* They are trying to rip off Luffy! And they’re even ripping off Nami too! I don’t like that.
"Just hurry up and go find what you need. Alright?
James: …I…hope they quickly clarify what he needs, because my mind is going to the gutter right now…
Caroline: James! Not in front of Nanai!
Nanai: *Pouts* Aw, come on! Caroline is no fun!
I'm going to walk around for a little bit." Chase iformed.
James: iFormed? Is that the Apple version of paperwork?
Caroline: They’re in a marine occupied town, and he just lets his friend wander off on his own. What a fantastic friend. One of the biggest points of One Piece was that friends stick together! They don’t let each other wander into danger! These guys are just starting out! Are they so arrogant that they think no one can hurt them? Or can they not be bothered to take the time out of their day to make sure their friends are safe? Bah.
James: *Blinks* She gets quite passionate over this, doesn’t she?
Nanai: Caroline always takes everything so seriously! I don’t see why she can’t just sit back and imagine these two getting their scrawny asses arrested…
Caroline: Language, Nanai! *To James* See? You’re teaching her bad words!
James: …I assure you, she learns far more from you than me.
"Got it!" David then walked off looking around to find the proper store he needed to buy from.
James: Do I want to know what he wants to buy?
Nanai: I don’t know, but I imagine sentient fruits and competitive lab coats and ‘jean pants’ must be very popular.
James: …If what you said actually happened in this fic, then consider my mind blown.
Caroline: *Snorts* Oh, you have no idea…
As he walked down the streets of his hometown
Nanai: I…thought they were pirates? What are they doing hanging out their home town? Pirates in One Piece don’t do that! You become a pirate so you can have adventure! Sail around the world! Hunt after treasures! Did these guys decide to fly a Jolly Roger for kicks?
Caroline: He…attacked two men who were keeping his hometown safe. Keeping his family and friends safe. And then he laughed at their corpses. *Gapes*
James: You…weren’t joking about that, were you?
Nanai: Nope! It all happened!
James: Oh god…why did I look into that envelope?
Caroline: Because you are an idiot.
he continued to look back and forth as he searched for the sword shop.
Nanai: *Narrows her eyes* Stop ripping off the canon characters! If you’re so intrigued by them, why not just write a story about them? At least then, I’d manage some vestige of sympathy for them because they’ll be my favourite characters! Or are their powers not special enough for you?
Caroline: I…really have no desire to see the canon characters get raped by this Stuthor. Using OCs is actually one of the good points about this fic…
As he did this his crew mate was walking around the city in search as well. Though his search was diffrent.
James: …There goes my mind again. Is this the author trying to build up suspense? Because…I’m not really that interested except in the possibility that he’s searching for a-
Caroline: Not another word! *Meaningful glance at Nanai*
Nanai: *Sulks*
"Man I'm hungry..." Chase complained as he continued to walk and scratch his stomach,
Nanai: There’s the bad thing about using OCs who are clones of canon characters. You can’t help but be reminded of the canon material, and that just makes the stupid in the fic even worse! *Pouts* Even I’m getting a bit angry now…
"I hope David hurry's up, because I'm not in the mood to be walking around all over town today."
James: Isn’t he meant to be buying something? Doesn’t he have anything to do? Anything outside his friend? That level of obsessions is a bit…
Caroline: *Glares*
James: *Hurriedly changes topic* Uh…does he always talk to himself? That doesn’t seem very healthy…
Nanai: *Still sulking* Luffy did that in canon, but he was likeable and nice and admirable and just plain cool…
As Chase continued to walk he began to see people running and rushing all over town trying to hide for some reason.
James: And he didn’t notice this before because…why, again? He’s not blind, is he?
Caroline: I believe the author meant that people began running and hiding, instead of the Stu beginning to see people run and hide…however, given the amount of concern he has shown for other people so far, I sincerely doubt my interpretation.
Nanai: *Brightens up a little* Ah, here’s that delicious stupid! He’s living in the age of PIRACY, where PIRATES roam around and PILLAGE VILLAGES and KILL PEOPLE! He’s living in a world where the sea is filled with GIGANTIC MONSTERS and every town has a DARK SECRET! He honestly can’t figure out any reasons why the villagers might be running and hiding? *Laughs* I’d like to see how that level of perception fares in the Grand Line…
Caroline: *Bitter* He’s a Stu, so of course he’ll breeze through the whole thing…
Curious, he turned around to see a small boat filled with fishmen in it.
James: …Either that is a stupendous small town, or he has binoculars surgically attacked to his eyes. I’m not sure which version is better.
Nanai: But fishmen are rare in East Blue! The only ones we see came from the Grand Line! They were the exception! If Arlong didn’t go around boasting about his species, no one would’ve figured out what the heck he was! You don’t randomly see boatfuls of them around! The only fishmen in East Blue are working under Arlong! *Frowns* I appreciate you trying to be stupid, Stuthor, but this type of stupid isn’t funny…
Caroline: *Shrugs* We already had the Stuthor pull a Sea King out of his ass, why not a boatful of fishmen as well?
They all jumped off the boat and walked into town.
James: How wonderfully blasé…This town is marine occupied, right? And they cared enough about it to post watches by the docks, right? Well, some fishmen are going down today…
Caroline: That’s just it! If they didn’t kill the sentry at the docks, the marines would’ve been informed by now, and thus could form a plan to evacuate and save the villagers! And now the guy’s just doomed his friend’s hometown to the clutches of fishmen…
Nanai: Nah, I get the feeling he’s going to pull a Deus Ex Machina and magically save this town singlehandedly…whilst I laugh at him, of course.
Caroline: If he does, I’m leaving.
"Alright you know the deal!" One of them yelled, "The Shark King wants his pay today!"
Nanai: The Shark King? Arlong had a twin?
Caroline: More like Arlong had a clone! Look, the Shark King’s also all obsessed about money and commands a crew of fish men! *Spits* I see why the Stuthor asked for OCs, he clearly doesn’t have a single drop of creativity in him.
James: And I take it that this author has an irrational fear of commas?
Caroline: No, he’s just prejudiced against them.
"Huh?" This caught Chase's attention as the fishmen began to bully and take money from the various people of the village.
Caroline: And whose fault is this? *Snorts*
Nanai: *Laughs* That’s his response to seeing innocent villagers being beaten up? (Chase) Duuuuuuuuuuur, my best friend’s family is being killed by monsters…huh…I like cheese… *Laughs*
James: …Am I supposed to be terrified? Am I supposed to feel horror at their actions? Am I supposed to be tense? Because I’m not. I’m…actually just indifferent, really. I don’t care a whole village is being slaughtered. At all. Wow.
Caroline: Don’t worry. No one cares at this point.
Everyone coward in fear as they handed over their money to the fishmen crew.
Nanai: Aw~ It’s a spelling mistakes, but it’s so appropriate! It almost feel intentional!
Caroline: If this turns out to be a troll, I’m seriously killing someone. I don’t care, I want to spill someone’s blood.
The crew slowly began to move their way up through the city, and then they got to Chase.
James: How far away was he? And apparently, he couldn’t be bothered to help anyone until the crew walked right up to him. And this is supposed to be his friend’s hometown that’s getting pillaged. Well, if you want to go the sociopath route…
Caroline: Oh, but the Stuthor believes that this is perfectly acceptable, morally right behaviour! Of course, his Stus are just perfect.
James: …I want to believe you’re kidding, but it makes too much sense…
"You new kid? You know the drill!" The leader demanded.
Caroline: Wait, wait, wait! *Waves hands* Drill? You mean they’ve been doing this before? You mean they’ve been doing this regularly enough that they’ve got a drill going? *Facepalm* Stuthor, I know Arlong did exactly this in canon, but it doesn’t work here for two very important reasons. Firstly, in canon, Arlong settled on an island that was not very famous and didn’t have any government protection. The islanders didn’t rely on the government much, and it was easy to bribe any marine officers off. Here, however, the town was clearly important enough for soldiers to be posted on the docks. The presence of those soldiers also suggest a marine base on the island. In this case, it would be nigh impossible to bribe them off because there are simply too many people involved. If any of the marine soldiers in the base decides to report these activities to their higher ups, which they will do because marines are law-enforcement officers, then the whole base and the fishmen are screwed. Secondly, Arlong was able to terrorise and cow the villagers in canon because he actually lived on the island! If anyone was planning a rebellion, he would hear of it. If anyone tried anything, he would be there to stop it! These fishmen apparently sail in once in a while and pillage this village! This would give the villagers ample opportunities to get their defences up and plan a coup to kill all of the bastards! Bottom line? JUST BECAUSE CANON DID SOMETHING, DOESN’T MEAN YOU COULD! ESPECIALLY WHEN THE CIRCUMSTANCES ARE AS DIFFERENT AS THIS, YOU DUMBASS!
