One Piece: Bound For Glory - Chapter 1
I'm sorry, there are no Rebecca Sherwood sporkings today...My friend is working on Chapter Four and she is taking some time because it she's busy and sporking that things is just plain painful.
Meanwhile, however, I have been looking around for other fics to spork, and came upon this One Piece fic. I'm already doing a Mary Sue, so I thought sporking a Gary Stu would be appropriate.
This fic is the hilariously bad type, the ones where you just can't help but laugh at it.
So, I hope you enjoy, and constructive criticism is always welcome~
Disclaimer: One Piece: Bound For Glory is written by Inhuman X (a very appropriate name), and can be found here: http://www.fanfiction.net/s/7143147/1/One_Piece_Bound_For_Glory. I do not own the story and I do not wish to own it. One Piece is owned by Oda Eichiro. No copyright infringement is intended and no profit is being made off this spork. This is done for entertainment purposes only. Nanai and Caroline belong to me.
Fandom: One Piece
Summary of Fic: A Next Gen fic describing a bunch of teenagers who are meant to be independent, well-rounded characters, but instead are clones of canon characters, going on an adventure, being unintentional sociopaths to everyone. Contains hilariously bad prose, hilariously bad grammar and spelling, hilariously over-powered character and general hilarity.
Rating of Fic: T
Warning for Spork: Coarse language, mild subtext between two female characters, mild incestuous subtext
Sporkers: Nanai and Caroline
Yes, new sporkers are doing this, so that means some introduction:
Nanai is a very sociopathic sixteen-year-old who acts like a hyperactive child. She is Caroline's little sister and plays the part of a cheerful, bright, happy child very well. She absolutely adores Caroline and will do literally anything to keep Caroline around her. She is basically the black sheep of her family.
Caroline is Nanai's older sister and comes from a very influential family steeped in politics. She has been bought up to be calm, collected and logical in all situations. She dotes on her little sister as Nanai and is determined to let Nanai be a child because she never had the opportunity to be one herself. She's unaware of Nanai's sociopathic tendencies and the things Nanai has done 'for her'.
That said, let's get on with the Spork:
A blond-haired teenager with a slight frame bounded into a warmly furnished living room. ‘Hey! Caroline? Caroline? Look what I found!’
A bespectacled, tall woman with long, black hair bound into a high pony tail descended down the stairs, sighing indulgently when she noticed the teenager. ‘What is it, Nanai?’
‘I was out picking up the newspaper, and I found this! Look!’ Nanai jumped up and down on the spot, waving a small envelope in the air.
Caroline frowned and snatched the letter out of her hand. ‘To my lovely Sporkers? Are you sure this isn’t sent to the wrong address?
‘I don’t know.’ Nanai calmed down a little, her brow furrowing in thought. ‘I was out on the front-steps when this kind of fluttered down from the sky and landed in my hand…’
‘It WHAT?’
‘I dunno.’ Nanai shrugged. ‘Aren’t you going to open it?’
Eyeing the envelope in suspicion, Caroline opened it somewhat reluctantly.
A bright light emitted from inside the envelope, blinding both the women.
When the light died down again, they found themselves inside a small cell, seemingly far underground. Caroline stepped closer to Nanai, carefully shielding the smaller girl behind her as she surveyed the area. The floor and walls were rough, as though the room was carelessly hewn out of stone. In the centre of the room was a saggy couch, in front of which was a low table laden with fruits and bottles of water. On the far wall was a large screen and on top of it…
‘Welcome, my Sporkers!’ A loud voice boomed from the megaphone installed at the top of the screen.
Caroline jumped, her surprise turning into fury in an instant. ‘What the fuck is going on here? Where are we?’
‘You are inside a dimension controlled by me.’ The voice explained, it’s tone monotonously calm. ‘See…are you aware of the term ‘fanfiction’?’
Nanai’s eyes lit up and she gave a small yelp of joy. ‘Ooh! Are we going to MST bad fics? Are we?’
‘Yes. So please seat yourself at the couch. The fic will be played shortly.’
‘Wait a minute!’ Caroline snarled. ‘We haven’t agreed to any-‘
‘Come on, Caroline!’ Nanai cut her off as she began dragging the much larger woman towards the couch. ‘I’ve been wanting to do this for ages!’
‘…You trust people far too easily.’ With an annoyed huff, Caroline followed, her eyes still strained on the megaphone.
One Piece: Bound for Glory:
Chapter 1: The Teen who Wanted to be King:
Nanai: Aw~ Don’t sulk! It’ll be fun! I promise!
Caroline: *Wrenches off Nanai’s hands and rubs her forearm with a sour expression* Okay, just what is this fic about?
Nanai: *Reads from briefing notes* A group of Gary Stus wandering around the One Piece universe! It doesn’t feature any canon characters, because they suck and the author’s self-insert is much more fun to listen about! Obviously written by a twelve year old…Ooh~ This sounds like fun!
Prologue...
Caroline: What is with the ellipses? That’s not how you mark the beginning of a story!
Nanai: I know! That’s what makes it so funny! Come on, don’t nitpick! We’ll never get to the fun part, otherwise! *Bounces up and down in excitement*
"Is this it? I can't believe it!" A mad man yelled victoriously with a wicked smile that rested upon his face.
Caroline: …That. Is. It. I’m out of here.
Nanai: *Clings to Caroline* No! Don’t go! We’re only one sentence in!
Caroline: *Points at screen* Look at that sentence! Just look at it! That right there is a level of stupidity that cannot be mocked! There is no point in sitting here and witnessing the decay of human intelligence! I’m leaving!
Nanai: *Puppy dog eyes* But then I have to do this alone! Please, stay?
Caroline: *Sits down with a scowl after a lengthy inner battle*
Nanai: *Beams* Yay!
He stared down at a clear glass container that had a brown top resting upon it.
Nanai: The glass container had a brown T-shirt on top of it? *Tilts head and frowns*
Caroline: What did I tell you about the stupidity of the fic?
Nanai: And doesn’t ‘he stared down…’ imply disbelief? He was pretty ecstatic a sentence ago…shouldn’t it be ‘he grinned down…’ or something?
Within the case was an enstranged looking fruit.
Nanai: Enstranged? Doesn’t the Stuthor mean ‘estranged’?
Caroline: And how on earth can a fruit be estranged?
Nanai: I dunno…This is One Piece, though…
The fruit was about the size of a pineapple, one side was black while the other was white, both colors came and merged together in the middle swirling to make a grey color.
Caroline: *Flips through briefing notes and waves it at the screen* These are the canonical devil fruit colours. They are all in some shade of purple, and one fruit is only coloured one shade. It apparently took 0.21 seconds for whoever compiled this to search that factoid. You are writing for a fandom you presumably like. Could you not pay any attention to the show? Could you not even spare less than one second to research a fundamental part of that show? *Scowls* If the Stuthor is obviously not even trying, why do we have to sit here and languish in pain to point out all the things wrong with it?
Nanai: But it’s fun to see how much they screw up!
Caroline: It’s not. It’s painful.
The whole patter of the fruit was swirly.
Caroline: *Recites* Patter, defined as a repeated light tapping or rapid, smooth-flowing continuous talk. How can a fruit have anything to do with patter?
Nanai: A sentient fruit? *Grins vacantly as she daydreams* Or maybe it’s bouncing up and down in the container? Maybe it really likes brown shirts?
"The Omni-Omni Fruit! This fruit will allow me to posses every Devil Fruit power there is!
Caroline: *Stares at screen in horror*
Nanai: *Bursts out giggling*
Caroline: What…on earth did I just witness?
Nanai: *Still giggling* If a fruit like that existed, don’t you think Blackbeard would’ve heard about it? I mean, the guy looked through an encyclopaedia detailing every devil fruit there was just to find the strongest one! And in the end, he settled on the power of ‘darkness’! Don’t you think he would be after this fruit if it existed? And if it was so rare that it wasn’t even recorded in the encyclopaedia, how can your character know it’s power before he even tasted the fruit? *Laughs* Oh god, this is so funny!
Caroline: *Sourly* It’s not funny. It’s just obscene now…
With this I'll be the next Pirate King! I no longer have to deal with my side studies of reseructing already consumed Devil Fruits!"
Nanai: *Bursts into fresh fit of giggles* Resurrecting devil fruits! Oh my god…resurrecting devil fruits! That’s the funniest thing I’ve heard in my life!
Caroline: I’m just suspicious why this study is only a ‘side project’ if he was so obsessed with devil fruits…
The man was overjoyed with his find
Caroline: He found a fruit that will give him every superpower there is, and he’s ‘overjoyed’. I think his reaction would be a tad more passionate here, especially considering his life ambition is apparently power.
Nanai: I love how he’s talking to himself for this entire scene! It’s like, ‘Ooh! I found a fruit that makes you the ultimate Gary Stu! In this day and age, there’s no doubt armies of men who would kill me to get their hands on it! Let me broadcast my possession of it to the whole world! I mean, what could possibly go wrong?’ *Laughs*
as he brushed his fair skinned hand through his short brown scholarly hair away from his violet colored eyes.
