Hi I'm one of your editors! I'm so sorry about how late this is, RL has swamped me with tons of assignments!
I believe this is my second of your entries that I have edited. I really enjoy reading what you've written.
This piece flowed well, and the character you've created was interesting and well explored. Your descriptions and explanations were good and did not drag your entry. Overall, spelling was fine, but your comma usage is a bit lacking. Many times I found that you forgot to put in a comma. It was mainly in your compound sentences. Always put a comma before the conjunction! Like this: The rich blue fabric of my tunic hung off my shoulders, and I noticed the way Puck’s eyes lingered on my chest.
A suggestion I'm making to many writers: Basically, you should read over this entry and edit it yourself. Or, step away from this entry and then - without looking at your original piece - rewrite the same story. You might find it to be really helpful, because then you would most probably write some details that just suddenly popped into your brain. The flow might also be better, and your character will be a stronger presence in your life because you're writing more on her.
I believe this is my second of your entries that I have edited. I really enjoy reading what you've written.
This piece flowed well, and the character you've created was interesting and well explored. Your descriptions and explanations were good and did not drag your entry. Overall, spelling was fine, but your comma usage is a bit lacking. Many times I found that you forgot to put in a comma. It was mainly in your compound sentences. Always put a comma before the conjunction! Like this:
The rich blue fabric of my tunic hung off my shoulders, and I noticed the way Puck’s eyes lingered on my chest.
A suggestion I'm making to many writers: Basically, you should read over this entry and edit it yourself. Or, step away from this entry and then - without looking at your original piece - rewrite the same story. You might find it to be really helpful, because then you would most probably write some details that just suddenly popped into your brain. The flow might also be better, and your character will be a stronger presence in your life because you're writing more on her.
Just a little suggestion...
Well done!
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