The most difficult entry....

[sigelfire]

...of my life... so far...

I was thinking and re-thinking about why dark RP slashfic horrifies me so much... Well, i think deep inside (and that's not that i never ever questioned this and found some kind of the same explanation) i knew the answer...

I am posting this so as to explain my position about it, it's not only a whimsical or fanatic, closed

Comments

[enchantr]

*Hugs you tight*

♥♥♥

[sigelfire]

Thank you

*hugs*

[mlady_rebecca]

*teary* I had no idea. I guess I never really had much in the way of South American history, and I wouldn't have been tuned into international news at that age.

Wow, 1976 to 1983, that age when you're supposed to be innocent. Not even a teenager. I certainly didn't have any worries but homework at that age. 1976 was our big bicentennial. 1983 was the year I first started listening to rock music and I got into soap operas.

I just assumed your spiritual beliefs led to a stronger than average aversion to dark fic. But that adds a whole different layer to things.

Saying "I'm sorry" seems inadequate. Thanks for sharing.

*hugs*

[sigelfire]

*crying* I didn't wanted to dig so deeply, but this was something i HAD to do...for me and for me friends... i've been going around this idea for some time now... but i dreaded even to think about that... I was innocent, i never knew much of what was going on (neither many adult people knew... that wasn't something of which to talk...if somebody suddenly 'disappeared' well... 'something he/she must had done...")...but our education was quite 'strict' especially at school... Fortunately i went to a noun School, and they were very nice persons, really

[mlady_rebecca]

I'm glad you were still mostly innocent to it at the time. I can't imagine living with that level of tension for so long.

War has always been a distant thing for me. It was either far in the past or far away physically. 9-11 was the closest I've physically (or emotionally) been to that level of violence, and I was way into adulthood by that time. And that was a grand act of terrorism, not outright war. Not military occupation.

So the band using war as a metaphor doesn't hit me emotionally. It's another academic thing, a mental exercise. And, I imagine, it's the same for the guys in the band. Unless they had relatives who were in the military, they were likely equally sheltered growing up.

*hugs again* I appreciate your candor. It means a lot that you shared this with us.

[sigelfire]

I am glad i could take it all away...:P

Well, as my mom always tells me, we never had any problem within the regime... so we cannot complain at all, but i think even though, that period dug deep into our skins... i tell you, we have to look deep inside to find all the fears that stuck inside of us... but well, when the truth got exposed, many horrors that happened, sometimes just round the corner, came to light... i can't even imagine what must that have been like... We had a couple of friends (well, my parent's friends) who were taken by mistake... fortunately, they did nothing to them and released them quite quickly, but the experience was terrifying the same...

Yes, i think the boys take war in another level of significance... still i tend to rebel... *g*

It where the mothers

[memnoch]

- among other things - who started the downfall of the junta. The mothers who were demonstrating and asking were their sons are. ("Madres de Plaza de Mayo"). Again it were women who spoke up.
So there's no reason to be ashamed.
But such a history affects people.
I can imagine that it took a lot of work to regognize the background of your feelings. It's good that you did it!

I still believe that you don't need to have such a cruel history but it needs only a bit of empathy to let you dislike such a story. That fanfic story is not a crime novel...

Re: It where the mothers

[sigelfire]

Yes, some of them, but they came to sight when the regime was down....during the democracy... Though they helped making things clear to every one of us... And they were and still are, very corageous people...

It's somehow like something that still we prefer to ignore... most people can't yet speak of it or don't want to even get reminded that such things happened in our country...

It took a bit ... though my own analysis of kinks and stuff quite long ago also took me once to evaluate the influence of such part of our history... why i didn't want to recognize some 'sadist' things turn me on... when if i put into the 'victim's' place, they horrify me that they could get to happen to me... and moreover when i remember the terrible things that happened here...That's why i prefer to avoid such matters...

Yes, and i tend to be very empatic... but the fact is why does it bother so much to the point of hurting...

Re: It where the mothers

[memnoch]

I think it's kind of a relieve that you found out why you feel so bad about those crappy fanfics. Because you now can work on not getting agitated too much. You may call it "become dull". But especially if you are so empathetic you get really affected by it. At least that's my experience.
Please don't laugh, but I had that yesterday. bakinblak posted the 13th chapter of a heartbreaking story. Well, to me it is. And as I was halfway through I noticed that I was breathing shallowly and my hands were shaking like mad. She really "gripped" me. Wow

Re: It where the mothers

[sigelfire]

Yes, it's a relief.... And yes, i am quite empathetic too, so no laughs... ;)

Yes, somehow the country's history and my peer group that (idk if education/historical background/social environment didn't shape all our generations like that...) mocked every 'sensitive' person...so no... never cry or show your 'weakness' in public... And then i learnt strongest persons are those who dare to show who they are in front of everybody, and have no fear of being mocked or misjudged... but well, it's a learning process, you know :)

I only get to know about those fictions that irritate me for their content by my sister or some friends... And, whenever i dislike or don't agree with them, i'll only stand up to say 'no more', but in my own way, it has to be pacific and positive, just to counteract the 'bad taste' those things produce in us (my sis and i, mostly) I won't back up, i am strong willed....But promise to try not to flame too much inside :)

[jynnxx]

Thanks for sharing even though it was difficult, it does help me understand how that has shaped your POV, and am glad you explained the history and how it's part of it, it's certainly a very powerful influence. *hugs*

[sigelfire]

You are welcome. Digging so deep helped me to understand my POV too... Yes, unfortunately, it's a quite powerful influence that i've kept denying to myself for long ago...

*hugs back*

[jun_yumemakura]

You reminded me how precious freedom is, the freedom of not to live in a fear, which we tend to take it granted...
Thank you for sharing.

[sigelfire]

You are welcome. Thank you for commenting :)

Yes, you're right Freedom has no price, and as every of those precious things we get 'for free', we take it for granted...