Nanai: *Claps* Nice! And just another thing…what the leader demanded simply didn’t make sense. If he was a new kid, then why would he know the drill? It would be his first time there, after all! And if he had been there before in one of the raids, then why didn’t he stop them? I mean…it wasn’t that nice to let your Captain’s hometown be devastated…
James: *Facepalm* Making your protagonists sociopaths is one thing, but still expecting us to see them as OMG Righteous Heroes is another entirely…
"Can you please stop yelling? I'm right here." Chase commented.
Caroline: Oh yes, innocent men, women, and children are being beaten to a pulp around him, and he has the time for a one liner. *Wrinkles nose* Look at that! ‘Commented’! This thing disgusts me.
Nanai: And it seems like the author has a grudge against the world ‘said as well…I’ve really got to do a count of how many times that word was used at the end.
"Oh you some big tough guy?" One of them yelled.
James: Well, no matter what petty grudges he has against the word ‘said’, his certainly hates commas with the burning passion of a million suns.
"No, but I'm not punk either."
Nanai: *Stares* *Bursts out laughing* Oh god! That is just…! That is beyond hilarious! I demand someone make that into a T-shirt! Oh my god!
Caroline: *Snarls* Why bother even writing a story when your grasp of the language you are writing in is less than that of a two year old child?
Nanai: Come on! If the Stuthor didn’t write this story, we wouldn’t have this wonderful line! I’m so going to go around telling people, ‘I’m not punk either’ now! *Laughs uncontrollably*
"So what are you saying?"
Nanai: *Point shaking finger at screen, whipping tears of laughter from her eyes* See? Even the other characters don’t understand him!
James: How do any of these characters understand each other? Especially since the author seems to be on a crusade against proper punctuation!
The head of the crew asked as he got in Chase's face.
Nanai: *Stares* Well…I knew that was a valid phrase, ‘In your face’ and all…but the way that sentence was worded still bring up strange mental images.
Caroline: *Pauses* Oh god…that is sick!
James: *Repulsed* That it is…
He had yellow eyes and multiple razor sharp teeth,
Nanai: Multiple? That doesn’t really say much…because I’m getting the picture that he only has four of five teeth…*Bursts out laughing*
his arms had fins on them and so did his back.
James: And what purpose does this description serve? We know they’re fishmen! We have an idea what they look like! If you just want these characters as random thugs, then you don’t need to waste time laundry-listing their physical attributes!
Caroline: Oh, this is much better than the drivel in the first chapter. At least we don’t have to hear about *shudders* ‘jean pants’, or, god forbid, ‘scholarly hair’…
Nanai: *Bursts into fresh fit of giggles*
James: …I…fear for my future.
"Who are you?" Chase asked
James: Um…does it matter? They’re going around killing your best friend’s family and neighbours…are you supposed to fight them just on principle?
Caroline: I love how he’s just casually chatting with mass murderers here…but given what he did to those two marines, I suspect he’s got a pretty high body count too. People don’t act that casually about their first murder…
Nanai: *With wide eyes* Really? They don’t?
Caroline: No. Most people feel horribly guilty.
Nanai: *Looks down at her hands pensively*
as he tried to back up from the fishman and his terrible greasy breath.
Caroline: Oh, so you’re just fine with him going around robbing and slaughtering people, but how dare he have horrible breath! *Snarls* He’s a fucking sailor! Did you seriously expect perfect dental hygiene when the guy lives in an environment where fresh water is always a commodity? Hey, you’re a sailor, too! What right do you have to complain?
Nanai: Maybe his lightning powers help him clean his teeth? *Tilts head* I wonder how that works…
James: …Your sister’s weird, you know that?
Caroline: Don’t call Nanai weird!
Nanai: Maybe he zaps and fries the bacteria inside his mouth?
Caroline: …You’re weird, you know that?
Nanai: *Giggles* Come on! You can’t deny that it’s funny!
Caroline: *Sourly* No. It’s just painful.
"My name is Tora.." The fishman, now known as Tora,
Caroline: WE KNOW! YOU TOLD US THAT IN THE FIRST HALF ON THE SAME FRICKING SENTENCE! GAH!
Nanai: Ah, the Department of Redundancy Department would have a field day with this fic…
James: …Wasn’t that fishman all up in his face a moment ago, yelling and threatening his life? Why did he become so civil as soon as the protagonist asked his name? Why are they even chatting so casually when a village is being pillaged around them? Why?
Nanai: Eh, the entire pillage is being held in stasis now, because we need to focus on the Stu. All those people the fishmen killed weren’t important anyways, they’re just there so the Stu is justified in killing the fishmen…
James: *Revolted* And you think this is funny?
Nanai: Hey! This same fic has sentient jean pants, okay? I have ample reason to point and laugh!
backed up as he slipped his hands into his white shorts
James: O_O
Caroline: *Hissing* Not a word!
Nanai: *Wide eyes* What? Caroline, why can’t James speak?
Caroline: *Shields Nanai* That man there has a filthy, filthy mind, and is trying to corrupt you.
James: *Facepalm*
while his light blue floral shirt blew in the wind and nearly off his muscular body.
James: I think the Narrator has a mild fixation on the protagonist, with the whole talk of the shirtless-ness, the muscular body, the reaching into shorts…
Caroline: *Tackles James* NOT ANOTHER WORD!
Nanai: *Comically oblivious*
"Well that's nice. I'm Chase M. Dragon, can I help you?"
Caroline: You can help by getting out of the fic!
James: O_O Dude! Did the protagonist just say ‘can I help you with that’? You know, the quintessential porn-
Caroline: *Throws cushion at James* WHAT DID I SAY?
"Yes you can!
Caroline: NO!
James: I wasn’t going to say anything…
Caroline: Liar!
Nanai: What are you guys talking about?
Caroline: *Blushes* Nothing!
The Shark King demands that everyone on this island ,and every other island he controls in the East Blue, to pay up when he demands!"
Caroline: No. I’ve ranted once already. I’m not going to waste my breath and do it again.
Nanai: And just how many islands does he control? If he’s gaining that much power, you’d think the government would’ve gotten nervous! If he could take that much of the world under control, then the higher ups in the marines who can’t be bribed, will most certainly get involved! How did he get them off his back? Offer all of them blowjobs?
Caroline: *Scandalised* NANAI! Where on earth did you learn that term?
Nanai: Well, I found this magazine in your room and-
Caroline: *Flustered* THAT’S ENOUGH!
James: That is…way too much information…
Caroline: AND YOU SHOULDN’T BE LISTENING IN ON PRIVATE CONVERSATIONS!
"Like taxes?"
"Exactly."
Nanai: Um…I don’t think that’s how taxes work.
Caroline: No, they don’t work that way at all. Taxes are collected from the residents of a certain locale. Chase, as a visitor to the area, should not have to pay them. They are collected to fund the government so it can undertake projects that cannot be left to private hands, like maintaining infrastructure and strengthening the army and so on. In this case, the money is clearly collected solely for the purpose of allowing the fishmen to afford luxuries. Taxes are collected at regular intervals. Governments can’t suddenly demand its citizens hand a part of their income over. There are a hundred other discrepancies that I cannot be bothered to name. Stuthor, if you must use an allegory, choose one that works!
James: If anything, this is more similar to ‘ransom’ than ‘tax’…
"Taxes for what?" Chase asked with his head tilted.
Caroline: Instead of asking with his voice.
"For still being able to see the light of dawn!" Tora announced proudly with a grin on his face.
Nanai: …That’s not threatening. That just makes me think of three year olds who have just won an argument. Three year old pirate fishmen? *Giggles*
James: I know that’s a pretty clichéd phrase, but given what the author have written so far, it sounds like the fishmen are going to somehow magically prevent the sun from rising if the people don’t pay their taxes…
Nanai: Wow. I’d like to see a government with that as their electoral campaign…
"That's cool, but I'm not paying up." He sighed.
Caroline: Cool? Did he say that it was cool? *Sighs* Excuse me…*Clears throat* NO, YOU FUCKING TWAT, THAT IS NOT COOL! THESE MEN ARE GOING ENSLAVING ISLANDS! THEY ARE SETTING THEMSELVES UP AS THE MOST IRRISPONSIBLE GOVERNMENT I’VE EVERY SEEN! AND THEY ARE GOING AROUND DEMANDING MONEY FROM PEOPLE WHO PROBABLY CAN’T AFFORD THEM! AND THEY ARE SO POWERFUL THAT, APPARENTLY, EVEN ISLANDS WITH MARINE BASES CAN’T DEFEND THEMSELVES AGAINST THEM! OR THEY HAVE SUCH POWERFUL CONNECTIONS THAT NO MARINES TRY TO STOP THEM! AND THEY ARE CLEARLY OKAY WITH KILLING PEOPLE WHO CAN’T PAY UP! THEY ARE MURDERERS! THEY ARE CRIMINALS! THEY ARE FUCKING SICK PEOPLE! THAT IS NOT COOL! NOT FUCKING COOL! AND WHAT YOU ARE DOING IS LETTING THESE PEOPLE GO ABOUT THEIR BUSINESS! YOU HAVEN’T LIFTED A FINGER TO HELP ANYONE UNTIL THEY ARE ATTACKING YOU! EVEN NOW, YOU DON’T WANT TO HAVE TO FIGHT THEM! YOU’RE EVEN PASSIVELY SUPPORTING THEIR CAUSE! THAT IS FUCKING COWARDLY! AND YOU HAVE THE GUTS TO IMITATE THE CANON CHARACTERS? THE VERY PEOPLE WHO PUT THEIR LIVES ON THE LINE TO SAVE PERFECT STRANGERS? FUCK YOU! FUCK YOU UP YOUR ASS, YOU BASTARD!
