House of Trouser, 1.03
It's a girl! Bree! Jerry and Jared are very excited that it's a baby, and not a puppy.
Because Ursual is so very, very in touch with her body, she doesn't need to go on Maury Povich. Though it would be cool to do it, just so that Maury could say "Jerry, in the case of newborn Bree, you are not the father". Hmm. If I could be bothered, I'd do that scene!
Turns out that Logarithim knocked her up on the date they had the day Jerry got fired (when he came home and cried like a girl). As Jerry isn't that smart, he hasn't realised that Bree isn't his, which makes it easier for Ursual.
While she does find toddlers easier to deal with, they still confuse her a lot.
Jared had been having a nice hot shower, getting nice and clean, when his dad came in to use the toilet...and flushed. Uh oh! This scared Jared so much he jumped through the wall.
This family is great at moving through solid objects!!
Once Jared was clean and dressed, he ran off to berate his father...from across the house. Yeah! That's tellin' him!
Yet another example of how this family can move through solid objects.
They sure would make an impressive super crime family.
Dorian! How kind of you! Nice to see you're not a complete loser.
Connor engages in some heart surgery on Evil Homer (who along the way became Decrepit Evil Homer. I guess Evil makes you age faster).
Jared: All that kissing you and daddy do is wearing you out, isn't it? Why do you and daddy kiss so much? And why do you kiss other men? Are they going to be my daddy too?
Ursual: If I stay like this long enough, he may just shut up and go away.
Cereal in your sinuses can't be comfortable.
Jerry loves to play with dolls. He even lets the kids have a go.
Connor can even move himself through the doll's furniture! This kid has talent!
Connor: WHOA! How did my hand do that??
NO. Do you not understand the point of legacies?
Uh, nanny? You really should be doing that BEFORE you come to work. It's not like they're gone overnight or anything.
And you should definitely put the baby IN her bed before using up all the bubble bath.
Jared brings home Granger Maitland, who, like the rest of his siblings, is truly scary to look at.
That really looks like it should hurt. Go go Gadget legs!
Granger may be quite fugly, but he's mastered the art of levitation. Which is very cool, but not as cool as being able to walk through solid objects. Trouser>Maitland.
Jared is cut up because it was his turn to show off.
Meadow!! There ARE other townies around who would like the chance to walk by and maybe go on a date with the slut of the house.
NO.
Jared: What sort of fucked up language is this?!?!
Jared enters The Emo Years.
NO.
MAYBE.
Proof that Jerry isn't the brightest crayon in the box - nailing your toes to the diving board for better grip isn't exactly clever.
Connor is too small for the pool, so makes one just his size in the bathroom. Out of pee.
Ursual: You know, I could really go another baby.
Me: NO.
Jerry: Oh, me too. They're really not very filling.
Me: NO.
Ursual and Jerry: Bitch!
At least they're in agreement with what they want. BUT NO.
Connor was tired, and since the nanny sucks, he took himself off to his mat for a sleep. But the nanny is very stupid, and stood over him, which kind of prevented him from sleeping.
COBWEBS!!!
GO AWAY. COME BACK WHEN JARED IS A TEENAGER! Maybe then I'll let you in my legacy.
MAYBE.
Stinky, crying baby, on the floor, where she's been for hours? Oh what to do!
If you're a nanny, you leave her there! She's just lucky they don't have nanny cam.
Walls, sofas, stuffed toys, doll house furniture and now tables. This family is GOOD.
No one really cares, but Jared is doing well at school.
It's ok to love your toys, but not to love your toys.
Apparently Ursual does care about their education! Bree is a bit young for those sorts of expectations. Jared may be a fluke!
She is so adorable, that I won't inflict the picture of the horrible Maxis hair she grew up into. Let's just look at her the way she is and go "Awwwww".
It was also Connor's birthday, and people are a bit more excited about this. Though Jared's off doing homework in the back there.
Ok, so you want to do well in school. Knowledge sim in the making, perhaps? Or maybe he just wants to do better than Jared.
Oh you are so much cuter than your brother.
