But Seriously... - Sequel to Truly, Madly, Deeply - Part 7a
Once again, appologies for lack of posting. I have finished But Seriously, but I've been so busy with trying to find a job, worknig on other stories, drawing, and making videos.
But to make it up, here's the next part of But Seriously, in which the girls attend a Have I Got News For You Taping, Jeremy Clarkson acts like a prick, and Paul gets pissed. Then... something happens.
Title: But Seriously….
Author: Shinigami518
Rating: PG-13, but with some bits of R in it for mpreg, swearing, some violence, and insanity
Main Character(s) and/or pairings: Ryan/Colin, Tony/Paul, Josie/Richard, Jeff/OFC, Stephen/Hugh (growing), OFC/OMC
Summary: few weeks after their wedding, Paul and Tony take the next step in their relationship: Parenthood. Paul undergoes the "Mpreg Operation" as Alicia and the trio calls it and now he and Tony are to be parents. Keeping this a secret from the news is going to be a bit hard, but with the help of their friends, they are ready.
View Affirmation here:
Epilogue, but with all parts linked
View Against All Odds here:
Epilogue, but with all parts linked
View Truly, Madly, Deeply here:
Epilogue, but with all parts linked
View last chapters here:
Part 1
Part 2
Part 3
Part 4
Part 5a
Part 5b
Part 6
Part 7 - Sussudio
June 6, 2008
London Studios
“Oh wow. This is so damn awesome!” Melissa exclaimed enthusiastically, looking around inside the building in amazement. “I can’t believe it, we’re actually gonna see a live recording of something, and it’s Have I Got News For You, too!” Melissa went on, walking with a bounce in her step.
“Yeah, great for you…” Samantha remarked, almost completely deadpanned while following her friend down the hall to where the show Melissa exclaimed.
“This is amazing. So much better than when my tech class went to the Channel Six building back in High School. At least this place is better organized… and cleaner.” Julie spoke in awe, holding Paul’s hand.
“Sounds like you had quite an experience back then.” Paul remarked with a small chuckle.
“Aside from not being able to sit down for over an hour, walking around half that time, being completely bored, and fears of getting lost, I had a ball. Here, though, at least I’ll be watching something entertaining.” Julie replied with a smile.
“So when’s Alicia coming?” Melissa asked, stretching her arms and back as she walked, fingers interlocked as she moved her arms above her head.
“For the fifth time, she said she’d be here before they have the warm-ups.” Samantha replied with a groan as the four entered the studio where the HIGNFY set was.
All three young women were thrown for a loop as they laid eyes upon the set of the show they’d be watching. It was everything they’d imagined and more.
“Oh man. Think of the history here. If those walls could talk…” Melissa exclaimed, smiling broadly and gleefully.
“I’d cut out their tongues.” Paul interrupted, bluntly. The three ladies giggled in unison.
“Ah, brought some of your groupies, Merton?” A voice remarked from the side. Paul and the trio turned to see who had spoken.
“Ian, hi!” Melissa smiled when she saw the man who had spoken up. Ian just grinned and waved at the three girls.
“They’re not groupies, Ian. They’re just friends.” Paul rolled his eyes in annoyance.
“The way that one is clinging to your arm might make people wonder.” Ian noted, pointing to Julie, who still held his hand. Julie blushed and released her hold on Paul’s arm.
“S-sorry.” Julie whispered in apology.
“Ian, you remember the trio: Melissa Anderson, Samantha London, and Julie Sanders?” Paul asked, pointing to each girl as he said their name. Ian stepped forward, then shook hands with Samantha first.
“Yes I remember them from your wedding, and I take it they’re going to be attending the taping tonight?” Ian nodded, then asked. All three girls nodded.
“Alicia’ll be here, too, but not until warm-ups.” Julie noted.
“So you’ll have four pretty young women watching you guys.” Melissa grinned with a wink. Samantha just glared at her friend.
“Do you always have to do that?” Samantha asked in annoyance.
“So who’re the guests of the night?” Julie asked, changing the subject in hope to avoid another fight.
“Kate Silverton and Ian McMillan are the guests, Clarkson’s the host tonight, though, Paul.” Ian told them. Paul frowned, placing a hand on his stomach.
“Clarkson? Great, I got a bad feeling about this…” Paul muttered with a slight grimace. Melissa noticed the look as she turned to face him.
“Paul, you ok?” Melissa asked, tilting her head slightly to look up at Paul. Julie and Samantha looked at Paul, both confused, but the former starting to get worried.
“I’m fine, just… just a little wary of having Clarkson host.” Paul replied, taking a deep breath to centre himself. Melissa frowned, not entirely believing him.
“Who’s Clarkson?” Samantha asked, confused. Unlike Ian and Paul, she didn’t know who he was.
“Jeremy Clarkson, he does a motoring show.” Ian replied.
“He’s also a bit of a jerk.” Melissa muttered in annoyance.
“Great, after all that happened last night, we don’t need this.” Samantha shook her head. Julie nodded, frowning with her arms crossed.
“What happened last night?” Ian asked, being the one that was confused this time.
“My older sister had a hair up her ass about Paul’s condition and said some things she shouldn’t have said about Paul and Tony. Really bad things that I don’t want to repeat.” Melissa explained with a groan, massaging her forehead. Ian looked from Melissa to Paul in surprise.
“What did she-?” Ian began to ask, then stopped when he saw everyone’s look of unease. It was obviously something they didn’t want to talk about. “Ok, I won’t ask, then. You sure you’re up for tonight episode, Paul?” Ian relented, then asked.
“I can handle it, Ian, stop acting like a mum.” Paul sighed in annoyance, hand on his hip. Melissa and Julie eyed their friend warily, neither trusting him.
“Paul are you sure-?” Julie began to ask.
“I’m fine, kid, just a backache.” Paul waved her off, massaging his back with one hand.
“Why do you insist on calling me-?” Julie started to complain in annoyance.
“Oi, Merton, Hislop!”
The two men in question looked around and saw a grey haired, lanky man waving them over.
“Stop chatting up those girls and get over here, we got a rundown to do!” the man shouted in annoyance.
“Who the heck is that?” Samantha asked, cautiously and irritated.
“That would be Jeremy Clarkson.” Paul frowned, answering Sam’s question. “Alright, we’ll be right over!” Paul then shouted over at Jeremy. He then turned to face the trio. “You three stay out of trouble, understand?” Paul told the three.
“Don’t worry, we’ll be just fine. You better be careful, you hear. You’re not due for a week, so don’t do anything stupid, alright.” Melissa boasted proudly, then added with concern.
“Melissa…” Paul groaned.
“I mean it.” Melissa stated, her eyes softening.
“Yeah, after last night, try not to be too… crazy.” Julie seconded, also looking at Paul in worry.
“Don’t worry, you two, I’ll keep an eye on him.” Ian reassured, patting Paul’s shoulder. The two then turned and walked away. Samantha frowned as she watched Paul and Ian make their way over to Jeremy to discuss the taping.