Caroline: As all punctuation evacuated the story…
Nanai: This is ONE PIECE! *Giggles insanely* And you have someone be attractive? I can count on one hand the number of men who are conventionally attractive in One Piece! 99% of that world’s population is deformed, you know?
He dusted off and straighted out his white lab coat as it surpassed his jean pants.
Caroline: …After the sentient fruit, we now have sentient lab coats and jeans…This One Piece isn’t a rip-off of Pee Wee’s Big Adventure, is it?
Nanai: ‘Jean pants’! *Laughs* Where else are you going to wear your jeans? And just what kind of competition are your lab coat and jeans having? Ah~ These mental images will sustain me for days!
He looked at the fruit with his wicked smile once more.
Caroline: Impressive. Most people look at things with their eyes, I believe.
Unlike other fruits the Omni-Omni Fruit had no side effects, this was the most powerful fruit ever. It had the power of every Devil Fruit and more, it was rumored to even taste amazing.
Nanai: My life is complete! I have now officially seen food Sue-ified! Nothing I read after this can possibly surpass this level of…lulzy-ness!
Caroline: Yes, and with your main character having this fruit…where will the conflict be? He’s more overpowered than every person in the story, even Sea Stones will not affect him, and he won’t even have to bear the humiliation of vomiting right after eating it…So, what is he going to struggle against? What antagonists can possibly pose a threat? How will your readers be entertained?
With this the man's life long studies would come to a close.
Nanai: I thought he was studying how to *giggles* ‘resurrect devil fruits’! What? Does the Omni-Omni fruit grant him the power of resurrection of inanimate objects as well?
Caroline: He’s clearly only studying that to gain more power. I can only hope that this is meant to be his character flaw…
Though it would take a while for it to sink in,
Caroline: *Slams briefing notes down on the table* The powers manifest instantly, you dolt!
and on top of that time of training each power.
Caroline: I have a feeling we won’t hear anything about his struggles to learn. In fact, there won’t even be a montage.
Though the studies on the side he had created were also very interesting. He was able to take the Devil Fruits and resseruct them. Same powers and same side effects of course.
Nanai: *Laughs* I still can’t get over how silly that idea is…
Caroline: *Grits her teeth* Of course, he can’t possibly fail at anything, can he?
Though none of this mattered now. He opened the case and sliced the fruit into a small piece.
Nanai: Oh yes! Take your time! It’s not like there are whole nations of people out to get this fruit! *Calms down a little* Though I get a feeling he won’t be interrupted, even though it doesn’t make the least amount of sense…
He placed it in his mouth and let the overgrowing sweetness take over his taste buds. It was like nothing he had ever tasted, it seemed as though he had stuffed every single food into his mouth. He smiled and sighed heavily.
Nanai: *Wrinkles her nose* Stuffing every single food ever into your mouth? I imagine that would taste horrible!
Caroline: And I doubt the final product can be classified as ‘sweet’ either. When you mix paint of every colour together, you get a grey-brown bilge. When you mix food of every taste together, you get vomit-inducing poison.
He looked over at the candies he had made
Nanai: *Giggles* He’s a candy-maker? He’s a candy-maker that wants to become the Pirate King and also ‘resurrects’ inanimate objects as a side project? I hereby proclaim this the Best Fanfic Idea Ever!
and realized he could only do one thing.
Caroline: I thought that fruit was meant to let you do everything. Ah well, maybe we’ll actually get some conflict this way…
He took each recreated Fruit and placed them in a container,
Caroline: Wait a minute…where is this guy? Does he carry around all of his ‘resurrected’ fruits with him all the time like some demented security blanket? Or was he in his lab the entire time? Where did he even find the Omni-Omni fruit? Did it just drop from the skies and land in his lab? If it didn’t, why would he wait until he was back in his lab to eat it? Wouldn’t he be more eager? *Rubs forehead* God, this is giving me a headache…
Nanai: Oh, it’s a bad fic, though, so it doesn’t have to make sense! I’m happy as long as it’s funny!
Caroline: *Growls* That’s the problem though, it’s not funny.
Nanai: *Pouts* Aw~ Caroline has no sense of humour!
Caroline: *About to retort, but sighs and goes back to rubbing her forehead*
he then got into his small boat to take them and sell them at a store.
Caroline: The devil fruits cost millions! Millions! ‘Stores’ will not have enough money to buy them! They’re auctioned to rich people for a reason! People don’t buy devil fruits at supermarkets!
Nanai: *Laughs* Just imagine him trying to sell it to a store! Seriously! It’s hilarious!
As he traveled a Sea King had bumped his boat causing it to shake violently in which he ended up losing the Devil Fruits case.
Caroline: I…uh…What happened there?
Nanai: *Frowns* The punctuation wasn’t cooperating, so it’s hard to tell but…Hmm…I think a Sea King teleported to the boat, gently shook it a little and then teleported away…*Pauses, then bursts out giggling*
Caroline: *Scowls* This is not helping with the headache.
He didn't care for them that much, so he thought this would be the best thing for them.
Caroline: He devoted his whole life to creating them, and he just let them go like that? Even if he did achieve supreme power, those fruits would probably nail him billions! Becoming a pirate is expensive! You need to buy a ship and recruit a crew and buy supplies and a hundred other things! He needs money! I doubt he’d be that blasé about losing BILLIONS of Bells! Not to mention, he spent his whole life working on them! They were a symbol of everything he ever achieved! Even if they were worthless, he’d still be pretty attached to them because they would be the only proof that he ever succeeded at anything! And how is lying on the sea floor the ‘best thing for them’? It might be the best thing for him, since there’d be no competition from fruit users! It might be the best for the government! But it won’t be the best for the fruits! They were created to be eaten!
Nanai: Maybe it was their dream to go on a big undersea adventure…*Daydreams blissfully* And they can patter to the fish and sing musicals with the teleporting Sea Kings…
Selling them to a store would not turn out too good,
Caroline: And…why didn’t you think of this before? Do you ever consider the consequences of your actions? *Darkly* I hope this comes back and bites him on the ass…
then there'd be a whole area with Devil Fruit users.
Nanai: Well, you’d also be attracting government attention, and the store would probably go bankrupt…or it might get mugged and broken into by legions of pirates…but hey, competition to your power is everything that matters, isn’t it? *Wistfully* I like sociopathic Stus. They’re so cute~
So with them now floating through the ocean he went back to his lab and waitd for his Omni-Omni Fruit to set in,
Caroline: And how is letting the fruits float away so anyone can fish one out and eat it not going to create whole areas with Devil Fruit users? And THE POWERS DEVELOP INSTANTLY, YOU IDIOT!
then train and master as many of is powers as he he can, then he would be the third Pirate King.
Nanai: You know, there are plenty of people in One Piece who are Awesome without devil fruits. A big point of the series was that superpowers are nice, but you don’t need it to shine. *Pouts* It’d be fun to watch Shanks come in and beat his ass…
Caroline: Nanai! Watch your mouth!
Nanai: Aw~ You said the exact same word a few minutes ago!
Caroline: Well, you are still not allowed to! You’re only sixteen-years-old, for god’s sake!
Nanai: *Sulks*
Seven Years later...
Caroline: *Holds her head* A time jump in the middle of a prologue…I don’t even know what to say anymore.
Two teens had arrived on the East Blue on Dawn Island.
Nanai: *Baffled* You mean that guy up there wasn’t the Stu? Wow…If random extras have the Omni-Omni fruit, then what do the actual Stus have?
Caroline: You mean it’s going to get even worse?
Nanai: Hey! It’s a Stu fic! Of course the main characters can’t be outshined in terms of power level by anyone!
Caroline: Oh sweet Jesus…
On the docks they saw two marines who began to wonder where they came from.
Nanai: Either the main characters can read minds, or that’s the worst POV shift I have ever seen. Or the Narrator is God…*Looks up* It must suck to have a Narrator who’s God…
One was around the age of seventeen and was around average height, he had light brown skin, brown eyes, his hair was clean shaven though not bald,
Nanai: *Stares, then bursts out giggling* His hair was clean-shaven? His hair wasn’t bald? Oh my god! *Laughs uncontrollably*
he was lean yet somewhat muscular. He wore a white muscle shirt that hugged his body well, along with some black big pocket shorts with loose belts hanging from them, he also wore some black shoes. He had a black duffel bag swung behind his back.
Caroline: That…has to be the worst way to describe a character possible. This is bland laundry-listing! This is the author shoving a bunch of attributes in our faces and making no effort to connect it back to the character! I mean…just look at that prose! Do you feel anything for the character? I’ve read about Sues who I want to punch in the face but I’ve never read one that doesn’t evoke any sort of emotional response at all! This…is a whole new level of fail.
Nanai: Oh god, the way the author words things! ‘Muscle shirt that hugged his body well’? ‘Black big pocket shorts’? ‘Some black shoes’? *Giggles* They evoke the funniest mental images!
In front of him was a messy black haired teen. The teen had black eyes and fair skin, his body was lean built for a
teen also around seventeen,
Caroline: We get it! He’s a teen! Is this point so important that you need to beat us over the head with it?
yet he looked younger than the other. This one wore no shirt with the exception of his blue overcoat like jacket that was outlined in gold. He only kept the top part buttned so it wouldn't fly off of him since he didn't put his arms in the sleeves, he wore jean pants, along with some sandals.