Nanai: And anyone else get the feeling that he’s actively regretting the fact that he can’t pay? That if he had the money to spare, he would’ve totally given the money to the fishmen and walked away, letting them do whatever they wanted? *Looks down and pouts* Even I’m not willing to sit by and watch my friend’s family being slaughtered…
Caroline: Of course not. You’re a sweet little girl *sharp glare at James* who’s not going to be corrupted by anyone.
James: I didn’t even say anything!
Caroline: But you were thinking it! In the same room as my sister too!
Nanai: *Bright smile* Caroline’s over-protective like that! But I like her though…*Cuddles*
Caroline: *Cuddles back*
James: Why can’t I watch those two instead of read this fic?
The Voice: Unless you can find bad fics featuring a couple from a work that is not even posted on the internet yet, you are stuck with this now…At least I’m not making you spork Rebecca Sherwood...yet. Be grateful.
James: *Shudders* I don’t want to know…
"Why's that?" Tora demanded to know.
James: …Because he doesn’t have the money? Because he doesn’t live in the area? Because he thinks he can take you guys on? Seriously, is everyone an idiot in this fic?
Caroline: *Snorts* It’s pretty impossible to write characters smarter than you are.
James: …It must be awful living with a brain as inadequate as that.
Caroline: It must be awful living with an ego so inflated as to make this thing public and expect praise.
"Because he's a stupid king."
James: …Now this guy’s jus t looking for a fight.
Caroline: Exactly. And he’s not even fighting to save the villagers. He’s just fighting because the fishmen are annoying.
Nanai: And if someone managed to gain control of so many islands, including the ones with marine protection, I wouldn’t call them stupid…*Sighs* Can’t we have Whitebeard waltz in and rip him apart? It would be so Awesome to watch!
"What?" All of the fishman yelled.
Nanai: Now I’m beginning to think the fishmen are playing along as well…Are you sure they didn’t rehearse this?
Caroline: Nah, the author just can’t be bothered to describe their reactions in detail, even though he was perfectly alright giving us a whole paragraph on what one fishman look like exactly before.
James: And weren’t the fishmen pillaging the village? Why have they all congregated around this one kid? Surely they can ensure themselves more income if they just killed him and got on with it…
Nanai: He’s the Stu, though, so of course all of the characters have to focus on him!
"You dare insult the Great King?" One yelled.
Nanai: *Baffled* I thought he was called the Shark King…
Caroline: This is from the Stuthor that coined the term ‘jean pants’. Did you seriously expect any consistency?
"Thats execution!" Another demanded.
Caroline: No. That’s an insult. It deserves an execution. But it’s not an execution in itself…Oh, why do I bother?
Nanai: And the word ‘said’ is getting all neglected too…Can we adopt it, Caroline? I promise I’ll walk it every day and play with it!
Caroline: …*Sighs* Yes, of course we can.
Nanai: Yay!
James: …*About to say something, but think better of it and shuts up*
"Kill him!" A third screamed. Then they all began to chant, "Kill him! Kill him! Kill him!"
Caroline: *Twitches* These characters have been the flattest villains I have ever seen, and the least interesting as well…but I find it impossible to resist the urge to join in the chant.
Nanai: *Pouts* Am I the only one reminded of the Lord of the Flies, here? That was a good book too…
James: You let your sister read the Lord of the Flies, but doesn’t let her swear?
Caroline: Hey! Just because I expect her to comprehend great literature, doesn’t mean she can get away with a dirty mouth!
Nanai: See? Caroline’s unfair like that…*Sulks*
"Will you all just shut up!" Chase yelled annoyed.
Caroline: Look! It’s right there! This guy is incapable of feeling for anyone but himself! Look at him!
Nanai: *Sighs* I never dreamed one could be so dense as to not know how to use a question mark…
All of the fishman quickly sweatdropped and backed up.
Caroline: *Facepalm* THESE GUYS ARE MURDERERS! THEY WERE GOING AROUND TERRORISING A VILLAGE LESS THAN A PAGE AGO! DON’T HAVE THEM ACT IN A COMIC ROUTINE! THERE IS A TIME AND PLACE FOR THAT! IN ONE PIECE CANON, SWEAT DROPS ARE ONLY USED WHEN FRIENDS ARE ENGAGED IN FRIENDLY BANTER! THE AUTHOR HAD THE DECENCY OF TREATING HIS VILLAINS WITH THE RESPECT THEY DESERVED! THIS IS RUINING WHAT LITTLE ATMOSPHERE THERE IS! THE READERS ARE ALREADY TRYING HARD TO IMBUE YOUR AWKWARD PROSE WITH ANY EMOTIONAL IMPACT! DON’T MAKE THEIR JOBS EVEN HARDER!
Nanai: *Giggles* Did the Stuthor read where the fishmen are stated to be vastly stronger than a human? Why would they be so intimidated by a scrawny teenager? If anything, they’d just get even more angry!
"Why'd you stop? Don't listen to this human!" Tora ordered.
Nanai: *Confused* Didn’t it say all of the fishmen backed up? So what right does Tora have to get angry at his own men? In fact, are we ever told that Tora is even the leader of these men? *Pouts* I don’t like this type of stupid at all…it makes my head hurt.
The fishmen then began again.
James: Began what? They weren’t even doing anything!
"Kill him! Kill him! Kill him! Kill him!"
James: *Facepalm* What, are they just going to stand there and chant at him? What are they hoping to accomplish?
Nanai: Maybe they were trying to bore him to death? Or maybe they thought soundwaves at a certain frequency are lethal to Stus? Or maybe they’re trying to become a democracy, and thus hope that he dies if enough of them vote for his death? And I did remember that one comic where this girl had the ability to make anything she says come true…
Caroline: Or maybe they’re stupid. That seems pretty likely to me.
"I said shut up!" Chase yelled as he held out a hand, "Lightning Current!"
Caroline: How very dramatic. He couldn’t quietly shock them…why?
Nanai: Well, this was based on a Shonen comic, so maybe the ‘calling out the names of attacks’ thing can be excused…but this Stuthor just gave me a headache, so I’m not feeling very happy right now.
Chase then released an electrical current from his body shocking all of the fishman
James: *Squints* Was there any reason for him to extend his hand at all? Some people posed before they attack in One Piece, but they all did that for a reason! They’re attacks can only be activated when they’re in a certain position!
Caroline: I have a feeling the Stuthor wants us to envision Emperor Palpatine, except the way he worded it made me think of the Stu shooting lightening out of his nipples. That, and Emperor Palpatine is a villain…
Nanai: I don’t know, they seem to have the same level of regard for human life…But I support your nipples theory. It makes so much sense! That’s why he doesn’t button his shirt! Because he’d just burn through the material anyways, and walking around with a completely intact shirt that’s missing a patch of fabric right above your nipples is a bit funny…
except for Tora.
James: What the…Why would he do that? There no reason-
Caroline: No! I get to rant at this! I’ve been sitting through far more of this stupidity than you, so I get priority ranting rights! YOU FUCKING JERK! YOU COULD NEUTRALISE THE THREAT INSTANTLY WITH YOUR POWERS AND SAVE THE VILLAGERS, BUT YOU DIDN’T! AND HERE YOU’VE SHOWN US CLEARLY EXACTLY WHY YOU DECIDED TO TAKE DOWN THESE FISHMEN! YOU’RE NOT DOING IT TO SAVE ANYONE! YOU’RE DOING IT TO SOOTH YOUR OWN EGO! YOU’RE KILLING THEM BECAUSE THEY ANNOYED YOU! YOU’RE LEAVING HIM ALIVE NOW JUST SO YOU COULD RUB YOUR SUPERIORITY IN HIS FACE! THIS IS TORTURE! AND YOU ARE NOT ANY BETTER THAN THE WORST ONE PIECE VILLAIN! YOU’RE AN UNREPENTENT JERK AND I HOPE YOU BURN TO DEATH IN THE FIERY DEPTH OF HELL!
James: Yeah, what she said.
"What the?" Tora backed up.