“What’s wrong, Sam?” Melissa asked, turning to her friend.
“Something about that guy, Clarkson, rubs me the wrong way.” Samantha replied, still staring coldly at the man in question.
<<<<<<<>>>>>>>
They tried to ignore their growing worries and fears as they found their seats and were soon joined by Alicia. The trio told her about seeing Ian and who was going to be on the show that night.
“Jeremy Clarkson? Oh, not good. I know he can be a git, but this might be a problem. He hasn’t been much of a fan of Paul and Tony’s coming out and marriage.” Alicia grimaced, not liking what she heard.
“And with everything that happened last night, I got a bad feeling about this…” Melissa nodded, frowning and looking troubled.
“Now you’re being paranoid.” Samantha groaned, rolling her eyes as she sat down in her seat.
“I’m not. Something bad is gonna happen soon, and last night was just the beginning.” Melissa shook her head in protest.
“Julian thinks so, too. He told me so when I talked to him last night. We better keep a sharp eye on Paul tonight.” Julie inserted, also growing worried.
“We will, but we also should just relax and enjoy the show.” Samantha relented, but also noted. Both young women nodded in agreement, still wearing worried looks on their faces.
“Come on, guys, the warm-up’s are about to begin.” Alicia sighed, pointing to the stage. Melissa sighed and sat down in her seat, as did Julie.
The rest of the night was spent half worrying about Paul, half enjoying the show. Alicia, thankfully, helped explain who Paul and Ian’s teammates to her three friends as they walked onstage for the mic check. Melissa and Julie kept a steady eye on Paul when he entered. Their friend was in a black suit jacket over purple button up shirt with white dots, and black slacks. He also looked quite serious, but took a moment to wave at the audience, smiling at them.
Then the show began. During the taping, Samantha whispered to her friends that she felt Jeremy Clarkson was a dick, which was agreed unanimously by all three. Each four had their favourite moments that made them laugh loudly or loved.
Alicia’s moment came during the second round, during the “Wheel of News”. During a talk about Max Mosely that ended up involving orgies and sponsors, Paul spoke up.
“So, these Pringles you have here are very nice. Do you want to whip them off my buttocks?” Paul quipped in a fake German accent. He then paused with a grimace, and then buried his face in his hand. He then groaned out “I just remembered what I was doing last Friday.” At first Samantha thought it was a joke, but after the show, Alicia, who was still giggling about that comment, told her about an incident that happened the week before during the “Improv Chums” involving Richard, a nude beach, and Paul never wanting to shake his friend’s hand ever again.
Samantha’s moment came after Alicia’s when Jeremy realized he was missing one of his cards. Paul and Ian McMillan got up to help search for the card and Paul ending up finding it. Paul then swiped one of the other cards, which Jeremy grabbed back and then pretended to unplug Paul's buzzer.
“Is technology a strong thing for you?” Paul asked Jeremy jokingly, after proving that their buzzer still worked.
“It’s green! You’re not interested!” Ian added, which made Samantha crack up.
Julie and Melissa’s favourite moment came near the end during Missing Words. The guest publication was The Velologists, for those who collect expired car tax disks. The last headline was "Collectors of expired tax discs can add to the dinner party conversation with lines like *what*”. Without missing a beat, Paul made the first and only answer to that Missing Word: “I’m on the sex offenders register!” Loud laughter erupted from the audience. “Could you pass the butter?” Paul pretended to ask normally. Meanwhile, Jeremy was cracking up.
“You’re not going to forget that conversation, aren’t you?” Paul casually asked Jeremy. Melissa nearly pissed herself laughing from both the comment and how casually Paul was afterwards while Julie had to remove her glasses due to laughing so much, she was in tears.
In the end, the game ended with a tie and Jeremy still laughing on and off about Paul’s wild answer. The four young women loved every second of the show, laughing, clapping, and ‘ooo’ing along with the audience, especially at the “Angus” mention during Wheel of News. During the small breaks, Alicia helped explain a few things to her three American friends in case they were confused, especially to Samantha, who, unlike Melissa and Julie, wasn’t as well versed in Have I Got News For You.
Once taping was over, after most of the audience left, Julie, Alicia, Samantha, and Melissa, however, went a different direction. Alicia handed the three American girls the backstage passes Paul had given her earlier that week and lead them to the backstage area. As they walked to meet up with their friend, the four gossiped about the show, talking of favourite moments and what would be cut or not from the show.
“Paul looked a bit uncomfortable during the show, didn’t he?” Melissa asked suddenly while Julie and Samantha were talking about the Angus reference.
“What do you mean?” Samantha asked cautiously.
“I could’ve sworn he was grimacing at times, but I’m not entirely sure.” Melissa went on, recalling what she saw. Samantha sighed, pushing her glasses up as she pinched the bridge of her nose in aggravation.
“You’re worrying too much again, ‘Lissa.” Samantha groaned out.
“Maybe she’s not. He did look slightly… agitated about something. I doubt it was about Clarkson, too.” Julie remarked.
“One of the twins was probably being a pain. You two are probably worrying about nothing.” Alicia said, trying to sound cheerful, but their worries had started to get to her, creating a small pit in her stomach that was not hunger.
“Alicia, girls, over here!”
The four had been so distracted, they hadn’t seen Ian making his way over to them, waving at them.
“Hey, Ian, great show tonight. You guys really busted Jeremy good!” Alicia congratulated, running over to Ian.
“That Wheel of News and Missing Words were awesome. I don’t think I laughed that hard in a while.” Julie agreed, smiling happily.
“Where’s Paul?” Melissa asked curiously, noticing the absence of their friend.
“He went on ahead to get changed. He was also muttering about one of the kids playing with his bladder again.” Ian explained. Alicia winced in sympathy.
“But he looked ok, right?” Melissa asked, starting to get worried again.
“A little uncomfortable, but I think it was just the kids moving around a lot.” Ian replied. Melissa bit her lip, turning away in contemplation and worry.
“Melissa, come on, stop being a worrywart.” Samantha sighed.
“Guys, I’m serious about this. I think it’s not a backache he’s got. I think it’s something else. Something we might have to take him to the doctors for.” Melissa told her friends, looking back at them. Ian and Samantha started to frown while Julie and Alicia began to look afraid.
“You don’t think…” Alicia worried, putting a hand to her chest.
“After everything that’s happened in the past 24 hours, I wouldn’t be surprised!” Melissa replied sharply. She then turned and began to run down the hall, a look of determination on her face. Suddenly, she stopped about twenty feet away from her friends. Slowly, she turned back around and walked back to her friends, blushing in embarrassment.
“What’s wrong?” Ian asked.
“Uh… where’s the dressing room?” Melissa asked, rubbing the back of her neck.
Julie hid her face in her hands. “Ugh, Melissa you idiot….” Julie whispered from behind her hands.