Caroline: Why? Why the fuck would he wear that? He’s a sailor, goddamn it! A sailor! His job involves climbing up and down rungs! He lives on the fucking sea! His upper torso needs protection! And those sleeves fluttering behind him would be a huge disadvantage in any battle, since as soon as an opponent grabs hold of them, he’s pretty much done for! And fucking jeans and sandals? Just because Luffy wore them, doesn’t mean you could! He got away with it because he’s the Captain! And because his power let him climb anywhere he liked with ease!
Nanai: *Shrugs* I dunno, the sandals seemed like a good touch, and explains a lot about the story too! Think about it! If he was climbing up slippery ropes with sandals on, then he would have most certainly fell and hit his head at one point, so really, it explains everything written here! It’s a brilliant justification!
"Who are you two?" One of the marines asked.
"We're pirates." The smaller one spoke as he walked pass the two marines.
Caroline: *Stony silence* I hope he gets his ass kicked.
Nanai: XD That is their reaction to marines? Oh god, they’re so going to get pwned if they were in canon! I can’t wait to see them have a run in with marine Captains! *Laughs*
"Pirates?" The second marine spoke and as the boy walked by he had the Jolly Roger on the back of his jacket.
Nanai: (Marine) Duuuuuuuuur, what’s pirates? *Resumes normal voice* Come on! They would’ve attack already! The whole point of marines is that they were created to fight pirates!
Caroline: Seriously, if two scrawny little kids in shabby little boats sailed up to you and claimed to be pirates, would you believe them? The marines are probably feeling sorry for the delusional little brats…
"You know the Jolly Roger can get you killed."
Caroline: No. Flying the Jolly Roger can get you killed.
Nanai: Aw~ you mean the Stus just have a plain old Jolly Roger? Don’t almost all pirate crews in One Piece have some variation on their flag? Can’t you get a bit more imaginative? *Ponders* I wonder what a Stu-ified flag would look like…
"Yeah I know." The boy kept walking.
"We're going to have to turn you in!" The other yelled.
Caroline: Turn him in? Turn him in to whom? The marines are the law-enforcement in that world! They’re already the police!
Nanai: Come on! They’re obviously playing along with the Stus! If they actually saw him as a threat, he’d be looking down the barrel of two guns by now! *Sighs* I know the government is a big meanie in One Piece, but the marines are delightfully Awesome…
"Chase please handle them."
Caroline: See? The punctuations are smart! They knew they had to get out of the fic before everything went to hell!
Nanai: And, as a result, they’re not here to witness the sheer lulzy-ness that is this fic. *Shrugs* Their loss…
Caroline: Those bastards…
"Right..."" The other teen looked at both Marines and smiled, "You know who I am?" He asked.
Caroline: (Marine) Yes. A Stu. Now, die! *Sporks with extreme prejudice*
"No." They said in unison.
Nanai: *Giggles* See? I told you they were playing along! They must have rehearsed this! You know, if I ever got into the One Piece universe, I would totally become a pirate and everything…but joining the marines is very tempting…
"But we don't care, because you'll be dead anyways!" One of them yelled.
Nanai: *Sighs wistfully* They’re so good at playing generic villains, too…
"I'm Chase M. Dragon."
Caroline: I…have no idea how there can be so many things wrong with a name…In the East Blue, the convention for naming is that the given name comes last. Unless the character is on last name basis with his friend, he should have called him ‘Dragon’ judging by this name. Furthermore, not everyone had a middle name! The middle initial of D. was the exception, not the rule! And you saw how awed everyone was by that name! And if this character turns out to be a descendent of the rebel Dragon…I’m killing someone.
Nanai: I can totally see the marines all going, ‘Dude, we knew the guy was delusional, but this is just…wow…’ *Giggles*
With that the boy, now known as Chase,
Caroline: He would be known as Dragon, you twat!
Nanai: *Pouts* Caroline has a dirty mouth too!
Caroline: At least I have an excuse! This is driving me crazy!
released an electrical current from his body shocking both Marines and causing them to faint,
Caroline: I…he…WHAT?
Nanai: He has Eneru’s power? *Tilts head*
Caroline: I…WHAT? WHAT? WHAT? I…am not even going to comment. Words cannot do this justice.
"It's good to do that." Chase smiled as he continued to walk.
Caroline: You know, the people with no regard for human life and attacked anyone who so much as look at them wrong are generally the villains in One Piece. The protagonists ran away when threatened by marines and only fought as a last resort because they knew these guys are just doing their jobs and don’t deserve to be bodily harmed! They only fought people when it became personal, or when their friends were threatened! That was what made them sympathetic!
Nanai: That said though, have you ever seen a sympathetic Stu? In fact, isn’t making a character sympathetic one of the surest ways of preventing them from becoming a Stu?
Caroline: But that is just sociopathic!
Nanai: *Glances at Caroline with uncharacteristic sombreness*
"They didn't ask me for my name." The boy in front of Chase spoke.
Caroline: Because your name didn’t matter! You were pirates and it’s their job to get rid of you so you don’t go slaughter the innocent villagers!
He walked up to the fried Marines and grinned,
Caroline: He…just walked up to the lifeless, scorched corpse of two men simply doing their duty and grinned. In fact, he ordered the death of those men! His best friend killed them! He condemned them to death because they were rightfully suspicious of his motives! And when he’s dealt with them, he laughed about it. *Shakes her head* Am I supposed to want to punch the main characters?
Nanai: *Grins* At least you’re not bored anymore!
"Well considering that you might not be able to hear me anyways I will tell you something interesting.
Nanai: *Tilts head* I thought you told people things because you wanted them to know! What is even the point if they can’t hear you? Why are you only telling them this when they can’t hear you? *Pauses* Oh wait, right, sandals. I forgot…
Caroline: God, the level of sociopathy…It says a great deal about the Stuthor, you know…
I'm David S. Payne and I'm going to be the next Pirate King."
Nanai: *Frowns* Is he stealing Luffy’s characterisation there? I don’t like that. Luffy is my favourite character! Stealing his defining traits is just mean!
Caroline: Except when Luffy did it, it was endearing, because it’s clear that he was an innocent, brave, optimistic, naïve teenager who was nonetheless loyal and responsible towards his crew. When the Stu does it, it’s chilling, because he is grinning down at the corpse of men who were doing their duty and protecting the citizens of the world, and he doesn’t feel a tinge of guilt for their demise at his hands. *Grits teeth* I want to see that smug little face crushed by Luffy…
Oc Submission Time!
Caroline: Wait, he’s getting the readers to submit OCs? So he can put those characters into the story? That…is just obscene! You write a story because you have something you want to say! You write a story to explore themes and ideas not explored in canon! You write a story to discover some subtler facet of minor characters’ personalities! You should have a clear idea of exactly what you want to do before you even set pen to paper! You should have an idea of exactly who all of the characters are and how they contribute to the plot! If you depend on readers who have no idea where the plot is going and what the story is about to supply you with characters, then you FAIL as a writer! This just reeks of unpreparedness! This just reeks of juvenileness! This is just obscene! You are taking the setting of One Piece and shoving OCs in there so you can feel good about yourself! I…This…ARGH! *Slams head against table*
Nanai: *Sighs* It doesn’t really take that much imagination to come up with a Stu, and he still has to depend on other people to do it for him…
Some of the spots are taken from people that submitted before I decided to re-do this, but anyways below is the needed info:
Caroline: *Repeatedly slams head against table*
Nanai: Re-do this? You mean, this isn’t a first draft? He actually edited this? *Falls over laughing*
If you any ideas for other crewmates or crew positions then fill in, the least number of crew memebers wanted/needed is 10.
Caroline: And it’s not just minor character that he needs! He’s not even promising his friends cameos! THIS IS THE MAIN CREW WE’RE TAKING ABOUT! THESE ARE THE PEOPLE CENTRAL TO THE STORY! THESE ARE THE PEOPLE THAT CARRY AN AUTHOR’S MESSAGE THROUGH! THESE ARE THE PEOPLE THAT APPEAR EVERY CHAPTER AND NEEDS TO INTERACT WITH EACH OTHER! HE CAN NOT BE BOTHERED TO THINK UP HIS OWN PROTAGONISTS! AUTHOR, DID ODA EICHIRO ASK THE FANS FOR IDEAS FOR NEW CREW MEMBERS? NO! BECAUSE HE PLANNED THE STORY! BECAUSE HE KNEW EXACTLY THE PURPOSE OF EACH CHARACTER WITHIN THE STORY AND WHAT THEY TELL US ABOUT THE WORLD! THIS IS BEYOND LAZINESS, THIS IS JUST PLAIN NOT CARING! Author, if you seriously cannot give a fuck about your own story, then kindly refrain from posting it so we don’t have to suffer through it!
Nanai: I love how the author wants a ten people crew just so he could rip-off canon. Maintaining a large main cast is difficult, because every character needs to have a distinct personality and voice and place in the story, and they all need to interact with each other. I love to see how such a difficult idea fare in the hands of this Stuthor…Eh, at least it’ll be funny…
So you guys can have fun with that.
