my livejournal entries are depressing. so instead of focusing on a topic thats classified as happy or sad, im just gonna write without any purpose, so try not to find any structure in this entry ( Read more... )

this semester is almost over. and with the end of the semester, ill find out whether or not im leaving stonybrook or staying. the truth is, if i leave stonybrook, im gonna do all i can to try and get back into potsdam. simply because the smallest bit of new information can change my whole perspective on everything ( Read more... )

it would be nice to go a full week or two without my stomach going haywire. its due to excessive stress ( Read more... )

throughout the course of your life, you'll find yourself asking the same question over and over ( Read more... )

it all makes sense now. information really is a powerful tool. knowledge isnt power. its the understanding of what you know thats the true power. things fell into place in my head, and most of the knots in my stomach were untied. i love my fantastical brain for its ability to piece together fragments and see the big picture, even if some pieces are ( Read more... )

my job is one big melting pot of drama. and some of it is pretty funny to watch. people getting fired over bathroom breaks.. workers cursing at the managers because they dont like them.. employees holding grudges against one another just because of how theyre doin their job.. its like a sitcom. only im part of the cast and the audience at the same ( Read more... )

im sittin in the sinc site with two of my friends now, and im amazed to find myself in the place that i am. not literally tho, since im in the sinc site all the time hehe. but things are finally starting to turn around. its the happiest ive felt in a long time. the weight pressing into my heart is subsiding, and i can breathe deep, whole breaths ( Read more... )

i admit, i havent been the easiest person to be with for a while. i havent given anyone a chance to know why until tonite when i talked to my mom while drenched in my own tears. to all of you that have asked me if i was ok during the last week or two, im finally gonna tell you the truth. that i wasnt ok, and that im still not ok. obviously you knew ( Read more... )

the battle still rages on. two sides fighting for control over the core. its been a fluxuating stalemate, with neither side ever gaining enough control to be absolute. i continually add fuel to the fire, making one side stronger than the other, but only temporarily. its tearing up the battlefield, so sooner or later the fighting must end. one side ( Read more... )

never before has my physical self taken the shape of my mental self until tonite. i pretty much felt like death and nothing was helping me to get out of it. i think i know exactly why. this constant build-up of negative energy, from all sorts of sources, likes to stay in my body. i like to let it out once in a while so that i can feel like a ( Read more... )