After that setback, Ian led the four down the hall and to the dressing room, all five of them wearing looks that ranged from worry to fear to tense. Once they got to the room, Ian opened the door and stepped in, the four girls following him. To their fears, there was no sign of Paul in the room.
“He’s not here…” Ian whispered, staring into the empty dressing room. Julie turned and exited the room, entering the hallway.
“Paul!” Julie cried out.
“Paul!” Samantha shouted from behind Julie.
“Paul!” Alicia echoed in fear, moving past Julie as she left the room.
“Paul Merton!” Melissa yelled from inside the room.
“…How many Paul’s do you think work here, ‘Lissa?” Alicia asked, narrowing her eyes at her friend. Ian looked around, frowning, then walked over to someone coming in their direction.
“Jo! Have you seen Paul?” Ian asked, walking over to Jo, the warm-up girl. Jo looked up in surprise from the papers she was looking through.
“Paul? I saw him heading to the restroom; he didn’t look all that well, though. I think he’s got a stomach bug or something.” Jo answered, a small frown on her lips. Ian, Melissa, and Julie exchanged troubled looks while Samantha and Alicia frowned.
“Which way did he go?” Ian continued the questioning. Jo pointed down the hall she came from in response.
“Ian, what’s going on?” Jo asked, confused and growing alarmed.
“I’ll explain later. Excuse me.” Ian answered, moving past the woman with Alicia and the trio right behind him. Jo was left alone and confused as she watched the five people rush off in the direction she came from.
<<<<<<<>>>>>>>
Meanwhile…
Paul exited the bathroom, a pained look on his pale face. Ever since halfway through recording, the twins had been extremely active, moving around quite a lot. He barely made it to the bathroom in time thanks to one of them using his bladder as a squeeze toy. Now, the cramps that been bugging him since before the show started had started to come a bit more frequently.
He sighed, leaning against the wall, hand to his stomach. “What’s wrong, little ones? Why are you like this?” Paul asked softly, looking down at himself. He let out a second sigh. “It’s probably due to all this excitement the past 24 hours. Christine’s bitchiness, Melissa tearing Christine a new one, the kid crying,” Paul huffed, rubbing his stomach to sooth the twins. “Probably felt what I felt and more.” He then closed his eyes and took several deep breaths to calm himself and, hopefully, the twins. “It’s alright; calm down, my little ones. Nothing’s going to-.” Paul whispered very softly, clearing his mind and calming himself.
“Hey Merton.”
Paul groaned as he opened his eyes. Making his way over was Jeremy Clarkson. Paul straightened up, but kept on hand protectively on his stomach.
“What do you want?” Paul asked as Jeremy walked up.
“That was quite the stunt you pulled last year, coming out like that.” Jeremy stated, now standing near Paul.
“So what? It was the truth.” Paul asked, warily as he pushed away from the wall.
“Cut the bull, Merton. You may’ve fooled most of the world, but not me. You’ve been a big old poof for years. With the way you flirted with Hislop all those years, it’s obvious!” Jeremy cut him off. Paul stood in front of Jeremy, staring at him in total disbelief.
“What the hell are you getting at?” Paul asked, still being wary, but now starting to grow angry.
While this was going on, unbeknown to the two men, Ian and the four women had stumbled onto their argument. Wisely keeping out of it, they watched on in silence.
“Just saying it’s stupid for you to make such a damn spectacle about it I mean, you - hooking up with Slattery and getting together? What, your other two marriages and the shagging Hislop in the back not enough for you?!” Jeremy remarked coldly and bitterly.
Melissa’s eyes widen on that remark. She couldn’t believe he was saying all this, especially out in the open like this.
“What’s that git talking about?! Paul’s never shagged Ian!” Alicia growled softly but angrily. She then looked at Ian, a bit worriedly. “You two never-?” She began to ask.
“No.” Ian cut her off brusquely.
“How could he say all that?” Samantha asked, troubled.
“No way Paul’s letting him get away with that.” Julie stated, shaking her head before pointing at Paul, who was now getting really mad at Jeremy.
“You bastard! Ian and I are just friends, God damn it! We never had sex, ever!” Paul snapped, growing very pissed off at Jeremy. Jeremy let out a “hrmph” in response.
“Could’ve fooled me with all that flirting you did, even when you were married to Caroline and Sarah. Is that why they left? They discovered your secret trysts with Hislop and your mentally unstable boy toy Slattery?” Jeremy stated coolly, turning away with his arms crossed. Samantha had to physically hold Julie back as the brunette’s anger began to reach its boiling point while Ian grabbed an also equally angry Alicia’s arm before she made an attempted lunge from behind the wall to attack Jeremy.
“That mother- son of a- how dare he-?” Julie growled softly.
“He’s got some nerve saying that shit.” Alicia hissed through gritted teeth.
“Wrong thing to say, Clarkson…” Melissa shook her head, also angrily.
*THWACK!!*
Paul’s left fist made contact with Jeremy’s jaw, a look of fury on his pale face. Ian and all four girls winced at the force of the punch.
“Don’t you EVER say anything that insulting about my friends or loved ones ever again! First off, all that so-called flirting was for show! I am NOT in LOVE with Ian! He’s is my friend and nothing more! Second, Caroline and I separated from different reasons, none of them dealing with me shagging anyone. She figured it out that I was bi the same time I did, back in ’97 when I realized I was in love with Tony. Third, Sarah already knew I was bisexual, you git, but she didn’t care. It still hurts that I lost her and I still do love her, but I had to move on. Finally, if you ever say anything bad about Ian, Tony, Caroline, OR Sarah like that ever again, I will make your life a living hell!” Paul snapped, pissed off. He then stepped forward, getting into Jeremy’s face. “You saw what Ian and I did to Angus when he got busted in the news the first and second time. Think of what we could do to you, you fucking son of a bitch.” Paul growled coldly. He then turned away, eyes closed as he walked away; hand on his stomach as he tried to catch his breath from all the yelling.
“I’ve never seen Paul that angry before.” Alicia whispered in shock as Ian released her.
“I have. Remember last night when he snapped at Chris?” Melissa remembered.
“Oh yeah…” Julie nodded in remembrance.
“Paul.” Ian said, catching Paul’s attention. He looked up to see Ian, then the four girls standing together after emerging from their hiding spot.
“Ian. D-did you and the girls-?” Paul asked in surprise.
“Paul, that was-.” Ian began to say, then paled as he saw something approach his friend from behind. “LOOK OUT!” Ian exclaimed, pointing behind Paul. Paul turned as fast as he could, but Ian’s exclamation came too late.
Jeremy’s fist made contact with Paul’s jaw, knocking the brunet into the wall. Paul fell against the wall; his right shoulder bracing himself for the impact. Then he fell to his knee, left hand nursing the bruise on his face while the other rested protectively around his stomach.
“Damn, wasn’t at full strength.” Jeremy cursed, rubbing his hand with his other.