Caroline: YOU LIVE IN THE FUCKING ONE PIECE UNIVERSE! THE UNIVERSE ABSOLUTELY FILLED WITH PEOPLE WITH SPECIAL POWERS! THE UNIVERSE WITH A FRUIT THAT EXISTS SOLELY TO GRANT PEOPLE SUPERPOWERS! HE JUST KNOCKED OUT YOUR MEN WITH A BOLT OF LIGHNING AND YOU SERIOUSLY CAN’T FIGURE OUT HOW? YOU ARE AN IDIOT! *To Chase* AND YOU’RE AN IDIOT TOO! *To David* AND YOU’RE AN IDIOT AS WELL! EVERY ONE IS AN IDIOT! ARGH!
James: *Scoots away on the couch*
Nanai: *Smiles dreamily at Caroline*
"You like my ability?"
Caroline: YOU SOCIOPATH! THIS IS COLD-BLOODED TORTURE! IT’S NOT LIKEABLE! IT’S NOT RELATABLE! IT’S CRUEL AND EVIL AND THIS LITTLE TWAT CLEARLY NEEDS TO BE PUT DOWN LIKE THE RABID DOG HE IS!
"That's it! You've made me do this! Now we must fight!"
Caroline: *Stares at screen mutedly in horror*
James: …uh…he kind of just killed all your men…and he defied your Captain, possibly inspiring the villagers to rebellion....This is what crossed the line? The fact that he taunted you? I mean, I know it’s horrible man, but seriously? And after that display of power, isn’t it much wiser to retreat for now and come back when you are more prepared? I mean, if your Captain was so influential, surely he can get his hands on some Sea Stones, right? Why is this guy just throwing away his life because of a petty insult? And dude, he’s about to challenge you to a fight anyways! Why did you think he spared you?
Nanai: Caroline? Are you alright?
Caroline: *Continues to stare at screen with a mildly shell-shocked expression*
"Bring it, do you have a Devil Fruit ability?"
James: Uh, the devil fruits were pretty rare. I doubt common thugs had them…if he had an ability, he would have gotten a higher post than the head of a small raiding team. And you kind of spent the entire last page provoking him and attacking his men. If he had an ability, don’t you think he would’ve shown it by now?
Nanai: *Shakes Caroline gently* Caroline? Why won’t you answer me? Caroline? *Gets teary* You’re scaring me, Caroline…
"No, why?"
James: Are these two seriously about to fight? Because I don’t sense the tension at all…I just see two men having a perfectly civil talk. Seriously, all of your crew mates, the people you hang around with all year, the people you trust and depend on, all of them were just killed by this guy. Why are you even wasting time bantering with him? Shouldn’t you be charging whilst roaring in wordless fury right now?
Nanai: *Panicked* Caroline! Caroline! Speak to me! Carrey!
"Huh, then I can't use mine. I refuse to use my ability against someone who doesn't have a Devil Fruit ability. Lucky you."
Caroline: THEN WHY DID YOU USE YOUR POWERS ON THE MARINES? WHY DID YOU USE THEM ON THE OTHER FISHMEN? WHAT, DID THEY NOT COUNT? FACE IT, YOU’RE ONLY SAYING THAT TO MAKE YOURSELF LOOK HIGH AND MIGHT! LOOK AT YOU, BEING ALL NOBLE WHEN THE CANON CHARACTERS WERE OKAY WITH USING THEIR POWERS ON NON-POWERED INDIVIDUALS! WELL, I DON’T BUY THAT! ESPECIALLY NOT WHEN YOU’VE JUST RUTHLESSLY KILLED TWO OFFICERS OF THE LAW WHO WERE COMPLETELY INNOCENT AND DIDN’T SHOW AN OUNCE OF REMORSE ABOUT IT! ESPECIALLY NOT WHEN YOU SAT BY AND LET AN ENTIRE VILLAGE BE BURNED AND THE PEOPLE SLAUGHTERED BECAUSE YOU CAN’T BE BOTHERED TO LIFT A FINGER, EVEN THOUGH YOU’VE DISPLAYED CLEARLY THAT YOU COULD’VE HELPED IF YOU WANTED TO! ESPECIALLY NOT WHEN YOU’VE JUST USED THAT POWER TO KILL GOD KNOWS HOW MANY BEINGS SIMPLY FOR BEING NOISY! ESPECIALLY NOT WHEN YOU SPARED A GUY’S LIFE FOR THE SOLE PURPOSE OF TORTURING HIM! YOU ARE THE MOST HYPOCRITICAL ASSHOLE I HAVE EVER SEEN! DEATH IS TOO FUCKING GOOD FOR YOU! ANYTHING IS TOO FUCKING GOOD FOR YOU! I DON’T SAY THIS MUCH, BUT IF TORA BEATS YOUR ASS AND SKULL-FUCKS YOU LIKE YOU DESERVE, I’LL BE CHEERING FOR HIM! ASSHOLE!
Nanai: *Tearful grin* Yay! Caroline! You’re back! You scared me so much!
Caroline: *Hugs Nanai* I’m sorry. The fanfic struck me dumb for a while. *Pats Nanai’s hair* Don’t worry. I’ll never leave you.
Nanai: *Beams* Of course you won’t!
Chase then dropped his duffel bag and readied to fight.
Caroline: *Tiredly* I’ll just repeat that this guy has just murdered repeatedly and remorselessly, and the author is clearly expecting us to cheer for him right now. Well, I’m not. The fishman who randomly came in and terrorised a bunch of villagers is a thousand times more relatable than this guy. At least he isn’t into cold blooded torture. So, go Tora!
James: I realise there’s a time and place for light-hearted humour, but am I the only one seeing the main character to the whole ‘exaggerated warm-up routine’ when I read the whole ‘readied to fight’ thing?
Nanai: Aw, shut up! Stop ruining the wonderful mood of righteous fury Caroline conjured up there!
Go Forward to: Chapter 2, Part 2
Go Back to: Chapter 1
My internet has been down yesterday, so I did a lot of sporking since I could fool around TV Tropes. I'm using the school internet now. I hope it gets back up soon, because I'm going through a bit of Trope Withdrawal...
Anyways, enjoy!
Disclaimer: One Piece: Bound For Glory is written by Inhuman X, and can be found here: http://www.fanfiction.net/s/7143147/1/One_Piece_Bound_For_Glory. I do not own the story, and I do not wish to own it. One Piece is owned by Oda Eichiro. No copyright infringement is intended, and no profit is being made from this. This project is undertaken for the sole sake of entertainment. Nanai, Caroline and James belong to me.
Fandom: One Piece (although you won't notice)
Summary of Fics: Two sociopaths masquerading as canon characters wander around the One Piece universe, brutally killing and torturing anyone who annoys them. Features rage-worthy levels of sociopathy and horrible, but hilarious writing.
Rating of Fic: T
Warning for Spork: Very mild innuendo, Capslocked ranting, ranting in VERY LARGE FONT, coarse language, mild subtext between two female characters, mild incestuous subtext
Sporkers: Nanai, Caroline, and James.
Well, it looks like we've got a new Sporker, so here's an introduction:
James is a family friend of Caroline and Nanai, and is a mild-mannered twenty-year-old, currently studying Ancient History in university. He is unaware of Nanai's true nature, and ignorant of her 'fixation' on Caroline. He is perhaps the second closest person to Nanai, and is often blamed by Caroline for 'corrupting' her sister. He has a secret crush on Caroline, but hides it very well.
Now, onward with the Spork!
The small house where Caroline and Nanai lived was silent. Its former occupants had evidently left in a hurry. The windows were still open, the pale blue curtains fluttering a little in the afternoon breeze. A few apples were laid out in the kitchen, as well as an open packet of chocolate. Upstairs, Nanai’s bed was still unmade, the blankets heaped on one side of the bed haphazardly. In the living room, the radio buzzed with static. A small envelope lied innocuously on the floor, bearing four words printed in ink.
‘Caroline? Are you home?’ Increasingly baffled, a young, scholarly-looking man wandered into the living room. ‘Caroline?’
It didn’t make sense. He had called the day before and informed her that he was going to visit. Not to mention, even if Nanai dragged Caroline out on a trip just to prevent the two of them meeting (as she is wont to do), Caroline would never have left without having made up all the beds neatly.
He stood at the centre of the room, listening to the deafening silence that answered his question. Feeling nervous all of a sudden, he swept his eyes over the room, unsettled by the eerie quiet of the house.
It was then that he noticed the envelope.
‘What?’ Having nothing better to do, he walked over and picked it up. ‘To my lovely…Sporker…’ He frowned, turning it over in his hands.
It looked innocent enough, except for the lack of an address. Curiosity getting better of him, he opened the envelope.
‘Is it time yet, Caroline?’ Sitting idly on the leather couch in the lounge, Nanai asked, an incessant whine sneaking into her voice.
‘No. There’s still three minutes left of the break, and I’m going to enjoy it.’ Caroline snapped.
‘Really? I thought-‘ Whatever she was about to say, Nanai was rudely interrupted by a bright flash of light in the adjoining cell.
