The most difficult entry....
...of my life... so far...
I was thinking and re-thinking about why dark RP slashfic horrifies me so much... Well, i think deep inside (and that's not that i never ever questioned this and found some kind of the same explanation) i knew the answer...
I am posting this so as to explain my position about it, it's not only a whimsical or fanatic, closed ( Read more... )
I was thinking and re-thinking about why dark RP slashfic horrifies me so much... Well, i think deep inside (and that's not that i never ever questioned this and found some kind of the same explanation) i knew the answer...
I am posting this so as to explain my position about it, it's not only a whimsical or fanatic, closed ( Read more... )
I think it's kind of a relieve that you found out why you feel so bad about those crappy fanfics. Because you now can work on not getting agitated too much. You may call it "become dull". But especially if you are so empathetic you get really affected by it. At least that's my experience.
Please don't laugh, but I had that yesterday. bakinblak posted the 13th chapter of a heartbreaking story. Well, to me it is. And as I was halfway through I noticed that I was breathing shallowly and my hands were shaking like mad. She really "gripped" me. Wow!
That's why I procrastinate watching SPN 2.21 / 2.22 for two weeks now. I know about the story and I fear I'll begin to cry if I watch those episodes :-(
For you it's your country's historical background were it wasn't allowed to show your true feelings and for me it was my upbringing. But it isn't good if you are forced to neglect your feelings. Sooner or later you can't stand it any longer!
I'm sure that your healing-work will help. I just ask you to promise one thing: never visit such sites again, please. You know that reading there will hurt you! It's not that I fear the following rant, I don't. But I fear the underlying unhappiness...
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Yes, somehow the country's history and my peer group that (idk if education/historical background/social environment didn't shape all our generations like that...) mocked every 'sensitive' person...so no... never cry or show your 'weakness' in public... And then i learnt strongest persons are those who dare to show who they are in front of everybody, and have no fear of being mocked or misjudged... but well, it's a learning process, you know :)
I only get to know about those fictions that irritate me for their content by my sister or some friends... And, whenever i dislike or don't agree with them, i'll only stand up to say 'no more', but in my own way, it has to be pacific and positive, just to counteract the 'bad taste' those things produce in us (my sis and i, mostly) I won't back up, i am strong willed....But promise to try not to flame too much inside :)
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Yes, I know all to well - I'm still fighting with it :-/
But as we know learning a new behavior and feeling comfortable with it is a process that needs some time. And we should give it that time because that will help us in the end!
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All those new behaviors, knowing to say no and also to say yes to yourself and allow you to show your feelings, your truth, cause strength is inside and not outside (well, it's good not only to 'be' but also to 'seem' but it's way more difficult to 'seem' what we cannot 'be'...), is a complete learning rpoces...we're like the oninos, with many layers and we must go discarding them to reach to the inside and let it show... (*G* for the analogy XD)
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I like the analogy - if you got rid of the last peel you're crying *ggg*
I'm the "Mistress of seem" :-) I seem to be confident and optimistic and that helps a lot at work. No one gives attractive assignments to some whiny loser who doesn't dare to even try something...
It's said to need two weeks until a new behavior is consolidated. That's not unmanageable...
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Well, i also 'seem' at work...that's why i like not to 'seem' when i am among friends :)
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That's what real friends are for: you can be "stupid" and they won't laugh at you. Only with you :-)
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