Caroline: NO! YOU HAVE FUN WITH THAT! IT’S YOUR JOB! IT’S YOUR DUTY AS A WRITER! *Rubs forehead* I’ve seen all kinds of Suethors, but I don’t think I’ve seen one so lazy, they can’t even be bothered to personally create their Stu’s groupie…
Also I'm going to need Marine Admirals, so if you have any ideas then just fill'em in.
Caroline: YOU’RE RELYING ON YOUR READERS TO PROVIDE THE ANTAGONISTS AS WELL? WHY THE FUCK DO WE EVEN NEED YOU HERE? WHAT IS YOUR PURPOSE? AT THIS RATE, WE MIGHT AS WELL WRITE OUR OWN STORY AND BE DONE WITH IT! AT LEAST MY PROSE’LL BE BETTER THAN YOURS!
Nanai: Ah, but would it be nearly as unintentionally entertaining? *Sits back* I almost want to submit a character called Admiral Sporker just to screw with the Stuthor…
Caroline: You really have got to stop hanging out with that boy…He’s the one teaching you all these words, I know it.
Nanai: *Pouts* Don’t be ridiculous! I learn them from you!
Caroline: *Twitches* Stop giving me bad PSA flashbacks!
The Oc's sheet below is both for the crew and th Marine Admirals, so all of you enjoy!
Caroline: No. I’m not going to say anything. The Stuthor is clearly not listening to me anyways.
Crew:
Captain- David S. Payne
First Mate- Chase M. Dragon
Caroline: You know the thing about First Mates? They are only needed when the crew gets too big for the Captain to manage alone! The Straw-Hat Pirates didn’t have a First Mate! Sure, Zoro is sort of Luffy’s right hand man, but he wasn’t the First Mate! First Mates had authority over the discipline of the crew and was responsible for seeing to the minor tasks such as ship-repair and re-stocking! Zoro didn’t have those duties! The crews that had a definitive First Mate were always large! You said you only wanted a 10 people crew, so why would you even fucking need a First Mate? Why is there a First Mate at the start of the story when the Stu’s crew only had two people in it? Not researching and raping canon is expected, but can’t you work that single brain cell enough to figure out how COMMON SENSE worked?
Nanai: Actually, the lack of common sense is the defining trait that binds all Stuthors and Suethors together! Almost any Stu fic or Sue fic can be saved by injecting logic…
Doctor- Taken by Happy-The-Nekomander
Navigator- Taken by PhantoMNiGHT321
Caroline: *Screams and tries to tear hair out*
Cook- ?
Shipwright- ?
Name:
Gender:
Age:
Apperances:
Clothing:
Caroline: People fucking change clothes! And what do their fashion sense have to do with their character? Why is this important enough to warrant an entire section in the profile? WHY THE FUCK CAN’T YOU DO THIS YOURSELF?
Nanai: I thought you read enough purple prose about the exactly way a Sue dressed to expect it by now…though I admit the phenomenon is significantly more rare in Stu fics…
Dynamic Personalitys:
Caroline: Dynamic personality my ass! Where did we see any ‘personality’ in your main characters? They were both horrible jerks and even that was unintentional! You were just ripping off canon! And now you have the audacity to not only demand your audience make up your main character for you, but to give them dynamic personalities? A character with an actual personality would die before coming into this fic!
Explosive Historys:
Nanai: *Stares* Explosive? Explosive histories? *Falls over laughing*
Dreams(For Pirates)
Caroline: Because officers upholding the law and protecting the lives of people everywhere aren’t allowed to have dreams and ambitions. *Scowls*
Talents(Abilities):
Weapons(Optional):
Nanai: XD They’re PIRATES! Or, you know, MARINE ADMIRALS! They don’t have weapons? *Laughs* I know there are a lot of fist-fighters in One Piece, but the idea of pirates or ADMIRALS wandering around completely unarmed is so hilarious!
Devil Fruit(Optional, you'll have to PM me this part but everything else can go in the review)
Caroline: Oh, so this whole thing was also a ploy to up your review count isn’t it? *Spits*
Nanai: But…the devil fruits were rare! I know there are a bunch of fruit users in canon, but that’s because they were in the Grand Line! Only the strongest survive there, so there’s an unnatural concentration of fruit users! Out of the crew Luffy gathered before he went into the Grand Line, none have devil fruits! *Frowns* I have a feeling the entire crew is going to be made out of Stus…
Caroline: *Chokes* You mean we have to deal with TEN of these things?
Nanai: Stus and Sues have a notorious reputation for camera-hogging and spotlight-stealing, though, so it should be fun to watch ten of them trying to establish their position as Head Stu…*Daydreams* They’ll fight so hard over it, too~
Now the reason I put the Dynamic Personality's & Explosive History's is simply because that's how well-thought I want yo guys to be with your characters.
Caroline: BECAUSE YOU COULDN’T BE BOTHERED TO GIVE YOUR CHARACTERS PERSONALITIES AND BACK STORIES! WHAT RIGHT DO YOU HAVE TO DEMAND THAT OF THE READERS IF YOU ARE NOT WILLING TO LEAD BY EXAMPLE? THIS IS DISGUSTING! THE AUDACITY OF THE STUTHOR IS JUST DISGUSTING!
Something that everyone will like, not just a character you favor the whole time., but a character that you believe other people will comment on as well in their reviews.
Caroline: SO YOU CAN GET MORE REVIEWS? Stuthor, you are USING your readers here! You’re not entertaining them! You’re USING them!
Nanai: If you were trying to create characters everyone will like, why did you make your main characters sociopaths? Not to mention, there’s no such thing as a character everyone likes, because people have different tastes! I think Caroline is the greatest sister in the world, but there are plenty of people saying mean things about her in the newspapers! Good thing they stopped when I asked them to…
The Voice: Just thought I’d interject here…Stuthor, I have seen your other stories! Changing the names of characters do not make them a new character! All of your protagonists are exactly the same! Some of them even have identical or very similar names! So don’t you go around preaching about not using characters you favour all the time, because you’re not convincing anyone! If you want your readers to do your job for you and create well-rounded characters, then you need to actually be able to identify well-rounded characters! This fic is funny, but this Stuthor just pisses me off…
Make your Oc's stand out from others, put your all into thinking about these Oc's and have fun doing it!
Caroline: (Stuthor) Because I’m too lazy to do my job!
Nanai: ‘Put your all into thinking about these OCs’? I wonder how much effort the Stuthor put into writing these fics to be able to demand that of the readers. *Sighs* Not only is he expecting them to do his job for him, he wants them to spend more effort at it than he is…I agree with you, I liked the story much more than these author’s notes…
Submit please! This is my first One Piece story,
Caroline: That is no fucking excuse! Lack of experience does not excuse horrible writing! If the fic was bad, then you do not post it for everyone to read!
& it's been awhile since I've watched it ben I've recently started to re-watch so if I mess up constructive criticism is always good!
Caroline: And you apparently couldn’t be bothered to Google search a few facts? Can’t be bothered to check the grammar and spelling? Can be fucking bothered to think up your own characters? *Spits*
Nanai: What do you want to bet that by ‘constructive criticism’, he meant ‘mindless praising’? And he can’t even check if he got anything wrong too…*Frowns* I wonder if I should find him and persuade him to stop writing Author’s Notes…they’re upsetting me.
So thanks & later!
Review Plz!
Caroline: No! We will review when you deserve it! We will review when you starting putting EFFORT into these stories! There! We did the whole chapter! Now, put us back!
‘I don’t remember promising to let you go after one Chapter.’ The voice answered. ‘As you can see, this fic clearly deserves mocking. However, my other groups of Sporkers are…unavailable right now, so I’m afraid you will have to stay here and Spork a few more Chapters at least. I think three or four would do…’
‘Three or four!?’ Caroline shrieked, not even caring about maintaining her façade of calmness.
‘Yes.’
Nanai tilted her head, ‘How many chapters are there in this thing?’
‘Fifty-five.’
A look of almost comical horror came upon Caroline’s face.
‘And we can’t do all of them?’ Nanai pouted.
‘Are you crazy? Three or four is bad enough! I’m not staying here to do fifty five fucking chapters for anything!’ Grabbing her shoulders, Caroline shook her none too gently.
Nanai’s eyes widened. ‘Not even for me?’
‘No! I’m not putting you through this torture! No one deserves being forced to read fifty-five chapters of this thing!’
A soft smile appeared on the teenager’s face. ‘I knew you loved me, Caroline~’
‘Ahem…’ The voice interrupted. ‘If you’re done with gazing into each other’s eyes whilst violin music plays, you may proceed to the lounge and have a break. Please return after half an hour for the next Chapter. After three Chapters, you will be given a longer break.’
Throwing an irritated glare at the megaphone, Caroline stood up with a sigh of resignation. ‘Come on, then, Nanai…We might as well get the most out of this break.’ She stomped off to the lounge.
