House of Trouser, 2.01
With everyone eager to get this show on the road, the happy couple move into the House of Trouser, and get straight into baby making.
And holy upskirt hell, Batman. That's some ass you're packing there.
Bree: Got my oven warmed up, now I'm ready for some buns.
Ira: I love to woohoo. Being a grown up is great.
Bree: Did you hear what I heard when we did it just then? *giggle*
In getting the house ready for the wedding, they got a bar. Ursual tested out the products quite thoroughly, drinking the whole tray by herself.
Lush.
NO!
No more babies for you! You are an ELDER. It is not happening! You must wait for grandbabies!
And from the looks of it, it won't be long.
Ah, ever so classy. The bride having to throw up in her wedding dress thanks to morning sickness.
What's even classier, is when the bride has to leave the ceremony to do that.
Jerry just worries about how much this is costing them.
*cue Bridal March music*
Her father would give her away, but they've only just met, and Jerry's too busy bitching about Bree's dress to realise it's time. He couldn't even get changed!
Bree: *swoons* My soon to be husband is so HOT in that tux.
Old man voice over: Mawwiage is what bwings us togevva, today. That bwessed awwangement, that dweam wivin a dweam.
OMVO: So tweasure your wove...
Cranky voice over: skip to the end.
OMVO: Have you the wings?
CV: Man and wife! Say man and wife!
Confused OMVO: Man and wife.
CV: Take her to the Honeymoon suite...
WAIT WRONG MOVIE.
Ursual is ever so enthused.
Please note, in the right hand corner is Remington, the maid, who thoughtfully stopped what he was doing, pulled his suit out, and joined the festivities.
And then continued cleaning, in his suit.
Brandi Pons (nee Broke) still looks pretty good in her advanced age, as does her baby boy, Logarithim, now all grown up.
Bree keeps on with being classy.
This is how Brandi gets through the day, now her kids (apart from Logarithim) are either dead or townies. The bubbles make her forget.
Uh, Bree? You might want to try putting the cake IN his mouth, and not his ear.
That's better.
Jerry and Ursual ditch the party to celebrate in their own way, and Ursual shows me that those paintings actually work as mirrors. I had no idea!
Rodney: And then I met Jared, and he won me over, so I was more than happy to let him be my first, but not before making him promise to love me forever, to never leave me, and to make me his wife.
Everyone else: mmm cake.
Bree: ...and so I graduated top of the class, like, completely beat everyone else in everything...
Logarithim: Phwoar! Check out the tits on her!
Now she's seen her daughter married, and has gotten her rocks off, Ursual ditches everyone to go to work. Gotta get going on that second LTW.
The party ended up being a rockin' good time, but it's not like Bree cares about that.
Bree: Party. Woo. I think I might puke.
Honeymoon time!
Bree: I'm so glad my husband went to university. Now he can sign his name!
Sandcastles make you think of babies?
For his first effort, I'm impressed!
HI THERE TWINS WHO WERE SEPARATED AT BIRTH!! I sense Parent Trap 2 coming up.
Ira: Oh great party, by the way! You rock!
Bree: And then I had a great party! Everyone is talking about it!
Dude in grass skirt: I LOVE PARTIES!
Seriously??? HIM?
LOLOLOLOL.
A grass skirt doesn't suit you.
Bree: MWAHAHAHA! I am the most piratey of pirates to ever pirate!
WTF is up with your arms?? Are you going for the Popeye look?
Bree: Have at ye with this spikey stick!
Ghosts are easily amused.
That's Ira dreaming about how much he loves himself.
Ira was absolutely desperate to learn to hula, and he finally got that wish fulfilled. The lady on the right failed miserably to get the steps down.
...
That's one way to avoid sunburn.
Back at home, Ursual gets confused. That is NOT IRA.
Ira: COLDWATERCOLDWATEROMGMYNADS!
Ira: Bitch! You made my nads shrink!
Bree: *ignores him because her belly is eating the sink*
Such a cute little baby belly.
And they still have the dog bed, despite getting rid of Suzi the Everlasting Puppy long before the kids went to uni.
Standard household activities - Ira on the chess board, Bree on the podium, and Ursual and Jerry flirting.
Ursual: You spend all your time at work, you're never home for me, you don't woohoo me like you used to!
Jerry: WTF? I'm gonna be mayor! You've gotta get used to some sacrifice!
Ursual: Then congrats on bringing me home lots of money!
She's taken to randomly arguing with Jerry about his job. Old age is finally bringing out her lack of nice points.
But everything is ok again with a friendly water balloon fight.
Bree jumped into the spinny thing (I can never remember its full name!), and shows that being pregnant doesn't slow her down at all.
See? She's got it going on.
O_o
Bree: OMG FOOD! I AM SO HUNGRY! I NEED CHOCOLATE. AND PICKLES. AND POTATOES. IN A PIE. CHOCOLATE POTATO PICKLE PIE!!!
Ira: I just want you to know that you are my sunshine, my only sunshine.
Bree: *snoooore*
Bree: My god, he's an idiot.
Ursual: I really appreciate you putting out like that to give me those dream dates.
Jerry: Mm hmm. Oo! Sale on ladies underwear! I wonder if they have my size.
Ursual: ...what?
Jerry: Oh, um, nothing? How about that local sporting team?
Ursual: Damn he's a fine piece of ass.
YOU HAVE A BED!
Dusty pop!
Now that Bree is getting closer to popping the next generation out, it was time for a new house. So they all moved out onto the street while it got built.
And I only took photos of the house at night. Clever, huh?
I am SO glad to see that. It is a relief. I've seen the sexing between in-laws in other games. Though the drama is amusing...
Ursual: Can you believe our baby is now married? Surely she can't be old enough?
Jerry: Why not? You're ancient!
