[Video, voice, and text; Open; backdated to an hour after dawn.]

[icanhashearth]

[Video plays: time lapse photography of a sunrise in glowing pinks and gold, over a stunning vista of craggy, ice-covered mountains. A chintzy chime-like sound effect trills in the background. A smooth, genderless voice with no definable accent speaks in clear, precise cadence, a little stridently, while a text transcription of the words runs along

Comments

[paterelohim]

[Chuck is frozen with his coffee cup halfway to his mouth, staring openly. Something stunningly insightful and brilliant is sure to follow.]

You're a talking house.

[Yep.]

[icanhashearth]

Obviously.

[The House doesn't need to respirate, so it doesn't actually sniff, but it manages to give that impression.]

I do apologize if you're grey, but this is rather an emergency and no one here seems to respond to the usual synesthetic codes so talking is the most expedient way to conduct rather pressing business.

[paterelohim]

I'm not grey! I'm not even forty.

how did I forget to capitalize Emperor 8U

[icanhashearth]

...grey. Conservative. Won't hear a word against the Emperor and discomfited with talking machines. I didn't notice any significant imperial political presence on the Network but it was a plausible explanation.

hi my other character is less derp :|

[refrigeratormom]

[So since the world has established that yes, it is a talking house, a mildly hung-over Mary is blinking blearily at this thing and headtilting.]

I can't help you on my own with the Darkness-proofing, but I know someone who can.

Have you met any Greeters or gotten any kind of briefing?

[Since uh. This thing probably didn't concuss itself on the baseball field.]

derp is awesome okay

[icanhashearth]

[MOAR pretty sunset .gifs for you, Mary. At only 25% brightness, because the House can totally recognize a hangover. Even if this is the first one it's ever seen in person. How exciting!]

Any recommendations would be deeply appreciated.

I took a few minutes after I arrived to collate all the available discussions on the Pull available on the Network, but hearsay and gossip are notoriously unreliable. An official version would be very helpful.

needs moar coffee ._.

[refrigeratormom]

[You're so polite, talking house. She likes you already.]

Well, so far the Core operates on a roughly two-month cycle. Every two months there'll be a new influx of people, arriving a handful a day for about a month, creating a month of quiet before the next new wave. Except for you, I assume...?, most Newcomers arrive on a baseball diamond in Sector 4, right above where the Core is buried.

If this [insert text file with a hyperlink!] is part of what you collated, it's, ah... surprisingly accurate, actually. AGI controls the sex slave trade under some government regulation and SERO is known for scientific research and experimentation with... interesting ethical boundaries.

I don't know what world you come from, but if the term "Earth" means anything to you, you've probably already figured out that we're very similar to but technologically more accelerated than 21st-century Earth.

coffee foreverrrrrr omnomnom

[icanhashearth]

[\o/]

Oh, thank you. Yes, I appeared fixed in my location. I'll miss my mountain range, but the weather has certainly improved.

[Stop rambling about yourself, House.]

[tentatively, like it already knows the answer but doesn't really want to face it.]

...Gregorian or Amazonian calendar?

[doeswhathewants]

Question: how did you move from the baseball diamond when you got here?

[icanhashearth]

It seems I am an anomaly; I did not appear on the 'baseball diamond'.

[doeswhathewants]

Oh. Then you appeared where you are and are unable to move? I suppose that makes more sense.

[icanhashearth]

Yes, especially considering that I'm rather build into a mountaintop. I suspect it was more expedient not to crush the usual meeting place.

[stillhaslegs]

House. What sort of house?

[ He has not had the best experiences with beings sharing that name recently... ]

[icanhashearth]

A very clever house.

[so prim]

[stillhaslegs]

Artificial intelligence, or acquired sentience?

[ pause ]

Just don't tell me that you were once an asteroid. Had a bit of a spat with a sentient asteroid not too long ago.

[icanhashearth]

Both, naturally. Though one doesn't usually discuss these things.

Not at all. I've never been off Home before now. It's rather exciting!

[Home being the actual name of its planet.]

[ochitashinigami]

Wait... what? Am I to understand that...

Oh death... nevermind.

[icanhashearth]

Do you require clarification?

[ochitashinigami]

Actually? Yes. That would be nice.

Am I to understand you're... in the house... like... a spirit or something?

[Ghosts and spirits he knows. Maybe one is trapped in the house?]

[icanhashearth]

I am the House. I'm an artificial intelligence.