Nanai stood and stared at the screen with a seriousness that looked quite uncanny upon her childish face, but turned quickly and followed Caroline, the impish smile already returning to her
Go Forward to: Chapter 2, Part 1
.
Meanwhile, however, I have been looking around for other fics to spork, and came upon this One Piece fic. I'm already doing a Mary Sue, so I thought sporking a Gary Stu would be appropriate.
This fic is the hilariously bad type, the ones where you just can't help but laugh at it.
So, I hope you enjoy, and constructive criticism is always welcome~
Disclaimer: One Piece: Bound For Glory is written by Inhuman X (a very appropriate name), and can be found here: http://www.fanfiction.net/s/7143147/1/One_Piece_Bound_For_Glory. I do not own the story and I do not wish to own it. One Piece is owned by Oda Eichiro. No copyright infringement is intended and no profit is being made off this spork. This is done for entertainment purposes only. Nanai and Caroline belong to me.
Fandom: One Piece
Summary of Fic: A Next Gen fic describing a bunch of teenagers who are meant to be independent, well-rounded characters, but instead are clones of canon characters, going on an adventure, being unintentional sociopaths to everyone. Contains hilariously bad prose, hilariously bad grammar and spelling, hilariously over-powered character and general hilarity.
Rating of Fic: T
Warning for Spork: Coarse language, mild subtext between two female characters, mild incestuous subtext
Sporkers: Nanai and Caroline
Yes, new sporkers are doing this, so that means some introduction:
Nanai is a very sociopathic sixteen-year-old who acts like a hyperactive child. She is Caroline's little sister and plays the part of a cheerful, bright, happy child very well. She absolutely adores Caroline and will do literally anything to keep Caroline around her. She is basically the black sheep of her family.
Caroline is Nanai's older sister and comes from a very influential family steeped in politics. She has been bought up to be calm, collected and logical in all situations. She dotes on her little sister as Nanai and is determined to let Nanai be a child because she never had the opportunity to be one herself. She's unaware of Nanai's sociopathic tendencies and the things Nanai has done 'for her'.
That said, let's get on with the Spork:
A blond-haired teenager with a slight frame bounded into a warmly furnished living room. ‘Hey! Caroline? Caroline? Look what I found!’
A bespectacled, tall woman with long, black hair bound into a high pony tail descended down the stairs, sighing indulgently when she noticed the teenager. ‘What is it, Nanai?’
‘I was out picking up the newspaper, and I found this! Look!’ Nanai jumped up and down on the spot, waving a small envelope in the air.
Caroline frowned and snatched the letter out of her hand. ‘To my lovely Sporkers? Are you sure this isn’t sent to the wrong address?
‘I don’t know.’ Nanai calmed down a little, her brow furrowing in thought. ‘I was out on the front-steps when this kind of fluttered down from the sky and landed in my hand…’
‘It WHAT?’
‘I dunno.’ Nanai shrugged. ‘Aren’t you going to open it?’
Eyeing the envelope in suspicion, Caroline opened it somewhat reluctantly.
A bright light emitted from inside the envelope, blinding both the women.
When the light died down again, they found themselves inside a small cell, seemingly far underground. Caroline stepped closer to Nanai, carefully shielding the smaller girl behind her as she surveyed the area. The floor and walls were rough, as though the room was carelessly hewn out of stone. In the centre of the room was a saggy couch, in front of which was a low table laden with fruits and bottles of water. On the far wall was a large screen and on top of it…
‘Welcome, my Sporkers!’ A loud voice boomed from the megaphone installed at the top of the screen.
Caroline jumped, her surprise turning into fury in an instant. ‘What the fuck is going on here? Where are we?’
‘You are inside a dimension controlled by me.’ The voice explained, it’s tone monotonously calm. ‘See…are you aware of the term ‘fanfiction’?’
Nanai’s eyes lit up and she gave a small yelp of joy. ‘Ooh! Are we going to MST bad fics? Are we?’
‘Yes. So please seat yourself at the couch. The fic will be played shortly.’
‘Wait a minute!’ Caroline snarled. ‘We haven’t agreed to any-‘
‘Come on, Caroline!’ Nanai cut her off as she began dragging the much larger woman towards the couch. ‘I’ve been wanting to do this for ages!’
‘…You trust people far too easily.’ With an annoyed huff, Caroline followed, her eyes still strained on the megaphone.
One Piece: Bound for Glory:
Chapter 1: The Teen who Wanted to be King:
Nanai: Aw~ Don’t sulk! It’ll be fun! I promise!
Caroline: *Wrenches off Nanai’s hands and rubs her forearm with a sour expression* Okay, just what is this fic about?
Nanai: *Reads from briefing notes* A group of Gary Stus wandering around the One Piece universe! It doesn’t feature any canon characters, because they suck and the author’s self-insert is much more fun to listen about! Obviously written by a twelve year old…Ooh~ This sounds like fun!
Prologue...
Caroline: What is with the ellipses? That’s not how you mark the beginning of a story!
Nanai: I know! That’s what makes it so funny! Come on, don’t nitpick! We’ll never get to the fun part, otherwise! *Bounces up and down in excitement*
"Is this it? I can't believe it!" A mad man yelled victoriously with a wicked smile that rested upon his face.
Caroline: …That. Is. It. I’m out of here.
Nanai: *Clings to Caroline* No! Don’t go! We’re only one sentence in!
Caroline: *Points at screen* Look at that sentence! Just look at it! That right there is a level of stupidity that cannot be mocked! There is no point in sitting here and witnessing the decay of human intelligence! I’m leaving!
Nanai: *Puppy dog eyes* But then I have to do this alone! Please, stay?
Caroline: *Sits down with a scowl after a lengthy inner battle*
Nanai: *Beams* Yay!
He stared down at a clear glass container that had a brown top resting upon it.
Nanai: The glass container had a brown T-shirt on top of it? *Tilts head and frowns*
Caroline: What did I tell you about the stupidity of the fic?
Nanai: And doesn’t ‘he stared down…’ imply disbelief? He was pretty ecstatic a sentence ago…shouldn’t it be ‘he grinned down…’ or something?
Within the case was an enstranged looking fruit.
Nanai: Enstranged? Doesn’t the Stuthor mean ‘estranged’?
Caroline: And how on earth can a fruit be estranged?
Nanai: I dunno…This is One Piece, though…
The fruit was about the size of a pineapple, one side was black while the other was white, both colors came and merged together in the middle swirling to make a grey color.
Caroline: *Flips through briefing notes and waves it at the screen* These are the canonical devil fruit colours. They are all in some shade of purple, and one fruit is only coloured one shade. It apparently took 0.21 seconds for whoever compiled this to search that factoid. You are writing for a fandom you presumably like. Could you not pay any attention to the show? Could you not even spare less than one second to research a fundamental part of that show? *Scowls* If the Stuthor is obviously not even trying, why do we have to sit here and languish in pain to point out all the things wrong with it?
Nanai: But it’s fun to see how much they screw up!
Caroline: It’s not. It’s painful.
The whole patter of the fruit was swirly.
Caroline: *Recites* Patter, defined as a repeated light tapping or rapid, smooth-flowing continuous talk. How can a fruit have anything to do with patter?
Nanai: A sentient fruit? *Grins vacantly as she daydreams* Or maybe it’s bouncing up and down in the container? Maybe it really likes brown shirts?
"The Omni-Omni Fruit! This fruit will allow me to posses every Devil Fruit power there is!
Caroline: *Stares at screen in horror*
Nanai: *Bursts out giggling*
Caroline: What…on earth did I just witness?
Nanai: *Still giggling* If a fruit like that existed, don’t you think Blackbeard would’ve heard about it? I mean, the guy looked through an encyclopaedia detailing every devil fruit there was just to find the strongest one! And in the end, he settled on the power of ‘darkness’! Don’t you think he would be after this fruit if it existed? And if it was so rare that it wasn’t even recorded in the encyclopaedia, how can your character know it’s power before he even tasted the fruit? *Laughs* Oh god, this is so funny!
Caroline: *Sourly* It’s not funny. It’s just obscene now…
With this I'll be the next Pirate King! I no longer have to deal with my side studies of reseructing already consumed Devil Fruits!"
Nanai: *Bursts into fresh fit of giggles* Resurrecting devil fruits! Oh my god…resurrecting devil fruits! That’s the funniest thing I’ve heard in my life!
Caroline: I’m just suspicious why this study is only a ‘side project’ if he was so obsessed with devil fruits…
The man was overjoyed with his find
Caroline: He found a fruit that will give him every superpower there is, and he’s ‘overjoyed’. I think his reaction would be a tad more passionate here, especially considering his life ambition is apparently power.
Nanai: I love how he’s talking to himself for this entire scene! It’s like, ‘Ooh! I found a fruit that makes you the ultimate Gary Stu! In this day and age, there’s no doubt armies of men who would kill me to get their hands on it! Let me broadcast my possession of it to the whole world! I mean, what could possibly go wrong?’ *Laughs*
as he brushed his fair skinned hand through his short brown scholarly hair away from his violet colored eyes.
Caroline: As all punctuation evacuated the story…
Nanai: This is ONE PIECE! *Giggles insanely* And you have someone be attractive? I can count on one hand the number of men who are conventionally attractive in One Piece! 99% of that world’s population is deformed, you know?
