I went to Sawgrass Mills the other day. Ever been there? It's fucking enormous. It's like the Andre The Giant of shopping centers.

Speaking of "Shopping Centers", did you ever realize that sometimes expensive malls bill themselves as "Shopping Centres", with the e and r mixed all up? I hate that shit. Stop it. It's wrong. In America, we have " ( Read more... )

You know what? I'm With Busey was a damn good show. Comedy Central canceled it over a year ago but I'm just now becoming angry about it. It's just one of those little things ( Read more... )

How kickass is our rocket for C-Rod? Huh? Huh?

( THIS KICKASS BITCH! )

FRIDAY ( Read more... )

While stealing a roll of toilet paper from my sister's bathroom, it recently occurred to me that our economy is bound to fail sooner or later. No, no, no, it has nothing to do with the fifty bajillion dollar defecit, or the loss of jobs, or anything like that. Our imminent doom is secured by the fact that the global economy depends two commodities ( Read more... )

Man ( Read more... )

Before the upcoming presidential election, everybody is wondering wether we should vote for Bush and die in an apocalyptic nuclear winter, or vote for Kerry and support bloodthirsty child-killing infidel-shooting allah-loving terrorists everywhere. You know what I say? We're screwed either way. Let's vote independent ( Read more... )

I'd like to give a special thanks to Robbie and Alex D., MacDonalds, and a 36 ounce can of sprite. That was crazy, man. The grilled cheese was pretty damn good too. And Paris Hilton. We gotta do it again.

That was fuckin' insane.

We gotta do it again.

I've been thinking, and it's about time I left my mark on modern literature. I'm going to write something completely original, something NOBODY in the history of mankind has ever written before. Here I go ( Read more... )

So you guys probably haven't been wondering what I've been doing all summer. But hey, I'm a nice guy, I figure Ill tell ya just the same, and don't bother to thank me. I'm going to summerize (Hah!) my summer for you in a quick, easy-to-read format. Why bother? Well, go ahead and ask yourself the same thing for reading this, jackass ( Read more... )