“Paul!” Julie cried out, running over to the older brunet, her anger transforming into fear.
“You son of a bitch!” Samantha screamed, now incredibly pissed off. The raven haired woman stormed past everyone towards Jeremy.
“Shitshitshitshitshitshitshitshitshit…” Melissa whispered in a soft, panicky mantra. Ian joined Melissa and Julie at Paul’s side while Alicia followed Samantha, who was glaring daggers of death at Jeremy.
“You PRICK!” Samantha snapped and then did something no one ever expected her to every do.
She slapped Jeremy Clarkson across the face. Hard.
“Ooo, nice shot.” Ian remarked softly, wincing at the obvious force of the slap.
“What the hell’s your problem? You should’ve known better than to insult Paul like that!” Samantha growled, ignoring Ian’s comment
“And who are you supposed to be? A member of his fan club in America?” Jeremy shot back, rubbing his aching cheek.
“No, I’m just a friend who despises stuck up assholes like you.” Samantha replied, her anger starting to wan slightly as she began to calm down slowly. Alicia stepped up, standing next to Samantha, and then pointed back at Julie and Melissa, who were assisting Ian in helping Paul to his feet.
“You ok?” Melissa asked Paul softly. Paul nodded, rubbing his jaw while shooting Jeremy a cold look.
“You should be lucky that those two haven’t given you a piece of their minds. The blonde’s the daughter of a police officer and the brunette’s got a mean kick that’ll make you sing those high BeeGee notes.” Alicia commented, also angry, but managing to keep her rage in check. Julie blushed softly at Alicia’s comment while Melissa smiled proudly at her mention.
“Was that a threat?” Jeremy asked, glaring angrily at Alicia.
“No, just a warning. So why are you being such a-?” Alicia replied, then began to ask when a sharp cry of pain came from behind her and Samantha. Alicia’s face immediately lost colour as she turned to see what caused the yelp.
Paul was now hunched over on his knees, grabbing his stomach. His eyes were closed tight as he felt a sharp pain course through his body. Ian and Melissa were already kneeling down next to Paul while Julie was standing, her gaze moving from Paul to Jeremy, a look of fear on her face.
“Paul, what is it? Where does it hurt?” Ian asked, trying to figure out the problem.
“Oh, come on, you didn’t hit the wall that hard!” Jeremy rolled his eyes in irritation.
“Go suck on a monkey’s tit, Clarkson!” Melissa snapped, glaring at Jeremy in hatred. Julie decided to kneel down and reached out to touch Paul’s shoulder.
“Paul? Paul, look at me! I-is it… is it the twins?” Julie exclaimed, then asked, lowering her voice so Jeremy couldn’t hear it.
“It’s like there’s a knife tryin’ to rip apart my stomach from the inside out!” Paul winced, gritting his teeth in agony. Melissa paled greatly, as did Julie, as realization began to take form.
Ian then asked “Where is the pain the worst?” Paul lowered his hands and gestured around his lower abdomen. Julie and Melissa looked at each other in fear.
“FUCK!” Ian swore, very loudly.
“Did… did you just say-?” Alicia gasped, looking at Ian in amazement.
“What? What is it? Is it really… that?” Samantha exclaimed, now joining Melissa and Julie.
“The hell?” Jeremy whispered, not understanding what was going on.
“Damn it, we gotta get him to the hospital and fast!” Melissa exclaimed, starting to panic. Ian stood up and took out his mobile.
“Already on it.” Ian stated, beginning to dial a number.
“I knew it. I knew something like this was gonna happen.” Julie whispered, beginning to shake in fear.
“Julie, shut up! We gotta get Paul out of here and to a hospital, like, right now!” Melissa snapped, trying to sound calm, but was failing due to the rising panic in her voice.
“And how, pray tell, are you going to do that? Julie doesn’t have her license yet, Sam doesn’t know the area, I don’t have enough room in my car for all of us, and you’ve already shown you can’t adapt to the driving differences here.” Alicia asked in irritation, her heart pounding in excitement and fear over the current situation. What Alicia said was true; last time they were in England, Melissa had insisted on driving when they went to Paul and Tony’s wedding. Unfortunately, she had proven to be a horrible driver, having trouble keeping on the other side of the road and almost crashing into an oncoming car.
“I can adapt!” Melissa protested. Alicia just stared frostily at her friend.
“Can someone tell me what the bloody hell is going on?” Jeremy snapped.
“Fuck off, Clarkson! You were the fucking catalyst to this, so go piss up a flagpole!” Julie glared angrily at Jeremy.
“Excuse me?” Jeremy asked, insulted and still confused.
“What does this look like, Clarkson, if Paul was a woman?” Melissa asked, starting to have enough of Jeremy.
“…what?” Jeremy was now even more confused than ever.
“I’m in labour, you fucking twat!!!” Paul screamed, pissed off and trying to stand. Ian winced, stepping away from Paul.
“…WHAT?!” Jeremy shouted in disbelief. Ian then closed his mobile and placed it in his pants pocket.
“Dr. Addy’s waiting for us. Alicia, you did drive here, right?” Ian announced, then asked the oldest of the four women.
“In me mum’s car, yes.” Alicia nodded.
“Good, then we’ll split up. You’ll take one or two of the girls in your car and I’ll take Paul and whoever is left in mine.” Ian ordered, after sighing in relief. He then started to help Paul to his feet with Julie and Alicia’s help.
“Wait, a-are you telling me that Merton is pregnant AND giving birth right now?” Jeremy asked, incredulously while walking over. Samantha, glaring coldly at Jeremy, stepped in front of him before he could get too close to Paul.
“Yeah. Sounds better when you finally realize it, doesn’t it?” Samantha noted acidly. Alicia nodded, frowning while stepping away from Paul, allowing Ian to help his friend. Paul then reached out and grabbed Jeremy by the shirt, pulling the man close to his face. For a split second, Jeremy thought that Paul’s blue eyes were glowing red.
“Clarkson, when this is over, I’m going to eviscerate you and use your gastrointestinal tract as a condom while I fornicate with your skull, you son of a bitch.” Paul hissed in pain. Ian nearly cracked up on hearing what Paul said while the four women reacted in mix shock and grins. Paul was then led away with Ian and Julie’s help passed Jeremy, who just kept staring at Paul in shock.
“…What did he just say?” Jeremy finally asked after a few seconds.
“I believe he said that once he’s given birth and has recovered from it, he’s going to skull fuck you, and then he insulted your mother.” Alicia replied bluntly. Melissa snorted out a laugh as she joined Alicia and Samantha as they rushed off after Ian, Paul, and Julie.
“How the hell did you know that’s what he said?” Samantha asked Alicia as they ran off to rejoin their friends.
“Paul and I heard Stephen say that to someone once a few years ago and he ended up explaining what he said to us later.” Alicia replied honestly.
