Still looking for a real connection to anybody. Still lying to them and even more so to my self. I'm the asshole? They don't even know me! Everything's great in life until they have a problem. Then they expect that everyone's life suddenly becomes about solving their problem. But me? I have a problem and then it's "you're such an asshole!" Am I an ( Read more... )

So I asked Laurel out on a date the other day. She said yes and agreed to lunch this afternoon between two and six - if she had the time. So I'm excited, right? I make sure to get up on time, I make myself look nice, and I skip breakfast so I'll actually be hungry when we get to the restaurant. However, two o'clock rolls around and I don't hear ( Read more... )

It's almost 7:30am and I haven't gone to bed yet. Seems as good a reason as any to rant about nothing in particular. I wish I had something keen and insightful to say. Feels like it's been a long time since I last had a decent moment of clarity. Or even a provocative thought for that matter. But who knows - maybe today I'll drift gently into ( Read more... )

Why can't I just give up? What was I expecting? Last night was worst I've had... since the last time I was truly interested in someone. Laurel came over. Absolutely nothing happened. She hardly seemed interested in me and she certainly wasn't interested in my life ( Read more... )

I finally hit it off with a girl in my class, Laurel, whom I've had my eye on since the semester started. We've been talking for a couple of weeks now and I can tell she likes me, but she's also very hesitant ( Read more... )

Not sure why I'm sitting here typing instead of working on Math, in which I am about to fall far far behind. Either I need to get this off my chest or I'm falling back on old habits for lack of knowing what else to do ( Read more... )

This morning I awoke feeling utterly sick to my stomach after having a dream about Dawn. In this dream we were reconnecting because she was unhappy with her marriage. Essentially, it was an affair - and I was loving it. She was torn and had mixed feelings, but I was so happy to have to her back. I didn't console her, but instead kept trying to ( Read more... )

I sorely miss playing D&D. Life has lost so much of its fantasy. I feel like I never get to "play" anymore.

Don't really have anything important to say. Just talking to the wall I guess. My couch finally came. They dinged up my wall pretty good getting it in here, but my landlord said it was no big deal. I have no clue how I'm going to get it out when I move. Either Comcast or my bank fucked up my last payment. I've been on the phone with people for ( Read more... )

I feel like I could sit here and stare at the wall all day. But I don't want to. I just have no... passion. Where's my drive? My inner fire? I've never had that - at least not without obligation. Maybe if I tied myself up with obligations I'd never have to feel aimless again. But I see people who have lives like that. I see how stressed and ( Read more... )