House of Trouser, 1.04: simtasia

simtasia

House of Trouser, 1.04

May 25, 2008 21:10

Yes, Suzi, we think the nanny stinks, too.

And they enjoy it. Sickos!

Bree: *stare stare stare*

She's so busy staring, she doesn't realise she's becoming one with the table.

Ursual gets juiced up for yet another date. I think she enjoys it just a little too much.

Yes, yes you are married. And not to him.

It's been ages since he was fired, but she still loves to talk about it. Ah, support and fidelity, her two strongest traits.

For a change of scenery, they went down to the maze, which I'd renovated so that it was more like an actual maze. With handy nooks to woohoo in, all over the place. I'm kind like that.

They wanted to get jiggy with it, so off to the hammock. Which she found straight away, without having to look around or anything. Yet you will pee yourself when you're RIGHT in front of the toilet?!!?

These guys restored my faith a little. They were stuck there for ages. Though I suppose they could've just been pervs and were listening to Ursual and Logarithim getting freaky.

And speaking of getting freaky...they have invisible sex! She only leaves her wedding ring behind (right in the middle). I wanted to see what they were doing :(

10 points for dismount!

HAH! Perve Jacquet from the shopping district. He was hanging around just to listen!

More woohooing.

Apparently the tent is like a two way mirror, because from the inside, only the flap was visible. I guess this means you can see who's watching you go for it, and get your kicks that way.

[insert joke about pocket rocket here]

Alana Kibble and Melissa Fancey show up to cheer them on, while John Burb frets.

And Thelesis de Mornay scolds them. For a D'Angeline, you're an awful prude. Love as thou wilt, woman!

Ursual then got fat in the middle of the date. You think all this woohooing would help burn off a few calories!

Yes, you! Go make out with your date! He likes it when you're all over him.

...

Not THAT hard!!

Mrs C is pissed because she missed all the action and didn't get to scold anyone.

Yes, you are hot stuff. But you suck at pool. The table is in the other direction.

Nanny #2 calls Jared for some make up advice. I think that's a little creepy.

Ursual needs to up her body skills for her game development career (which surely isn't necessary, since when are gamers all that active?), but it ties in nicely with her need to dechub.

If only it were that easy!

Ursual reminds herself of which kid this is. She no longer needs cheat sheets!

Uh...Fifi Trixibelle dropped dead suddenly. They only had her for a day!!

Bree is NOT happy about this.

So unhappy, she kicks the cage. That'll show the dead bird! Yeah! She'll never drop dead on you again!

I'm not going to ask where he put the body, but Jared got high off the fumes.

Which led him to do some crazy things.

mwahahahahahaha Um, I mean, oops?

He reacted to the energiser so badly, he did a very literal face plant.

Showering was much too hard, so he stopped, got dressed, then passed out. In the shower. If he stayed naked, he could've slept AND gotten clean!

Uh, ok. You are married, remember?

Jared surpasses his mother, when it comes to passing out into the table.

YOU MORON! You got OFF the toilet to complain you needed to pee - and then wet yourself IN FRONT of the toilet!!!

You lose major heir potential points. Just saying!

These chronic failures then lead him to have nightmares, possibly wondering if I'll let him grow up.

Bree: MUMUMUMUMUMUMUM! LOOK I GOT AN A+! I GOT IT I GOT IT!
Ursual: move this piece, then that piece...*giggle* I made it spell boobies.

Bree: Seriously mum, look!
Ursual: *giggle giggle*

Bree thinks about herself a lot. She's studying cleaning here, but all she can think about is herself.

Please don't be standing in dog pee.

Nanny #1: I CAN'T GET TO THE FOOD ON THE COUNTER BEHIND ME BECAUSE OF THE COUNTER BEHIND ME. OR THE COUNTER IN FRONT OF ME.

WHO THE HELL PUTS COUNTERS IN THE KITCHEN?

Possessed nanny is possessed.