He dusted off and straighted out his white lab coat as it surpassed his jean pants.
Caroline: …After the sentient fruit, we now have sentient lab coats and jeans…This One Piece isn’t a rip-off of Pee Wee’s Big Adventure, is it?
Nanai: ‘Jean pants’! *Laughs* Where else are you going to wear your jeans? And just what kind of competition are your lab coat and jeans having? Ah~ These mental images will sustain me for days!
He looked at the fruit with his wicked smile once more.
Caroline: Impressive. Most people look at things with their eyes, I believe.
Unlike other fruits the Omni-Omni Fruit had no side effects, this was the most powerful fruit ever. It had the power of every Devil Fruit and more, it was rumored to even taste amazing.
Nanai: My life is complete! I have now officially seen food Sue-ified! Nothing I read after this can possibly surpass this level of…lulzy-ness!
Caroline: Yes, and with your main character having this fruit…where will the conflict be? He’s more overpowered than every person in the story, even Sea Stones will not affect him, and he won’t even have to bear the humiliation of vomiting right after eating it…So, what is he going to struggle against? What antagonists can possibly pose a threat? How will your readers be entertained?
With this the man's life long studies would come to a close.
Nanai: I thought he was studying how to *giggles* ‘resurrect devil fruits’! What? Does the Omni-Omni fruit grant him the power of resurrection of inanimate objects as well?
Caroline: He’s clearly only studying that to gain more power. I can only hope that this is meant to be his character flaw…
Though it would take a while for it to sink in,
Caroline: *Slams briefing notes down on the table* The powers manifest instantly, you dolt!
and on top of that time of training each power.
Caroline: I have a feeling we won’t hear anything about his struggles to learn. In fact, there won’t even be a montage.
Though the studies on the side he had created were also very interesting. He was able to take the Devil Fruits and resseruct them. Same powers and same side effects of course.
Nanai: *Laughs* I still can’t get over how silly that idea is…
Caroline: *Grits her teeth* Of course, he can’t possibly fail at anything, can he?
Though none of this mattered now. He opened the case and sliced the fruit into a small piece.
Nanai: Oh yes! Take your time! It’s not like there are whole nations of people out to get this fruit! *Calms down a little* Though I get a feeling he won’t be interrupted, even though it doesn’t make the least amount of sense…
He placed it in his mouth and let the overgrowing sweetness take over his taste buds. It was like nothing he had ever tasted, it seemed as though he had stuffed every single food into his mouth. He smiled and sighed heavily.
Nanai: *Wrinkles her nose* Stuffing every single food ever into your mouth? I imagine that would taste horrible!
Caroline: And I doubt the final product can be classified as ‘sweet’ either. When you mix paint of every colour together, you get a grey-brown bilge. When you mix food of every taste together, you get vomit-inducing poison.
He looked over at the candies he had made
Nanai: *Giggles* He’s a candy-maker? He’s a candy-maker that wants to become the Pirate King and also ‘resurrects’ inanimate objects as a side project? I hereby proclaim this the Best Fanfic Idea Ever!
and realized he could only do one thing.
Caroline: I thought that fruit was meant to let you do everything. Ah well, maybe we’ll actually get some conflict this way…
He took each recreated Fruit and placed them in a container,
Caroline: Wait a minute…where is this guy? Does he carry around all of his ‘resurrected’ fruits with him all the time like some demented security blanket? Or was he in his lab the entire time? Where did he even find the Omni-Omni fruit? Did it just drop from the skies and land in his lab? If it didn’t, why would he wait until he was back in his lab to eat it? Wouldn’t he be more eager? *Rubs forehead* God, this is giving me a headache…
Nanai: Oh, it’s a bad fic, though, so it doesn’t have to make sense! I’m happy as long as it’s funny!
Caroline: *Growls* That’s the problem though, it’s not funny.
Nanai: *Pouts* Aw~ Caroline has no sense of humour!
Caroline: *About to retort, but sighs and goes back to rubbing her forehead*
he then got into his small boat to take them and sell them at a store.
Caroline: The devil fruits cost millions! Millions! ‘Stores’ will not have enough money to buy them! They’re auctioned to rich people for a reason! People don’t buy devil fruits at supermarkets!
Nanai: *Laughs* Just imagine him trying to sell it to a store! Seriously! It’s hilarious!
As he traveled a Sea King had bumped his boat causing it to shake violently in which he ended up losing the Devil Fruits case.
Caroline: I…uh…What happened there?
Nanai: *Frowns* The punctuation wasn’t cooperating, so it’s hard to tell but…Hmm…I think a Sea King teleported to the boat, gently shook it a little and then teleported away…*Pauses, then bursts out giggling*
Caroline: *Scowls* This is not helping with the headache.
He didn't care for them that much, so he thought this would be the best thing for them.
Caroline: He devoted his whole life to creating them, and he just let them go like that? Even if he did achieve supreme power, those fruits would probably nail him billions! Becoming a pirate is expensive! You need to buy a ship and recruit a crew and buy supplies and a hundred other things! He needs money! I doubt he’d be that blasé about losing BILLIONS of Bells! Not to mention, he spent his whole life working on them! They were a symbol of everything he ever achieved! Even if they were worthless, he’d still be pretty attached to them because they would be the only proof that he ever succeeded at anything! And how is lying on the sea floor the ‘best thing for them’? It might be the best thing for him, since there’d be no competition from fruit users! It might be the best for the government! But it won’t be the best for the fruits! They were created to be eaten!
Nanai: Maybe it was their dream to go on a big undersea adventure…*Daydreams blissfully* And they can patter to the fish and sing musicals with the teleporting Sea Kings…
Selling them to a store would not turn out too good,
Caroline: And…why didn’t you think of this before? Do you ever consider the consequences of your actions? *Darkly* I hope this comes back and bites him on the ass…
then there'd be a whole area with Devil Fruit users.
Nanai: Well, you’d also be attracting government attention, and the store would probably go bankrupt…or it might get mugged and broken into by legions of pirates…but hey, competition to your power is everything that matters, isn’t it? *Wistfully* I like sociopathic Stus. They’re so cute~
So with them now floating through the ocean he went back to his lab and waitd for his Omni-Omni Fruit to set in,
Caroline: And how is letting the fruits float away so anyone can fish one out and eat it not going to create whole areas with Devil Fruit users? And THE POWERS DEVELOP INSTANTLY, YOU IDIOT!
then train and master as many of is powers as he he can, then he would be the third Pirate King.
Nanai: You know, there are plenty of people in One Piece who are Awesome without devil fruits. A big point of the series was that superpowers are nice, but you don’t need it to shine. *Pouts* It’d be fun to watch Shanks come in and beat his ass…
Caroline: Nanai! Watch your mouth!
Nanai: Aw~ You said the exact same word a few minutes ago!
Caroline: Well, you are still not allowed to! You’re only sixteen-years-old, for god’s sake!
Nanai: *Sulks*
Seven Years later...
Caroline: *Holds her head* A time jump in the middle of a prologue…I don’t even know what to say anymore.
Two teens had arrived on the East Blue on Dawn Island.
Nanai: *Baffled* You mean that guy up there wasn’t the Stu? Wow…If random extras have the Omni-Omni fruit, then what do the actual Stus have?
Caroline: You mean it’s going to get even worse?
Nanai: Hey! It’s a Stu fic! Of course the main characters can’t be outshined in terms of power level by anyone!
Caroline: Oh sweet Jesus…
On the docks they saw two marines who began to wonder where they came from.
Nanai: Either the main characters can read minds, or that’s the worst POV shift I have ever seen. Or the Narrator is God…*Looks up* It must suck to have a Narrator who’s God…
One was around the age of seventeen and was around average height, he had light brown skin, brown eyes, his hair was clean shaven though not bald,
Nanai: *Stares, then bursts out giggling* His hair was clean-shaven? His hair wasn’t bald? Oh my god! *Laughs uncontrollably*
he was lean yet somewhat muscular. He wore a white muscle shirt that hugged his body well, along with some black big pocket shorts with loose belts hanging from them, he also wore some black shoes. He had a black duffel bag swung behind his back.
Caroline: That…has to be the worst way to describe a character possible. This is bland laundry-listing! This is the author shoving a bunch of attributes in our faces and making no effort to connect it back to the character! I mean…just look at that prose! Do you feel anything for the character? I’ve read about Sues who I want to punch in the face but I’ve never read one that doesn’t evoke any sort of emotional response at all! This…is a whole new level of fail.
Nanai: Oh god, the way the author words things! ‘Muscle shirt that hugged his body well’? ‘Black big pocket shorts’? ‘Some black shoes’? *Giggles* They evoke the funniest mental images!
In front of him was a messy black haired teen. The teen had black eyes and fair skin, his body was lean built for a
teen also around seventeen,
Caroline: We get it! He’s a teen! Is this point so important that you need to beat us over the head with it?
yet he looked younger than the other. This one wore no shirt with the exception of his blue overcoat like jacket that was outlined in gold. He only kept the top part buttned so it wouldn't fly off of him since he didn't put his arms in the sleeves, he wore jean pants, along with some sandals.