Caroline leaped up, grabbing the dining knife that they had been supplied with along with their steak. ‘What was that?’
There was a moment of terse silence, and a familiar, male voice answered. ‘Wha…Caroline? Is that you?’
A clean-shaven young man peeked into the room tentatively, eyes wide with bewilderment.
‘James?’ The two women all but cried in unison.
‘Uh…yeah…’ James fidgeted. ‘I…I went over to your house and I kind of found this envelope…’
With a grown, Caroline buried her face in her hands. ‘Oh…Not you too!’
‘So…what is this place?’
Caroline didn’t have a chance to answer as the megaphone boomed again. ‘Please proceed back to the Sporking Room, your break is over…Oh hey! A new Sporker!’
‘W-What?’ James swung around so rapidly that he stumbled.
‘There’s this crazy…person, and…they kidnapped us here so we can make fun of stupid, stupid fanfiction.’ Caroline sighed. ‘And you just had to get yourself involved too!’
Breaking out of her reverie, Nanai added, ‘And it won’t let us out until we finish this, so you’ll have to help!’
James looked helplessly between Nanai and Caroline, ‘But I don’t-‘
‘Come on! Break’s over! Let’s get cracking!’ Bounding forward, Nanai grabbed hold of Caroline and James’ elbows and all but dragged them into the Sporking Room.
Chapter 2: The Start of the Journey!:
Nanai: Ooh! We’re going to get some plot in this section! Yay~
James: This…is the second chapter, right? So if we’re only getting plot now, then what was the last chapter for?
Caroline: Be glad you were here to read it. It was utterly boring shit.
Nanai: Come on! It wasn’t boring at all! Remember the ‘jean pants’? And the ‘his hair was clean-shaven’?
James: What?
Caroline: *Darkly* That’s why I said you shouldn’t have gotten yourself into this mess…
"Dawn Island! I'm here!"
Nanai: *Confused* I thought he arrived last chapter?
Caroline: The Stuthor had been too busy orgasming over the fried corpse of the enemies of his self-insert to bother with continuity, I would guess.
James: You…You can’t be serious! I mean, how bad can this thing-
Nanai: Stop that! *Pouts* Fate doesn’t like to be tempted, you know!
David had announced with arms wide open, "Home sweet home!"
Caroline: *Sourly* And stop insulting good fiction by referring to them in your fic.
"Shut up!" Chase barked as he hit the back of David's head,
James: Uh…that’s nice of him…Why are these two friends again?
Caroline: I suppose the Stuthor wants us to see is as amusing, friendly banter…except this is right after they remorselessly killed a bunch of officers of law, so it doesn’t work nearly as well.
James: And nice tense change there…
Nanai: Come on, guys! Stop nitpicking! I want to get to the good part!
Caroline: *Dubiously* This things has a good part?
Nanai: Have you seen the last chapter? This thing is filled with good parts!
Caroline: *Flatly* Have you seen the last chapter? This thing is filled with PAIN!
causing him to squat down and hold his head,
Caroline: Ha. Ha. Ha. Stuthor, it’s really hard to make bodily harm amusing right after you brutally murdered someone. Shoving humour in our faces is not how comedy works!
Nanai: *Frowns* They are trying to rip off Luffy! And they’re even ripping off Nami too! I don’t like that.
"Just hurry up and go find what you need. Alright?
James: …I…hope they quickly clarify what he needs, because my mind is going to the gutter right now…
Caroline: James! Not in front of Nanai!
Nanai: *Pouts* Aw, come on! Caroline is no fun!
I'm going to walk around for a little bit." Chase iformed.
James: iFormed? Is that the Apple version of paperwork?
Caroline: They’re in a marine occupied town, and he just lets his friend wander off on his own. What a fantastic friend. One of the biggest points of One Piece was that friends stick together! They don’t let each other wander into danger! These guys are just starting out! Are they so arrogant that they think no one can hurt them? Or can they not be bothered to take the time out of their day to make sure their friends are safe? Bah.
James: *Blinks* She gets quite passionate over this, doesn’t she?
Nanai: Caroline always takes everything so seriously! I don’t see why she can’t just sit back and imagine these two getting their scrawny asses arrested…
Caroline: Language, Nanai! *To James* See? You’re teaching her bad words!
James: …I assure you, she learns far more from you than me.
"Got it!" David then walked off looking around to find the proper store he needed to buy from.
James: Do I want to know what he wants to buy?
Nanai: I don’t know, but I imagine sentient fruits and competitive lab coats and ‘jean pants’ must be very popular.
James: …If what you said actually happened in this fic, then consider my mind blown.
Caroline: *Snorts* Oh, you have no idea…
As he walked down the streets of his hometown
Nanai: I…thought they were pirates? What are they doing hanging out their home town? Pirates in One Piece don’t do that! You become a pirate so you can have adventure! Sail around the world! Hunt after treasures! Did these guys decide to fly a Jolly Roger for kicks?
Caroline: He…attacked two men who were keeping his hometown safe. Keeping his family and friends safe. And then he laughed at their corpses. *Gapes*
James: You…weren’t joking about that, were you?
Nanai: Nope! It all happened!
James: Oh god…why did I look into that envelope?
Caroline: Because you are an idiot.
he continued to look back and forth as he searched for the sword shop.
Nanai: *Narrows her eyes* Stop ripping off the canon characters! If you’re so intrigued by them, why not just write a story about them? At least then, I’d manage some vestige of sympathy for them because they’ll be my favourite characters! Or are their powers not special enough for you?
Caroline: I…really have no desire to see the canon characters get raped by this Stuthor. Using OCs is actually one of the good points about this fic…
As he did this his crew mate was walking around the city in search as well. Though his search was diffrent.
James: …There goes my mind again. Is this the author trying to build up suspense? Because…I’m not really that interested except in the possibility that he’s searching for a-
Caroline: Not another word! *Meaningful glance at Nanai*
Nanai: *Sulks*
"Man I'm hungry..." Chase complained as he continued to walk and scratch his stomach,
Nanai: There’s the bad thing about using OCs who are clones of canon characters. You can’t help but be reminded of the canon material, and that just makes the stupid in the fic even worse! *Pouts* Even I’m getting a bit angry now…
"I hope David hurry's up, because I'm not in the mood to be walking around all over town today."
James: Isn’t he meant to be buying something? Doesn’t he have anything to do? Anything outside his friend? That level of obsessions is a bit…
Caroline: *Glares*
James: *Hurriedly changes topic* Uh…does he always talk to himself? That doesn’t seem very healthy…
Nanai: *Still sulking* Luffy did that in canon, but he was likeable and nice and admirable and just plain cool…
As Chase continued to walk he began to see people running and rushing all over town trying to hide for some reason.
James: And he didn’t notice this before because…why, again? He’s not blind, is he?
Caroline: I believe the author meant that people began running and hiding, instead of the Stu beginning to see people run and hide…however, given the amount of concern he has shown for other people so far, I sincerely doubt my interpretation.
Nanai: *Brightens up a little* Ah, here’s that delicious stupid! He’s living in the age of PIRACY, where PIRATES roam around and PILLAGE VILLAGES and KILL PEOPLE! He’s living in a world where the sea is filled with GIGANTIC MONSTERS and every town has a DARK SECRET! He honestly can’t figure out any reasons why the villagers might be running and hiding? *Laughs* I’d like to see how that level of perception fares in the Grand Line…
Caroline: *Bitter* He’s a Stu, so of course he’ll breeze through the whole thing…
Curious, he turned around to see a small boat filled with fishmen in it.
James: …Either that is a stupendous small town, or he has binoculars surgically attacked to his eyes. I’m not sure which version is better.
Nanai: But fishmen are rare in East Blue! The only ones we see came from the Grand Line! They were the exception! If Arlong didn’t go around boasting about his species, no one would’ve figured out what the heck he was! You don’t randomly see boatfuls of them around! The only fishmen in East Blue are working under Arlong! *Frowns* I appreciate you trying to be stupid, Stuthor, but this type of stupid isn’t funny…
Caroline: *Shrugs* We already had the Stuthor pull a Sea King out of his ass, why not a boatful of fishmen as well?
They all jumped off the boat and walked into town.
James: How wonderfully blasé…This town is marine occupied, right? And they cared enough about it to post watches by the docks, right? Well, some fishmen are going down today…
Caroline: That’s just it! If they didn’t kill the sentry at the docks, the marines would’ve been informed by now, and thus could form a plan to evacuate and save the villagers! And now the guy’s just doomed his friend’s hometown to the clutches of fishmen…
Nanai: Nah, I get the feeling he’s going to pull a Deus Ex Machina and magically save this town singlehandedly…whilst I laugh at him, of course.
Caroline: If he does, I’m leaving.
"Alright you know the deal!" One of them yelled, "The Shark King wants his pay today!"
Nanai: The Shark King? Arlong had a twin?
