Annnnd because I'm a dumbass I pressed the "Post Comment" button before I was finished. Apologies.
7. “A pleasure indeed,” Riordan said as he bowed lower extending a hand with fingers that ended in talons as long as the digits themselves. - I'd suggest a comma after "lower".
8. I placed my hand in his keeping my talons hidden away. - I'd suggest a comma after "his".
9. Puck was a Sidhe Lord even though he was a Satyr he had earned the title on his own so pouting was a very childish move. - I'd suggest a comma after "Satyr" and after "own".
10. The other Sidhe ladies and lords continued their merriment but I found Riordan’s offer far more interesting. - I'd suggest a comma after "merriment".
11. Riordan looked concerned and I could see why, while Riordan’s face was quite lovely, his body held the look of the Slaugh. - I'd suggest a full stop after "why" instead of a comma.
I liked this piece. Lady Ash seems like a vibrant and interesting character. I love her observations and dry sense of humour. You have very vivid descriptions, so I was able to picture the scene clearly. I'd love to read more about these characters. Great job and good luck :).
7. “A pleasure indeed,” Riordan said as he bowed lower extending a hand with fingers that ended in talons as long as the digits themselves. - I'd suggest a comma after "lower".
8. I placed my hand in his keeping my talons hidden away. - I'd suggest a comma after "his".
9. Puck was a Sidhe Lord even though he was a Satyr he had earned the title on his own so pouting was a very childish move. - I'd suggest a comma after "Satyr" and after "own".
10. The other Sidhe ladies and lords continued their merriment but I found Riordan’s offer far more interesting. - I'd suggest a comma after "merriment".
11. Riordan looked concerned and I could see why, while Riordan’s face was quite lovely, his body held the look of the Slaugh. - I'd suggest a full stop after "why" instead of a comma.
I liked this piece. Lady Ash seems like a vibrant and interesting character. I love her observations and dry sense of humour. You have very vivid descriptions, so I was able to picture the scene clearly. I'd love to read more about these characters. Great job and good luck :).
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