Caroline: Why? Why the fuck would he wear that? He’s a sailor, goddamn it! A sailor! His job involves climbing up and down rungs! He lives on the fucking sea! His upper torso needs protection! And those sleeves fluttering behind him would be a huge disadvantage in any battle, since as soon as an opponent grabs hold of them, he’s pretty much done for! And fucking jeans and sandals? Just because Luffy wore them, doesn’t mean you could! He got away with it because he’s the Captain! And because his power let him climb anywhere he liked with ease!
Nanai: *Shrugs* I dunno, the sandals seemed like a good touch, and explains a lot about the story too! Think about it! If he was climbing up slippery ropes with sandals on, then he would have most certainly fell and hit his head at one point, so really, it explains everything written here! It’s a brilliant justification!
"Who are you two?" One of the marines asked.
"We're pirates." The smaller one spoke as he walked pass the two marines.
Caroline: *Stony silence* I hope he gets his ass kicked.
Nanai: XD That is their reaction to marines? Oh god, they’re so going to get pwned if they were in canon! I can’t wait to see them have a run in with marine Captains! *Laughs*
"Pirates?" The second marine spoke and as the boy walked by he had the Jolly Roger on the back of his jacket.
Nanai: (Marine) Duuuuuuuuur, what’s pirates? *Resumes normal voice* Come on! They would’ve attack already! The whole point of marines is that they were created to fight pirates!
Caroline: Seriously, if two scrawny little kids in shabby little boats sailed up to you and claimed to be pirates, would you believe them? The marines are probably feeling sorry for the delusional little brats…
"You know the Jolly Roger can get you killed."
Caroline: No. Flying the Jolly Roger can get you killed.
Nanai: Aw~ you mean the Stus just have a plain old Jolly Roger? Don’t almost all pirate crews in One Piece have some variation on their flag? Can’t you get a bit more imaginative? *Ponders* I wonder what a Stu-ified flag would look like…
"Yeah I know." The boy kept walking.
"We're going to have to turn you in!" The other yelled.
Caroline: Turn him in? Turn him in to whom? The marines are the law-enforcement in that world! They’re already the police!
Nanai: Come on! They’re obviously playing along with the Stus! If they actually saw him as a threat, he’d be looking down the barrel of two guns by now! *Sighs* I know the government is a big meanie in One Piece, but the marines are delightfully Awesome…
"Chase please handle them."
Caroline: See? The punctuations are smart! They knew they had to get out of the fic before everything went to hell!
Nanai: And, as a result, they’re not here to witness the sheer lulzy-ness that is this fic. *Shrugs* Their loss…
Caroline: Those bastards…
"Right..."" The other teen looked at both Marines and smiled, "You know who I am?" He asked.
Caroline: (Marine) Yes. A Stu. Now, die! *Sporks with extreme prejudice*
"No." They said in unison.
Nanai: *Giggles* See? I told you they were playing along! They must have rehearsed this! You know, if I ever got into the One Piece universe, I would totally become a pirate and everything…but joining the marines is very tempting…
"But we don't care, because you'll be dead anyways!" One of them yelled.
Nanai: *Sighs wistfully* They’re so good at playing generic villains, too…
"I'm Chase M. Dragon."
Caroline: I…have no idea how there can be so many things wrong with a name…In the East Blue, the convention for naming is that the given name comes last. Unless the character is on last name basis with his friend, he should have called him ‘Dragon’ judging by this name. Furthermore, not everyone had a middle name! The middle initial of D. was the exception, not the rule! And you saw how awed everyone was by that name! And if this character turns out to be a descendent of the rebel Dragon…I’m killing someone.
Nanai: I can totally see the marines all going, ‘Dude, we knew the guy was delusional, but this is just…wow…’ *Giggles*
With that the boy, now known as Chase,
Caroline: He would be known as Dragon, you twat!
Nanai: *Pouts* Caroline has a dirty mouth too!
Caroline: At least I have an excuse! This is driving me crazy!
released an electrical current from his body shocking both Marines and causing them to faint,
Caroline: I…he…WHAT?
Nanai: He has Eneru’s power? *Tilts head*
Caroline: I…WHAT? WHAT? WHAT? I…am not even going to comment. Words cannot do this justice.
"It's good to do that." Chase smiled as he continued to walk.
Caroline: You know, the people with no regard for human life and attacked anyone who so much as look at them wrong are generally the villains in One Piece. The protagonists ran away when threatened by marines and only fought as a last resort because they knew these guys are just doing their jobs and don’t deserve to be bodily harmed! They only fought people when it became personal, or when their friends were threatened! That was what made them sympathetic!
Nanai: That said though, have you ever seen a sympathetic Stu? In fact, isn’t making a character sympathetic one of the surest ways of preventing them from becoming a Stu?
Caroline: But that is just sociopathic!
Nanai: *Glances at Caroline with uncharacteristic sombreness*
"They didn't ask me for my name." The boy in front of Chase spoke.
Caroline: Because your name didn’t matter! You were pirates and it’s their job to get rid of you so you don’t go slaughter the innocent villagers!
He walked up to the fried Marines and grinned,
Caroline: He…just walked up to the lifeless, scorched corpse of two men simply doing their duty and grinned. In fact, he ordered the death of those men! His best friend killed them! He condemned them to death because they were rightfully suspicious of his motives! And when he’s dealt with them, he laughed about it. *Shakes her head* Am I supposed to want to punch the main characters?
Nanai: *Grins* At least you’re not bored anymore!
"Well considering that you might not be able to hear me anyways I will tell you something interesting.
Nanai: *Tilts head* I thought you told people things because you wanted them to know! What is even the point if they can’t hear you? Why are you only telling them this when they can’t hear you? *Pauses* Oh wait, right, sandals. I forgot…
Caroline: God, the level of sociopathy…It says a great deal about the Stuthor, you know…
I'm David S. Payne and I'm going to be the next Pirate King."
Nanai: *Frowns* Is he stealing Luffy’s characterisation there? I don’t like that. Luffy is my favourite character! Stealing his defining traits is just mean!
Caroline: Except when Luffy did it, it was endearing, because it’s clear that he was an innocent, brave, optimistic, naïve teenager who was nonetheless loyal and responsible towards his crew. When the Stu does it, it’s chilling, because he is grinning down at the corpse of men who were doing their duty and protecting the citizens of the world, and he doesn’t feel a tinge of guilt for their demise at his hands. *Grits teeth* I want to see that smug little face crushed by Luffy…
Oc Submission Time!
Caroline: Wait, he’s getting the readers to submit OCs? So he can put those characters into the story? That…is just obscene! You write a story because you have something you want to say! You write a story to explore themes and ideas not explored in canon! You write a story to discover some subtler facet of minor characters’ personalities! You should have a clear idea of exactly what you want to do before you even set pen to paper! You should have an idea of exactly who all of the characters are and how they contribute to the plot! If you depend on readers who have no idea where the plot is going and what the story is about to supply you with characters, then you FAIL as a writer! This just reeks of unpreparedness! This just reeks of juvenileness! This is just obscene! You are taking the setting of One Piece and shoving OCs in there so you can feel good about yourself! I…This…ARGH! *Slams head against table*
Nanai: *Sighs* It doesn’t really take that much imagination to come up with a Stu, and he still has to depend on other people to do it for him…
Some of the spots are taken from people that submitted before I decided to re-do this, but anyways below is the needed info:
Caroline: *Repeatedly slams head against table*
Nanai: Re-do this? You mean, this isn’t a first draft? He actually edited this? *Falls over laughing*
If you any ideas for other crewmates or crew positions then fill in, the least number of crew memebers wanted/needed is 10.
Caroline: And it’s not just minor character that he needs! He’s not even promising his friends cameos! THIS IS THE MAIN CREW WE’RE TAKING ABOUT! THESE ARE THE PEOPLE CENTRAL TO THE STORY! THESE ARE THE PEOPLE THAT CARRY AN AUTHOR’S MESSAGE THROUGH! THESE ARE THE PEOPLE THAT APPEAR EVERY CHAPTER AND NEEDS TO INTERACT WITH EACH OTHER! HE CAN NOT BE BOTHERED TO THINK UP HIS OWN PROTAGONISTS! AUTHOR, DID ODA EICHIRO ASK THE FANS FOR IDEAS FOR NEW CREW MEMBERS? NO! BECAUSE HE PLANNED THE STORY! BECAUSE HE KNEW EXACTLY THE PURPOSE OF EACH CHARACTER WITHIN THE STORY AND WHAT THEY TELL US ABOUT THE WORLD! THIS IS BEYOND LAZINESS, THIS IS JUST PLAIN NOT CARING! Author, if you seriously cannot give a fuck about your own story, then kindly refrain from posting it so we don’t have to suffer through it!
Nanai: I love how the author wants a ten people crew just so he could rip-off canon. Maintaining a large main cast is difficult, because every character needs to have a distinct personality and voice and place in the story, and they all need to interact with each other. I love to see how such a difficult idea fare in the hands of this Stuthor…Eh, at least it’ll be funny…
So you guys can have fun with that.