Caroline: More like Arlong had a clone! Look, the Shark King’s also all obsessed about money and commands a crew of fish men! *Spits* I see why the Stuthor asked for OCs, he clearly doesn’t have a single drop of creativity in him.
James: And I take it that this author has an irrational fear of commas?
Caroline: No, he’s just prejudiced against them.
"Huh?" This caught Chase's attention as the fishmen began to bully and take money from the various people of the village.
Caroline: And whose fault is this? *Snorts*
Nanai: *Laughs* That’s his response to seeing innocent villagers being beaten up? (Chase) Duuuuuuuuuuur, my best friend’s family is being killed by monsters…huh…I like cheese… *Laughs*
James: …Am I supposed to be terrified? Am I supposed to feel horror at their actions? Am I supposed to be tense? Because I’m not. I’m…actually just indifferent, really. I don’t care a whole village is being slaughtered. At all. Wow.
Caroline: Don’t worry. No one cares at this point.
Everyone coward in fear as they handed over their money to the fishmen crew.
Nanai: Aw~ It’s a spelling mistakes, but it’s so appropriate! It almost feel intentional!
Caroline: If this turns out to be a troll, I’m seriously killing someone. I don’t care, I want to spill someone’s blood.
The crew slowly began to move their way up through the city, and then they got to Chase.
James: How far away was he? And apparently, he couldn’t be bothered to help anyone until the crew walked right up to him. And this is supposed to be his friend’s hometown that’s getting pillaged. Well, if you want to go the sociopath route…
Caroline: Oh, but the Stuthor believes that this is perfectly acceptable, morally right behaviour! Of course, his Stus are just perfect.
James: …I want to believe you’re kidding, but it makes too much sense…
"You new kid? You know the drill!" The leader demanded.
Caroline: Wait, wait, wait! *Waves hands* Drill? You mean they’ve been doing this before? You mean they’ve been doing this regularly enough that they’ve got a drill going? *Facepalm* Stuthor, I know Arlong did exactly this in canon, but it doesn’t work here for two very important reasons. Firstly, in canon, Arlong settled on an island that was not very famous and didn’t have any government protection. The islanders didn’t rely on the government much, and it was easy to bribe any marine officers off. Here, however, the town was clearly important enough for soldiers to be posted on the docks. The presence of those soldiers also suggest a marine base on the island. In this case, it would be nigh impossible to bribe them off because there are simply too many people involved. If any of the marine soldiers in the base decides to report these activities to their higher ups, which they will do because marines are law-enforcement officers, then the whole base and the fishmen are screwed. Secondly, Arlong was able to terrorise and cow the villagers in canon because he actually lived on the island! If anyone was planning a rebellion, he would hear of it. If anyone tried anything, he would be there to stop it! These fishmen apparently sail in once in a while and pillage this village! This would give the villagers ample opportunities to get their defences up and plan a coup to kill all of the bastards! Bottom line? JUST BECAUSE CANON DID SOMETHING, DOESN’T MEAN YOU COULD! ESPECIALLY WHEN THE CIRCUMSTANCES ARE AS DIFFERENT AS THIS, YOU DUMBASS!
Nanai: *Claps* Nice! And just another thing…what the leader demanded simply didn’t make sense. If he was a new kid, then why would he know the drill? It would be his first time there, after all! And if he had been there before in one of the raids, then why didn’t he stop them? I mean…it wasn’t that nice to let your Captain’s hometown be devastated…
James: *Facepalm* Making your protagonists sociopaths is one thing, but still expecting us to see them as OMG Righteous Heroes is another entirely…
"Can you please stop yelling? I'm right here." Chase commented.
Caroline: Oh yes, innocent men, women, and children are being beaten to a pulp around him, and he has the time for a one liner. *Wrinkles nose* Look at that! ‘Commented’! This thing disgusts me.
Nanai: And it seems like the author has a grudge against the world ‘said as well…I’ve really got to do a count of how many times that word was used at the end.
"Oh you some big tough guy?" One of them yelled.
James: Well, no matter what petty grudges he has against the word ‘said’, his certainly hates commas with the burning passion of a million suns.
"No, but I'm not punk either."
Nanai: *Stares* *Bursts out laughing* Oh god! That is just…! That is beyond hilarious! I demand someone make that into a T-shirt! Oh my god!
Caroline: *Snarls* Why bother even writing a story when your grasp of the language you are writing in is less than that of a two year old child?
Nanai: Come on! If the Stuthor didn’t write this story, we wouldn’t have this wonderful line! I’m so going to go around telling people, ‘I’m not punk either’ now! *Laughs uncontrollably*
"So what are you saying?"
Nanai: *Point shaking finger at screen, whipping tears of laughter from her eyes* See? Even the other characters don’t understand him!
James: How do any of these characters understand each other? Especially since the author seems to be on a crusade against proper punctuation!
The head of the crew asked as he got in Chase's face.
Nanai: *Stares* Well…I knew that was a valid phrase, ‘In your face’ and all…but the way that sentence was worded still bring up strange mental images.
Caroline: *Pauses* Oh god…that is sick!
James: *Repulsed* That it is…
He had yellow eyes and multiple razor sharp teeth,
Nanai: Multiple? That doesn’t really say much…because I’m getting the picture that he only has four of five teeth…*Bursts out laughing*
his arms had fins on them and so did his back.
James: And what purpose does this description serve? We know they’re fishmen! We have an idea what they look like! If you just want these characters as random thugs, then you don’t need to waste time laundry-listing their physical attributes!
Caroline: Oh, this is much better than the drivel in the first chapter. At least we don’t have to hear about *shudders* ‘jean pants’, or, god forbid, ‘scholarly hair’…
Nanai: *Bursts into fresh fit of giggles*
James: …I…fear for my future.
"Who are you?" Chase asked
James: Um…does it matter? They’re going around killing your best friend’s family and neighbours…are you supposed to fight them just on principle?
Caroline: I love how he’s just casually chatting with mass murderers here…but given what he did to those two marines, I suspect he’s got a pretty high body count too. People don’t act that casually about their first murder…
Nanai: *With wide eyes* Really? They don’t?
Caroline: No. Most people feel horribly guilty.
Nanai: *Looks down at her hands pensively*
as he tried to back up from the fishman and his terrible greasy breath.
Caroline: Oh, so you’re just fine with him going around robbing and slaughtering people, but how dare he have horrible breath! *Snarls* He’s a fucking sailor! Did you seriously expect perfect dental hygiene when the guy lives in an environment where fresh water is always a commodity? Hey, you’re a sailor, too! What right do you have to complain?
Nanai: Maybe his lightning powers help him clean his teeth? *Tilts head* I wonder how that works…
James: …Your sister’s weird, you know that?
Caroline: Don’t call Nanai weird!
Nanai: Maybe he zaps and fries the bacteria inside his mouth?
Caroline: …You’re weird, you know that?
Nanai: *Giggles* Come on! You can’t deny that it’s funny!
Caroline: *Sourly* No. It’s just painful.
"My name is Tora.." The fishman, now known as Tora,
Caroline: WE KNOW! YOU TOLD US THAT IN THE FIRST HALF ON THE SAME FRICKING SENTENCE! GAH!
Nanai: Ah, the Department of Redundancy Department would have a field day with this fic…
James: …Wasn’t that fishman all up in his face a moment ago, yelling and threatening his life? Why did he become so civil as soon as the protagonist asked his name? Why are they even chatting so casually when a village is being pillaged around them? Why?
Nanai: Eh, the entire pillage is being held in stasis now, because we need to focus on the Stu. All those people the fishmen killed weren’t important anyways, they’re just there so the Stu is justified in killing the fishmen…
James: *Revolted* And you think this is funny?
Nanai: Hey! This same fic has sentient jean pants, okay? I have ample reason to point and laugh!
backed up as he slipped his hands into his white shorts
James: O_O
Caroline: *Hissing* Not a word!
Nanai: *Wide eyes* What? Caroline, why can’t James speak?
Caroline: *Shields Nanai* That man there has a filthy, filthy mind, and is trying to corrupt you.
James: *Facepalm*
while his light blue floral shirt blew in the wind and nearly off his muscular body.
James: I think the Narrator has a mild fixation on the protagonist, with the whole talk of the shirtless-ness, the muscular body, the reaching into shorts…
Caroline: *Tackles James* NOT ANOTHER WORD!
Nanai: *Comically oblivious*
"Well that's nice. I'm Chase M. Dragon, can I help you?"
Caroline: You can help by getting out of the fic!
James: O_O Dude! Did the protagonist just say ‘can I help you with that’? You know, the quintessential porn-
Caroline: *Throws cushion at James* WHAT DID I SAY?
"Yes you can!
Caroline: NO!
James: I wasn’t going to say anything…
Caroline: Liar!
Nanai: What are you guys talking about?
Caroline: *Blushes* Nothing!
The Shark King demands that everyone on this island ,and every other island he controls in the East Blue, to pay up when he demands!"