“Heh, guess Paul learned from the best.” Melissa smirked.
I'll post the next part sometime in the future, maybe on Sunday, so please read and review.
But to make it up, here's the next part of But Seriously, in which the girls attend a Have I Got News For You Taping, Jeremy Clarkson acts like a prick, and Paul gets pissed. Then... something happens.
Title: But Seriously….
Author: Shinigami518
Rating: PG-13, but with some bits of R in it for mpreg, swearing, some violence, and insanity
Main Character(s) and/or pairings: Ryan/Colin, Tony/Paul, Josie/Richard, Jeff/OFC, Stephen/Hugh (growing), OFC/OMC
Summary: few weeks after their wedding, Paul and Tony take the next step in their relationship: Parenthood. Paul undergoes the "Mpreg Operation" as Alicia and the trio calls it and now he and Tony are to be parents. Keeping this a secret from the news is going to be a bit hard, but with the help of their friends, they are ready.
View Affirmation here:
Epilogue, but with all parts linked
View Against All Odds here:
Epilogue, but with all parts linked
View Truly, Madly, Deeply here:
Epilogue, but with all parts linked
View last chapters here:
Part 1
Part 2
Part 3
Part 4
Part 5a
Part 5b
Part 6
Part 7 - Sussudio
June 6, 2008
London Studios
“Oh wow. This is so damn awesome!” Melissa exclaimed enthusiastically, looking around inside the building in amazement. “I can’t believe it, we’re actually gonna see a live recording of something, and it’s Have I Got News For You, too!” Melissa went on, walking with a bounce in her step.
“Yeah, great for you…” Samantha remarked, almost completely deadpanned while following her friend down the hall to where the show Melissa exclaimed.
“This is amazing. So much better than when my tech class went to the Channel Six building back in High School. At least this place is better organized… and cleaner.” Julie spoke in awe, holding Paul’s hand.
“Sounds like you had quite an experience back then.” Paul remarked with a small chuckle.
“Aside from not being able to sit down for over an hour, walking around half that time, being completely bored, and fears of getting lost, I had a ball. Here, though, at least I’ll be watching something entertaining.” Julie replied with a smile.
“So when’s Alicia coming?” Melissa asked, stretching her arms and back as she walked, fingers interlocked as she moved her arms above her head.
“For the fifth time, she said she’d be here before they have the warm-ups.” Samantha replied with a groan as the four entered the studio where the HIGNFY set was.
All three young women were thrown for a loop as they laid eyes upon the set of the show they’d be watching. It was everything they’d imagined and more.
“Oh man. Think of the history here. If those walls could talk…” Melissa exclaimed, smiling broadly and gleefully.
“I’d cut out their tongues.” Paul interrupted, bluntly. The three ladies giggled in unison.
“Ah, brought some of your groupies, Merton?” A voice remarked from the side. Paul and the trio turned to see who had spoken.
“Ian, hi!” Melissa smiled when she saw the man who had spoken up. Ian just grinned and waved at the three girls.
“They’re not groupies, Ian. They’re just friends.” Paul rolled his eyes in annoyance.
“The way that one is clinging to your arm might make people wonder.” Ian noted, pointing to Julie, who still held his hand. Julie blushed and released her hold on Paul’s arm.
“S-sorry.” Julie whispered in apology.
“Ian, you remember the trio: Melissa Anderson, Samantha London, and Julie Sanders?” Paul asked, pointing to each girl as he said their name. Ian stepped forward, then shook hands with Samantha first.
“Yes I remember them from your wedding, and I take it they’re going to be attending the taping tonight?” Ian nodded, then asked. All three girls nodded.
“Alicia’ll be here, too, but not until warm-ups.” Julie noted.
“So you’ll have four pretty young women watching you guys.” Melissa grinned with a wink. Samantha just glared at her friend.
“Do you always have to do that?” Samantha asked in annoyance.
“So who’re the guests of the night?” Julie asked, changing the subject in hope to avoid another fight.
“Kate Silverton and Ian McMillan are the guests, Clarkson’s the host tonight, though, Paul.” Ian told them. Paul frowned, placing a hand on his stomach.
“Clarkson? Great, I got a bad feeling about this…” Paul muttered with a slight grimace. Melissa noticed the look as she turned to face him.
“Paul, you ok?” Melissa asked, tilting her head slightly to look up at Paul. Julie and Samantha looked at Paul, both confused, but the former starting to get worried.
“I’m fine, just… just a little wary of having Clarkson host.” Paul replied, taking a deep breath to centre himself. Melissa frowned, not entirely believing him.
“Who’s Clarkson?” Samantha asked, confused. Unlike Ian and Paul, she didn’t know who he was.
“Jeremy Clarkson, he does a motoring show.” Ian replied.
“He’s also a bit of a jerk.” Melissa muttered in annoyance.
“Great, after all that happened last night, we don’t need this.” Samantha shook her head. Julie nodded, frowning with her arms crossed.
“What happened last night?” Ian asked, being the one that was confused this time.
“My older sister had a hair up her ass about Paul’s condition and said some things she shouldn’t have said about Paul and Tony. Really bad things that I don’t want to repeat.” Melissa explained with a groan, massaging her forehead. Ian looked from Melissa to Paul in surprise.
“What did she-?” Ian began to ask, then stopped when he saw everyone’s look of unease. It was obviously something they didn’t want to talk about. “Ok, I won’t ask, then. You sure you’re up for tonight episode, Paul?” Ian relented, then asked.
“I can handle it, Ian, stop acting like a mum.” Paul sighed in annoyance, hand on his hip. Melissa and Julie eyed their friend warily, neither trusting him.
“Paul are you sure-?” Julie began to ask.
“I’m fine, kid, just a backache.” Paul waved her off, massaging his back with one hand.
“Why do you insist on calling me-?” Julie started to complain in annoyance.
“Oi, Merton, Hislop!”
The two men in question looked around and saw a grey haired, lanky man waving them over.
“Stop chatting up those girls and get over here, we got a rundown to do!” the man shouted in annoyance.
“Who the heck is that?” Samantha asked, cautiously and irritated.
“That would be Jeremy Clarkson.” Paul frowned, answering Sam’s question. “Alright, we’ll be right over!” Paul then shouted over at Jeremy. He then turned to face the trio. “You three stay out of trouble, understand?” Paul told the three.
“Don’t worry, we’ll be just fine. You better be careful, you hear. You’re not due for a week, so don’t do anything stupid, alright.” Melissa boasted proudly, then added with concern.
“Melissa…” Paul groaned.
“I mean it.” Melissa stated, her eyes softening.
“Yeah, after last night, try not to be too… crazy.” Julie seconded, also looking at Paul in worry.
“Don’t worry, you two, I’ll keep an eye on him.” Ian reassured, patting Paul’s shoulder. The two then turned and walked away. Samantha frowned as she watched Paul and Ian make their way over to Jeremy to discuss the taping.
