Another year, another mess.

Last year was tough, this year has been one of the worst of my life so far in terms of mental health and depression. I was really sick in January and haven't felt the same since.

To be honest, I haven't felt okay in a long time, this year has been a real test. I have been having a lot of suicidal thoughts since the ( Read more... )

A whole pandemic later... So much is different, so much is the same.

I sure don't come here unless I'm in a very dark place, with a dash every once in a while of something good, but those are very far between. I think of this place as my way of venting I suppose. It sure is hard to look back at each post and know the pain I was dealing with in ( Read more... )

Fuck everyone.

Evan. He can sleep when things are bad. He does the same hurtful shit over and over and over and over. He is selfish. He doesn't act like he cares about how I actually feel. It feels like he is ruining my life. I'm miserable and don't trust him.

My brother calls me to talk about his shit. When I talk it always feels like he doesn't ( Read more... )

Time to add to the novel of relationship issues.

I tend to write out all the things I'm upset about in our relationship then things are "good" again so I delete it. Write the lists, delete.. rinse, repeat.  I did manage to find this wonderful list because thanks to Google shit is never really gone... I'm so miserable.

"I feel like he doesn't care ( Read more... )

Here we go again. The only reason I come here is when things are at the darkest. When I feel so helpless that I can't talk to anyone in my life. I feel so alone sometimes. The only calmness I feel is when I think about burning my life to the ground. I want nothing to do with this life anymore. The very thing that I fear the most is death, yet I ( Read more... )

It has been long again. Over a year this time ( Read more... )

I've been listening to a lot of Marilyn Manson the last bit and it hit me hard tonight, the feeling I have been having for a while now. I miss being a teen. I miss feeling genuine angst. I feel like somewhere along my journey to adulthood, I lost who I am. I'm not sure how it happened. I think it all happened so slowly that I didnt realize until ( Read more... )