You've got some anger issues there, Jared. It could be because your parents ignore you to go woohoo all the time, and that your siblings out-cute you by a mile, so you probably won't get to be heir, but that could just be a guess.
Ursual sucks at pool. You think she'd be good at it, seeing as it's all about playing with balls.
The boys do some bonding over some computer games, but Jared, who's had more time playing them, gets beaten by Connor. Sucker!
Bree is very, very dramatic.
But she calms right down as soon as Ursual pays her some attention.
And so begins Bree's days as an attention seeking drama whore.
Jerry: Hey, let's play that game where I'm the boss, and you're the naughty dolphin secretary and I promise you a promotion in return for sexual favours.
Aww, that looks so sweet!
She is confused, and a little disgusted. Grown ups are weird!
BUSTED! Their bin kept getting knocked over but I never saw who did it until now. Bethany Pleasant, what do you have against these people? Is it because I forced you into being, and then never played you (after aging you up to be a teen, with your twin Marnie)? Or is it because every woman in town lusts after your father, Daniel?
Whatever the reason, attention whoring will not work! Now go away! You're weird!
Before Jerry autonomously made himself this sandwich, I'd been off making myself something to eat...which happened to be grilled cheese. I laughed when he made this.
I wish I had homework as cool as theirs!
That rabbit looks like it's on drugs.
And now Jared brings home Gandalf Maitland, perhaps to pick up tips on how to be as emo as possible.
Jared: HAHA! I got an A+ and you'll never be that smart!
Connor: Whoa, dude, it was my first day. I'll so totally get an A+. And then I'll kick your ass with it!
Then because the kids don't shut up about it, and keep rolling for it, they get a dog.
Suzi! Though they nearly got an older dog, only because it was called Ronronreo.
Jerry does the Good Parent thing and promises to take care of the dog just like he does his children.
The poor dog won't last long at that rate!
That's...very professional make up you've got there.
Connor races out to play with the puppy...in a storm. He was the one who wanted one the most, so I guess that's understandable.
Jerry wants to see if Suzi's eyes are bigger than her belly.
She's just so cute!! Teeny tiny puppy in a big big bed.
On yet another dream date with Jerry, they try some interesting massage techniques.
Bree is still confused.
But she LOVES the puppy.
The boys love making beds far too much. And they have matching pyjamas!
Apparently this is bad for you.
INVISIBLE BIKE!!
Jared wanted to invite someone over, so he called up Gandalf, his emo buddy. Gandalf wanted to bring a friend, so he brought his sister, Giselle, who's ready to pop. I always knew that kid was weird.
Please don't be killing playable sims.
Flirting with your guests probably won't help you be mayor. Well, when they don't like it, anyway. Giselle is CRANKY about that.
Please keep your emo-ing about when you were burgled in your own story, k? Ursual has not once bitched about being robbed, and you were a toddler when it happened to you! It's time to get over it!
Cranky Bree is cranky.
...
That's not Bree.
Don't blame me if you love him! Even if it did take you this long.
*melts*
Tender autonomous moments like this almost make up for their horrible parenting skills.
Jerry really misses the biting. He brings this up A LOT.
They finally get married, and only have the kids in attendance.
Well, most of the kids. Bree got bored and wandered off.
Yay! They're both happy about it!
Obligatory smooching shot.
Even the boys are happy about it.
Bree is just happy there are puddles to splash in.
And what's the best way to celebrate at your wedding? Water balloon fight!!
They're so mature.
You know, the reason Bree may not want to learn to speak, is because she's sitting in a puddle of water.
Poor Bree's aspiration was in the red, so I had to force them to make it better for her. Bad, bad parents.
As much as I love that dress, it's really only any good while they're standing up.
...
That's not Bree, either.
Maybe he's just figuring out that Bree isn't his.
Bree shows she may have some magical powers, and levitates the puppy.
...
I have NO idea what was up with the dog.
These kids and their wants! They wanted to go fishing, so they got a pond. Where did they learn about fishing, anyway? They hardly ever watch tv, let alone read a book!
They're not very good at it, and don't catch anything, except sore bums.