Caroline: No. I’ve ranted once already. I’m not going to waste my breath and do it again.
Nanai: And just how many islands does he control? If he’s gaining that much power, you’d think the government would’ve gotten nervous! If he could take that much of the world under control, then the higher ups in the marines who can’t be bribed, will most certainly get involved! How did he get them off his back? Offer all of them blowjobs?
Caroline: *Scandalised* NANAI! Where on earth did you learn that term?
Nanai: Well, I found this magazine in your room and-
Caroline: *Flustered* THAT’S ENOUGH!
James: That is…way too much information…
Caroline: AND YOU SHOULDN’T BE LISTENING IN ON PRIVATE CONVERSATIONS!
"Like taxes?"
"Exactly."
Nanai: Um…I don’t think that’s how taxes work.
Caroline: No, they don’t work that way at all. Taxes are collected from the residents of a certain locale. Chase, as a visitor to the area, should not have to pay them. They are collected to fund the government so it can undertake projects that cannot be left to private hands, like maintaining infrastructure and strengthening the army and so on. In this case, the money is clearly collected solely for the purpose of allowing the fishmen to afford luxuries. Taxes are collected at regular intervals. Governments can’t suddenly demand its citizens hand a part of their income over. There are a hundred other discrepancies that I cannot be bothered to name. Stuthor, if you must use an allegory, choose one that works!
James: If anything, this is more similar to ‘ransom’ than ‘tax’…
"Taxes for what?" Chase asked with his head tilted.
Caroline: Instead of asking with his voice.
"For still being able to see the light of dawn!" Tora announced proudly with a grin on his face.
Nanai: …That’s not threatening. That just makes me think of three year olds who have just won an argument. Three year old pirate fishmen? *Giggles*
James: I know that’s a pretty clichéd phrase, but given what the author have written so far, it sounds like the fishmen are going to somehow magically prevent the sun from rising if the people don’t pay their taxes…
Nanai: Wow. I’d like to see a government with that as their electoral campaign…
"That's cool, but I'm not paying up." He sighed.
Caroline: Cool? Did he say that it was cool? *Sighs* Excuse me…*Clears throat* NO, YOU FUCKING TWAT, THAT IS NOT COOL! THESE MEN ARE GOING ENSLAVING ISLANDS! THEY ARE SETTING THEMSELVES UP AS THE MOST IRRISPONSIBLE GOVERNMENT I’VE EVERY SEEN! AND THEY ARE GOING AROUND DEMANDING MONEY FROM PEOPLE WHO PROBABLY CAN’T AFFORD THEM! AND THEY ARE SO POWERFUL THAT, APPARENTLY, EVEN ISLANDS WITH MARINE BASES CAN’T DEFEND THEMSELVES AGAINST THEM! OR THEY HAVE SUCH POWERFUL CONNECTIONS THAT NO MARINES TRY TO STOP THEM! AND THEY ARE CLEARLY OKAY WITH KILLING PEOPLE WHO CAN’T PAY UP! THEY ARE MURDERERS! THEY ARE CRIMINALS! THEY ARE FUCKING SICK PEOPLE! THAT IS NOT COOL! NOT FUCKING COOL! AND WHAT YOU ARE DOING IS LETTING THESE PEOPLE GO ABOUT THEIR BUSINESS! YOU HAVEN’T LIFTED A FINGER TO HELP ANYONE UNTIL THEY ARE ATTACKING YOU! EVEN NOW, YOU DON’T WANT TO HAVE TO FIGHT THEM! YOU’RE EVEN PASSIVELY SUPPORTING THEIR CAUSE! THAT IS FUCKING COWARDLY! AND YOU HAVE THE GUTS TO IMITATE THE CANON CHARACTERS? THE VERY PEOPLE WHO PUT THEIR LIVES ON THE LINE TO SAVE PERFECT STRANGERS? FUCK YOU! FUCK YOU UP YOUR ASS, YOU BASTARD!
Nanai: And anyone else get the feeling that he’s actively regretting the fact that he can’t pay? That if he had the money to spare, he would’ve totally given the money to the fishmen and walked away, letting them do whatever they wanted? *Looks down and pouts* Even I’m not willing to sit by and watch my friend’s family being slaughtered…
Caroline: Of course not. You’re a sweet little girl *sharp glare at James* who’s not going to be corrupted by anyone.
James: I didn’t even say anything!
Caroline: But you were thinking it! In the same room as my sister too!
Nanai: *Bright smile* Caroline’s over-protective like that! But I like her though…*Cuddles*
Caroline: *Cuddles back*
James: Why can’t I watch those two instead of read this fic?
The Voice: Unless you can find bad fics featuring a couple from a work that is not even posted on the internet yet, you are stuck with this now…At least I’m not making you spork Rebecca Sherwood...yet. Be grateful.
James: *Shudders* I don’t want to know…
"Why's that?" Tora demanded to know.
James: …Because he doesn’t have the money? Because he doesn’t live in the area? Because he thinks he can take you guys on? Seriously, is everyone an idiot in this fic?
Caroline: *Snorts* It’s pretty impossible to write characters smarter than you are.
James: …It must be awful living with a brain as inadequate as that.
Caroline: It must be awful living with an ego so inflated as to make this thing public and expect praise.
"Because he's a stupid king."
James: …Now this guy’s jus t looking for a fight.
Caroline: Exactly. And he’s not even fighting to save the villagers. He’s just fighting because the fishmen are annoying.
Nanai: And if someone managed to gain control of so many islands, including the ones with marine protection, I wouldn’t call them stupid…*Sighs* Can’t we have Whitebeard waltz in and rip him apart? It would be so Awesome to watch!
"What?" All of the fishman yelled.
Nanai: Now I’m beginning to think the fishmen are playing along as well…Are you sure they didn’t rehearse this?
Caroline: Nah, the author just can’t be bothered to describe their reactions in detail, even though he was perfectly alright giving us a whole paragraph on what one fishman look like exactly before.
James: And weren’t the fishmen pillaging the village? Why have they all congregated around this one kid? Surely they can ensure themselves more income if they just killed him and got on with it…
Nanai: He’s the Stu, though, so of course all of the characters have to focus on him!
"You dare insult the Great King?" One yelled.
Nanai: *Baffled* I thought he was called the Shark King…
Caroline: This is from the Stuthor that coined the term ‘jean pants’. Did you seriously expect any consistency?
"Thats execution!" Another demanded.
Caroline: No. That’s an insult. It deserves an execution. But it’s not an execution in itself…Oh, why do I bother?
Nanai: And the word ‘said’ is getting all neglected too…Can we adopt it, Caroline? I promise I’ll walk it every day and play with it!
Caroline: …*Sighs* Yes, of course we can.
Nanai: Yay!
James: …*About to say something, but think better of it and shuts up*
"Kill him!" A third screamed. Then they all began to chant, "Kill him! Kill him! Kill him!"
Caroline: *Twitches* These characters have been the flattest villains I have ever seen, and the least interesting as well…but I find it impossible to resist the urge to join in the chant.
Nanai: *Pouts* Am I the only one reminded of the Lord of the Flies, here? That was a good book too…
James: You let your sister read the Lord of the Flies, but doesn’t let her swear?
Caroline: Hey! Just because I expect her to comprehend great literature, doesn’t mean she can get away with a dirty mouth!
Nanai: See? Caroline’s unfair like that…*Sulks*
"Will you all just shut up!" Chase yelled annoyed.
Caroline: Look! It’s right there! This guy is incapable of feeling for anyone but himself! Look at him!
Nanai: *Sighs* I never dreamed one could be so dense as to not know how to use a question mark…
All of the fishman quickly sweatdropped and backed up.
Caroline: *Facepalm* THESE GUYS ARE MURDERERS! THEY WERE GOING AROUND TERRORISING A VILLAGE LESS THAN A PAGE AGO! DON’T HAVE THEM ACT IN A COMIC ROUTINE! THERE IS A TIME AND PLACE FOR THAT! IN ONE PIECE CANON, SWEAT DROPS ARE ONLY USED WHEN FRIENDS ARE ENGAGED IN FRIENDLY BANTER! THE AUTHOR HAD THE DECENCY OF TREATING HIS VILLAINS WITH THE RESPECT THEY DESERVED! THIS IS RUINING WHAT LITTLE ATMOSPHERE THERE IS! THE READERS ARE ALREADY TRYING HARD TO IMBUE YOUR AWKWARD PROSE WITH ANY EMOTIONAL IMPACT! DON’T MAKE THEIR JOBS EVEN HARDER!
Nanai: *Giggles* Did the Stuthor read where the fishmen are stated to be vastly stronger than a human? Why would they be so intimidated by a scrawny teenager? If anything, they’d just get even more angry!
"Why'd you stop? Don't listen to this human!" Tora ordered.
