Well now I am back to my usual mushy self :-). Except now I have another 8 months before I can get any kind of satisfaction :-(. That part pretty much sux. And I haven't told most of my family that I'm even talking to him. I just want to believe for a while that it will work. They won't have anything good to say about it. Most of them will just ( Read more... )

At this point I'm not sure what the hell that means. I have a job that will get me where I want to go, I have a beautiful daughter, and I'm in love with a man who loves me back. From prison. For the next 9 months. When I didn't hear from him for two weeks I went crazy. I detached myself from the situation and then he called. Of course in prison ( Read more... )

I don't know why I always wind up feeling like there's a void somewhere. There's something I'm missing. Maybe I make it up. I decide that I want forever, which I do. But the problem is, I want the promise of forever from the beginning and that's just not the way it works. I start to pick apart what they say, make everything a criticism of me, when ( Read more... )

I am excited about going to Tennessee in a week! It will be so nice to be gone and have no schedule or anything that I have to do. It's been a long time since I've had that. Things right now are really confusing and I need to just clear my head. It's hard to concentrate on what's best for me and Adrienne when I'm not sure what that is. Some things ( Read more... )

Ok so everything is kinda falling to shit right now. I am sitting here, by myself, at 2am, convincing myself that this is the "best way" for things to be right now. Fuck that! That sux. What I want is someone here to comfort me and tell me that I'm not a bad person, and that feeling bad about Sarah isn't truly necessary. How do I figure it all out

Things are so confusing. One minute I think that things are ok and getting better, and then the next I think that it's all futile. I was feeling like maybe it was partially me just blowing things out of proportion. I told him that I was going to work on my cinical attitude and try to be happier. Now all of a sudden he blew me off all day, didn't ( Read more... )

I just got back from my brother's wedding. It was so sweet, but it was odd to watch. It was like this wierd transformation from big brother into a man. He's a husband now, with responsibilities and a true family. When he's being protective, it's about someone else now. I was watching him dance with his new wife and I kept having flashbacks to high ( Read more... )

He just left. We talked about all sorts of things. He's going to set up counseling appointments for us. We're going to take our lists with us and talk to the counselor about the issues that we have. Some of these things we just need an objective third party for. We're going to come up with some rules as far as staying the night together and things ( Read more... )

I feel so alone sitting here in this bed that I used to share with a man who loved me. I sit here thinking of how it felt when he was here and then I feel so stupid for even thinking about it. It does end, right? Eventually I decide that I made the right decision and things feel ok. We all move on. I worry that it won't. I worry that in a month I ( Read more... )

So today I'm a little loopy. Lawrence and I broke up yesterday and it's been extremely difficult. We have to talk about the kids, the house, the laptop, things like that. It's almost like we were married. He came to get his stuff and it was so hard not to act the same way with each other. I love him, but it was too little too late. He realized last ( Read more... )