Bree is very excited - FOOD!
NOMNOMNOM.
Ursual goes on another date with Dorian, and tells the guys at the table how dates with her bring promotions. She's just that good.
They're very, very bad at singing.
You'd think a cop wouldn't be so eager to get down and dirty in public, but I guess he doesn't get out much.
Those are not her eyes.
Annnnnnd...you missed the boat with that one, doofus.
Bree does NOT like stories about xylophones.
Bree: IMMA GONNNA EACHU!
Dina Goth, when did you get pregnant?? I haven't played with you in years, and when you turned up in here, you were very much not pregnant. Are my sims playing themselves? Is Mortimer Goth that good??
You really don't like to fall in love, do you?
Logarithim has expensive taste. She just wanted chilli. But shut up - you can afford it! You have a coupon!
Don't look at me like that! He's your date!
...
That looks painful.
But this would've made it feel better.
*sigh* It looks like the Maitland boys are the only ones at school with Jared, because now he brings home Gilbert.
Classy, Ursual. I'm sure you think it's hot that he's a great dad, but your timing is a bit inappropriate.
Bree's still cute, though Connor is cuter, I think.
She also can jump through walls when people flush the toilet when she's in the shower. Jared only did that because he wanted the shower.
Bree: Don't you ever do that to me again you nasty nasty boy!!#!11!!
Jared: I'm naked here!!!
Bree gets a bed, and the first thing she does is jump all over it.
A lot.
A family that cleans together, stays together.
NO.
A good night out isn't a good night, unless you woohoo in public.
Though Mrs Crumplebottom disagrees.
Mrs C: slut slut slut slut SLUT!
Logarithim: Grrrr! GRRR!!!
Girl fight!
Mrs C wins, of course.
Mrs C: Must not look at knitting! Must not look at knitting! Those needles going in and out of the wool...it's so...so...suggestive!
They didn't learn their lesson, and jumped into the other photobooth.
And no, you can't have Daniel pleasant either.
While Ursual was waiting to get a table, Logarithim stole the dinner out from under the nose of this woman. Who didn't say a word.
You look way too pleased with yourself, old woman!
Not long after getting home, Ursual gets a call from Brandi.
Is it just me, or is asking out the woman your son is seeing (who is also the mother of your grandchild, though you don't know that) a bit wrong? So I said no, and then we got the same call from Dustin. Riiiiight...weirdo family!
Bree: Look! A diversion!
Connor: What? A Wookie?
Connor: Heyyyyy! I'm trying to play here!
Bree: Talk to the hand, dude, and while you're at it, put on your big girl panties.
Suzi finally learnt to do this outside.
And going by the depth of that puddle, that's a damn good thing!
Now they brought home Gilbert AND Granger!
Hey nanny who shouldn't be there!
I think the other family will notice if you keep killing off their kids, Jared. Now play nice!
She could sleep in that bowl, she's so tiny.
Birthday time!
No, it's not Connor's birthday. It's the other boy.
Uh...
Dude.
I sure hope Connor and Bree stay cute. Because you didn't!
That toilet spits up on a pretty regular basis, though it claims not to be broken. I would assume it's haunted, but there aren't any ghosts as yet.
Well, at least you think you're hot, Jared.
That hair covered up his face nicely.
Jared: *emo emo emo*
She's not any better with Logarithim, though they're much more attractive.
Apparently there are some hot underground music clubs around.
Now she's getting on in years, it's heir portrait time.
Jerry doesn't like the nanny much at all. Maybe they DID install nanny-cam.
*sigh* This is Gregory Maitland. They'll be running out of kids to bring home, soon.
Or maybe Gina's trying to offload some of them.
Having a needy puppy obviously wasn't enough, because Bree kept wanting a bird, so they got a parrot. Fifi Trixibelle!
NO!! The bird will have to do.
Yay! She and Jerry have been getting lots of promotions, and she's now up to 22 dream dates, so she's almost halfway to her LTW. Dating your husband at home makes it SO much easier.
Next to come, more birthdays, and the shipping off of kidlings!
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