Nanai: *Confused* Didn’t it say all of the fishmen backed up? So what right does Tora have to get angry at his own men? In fact, are we ever told that Tora is even the leader of these men? *Pouts* I don’t like this type of stupid at all…it makes my head hurt.
The fishmen then began again.
James: Began what? They weren’t even doing anything!
"Kill him! Kill him! Kill him! Kill him!"
James: *Facepalm* What, are they just going to stand there and chant at him? What are they hoping to accomplish?
Nanai: Maybe they were trying to bore him to death? Or maybe they thought soundwaves at a certain frequency are lethal to Stus? Or maybe they’re trying to become a democracy, and thus hope that he dies if enough of them vote for his death? And I did remember that one comic where this girl had the ability to make anything she says come true…
Caroline: Or maybe they’re stupid. That seems pretty likely to me.
"I said shut up!" Chase yelled as he held out a hand, "Lightning Current!"
Caroline: How very dramatic. He couldn’t quietly shock them…why?
Nanai: Well, this was based on a Shonen comic, so maybe the ‘calling out the names of attacks’ thing can be excused…but this Stuthor just gave me a headache, so I’m not feeling very happy right now.
Chase then released an electrical current from his body shocking all of the fishman
James: *Squints* Was there any reason for him to extend his hand at all? Some people posed before they attack in One Piece, but they all did that for a reason! They’re attacks can only be activated when they’re in a certain position!
Caroline: I have a feeling the Stuthor wants us to envision Emperor Palpatine, except the way he worded it made me think of the Stu shooting lightening out of his nipples. That, and Emperor Palpatine is a villain…
Nanai: I don’t know, they seem to have the same level of regard for human life…But I support your nipples theory. It makes so much sense! That’s why he doesn’t button his shirt! Because he’d just burn through the material anyways, and walking around with a completely intact shirt that’s missing a patch of fabric right above your nipples is a bit funny…
except for Tora.
James: What the…Why would he do that? There no reason-
Caroline: No! I get to rant at this! I’ve been sitting through far more of this stupidity than you, so I get priority ranting rights! YOU FUCKING JERK! YOU COULD NEUTRALISE THE THREAT INSTANTLY WITH YOUR POWERS AND SAVE THE VILLAGERS, BUT YOU DIDN’T! AND HERE YOU’VE SHOWN US CLEARLY EXACTLY WHY YOU DECIDED TO TAKE DOWN THESE FISHMEN! YOU’RE NOT DOING IT TO SAVE ANYONE! YOU’RE DOING IT TO SOOTH YOUR OWN EGO! YOU’RE KILLING THEM BECAUSE THEY ANNOYED YOU! YOU’RE LEAVING HIM ALIVE NOW JUST SO YOU COULD RUB YOUR SUPERIORITY IN HIS FACE! THIS IS TORTURE! AND YOU ARE NOT ANY BETTER THAN THE WORST ONE PIECE VILLAIN! YOU’RE AN UNREPENTENT JERK AND I HOPE YOU BURN TO DEATH IN THE FIERY DEPTH OF HELL!
James: Yeah, what she said.
"What the?" Tora backed up.
Caroline: YOU LIVE IN THE FUCKING ONE PIECE UNIVERSE! THE UNIVERSE ABSOLUTELY FILLED WITH PEOPLE WITH SPECIAL POWERS! THE UNIVERSE WITH A FRUIT THAT EXISTS SOLELY TO GRANT PEOPLE SUPERPOWERS! HE JUST KNOCKED OUT YOUR MEN WITH A BOLT OF LIGHNING AND YOU SERIOUSLY CAN’T FIGURE OUT HOW? YOU ARE AN IDIOT! *To Chase* AND YOU’RE AN IDIOT TOO! *To David* AND YOU’RE AN IDIOT AS WELL! EVERY ONE IS AN IDIOT! ARGH!
James: *Scoots away on the couch*
Nanai: *Smiles dreamily at Caroline*
"You like my ability?"
Caroline: YOU SOCIOPATH! THIS IS COLD-BLOODED TORTURE! IT’S NOT LIKEABLE! IT’S NOT RELATABLE! IT’S CRUEL AND EVIL AND THIS LITTLE TWAT CLEARLY NEEDS TO BE PUT DOWN LIKE THE RABID DOG HE IS!
"That's it! You've made me do this! Now we must fight!"
Caroline: *Stares at screen mutedly in horror*
James: …uh…he kind of just killed all your men…and he defied your Captain, possibly inspiring the villagers to rebellion....This is what crossed the line? The fact that he taunted you? I mean, I know it’s horrible man, but seriously? And after that display of power, isn’t it much wiser to retreat for now and come back when you are more prepared? I mean, if your Captain was so influential, surely he can get his hands on some Sea Stones, right? Why is this guy just throwing away his life because of a petty insult? And dude, he’s about to challenge you to a fight anyways! Why did you think he spared you?
Nanai: Caroline? Are you alright?
Caroline: *Continues to stare at screen with a mildly shell-shocked expression*
"Bring it, do you have a Devil Fruit ability?"
James: Uh, the devil fruits were pretty rare. I doubt common thugs had them…if he had an ability, he would have gotten a higher post than the head of a small raiding team. And you kind of spent the entire last page provoking him and attacking his men. If he had an ability, don’t you think he would’ve shown it by now?
Nanai: *Shakes Caroline gently* Caroline? Why won’t you answer me? Caroline? *Gets teary* You’re scaring me, Caroline…
"No, why?"
James: Are these two seriously about to fight? Because I don’t sense the tension at all…I just see two men having a perfectly civil talk. Seriously, all of your crew mates, the people you hang around with all year, the people you trust and depend on, all of them were just killed by this guy. Why are you even wasting time bantering with him? Shouldn’t you be charging whilst roaring in wordless fury right now?
Nanai: *Panicked* Caroline! Caroline! Speak to me! Carrey!
"Huh, then I can't use mine. I refuse to use my ability against someone who doesn't have a Devil Fruit ability. Lucky you."
Caroline: THEN WHY DID YOU USE YOUR POWERS ON THE MARINES? WHY DID YOU USE THEM ON THE OTHER FISHMEN? WHAT, DID THEY NOT COUNT? FACE IT, YOU’RE ONLY SAYING THAT TO MAKE YOURSELF LOOK HIGH AND MIGHT! LOOK AT YOU, BEING ALL NOBLE WHEN THE CANON CHARACTERS WERE OKAY WITH USING THEIR POWERS ON NON-POWERED INDIVIDUALS! WELL, I DON’T BUY THAT! ESPECIALLY NOT WHEN YOU’VE JUST RUTHLESSLY KILLED TWO OFFICERS OF THE LAW WHO WERE COMPLETELY INNOCENT AND DIDN’T SHOW AN OUNCE OF REMORSE ABOUT IT! ESPECIALLY NOT WHEN YOU SAT BY AND LET AN ENTIRE VILLAGE BE BURNED AND THE PEOPLE SLAUGHTERED BECAUSE YOU CAN’T BE BOTHERED TO LIFT A FINGER, EVEN THOUGH YOU’VE DISPLAYED CLEARLY THAT YOU COULD’VE HELPED IF YOU WANTED TO! ESPECIALLY NOT WHEN YOU’VE JUST USED THAT POWER TO KILL GOD KNOWS HOW MANY BEINGS SIMPLY FOR BEING NOISY! ESPECIALLY NOT WHEN YOU SPARED A GUY’S LIFE FOR THE SOLE PURPOSE OF TORTURING HIM! YOU ARE THE MOST HYPOCRITICAL ASSHOLE I HAVE EVER SEEN! DEATH IS TOO FUCKING GOOD FOR YOU! ANYTHING IS TOO FUCKING GOOD FOR YOU! I DON’T SAY THIS MUCH, BUT IF TORA BEATS YOUR ASS AND SKULL-FUCKS YOU LIKE YOU DESERVE, I’LL BE CHEERING FOR HIM! ASSHOLE!
Nanai: *Tearful grin* Yay! Caroline! You’re back! You scared me so much!
Caroline: *Hugs Nanai* I’m sorry. The fanfic struck me dumb for a while. *Pats Nanai’s hair* Don’t worry. I’ll never leave you.
Nanai: *Beams* Of course you won’t!
Chase then dropped his duffel bag and readied to fight.
Caroline: *Tiredly* I’ll just repeat that this guy has just murdered repeatedly and remorselessly, and the author is clearly expecting us to cheer for him right now. Well, I’m not. The fishman who randomly came in and terrorised a bunch of villagers is a thousand times more relatable than this guy. At least he isn’t into cold blooded torture. So, go Tora!
James: I realise there’s a time and place for light-hearted humour, but am I the only one seeing the main character to the whole ‘exaggerated warm-up routine’ when I read the whole ‘readied to fight’ thing?
Nanai: Aw, shut up! Stop ruining the wonderful mood of righteous fury Caroline conjured up there!
Go Forward to: Chapter 2, Part 2
Go Back to: Chapter 1