(no subject)
never before has my physical self taken the shape of my mental self until tonite. i pretty much felt like death and nothing was helping me to get out of it. i think i know exactly why. this constant build-up of negative energy, from all sorts of sources, likes to stay in my body. i like to let it out once in a while so that i can feel like a carefree person the next day. it used to work, but recently ive been having trouble with it. i dont necessarily have a system of getting all my negative energy out, but whatever i did used to work. its impossible for it to go away now. it seems like i cant get it out this time, and all its doing for me is making me feel sick. its the first time in many months that ive felt sick from just pure mentality. im sure its just that because it feels alot different than when i have a cold or something.
i realized i cant even cry anymore even if i tried, which is weird since i was really good at it in my youth. im afraid that the overload of stress in my life is getting to me in a way where im beginning to have a negative outlook on things without realizing it. i cant even laugh or smile at some stuff anymore. maybe its just one of my all-time lows. at least i hope so because this really sucks. nausea, headaches, cramps, shaking, and numbness dont belong in the same body at the same time.
between school, friends, family, and my job, i think i just want to find one thing thats pure in my life. something that hasnt been tainted. something i can smile about no matter what.. but that only exists in a dream world.
i realized i cant even cry anymore even if i tried, which is weird since i was really good at it in my youth. im afraid that the overload of stress in my life is getting to me in a way where im beginning to have a negative outlook on things without realizing it. i cant even laugh or smile at some stuff anymore. maybe its just one of my all-time lows. at least i hope so because this really sucks. nausea, headaches, cramps, shaking, and numbness dont belong in the same body at the same time.
between school, friends, family, and my job, i think i just want to find one thing thats pure in my life. something that hasnt been tainted. something i can smile about no matter what.. but that only exists in a dream world.