“What’s wrong, Sam?” Melissa asked, turning to her friend.
“Something about that guy, Clarkson, rubs me the wrong way.” Samantha replied, still staring coldly at the man in question.
<<<<<<<>>>>>>>
They tried to ignore their growing worries and fears as they found their seats and were soon joined by Alicia. The trio told her about seeing Ian and who was going to be on the show that night.
“Jeremy Clarkson? Oh, not good. I know he can be a git, but this might be a problem. He hasn’t been much of a fan of Paul and Tony’s coming out and marriage.” Alicia grimaced, not liking what she heard.
“And with everything that happened last night, I got a bad feeling about this…” Melissa nodded, frowning and looking troubled.
“Now you’re being paranoid.” Samantha groaned, rolling her eyes as she sat down in her seat.
“I’m not. Something bad is gonna happen soon, and last night was just the beginning.” Melissa shook her head in protest.
“Julian thinks so, too. He told me so when I talked to him last night. We better keep a sharp eye on Paul tonight.” Julie inserted, also growing worried.
“We will, but we also should just relax and enjoy the show.” Samantha relented, but also noted. Both young women nodded in agreement, still wearing worried looks on their faces.
“Come on, guys, the warm-up’s are about to begin.” Alicia sighed, pointing to the stage. Melissa sighed and sat down in her seat, as did Julie.
The rest of the night was spent half worrying about Paul, half enjoying the show. Alicia, thankfully, helped explain who Paul and Ian’s teammates to her three friends as they walked onstage for the mic check. Melissa and Julie kept a steady eye on Paul when he entered. Their friend was in a black suit jacket over purple button up shirt with white dots, and black slacks. He also looked quite serious, but took a moment to wave at the audience, smiling at them.
Then the show began. During the taping, Samantha whispered to her friends that she felt Jeremy Clarkson was a dick, which was agreed unanimously by all three. Each four had their favourite moments that made them laugh loudly or loved.
Alicia’s moment came during the second round, during the “Wheel of News”. During a talk about Max Mosely that ended up involving orgies and sponsors, Paul spoke up.
“So, these Pringles you have here are very nice. Do you want to whip them off my buttocks?” Paul quipped in a fake German accent. He then paused with a grimace, and then buried his face in his hand. He then groaned out “I just remembered what I was doing last Friday.” At first Samantha thought it was a joke, but after the show, Alicia, who was still giggling about that comment, told her about an incident that happened the week before during the “Improv Chums” involving Richard, a nude beach, and Paul never wanting to shake his friend’s hand ever again.
Samantha’s moment came after Alicia’s when Jeremy realized he was missing one of his cards. Paul and Ian McMillan got up to help search for the card and Paul ending up finding it. Paul then swiped one of the other cards, which Jeremy grabbed back and then pretended to unplug Paul's buzzer.
“Is technology a strong thing for you?” Paul asked Jeremy jokingly, after proving that their buzzer still worked.
“It’s green! You’re not interested!” Ian added, which made Samantha crack up.
Julie and Melissa’s favourite moment came near the end during Missing Words. The guest publication was The Velologists, for those who collect expired car tax disks. The last headline was "Collectors of expired tax discs can add to the dinner party conversation with lines like *what*”. Without missing a beat, Paul made the first and only answer to that Missing Word: “I’m on the sex offenders register!” Loud laughter erupted from the audience. “Could you pass the butter?” Paul pretended to ask normally. Meanwhile, Jeremy was cracking up.
“You’re not going to forget that conversation, aren’t you?” Paul casually asked Jeremy. Melissa nearly pissed herself laughing from both the comment and how casually Paul was afterwards while Julie had to remove her glasses due to laughing so much, she was in tears.
In the end, the game ended with a tie and Jeremy still laughing on and off about Paul’s wild answer. The four young women loved every second of the show, laughing, clapping, and ‘ooo’ing along with the audience, especially at the “Angus” mention during Wheel of News. During the small breaks, Alicia helped explain a few things to her three American friends in case they were confused, especially to Samantha, who, unlike Melissa and Julie, wasn’t as well versed in Have I Got News For You.
Once taping was over, after most of the audience left, Julie, Alicia, Samantha, and Melissa, however, went a different direction. Alicia handed the three American girls the backstage passes Paul had given her earlier that week and lead them to the backstage area. As they walked to meet up with their friend, the four gossiped about the show, talking of favourite moments and what would be cut or not from the show.
“Paul looked a bit uncomfortable during the show, didn’t he?” Melissa asked suddenly while Julie and Samantha were talking about the Angus reference.
“What do you mean?” Samantha asked cautiously.
“I could’ve sworn he was grimacing at times, but I’m not entirely sure.” Melissa went on, recalling what she saw. Samantha sighed, pushing her glasses up as she pinched the bridge of her nose in aggravation.
“You’re worrying too much again, ‘Lissa.” Samantha groaned out.
“Maybe she’s not. He did look slightly… agitated about something. I doubt it was about Clarkson, too.” Julie remarked.
“One of the twins was probably being a pain. You two are probably worrying about nothing.” Alicia said, trying to sound cheerful, but their worries had started to get to her, creating a small pit in her stomach that was not hunger.
“Alicia, girls, over here!”
The four had been so distracted, they hadn’t seen Ian making his way over to them, waving at them.
“Hey, Ian, great show tonight. You guys really busted Jeremy good!” Alicia congratulated, running over to Ian.
“That Wheel of News and Missing Words were awesome. I don’t think I laughed that hard in a while.” Julie agreed, smiling happily.
“Where’s Paul?” Melissa asked curiously, noticing the absence of their friend.
“He went on ahead to get changed. He was also muttering about one of the kids playing with his bladder again.” Ian explained. Alicia winced in sympathy.
“But he looked ok, right?” Melissa asked, starting to get worried again.
“A little uncomfortable, but I think it was just the kids moving around a lot.” Ian replied. Melissa bit her lip, turning away in contemplation and worry.
“Melissa, come on, stop being a worrywart.” Samantha sighed.
“Guys, I’m serious about this. I think it’s not a backache he’s got. I think it’s something else. Something we might have to take him to the doctors for.” Melissa told her friends, looking back at them. Ian and Samantha started to frown while Julie and Alicia began to look afraid.
“You don’t think…” Alicia worried, putting a hand to her chest.
“After everything that’s happened in the past 24 hours, I wouldn’t be surprised!” Melissa replied sharply. She then turned and began to run down the hall, a look of determination on her face. Suddenly, she stopped about twenty feet away from her friends. Slowly, she turned back around and walked back to her friends, blushing in embarrassment.
“What’s wrong?” Ian asked.
“Uh… where’s the dressing room?” Melissa asked, rubbing the back of her neck.
Julie hid her face in her hands. “Ugh, Melissa you idiot….” Julie whispered from behind her hands.