Bree gets a new bird, since the last one died. Please meet Lord Chunky Pants.

Things look bad already.

Bree takes up chatting online, and all her conversations go like this:

I got an A+. I am so awesome. I am so much smarter than my brothers. I got an A+ much faster than them! I am so gonna be heir!

To everyone she chats to. EVERYONE.

Please don't be wearing the hot tub.

Jerry pops a rather uncomfortable looking gut, but Ursual doesn't mind.

While Jared chats to some hot college chicks, Ursual and Jerry finally get around to breaking the car in.

Ursual: OMG My son is reading porn right in front of me! And I don't want to know what's holding it on his lap when both his hands are empty! Where's that brain bleach??

The flush fights continue - Connor flushes while Bree is in the shower, and she jumps through the wall.

Mostly.

He is amused.

She is not!

Once she jumps back through the wall, she chases him down to yell at him.

It would be much more effective if you weren't yelling at a blank wall, Bree.

He was off in his room, completely oblivious, but she felt better for yelling at the door.

Ursual decides to have a bubble bath, one of her favourite activities to do by herself. You can tell it's one of her favourites by how happily she goes about it.

On another date with Dorian, he suddenly decides he's a virgin again.

And she gets fat again on her date. Why doesn't woohooing keep you fit??

Ursual: teeheehee! elevator sex!

This didn't count towards his woohoo want. This dude is weird.

Lord Chunky Pants has obviously heard about what happened to his predecessor, and tries to break free. Unfortunately, he has the navigational skills of a sim in need of a toilet, and ends up back in his cage.

Ursual clearly feels feeding the animals is Jerry's job.

Woo! Another promotion!

Haven't we talked about this?

BELLY FLOP!

Connor gets ready to sparkle in his pants...

...you're okay...

And you obviously take after you mother, by gossiping about your father's shortcomings. It's either the burnt meal, or when he lost his job. This is all they gossip about. Any time someone gossips in this family, it's about Jerry.

That's one way to dodge the smell.

Luckily for him, she loves it.

And there you go, looking much better!

Now Connor, it's ok to love your pets, but don't love your pets.

You were IN the damn Energiser! Why couldn't you just stay there to let it do its thing??

Jared doesn't like being promoted.

And Bree doesn't like the hot tub. She's seen some scary, scary things there.

Dorian: I'm so glad my first time was with you!

Ursual: ...I was your first? sotto: That explains a LOT.

Ursual: You weren't like a dead fish at all!

And then she gets fat on yet another date. All this dating and woohooing, yet you still put on weight? Since when is sex not exercise?

You'd think she's unhappy about getting fat, but she's not. I was making her seduce him. Hey lady! You're the one who wants 50 friggin' dream dates, NOT ME! Deal with it!

Woot! Yet another nice gift from the cop.

I was moving stuff around, in yet another renovation spree, and this ended up on the chess table. I did not know that could happen. I think even Jerry would notice it if I left it there.

And...the boys practice levitation.

NO NO NO NO NO. Wait for grandkids. They will be coming!!

She fails at getting fit. I really thought she'd be more limber than this.

Now that Connor's all grown up, he wants to get started on that LTW of his, but to do that, he has to start dating.

And he gets Lyndsay.

Who isn't into him at all, despite him shelling out nearly 5k on her.

Meanwhile, Jerry and Bree bond over some bad jokes.

I'll keep that in mind!

Aww, yay. FINALLY.

I send these two on a date, and they immediately head to the hot tub. Talk about joined at the hip!

Ursual: Goddamn it, I have to go have hot, steamy sex with my husband. Again!

Please don't be thinking about your brother while you're flirting with your date. That is really, really creepy.

We are so not peeking in on them at all. Really, we're not. We're just uh, dusting the plant. Yeah, that's it.

Suzi likes Jared, because he feeds her. Either that, or she hates him and wants to tear his flesh from his body while he's screaming in agony. Puppies are hard to read.