Caroline: NO! YOU HAVE FUN WITH THAT! IT’S YOUR JOB! IT’S YOUR DUTY AS A WRITER! *Rubs forehead* I’ve seen all kinds of Suethors, but I don’t think I’ve seen one so lazy, they can’t even be bothered to personally create their Stu’s groupie…
Also I'm going to need Marine Admirals, so if you have any ideas then just fill'em in.
Caroline: YOU’RE RELYING ON YOUR READERS TO PROVIDE THE ANTAGONISTS AS WELL? WHY THE FUCK DO WE EVEN NEED YOU HERE? WHAT IS YOUR PURPOSE? AT THIS RATE, WE MIGHT AS WELL WRITE OUR OWN STORY AND BE DONE WITH IT! AT LEAST MY PROSE’LL BE BETTER THAN YOURS!
Nanai: Ah, but would it be nearly as unintentionally entertaining? *Sits back* I almost want to submit a character called Admiral Sporker just to screw with the Stuthor…
Caroline: You really have got to stop hanging out with that boy…He’s the one teaching you all these words, I know it.
Nanai: *Pouts* Don’t be ridiculous! I learn them from you!
Caroline: *Twitches* Stop giving me bad PSA flashbacks!
The Oc's sheet below is both for the crew and th Marine Admirals, so all of you enjoy!
Caroline: No. I’m not going to say anything. The Stuthor is clearly not listening to me anyways.
Crew:
Captain- David S. Payne
First Mate- Chase M. Dragon
Caroline: You know the thing about First Mates? They are only needed when the crew gets too big for the Captain to manage alone! The Straw-Hat Pirates didn’t have a First Mate! Sure, Zoro is sort of Luffy’s right hand man, but he wasn’t the First Mate! First Mates had authority over the discipline of the crew and was responsible for seeing to the minor tasks such as ship-repair and re-stocking! Zoro didn’t have those duties! The crews that had a definitive First Mate were always large! You said you only wanted a 10 people crew, so why would you even fucking need a First Mate? Why is there a First Mate at the start of the story when the Stu’s crew only had two people in it? Not researching and raping canon is expected, but can’t you work that single brain cell enough to figure out how COMMON SENSE worked?
Nanai: Actually, the lack of common sense is the defining trait that binds all Stuthors and Suethors together! Almost any Stu fic or Sue fic can be saved by injecting logic…
Doctor- Taken by Happy-The-Nekomander
Navigator- Taken by PhantoMNiGHT321
Caroline: *Screams and tries to tear hair out*
Cook- ?
Shipwright- ?
Name:
Gender:
Age:
Apperances:
Clothing:
Caroline: People fucking change clothes! And what do their fashion sense have to do with their character? Why is this important enough to warrant an entire section in the profile? WHY THE FUCK CAN’T YOU DO THIS YOURSELF?
Nanai: I thought you read enough purple prose about the exactly way a Sue dressed to expect it by now…though I admit the phenomenon is significantly more rare in Stu fics…
Dynamic Personalitys:
Caroline: Dynamic personality my ass! Where did we see any ‘personality’ in your main characters? They were both horrible jerks and even that was unintentional! You were just ripping off canon! And now you have the audacity to not only demand your audience make up your main character for you, but to give them dynamic personalities? A character with an actual personality would die before coming into this fic!
Explosive Historys:
Nanai: *Stares* Explosive? Explosive histories? *Falls over laughing*
Dreams(For Pirates)
Caroline: Because officers upholding the law and protecting the lives of people everywhere aren’t allowed to have dreams and ambitions. *Scowls*
Talents(Abilities):
Weapons(Optional):
Nanai: XD They’re PIRATES! Or, you know, MARINE ADMIRALS! They don’t have weapons? *Laughs* I know there are a lot of fist-fighters in One Piece, but the idea of pirates or ADMIRALS wandering around completely unarmed is so hilarious!
Devil Fruit(Optional, you'll have to PM me this part but everything else can go in the review)
Caroline: Oh, so this whole thing was also a ploy to up your review count isn’t it? *Spits*
Nanai: But…the devil fruits were rare! I know there are a bunch of fruit users in canon, but that’s because they were in the Grand Line! Only the strongest survive there, so there’s an unnatural concentration of fruit users! Out of the crew Luffy gathered before he went into the Grand Line, none have devil fruits! *Frowns* I have a feeling the entire crew is going to be made out of Stus…
Caroline: *Chokes* You mean we have to deal with TEN of these things?
Nanai: Stus and Sues have a notorious reputation for camera-hogging and spotlight-stealing, though, so it should be fun to watch ten of them trying to establish their position as Head Stu…*Daydreams* They’ll fight so hard over it, too~
Now the reason I put the Dynamic Personality's & Explosive History's is simply because that's how well-thought I want yo guys to be with your characters.
Caroline: BECAUSE YOU COULDN’T BE BOTHERED TO GIVE YOUR CHARACTERS PERSONALITIES AND BACK STORIES! WHAT RIGHT DO YOU HAVE TO DEMAND THAT OF THE READERS IF YOU ARE NOT WILLING TO LEAD BY EXAMPLE? THIS IS DISGUSTING! THE AUDACITY OF THE STUTHOR IS JUST DISGUSTING!
Something that everyone will like, not just a character you favor the whole time., but a character that you believe other people will comment on as well in their reviews.
Caroline: SO YOU CAN GET MORE REVIEWS? Stuthor, you are USING your readers here! You’re not entertaining them! You’re USING them!
Nanai: If you were trying to create characters everyone will like, why did you make your main characters sociopaths? Not to mention, there’s no such thing as a character everyone likes, because people have different tastes! I think Caroline is the greatest sister in the world, but there are plenty of people saying mean things about her in the newspapers! Good thing they stopped when I asked them to…
The Voice: Just thought I’d interject here…Stuthor, I have seen your other stories! Changing the names of characters do not make them a new character! All of your protagonists are exactly the same! Some of them even have identical or very similar names! So don’t you go around preaching about not using characters you favour all the time, because you’re not convincing anyone! If you want your readers to do your job for you and create well-rounded characters, then you need to actually be able to identify well-rounded characters! This fic is funny, but this Stuthor just pisses me off…
Make your Oc's stand out from others, put your all into thinking about these Oc's and have fun doing it!
Caroline: (Stuthor) Because I’m too lazy to do my job!
Nanai: ‘Put your all into thinking about these OCs’? I wonder how much effort the Stuthor put into writing these fics to be able to demand that of the readers. *Sighs* Not only is he expecting them to do his job for him, he wants them to spend more effort at it than he is…I agree with you, I liked the story much more than these author’s notes…
Submit please! This is my first One Piece story,
Caroline: That is no fucking excuse! Lack of experience does not excuse horrible writing! If the fic was bad, then you do not post it for everyone to read!
& it's been awhile since I've watched it ben I've recently started to re-watch so if I mess up constructive criticism is always good!
Caroline: And you apparently couldn’t be bothered to Google search a few facts? Can’t be bothered to check the grammar and spelling? Can be fucking bothered to think up your own characters? *Spits*
Nanai: What do you want to bet that by ‘constructive criticism’, he meant ‘mindless praising’? And he can’t even check if he got anything wrong too…*Frowns* I wonder if I should find him and persuade him to stop writing Author’s Notes…they’re upsetting me.
So thanks & later!
Review Plz!
Caroline: No! We will review when you deserve it! We will review when you starting putting EFFORT into these stories! There! We did the whole chapter! Now, put us back!
‘I don’t remember promising to let you go after one Chapter.’ The voice answered. ‘As you can see, this fic clearly deserves mocking. However, my other groups of Sporkers are…unavailable right now, so I’m afraid you will have to stay here and Spork a few more Chapters at least. I think three or four would do…’
‘Three or four!?’ Caroline shrieked, not even caring about maintaining her façade of calmness.
‘Yes.’
Nanai tilted her head, ‘How many chapters are there in this thing?’
‘Fifty-five.’
A look of almost comical horror came upon Caroline’s face.
‘And we can’t do all of them?’ Nanai pouted.
‘Are you crazy? Three or four is bad enough! I’m not staying here to do fifty five fucking chapters for anything!’ Grabbing her shoulders, Caroline shook her none too gently.
Nanai’s eyes widened. ‘Not even for me?’
‘No! I’m not putting you through this torture! No one deserves being forced to read fifty-five chapters of this thing!’
A soft smile appeared on the teenager’s face. ‘I knew you loved me, Caroline~’
‘Ahem…’ The voice interrupted. ‘If you’re done with gazing into each other’s eyes whilst violin music plays, you may proceed to the lounge and have a break. Please return after half an hour for the next Chapter. After three Chapters, you will be given a longer break.’
Throwing an irritated glare at the megaphone, Caroline stood up with a sigh of resignation. ‘Come on, then, Nanai…We might as well get the most out of this break.’ She stomped off to the lounge.
Nanai stood and stared at the screen with a seriousness that looked quite uncanny upon her childish face, but turned quickly and followed Caroline, the impish smile already returning to her
Go Forward to: Chapter 2, Part 1
.