After that setback, Ian led the four down the hall and to the dressing room, all five of them wearing looks that ranged from worry to fear to tense. Once they got to the room, Ian opened the door and stepped in, the four girls following him. To their fears, there was no sign of Paul in the room.
“He’s not here…” Ian whispered, staring into the empty dressing room. Julie turned and exited the room, entering the hallway.
“Paul!” Julie cried out.
“Paul!” Samantha shouted from behind Julie.
“Paul!” Alicia echoed in fear, moving past Julie as she left the room.
“Paul Merton!” Melissa yelled from inside the room.
“…How many Paul’s do you think work here, ‘Lissa?” Alicia asked, narrowing her eyes at her friend. Ian looked around, frowning, then walked over to someone coming in their direction.
“Jo! Have you seen Paul?” Ian asked, walking over to Jo, the warm-up girl. Jo looked up in surprise from the papers she was looking through.
“Paul? I saw him heading to the restroom; he didn’t look all that well, though. I think he’s got a stomach bug or something.” Jo answered, a small frown on her lips. Ian, Melissa, and Julie exchanged troubled looks while Samantha and Alicia frowned.
“Which way did he go?” Ian continued the questioning. Jo pointed down the hall she came from in response.
“Ian, what’s going on?” Jo asked, confused and growing alarmed.
“I’ll explain later. Excuse me.” Ian answered, moving past the woman with Alicia and the trio right behind him. Jo was left alone and confused as she watched the five people rush off in the direction she came from.
<<<<<<<>>>>>>>
Meanwhile…
Paul exited the bathroom, a pained look on his pale face. Ever since halfway through recording, the twins had been extremely active, moving around quite a lot. He barely made it to the bathroom in time thanks to one of them using his bladder as a squeeze toy. Now, the cramps that been bugging him since before the show started had started to come a bit more frequently.
He sighed, leaning against the wall, hand to his stomach. “What’s wrong, little ones? Why are you like this?” Paul asked softly, looking down at himself. He let out a second sigh. “It’s probably due to all this excitement the past 24 hours. Christine’s bitchiness, Melissa tearing Christine a new one, the kid crying,” Paul huffed, rubbing his stomach to sooth the twins. “Probably felt what I felt and more.” He then closed his eyes and took several deep breaths to calm himself and, hopefully, the twins. “It’s alright; calm down, my little ones. Nothing’s going to-.” Paul whispered very softly, clearing his mind and calming himself.
“Hey Merton.”
Paul groaned as he opened his eyes. Making his way over was Jeremy Clarkson. Paul straightened up, but kept on hand protectively on his stomach.
“What do you want?” Paul asked as Jeremy walked up.
“That was quite the stunt you pulled last year, coming out like that.” Jeremy stated, now standing near Paul.
“So what? It was the truth.” Paul asked, warily as he pushed away from the wall.
“Cut the bull, Merton. You may’ve fooled most of the world, but not me. You’ve been a big old poof for years. With the way you flirted with Hislop all those years, it’s obvious!” Jeremy cut him off. Paul stood in front of Jeremy, staring at him in total disbelief.
“What the hell are you getting at?” Paul asked, still being wary, but now starting to grow angry.
While this was going on, unbeknown to the two men, Ian and the four women had stumbled onto their argument. Wisely keeping out of it, they watched on in silence.
“Just saying it’s stupid for you to make such a damn spectacle about it I mean, you - hooking up with Slattery and getting together? What, your other two marriages and the shagging Hislop in the back not enough for you?!” Jeremy remarked coldly and bitterly.
Melissa’s eyes widen on that remark. She couldn’t believe he was saying all this, especially out in the open like this.
“What’s that git talking about?! Paul’s never shagged Ian!” Alicia growled softly but angrily. She then looked at Ian, a bit worriedly. “You two never-?” She began to ask.
“No.” Ian cut her off brusquely.
“How could he say all that?” Samantha asked, troubled.
“No way Paul’s letting him get away with that.” Julie stated, shaking her head before pointing at Paul, who was now getting really mad at Jeremy.
“You bastard! Ian and I are just friends, God damn it! We never had sex, ever!” Paul snapped, growing very pissed off at Jeremy. Jeremy let out a “hrmph” in response.
“Could’ve fooled me with all that flirting you did, even when you were married to Caroline and Sarah. Is that why they left? They discovered your secret trysts with Hislop and your mentally unstable boy toy Slattery?” Jeremy stated coolly, turning away with his arms crossed. Samantha had to physically hold Julie back as the brunette’s anger began to reach its boiling point while Ian grabbed an also equally angry Alicia’s arm before she made an attempted lunge from behind the wall to attack Jeremy.
“That mother- son of a- how dare he-?” Julie growled softly.
“He’s got some nerve saying that shit.” Alicia hissed through gritted teeth.
“Wrong thing to say, Clarkson…” Melissa shook her head, also angrily.
*THWACK!!*
Paul’s left fist made contact with Jeremy’s jaw, a look of fury on his pale face. Ian and all four girls winced at the force of the punch.
“Don’t you EVER say anything that insulting about my friends or loved ones ever again! First off, all that so-called flirting was for show! I am NOT in LOVE with Ian! He’s is my friend and nothing more! Second, Caroline and I separated from different reasons, none of them dealing with me shagging anyone. She figured it out that I was bi the same time I did, back in ’97 when I realized I was in love with Tony. Third, Sarah already knew I was bisexual, you git, but she didn’t care. It still hurts that I lost her and I still do love her, but I had to move on. Finally, if you ever say anything bad about Ian, Tony, Caroline, OR Sarah like that ever again, I will make your life a living hell!” Paul snapped, pissed off. He then stepped forward, getting into Jeremy’s face. “You saw what Ian and I did to Angus when he got busted in the news the first and second time. Think of what we could do to you, you fucking son of a bitch.” Paul growled coldly. He then turned away, eyes closed as he walked away; hand on his stomach as he tried to catch his breath from all the yelling.
“I’ve never seen Paul that angry before.” Alicia whispered in shock as Ian released her.
“I have. Remember last night when he snapped at Chris?” Melissa remembered.
“Oh yeah…” Julie nodded in remembrance.
“Paul.” Ian said, catching Paul’s attention. He looked up to see Ian, then the four girls standing together after emerging from their hiding spot.
“Ian. D-did you and the girls-?” Paul asked in surprise.
“Paul, that was-.” Ian began to say, then paled as he saw something approach his friend from behind. “LOOK OUT!” Ian exclaimed, pointing behind Paul. Paul turned as fast as he could, but Ian’s exclamation came too late.
Jeremy’s fist made contact with Paul’s jaw, knocking the brunet into the wall. Paul fell against the wall; his right shoulder bracing himself for the impact. Then he fell to his knee, left hand nursing the bruise on his face while the other rested protectively around his stomach.
“Damn, wasn’t at full strength.” Jeremy cursed, rubbing his hand with his other.
“Paul!” Julie cried out, running over to the older brunet, her anger transforming into fear.