Ursual: *butthurt*
I finally remember that Bree has been carrying a Servo around in her backpack since uni, so out she comes.
Also, somewhere in this entry I changed default skins. See if you can spot where!
Bree: No matter what you hear, I don't have crabs.
IBree wants the Servo to look like a human, and during the process, this is how she dresses. SkankyBot!
Meet Jiggly Puff, Robot of DOOOOM. If you're gonna have a female robot, she's gotta be hot and look like she can kill you, right?
...
Why are you naked in bed with your mother???
That is NOT something I was expecting to see.
Bree gets a wedge of fat under her skirt, and you get almost too much detail??
Everyone else is too wrapped up in their own lives to remember it's Jerry's Getting Old Day.
Hey old man! I completely forgot to change your outfit, so you're stuck with it. HAHA!
I get it, it's ok. Stop checking him out!
You have 10 cooking points, yet you can't cook lobster??
Jiggly Puff: WAAAH! I SUCK!!
She's so cranky, she punches the bench and gets her fist stuck.
Ira: Ooo honey, you so fine!
Ira: Especially in bed. Rawr!
Bree: Uh, can I get some attention here? I know it's 4 in the morning, but HELLLLLLPPPPP!!!
Please note how Ira and Ursual are asleep, and Jerry is in the bath.
They're not paying her any attention.
Jiggly Puff: I sense a disturbance in the force.
Ira: Oh for Batman's sake, SHUT UP! Some of us are trying to sleep!
Jerry and Jiggly Puff respond appropriately to the arrival of the baby...but Ira just makes the bed. PRIORITIES. GET YOU SOME.
Ira: So, this is a baby?
Jiggly Puff: I'll just stand here and look pretty.
Jerry: I feel so dirty after watching that.
Ursual: *dreams of Jared*
Bree: OMG THERE'S SOMETHING ELSE IN HERE!!!
Yes, we have twins! Meet Charlene.
And Henry. They have Bree's skin and their grandfather's eyes - that's Logarithim's blue eyes. Everyone else has green!
Bree: Two for the price of one - score!
Ira: HI JIGGLY PUFF!
Jiggly Puff: What are these stripy things? What do they do?
Oh, Ira.
Bree: You're so hot when you need to pee yourself.
Bree: But at least you can give me the babies.
Yes, that's right. You have grandbabies. Stop being so excited, you might hurt yourself.
Jerry: So, you know my wife cheated on me, right? I don't like cheating. But I love her, so I put up with it and pretended like it didn't happen.
Jiggly Puff: You know Bree's not yours, don't you?
Jerry: WHAT?!
Jiggly Puff: I thought you knew!
Ursual: My grandbabies aren't your grandbabies.
Ursual: Damn you and your filthy work practices! I know what goes on down in that office of yours! It's full of whores who smoke!
Jerry: There's no crying smoking in baseball at the office! It's against policy!
Ursual: Oh, that's ok then. I has grandbabies!
Old age=rapid mood swings.
Jerry gets lonely and plays with the doll house. Aww.
That's one scary looking doll.
Who has his hand through Jerry's finger. OUCH.
Jerry: *stare stare*
Ursual: *pretends to ignore but secretly likes it*
Ira WAS a Broadway Star, but got involved in a crap show, and went back to Voice Over Star. Sucker.
Heir portrait time!
He is NOT a baby, no matter how he might behave!
Jerry: *stare stare*
Ursual: WHY WON'T ANYONE TALK TO ME!! I NEED ATTENTION!!
It could be because you're now a cranky old bitch. But that's just a guess.
Ursual: OMG MY HUSBAND IS NAKED!
Yeah, like you haven't seen that a billion times before!
Coz tonight, is the night, when two become one...
Personal space. Get you some.
There was NO lightning! I noticed Bree was suddenly in the red, and she was like this!
It still made her wet herself, whatever happened.
NO!
Alright, already! STOP checking him out if you don't like him!
Hula time!
Ira: OMG my wife stinks! And she needs a bath, too!
And when she does have a shower, what happens? Ira flushes. So Bree leaps through the wall again, a trick she learnt as a child.
Getting back in can be a bit tricky.
Bree: YOU MADE MY NADS SHRINK!
Jerry: Let me tell you the story of how this bowl of glass came into my family. It started a long time ago, handed down from father to son...
Ira: ...wut? But I thought Bree found it on our honeymoon?
Jerry: Ah, she did, it was a special gift, hidden on that beach to be found by those who were worthy of passing on the family name.
Ira: ...you were there????
Jerry: Well done on getting your degree, even though that was ages ago! It seems you're smarter than I thought!
Bree: Yeah! Well done! I totally forgot to say that before! I thought this was all about me, you know?
Girl, you're quick.
Uh, Ira? You're looking into the play room. There are NO FLOWERS THERE.
Uh, hi there Nanny #1 that I didn't order.
Nice to see your nanny skills are still being used.
See, you can be a good mother!
When you're told to.
You're still a hottie.
Bree: Uh, yeah, I wore thongs at the beach. ON MY FEET!
Bree: What's with this weirdo?
Nanny # 1 farts on the BreeBot.
And then throws a water balloon at her. NOOOOO.
And in history class, when they ask you how the wars between the BreeBot and the NannyClan started, you can tell them it started with farts and water balloons.
Jiggly Puff: Imma gonna cut you, bitch.
I can't help but notice how pretty she is.
Oh yeah, it's on.
BITCH IS GOING DOOOWWWWWN.
Don't mess with a robot. You will not win. Especially if you are OLD.
And on her way out the door, after having her ass kicked, and then fired, she fell to the ground, having been speared through the heart by her hair.
Nanny #1: Oh what's that up there? It's coming right for me!
dun dun dun DUN
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