Grammar-wise, I found no spelling mistakes, but I did find these:
1. It would be incorrect to blame my Spider Goblin blood since Spider Goblins devoured mates and offspring, not siblings. - I'm not sure, but I would suggest changing "devoured" to "devour".
2. “Does my sister need a favor of me?” I asked, if the Slaugh were still bothering Cinder I would gladly show them that while Cinder was the superior in physical strength, I was not to be mistaken for a weak opponent. - I would suggest a full stop after "asked" instead of a comma.
3. “Neigh, my sister, the guest came to me for alternative reasons,” she said and I stared at Cinder’s main eyes joining our minds. - I think you meant "nay" rather than "nay". Also I would suggest a comma fter "eyes".
4. She is a master of only one form of magic, fire but she was so powerful that even I had to be impressed and few magics impressed me. - Watch your tenses. Seeing as the rest of the paragraph is in the past tense, change "is" to "was
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Annnnd because I'm a dumbass I pressed the "Post Comment" button before I was finished. Apologies.
7. “A pleasure indeed,” Riordan said as he bowed lower extending a hand with fingers that ended in talons as long as the digits themselves. - I'd suggest a comma after "lower".
8. I placed my hand in his keeping my talons hidden away. - I'd suggest a comma after "his".
9. Puck was a Sidhe Lord even though he was a Satyr he had earned the title on his own so pouting was a very childish move. - I'd suggest a comma after "Satyr" and after "own".
10. The other Sidhe ladies and lords continued their merriment but I found Riordan’s offer far more interesting. - I'd suggest a comma after "merriment".
11. Riordan looked concerned and I could see why, while Riordan’s face was quite lovely, his body held the look of the Slaugh. - I'd suggest a full stop after "why" instead of a comma
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Hi I'm one of your editors! I'm so sorry about how late this is, RL has swamped me with tons of assignments!
I believe this is my second of your entries that I have edited. I really enjoy reading what you've written.
This piece flowed well, and the character you've created was interesting and well explored. Your descriptions and explanations were good and did not drag your entry. Overall, spelling was fine, but your comma usage is a bit lacking. Many times I found that you forgot to put in a comma. It was mainly in your compound sentences. Always put a comma before the conjunction! Like this: The rich blue fabric of my tunic hung off my shoulders, and I noticed the way Puck’s eyes lingered on my chest.A suggestion I'm making to many writers: Basically, you should read over this entry and edit it yourself. Or, step away from this entry and then - without looking at your original piece - rewrite the same story. You might find it to be really helpful, because then you would most probably write some details that just suddenly popped
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Comments 3
Grammar-wise, I found no spelling mistakes, but I did find these:
1. It would be incorrect to blame my Spider Goblin blood since Spider Goblins devoured mates and offspring, not siblings. - I'm not sure, but I would suggest changing "devoured" to "devour".
2. “Does my sister need a favor of me?” I asked, if the Slaugh were still bothering Cinder I would gladly show them that while Cinder was the superior in physical strength, I was not to be mistaken for a weak opponent. - I would suggest a full stop after "asked" instead of a comma.
3. “Neigh, my sister, the guest came to me for alternative reasons,” she said and I stared at Cinder’s main eyes joining our minds. - I think you meant "nay" rather than "nay". Also I would suggest a comma fter "eyes".
4. She is a master of only one form of magic, fire but she was so powerful that even I had to be impressed and few magics impressed me. - Watch your tenses. Seeing as the rest of the paragraph is in the past tense, change "is" to "was ( ... )
Reply
7. “A pleasure indeed,” Riordan said as he bowed lower extending a hand with fingers that ended in talons as long as the digits themselves. - I'd suggest a comma after "lower".
8. I placed my hand in his keeping my talons hidden away. - I'd suggest a comma after "his".
9. Puck was a Sidhe Lord even though he was a Satyr he had earned the title on his own so pouting was a very childish move. - I'd suggest a comma after "Satyr" and after "own".
10. The other Sidhe ladies and lords continued their merriment but I found Riordan’s offer far more interesting. - I'd suggest a comma after "merriment".
11. Riordan looked concerned and I could see why, while Riordan’s face was quite lovely, his body held the look of the Slaugh. - I'd suggest a full stop after "why" instead of a comma ( ... )
Reply
I believe this is my second of your entries that I have edited. I really enjoy reading what you've written.
This piece flowed well, and the character you've created was interesting and well explored. Your descriptions and explanations were good and did not drag your entry. Overall, spelling was fine, but your comma usage is a bit lacking. Many times I found that you forgot to put in a comma. It was mainly in your compound sentences. Always put a comma before the conjunction! Like this:
The rich blue fabric of my tunic hung off my shoulders, and I noticed the way Puck’s eyes lingered on my chest.A suggestion I'm making to many writers: Basically, you should read over this entry and edit it yourself. Or, step away from this entry and then - without looking at your original piece - rewrite the same story. You might find it to be really helpful, because then you would most probably write some details that just suddenly popped ( ... )
Reply
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