“You son of a bitch!” Samantha screamed, now incredibly pissed off. The raven haired woman stormed past everyone towards Jeremy.
“Shitshitshitshitshitshitshitshitshit…” Melissa whispered in a soft, panicky mantra. Ian joined Melissa and Julie at Paul’s side while Alicia followed Samantha, who was glaring daggers of death at Jeremy.
“You PRICK!” Samantha snapped and then did something no one ever expected her to every do.
She slapped Jeremy Clarkson across the face. Hard.
“Ooo, nice shot.” Ian remarked softly, wincing at the obvious force of the slap.
“What the hell’s your problem? You should’ve known better than to insult Paul like that!” Samantha growled, ignoring Ian’s comment
“And who are you supposed to be? A member of his fan club in America?” Jeremy shot back, rubbing his aching cheek.
“No, I’m just a friend who despises stuck up assholes like you.” Samantha replied, her anger starting to wan slightly as she began to calm down slowly. Alicia stepped up, standing next to Samantha, and then pointed back at Julie and Melissa, who were assisting Ian in helping Paul to his feet.
“You ok?” Melissa asked Paul softly. Paul nodded, rubbing his jaw while shooting Jeremy a cold look.
“You should be lucky that those two haven’t given you a piece of their minds. The blonde’s the daughter of a police officer and the brunette’s got a mean kick that’ll make you sing those high BeeGee notes.” Alicia commented, also angry, but managing to keep her rage in check. Julie blushed softly at Alicia’s comment while Melissa smiled proudly at her mention.
“Was that a threat?” Jeremy asked, glaring angrily at Alicia.
“No, just a warning. So why are you being such a-?” Alicia replied, then began to ask when a sharp cry of pain came from behind her and Samantha. Alicia’s face immediately lost colour as she turned to see what caused the yelp.
Paul was now hunched over on his knees, grabbing his stomach. His eyes were closed tight as he felt a sharp pain course through his body. Ian and Melissa were already kneeling down next to Paul while Julie was standing, her gaze moving from Paul to Jeremy, a look of fear on her face.
“Paul, what is it? Where does it hurt?” Ian asked, trying to figure out the problem.
“Oh, come on, you didn’t hit the wall that hard!” Jeremy rolled his eyes in irritation.
“Go suck on a monkey’s tit, Clarkson!” Melissa snapped, glaring at Jeremy in hatred. Julie decided to kneel down and reached out to touch Paul’s shoulder.
“Paul? Paul, look at me! I-is it… is it the twins?” Julie exclaimed, then asked, lowering her voice so Jeremy couldn’t hear it.
“It’s like there’s a knife tryin’ to rip apart my stomach from the inside out!” Paul winced, gritting his teeth in agony. Melissa paled greatly, as did Julie, as realization began to take form.
Ian then asked “Where is the pain the worst?” Paul lowered his hands and gestured around his lower abdomen. Julie and Melissa looked at each other in fear.
“FUCK!” Ian swore, very loudly.
“Did… did you just say-?” Alicia gasped, looking at Ian in amazement.
“What? What is it? Is it really… that?” Samantha exclaimed, now joining Melissa and Julie.
“The hell?” Jeremy whispered, not understanding what was going on.
“Damn it, we gotta get him to the hospital and fast!” Melissa exclaimed, starting to panic. Ian stood up and took out his mobile.
“Already on it.” Ian stated, beginning to dial a number.
“I knew it. I knew something like this was gonna happen.” Julie whispered, beginning to shake in fear.
“Julie, shut up! We gotta get Paul out of here and to a hospital, like, right now!” Melissa snapped, trying to sound calm, but was failing due to the rising panic in her voice.
“And how, pray tell, are you going to do that? Julie doesn’t have her license yet, Sam doesn’t know the area, I don’t have enough room in my car for all of us, and you’ve already shown you can’t adapt to the driving differences here.” Alicia asked in irritation, her heart pounding in excitement and fear over the current situation. What Alicia said was true; last time they were in England, Melissa had insisted on driving when they went to Paul and Tony’s wedding. Unfortunately, she had proven to be a horrible driver, having trouble keeping on the other side of the road and almost crashing into an oncoming car.
“I can adapt!” Melissa protested. Alicia just stared frostily at her friend.
“Can someone tell me what the bloody hell is going on?” Jeremy snapped.
“Fuck off, Clarkson! You were the fucking catalyst to this, so go piss up a flagpole!” Julie glared angrily at Jeremy.
“Excuse me?” Jeremy asked, insulted and still confused.
“What does this look like, Clarkson, if Paul was a woman?” Melissa asked, starting to have enough of Jeremy.
“…what?” Jeremy was now even more confused than ever.
“I’m in labour, you fucking twat!!!” Paul screamed, pissed off and trying to stand. Ian winced, stepping away from Paul.
“…WHAT?!” Jeremy shouted in disbelief. Ian then closed his mobile and placed it in his pants pocket.
“Dr. Addy’s waiting for us. Alicia, you did drive here, right?” Ian announced, then asked the oldest of the four women.
“In me mum’s car, yes.” Alicia nodded.
“Good, then we’ll split up. You’ll take one or two of the girls in your car and I’ll take Paul and whoever is left in mine.” Ian ordered, after sighing in relief. He then started to help Paul to his feet with Julie and Alicia’s help.
“Wait, a-are you telling me that Merton is pregnant AND giving birth right now?” Jeremy asked, incredulously while walking over. Samantha, glaring coldly at Jeremy, stepped in front of him before he could get too close to Paul.
“Yeah. Sounds better when you finally realize it, doesn’t it?” Samantha noted acidly. Alicia nodded, frowning while stepping away from Paul, allowing Ian to help his friend. Paul then reached out and grabbed Jeremy by the shirt, pulling the man close to his face. For a split second, Jeremy thought that Paul’s blue eyes were glowing red.
“Clarkson, when this is over, I’m going to eviscerate you and use your gastrointestinal tract as a condom while I fornicate with your skull, you son of a bitch.” Paul hissed in pain. Ian nearly cracked up on hearing what Paul said while the four women reacted in mix shock and grins. Paul was then led away with Ian and Julie’s help passed Jeremy, who just kept staring at Paul in shock.
“…What did he just say?” Jeremy finally asked after a few seconds.
“I believe he said that once he’s given birth and has recovered from it, he’s going to skull fuck you, and then he insulted your mother.” Alicia replied bluntly. Melissa snorted out a laugh as she joined Alicia and Samantha as they rushed off after Ian, Paul, and Julie.
“How the hell did you know that’s what he said?” Samantha asked Alicia as they ran off to rejoin their friends.
“Paul and I heard Stephen say that to someone once a few years ago and he ended up explaining what he said to us later.” Alicia replied honestly.
“Heh, guess Paul learned from the best.” Melissa smirked.
I'll post the next part sometime in the future, maybe on Sunday, so please read and review.