[multi-chap] Too Close Love - Chap. 16/19(?)
Title: Too Close Love
Author: Saana
Pairing: (broken) Sakuraiba (main), Ohmiya, JunxToma (side)
Rating: PG-15
Genre: AU, angst (a lot)
Warning: incest-ish - don’t like, don’t read!
Disc.: this is a fanfiction, which means I’m a fan and this is a fiction
Summary: It’s never easy when your parent suddenly decide to remarry but if you get an unexpected brother with he package that just makes things worse… Or at least that was what Sho thought when the news hit in…
Previous chapters:
Prologue: Breaking the news Chapter 1: Moving to a new life Chapter 2: Longest summer Chapter 3: New school, new troubles Chapter 4: Blooming Love Chapter 5: Annoyed with Love Chapter 6: Closing Love Chapter 7: Starting this beautiful Love Chapter 8: It’s hard loving you… Chapter 9: First date Chapter 10: Troubles, troubles on the way… Chapter 11: When we become one Chapter 12: Love is hard but happy? Chapter 13: Love or duty? Chapter 14: Drifting apart Chapter 15: The price of stupidity
A/N: get your tissues ready!!!
Chapter 16: Winning you back
“What are you doing here, Sho?”
“I came to take you home!”
Was that an eternity or just mere seconds? Masaki had no idea. Those words from Sho practically short-circuited his mind and all he could do was to stare at the older with slightly ajar lips while Sho looked back at him with those burning, dark eyes. Oh, how much his heart longed for those words! How much he wished them to be true! How much he wanted Sho choose him… He was desperate to believe him… He was desperate but he couldn’t… Not again…
It was hard enough to pick up the pieces during these months away from Tokyo; from Sho. He wasn’t sure if he’d given in to his heart’s wishes, he’ll be able to stand up again when his brother lets him down one more time… When he will let him down again… When Sho will choose Miki over him for good and all…
Masaki took a deep breath to strengthen his heart for what was coming.
“Then you just wasted your time. I’m not planning to go home. I have work to do here. Shimura-san offered to hire me officially. I decided to take him up to his offer. I’m going to transfer to Sapporo University as well to finish my studies here. I’m not going home…” he said on the flattest tone he managed to force out of himself. “If you excuse me, I have to feed Gacchan” he added raising the baby goat in his arms a little. “Have a safe trip home! Say hi for me to everyone… even Miki-chan…” he said before turned on his heels and headed to the shed hastily…
Sho stared after him speechless and unable to move. ‘I’m not going home… You just wasted your time… I’m not planning to go home…’ Masaki’s words swirled around in his head and he felt as if someone stabbed knifes in his heart every time they resounded in his ears.
‘No, no, no! This can’t be happening for real!’ he screamed in his heart. ‘I won’t let you walk away from me like that again…’ Awaking from his frozen state, Sho ran after the younger boy and grabbing his elbow he managed to stop him before he entered the shed.
Masaki tensed up at his touch. If possible it hurt Sho even more than his words did but he knew that he deserved all this pain for what he did, even more actually…
“Would you be so kind and let go of me? As I said, I have a job to do here…” Masaki looked at the hand on his arm as he talked on the coldest tone Sho ever heard from him.
“Why… why are you talking to me as if we’re strangers?” he asked and immediately wanted to kick himself for letting the stupidest question of all slip his lips.
There was silence again and Sho started to fear that Masaki will just yank his arm free to be able to leave so he tightened his grip a bit on the latter’s overall.
“Cause we are strangers…” Masaki said finally. “I don’t know this new person you’re turning into! I don’t know you anymore!… The Sho I knew would never lie to people, never keep secrets or sneak around behind everyone’s back! The Sho I knew would never betray those whom he claims to love…” he said and for the first time he looked straight into Sho’s eyes. Due to the pain he saw there, Sho immediately let go of Masaki’s arm and lowered his head in guilt.
“I know…” he whispered. “I know I did something unforgivable but…”
“Good” Masaki interrupted him on the cold tone. “If you know it already then there’s no need for us to keep up this conversation. Go home, Sakurai-san!...”
“No!” Sho flat out refused and Masaki’s eyes widened at the strength of his voice. “I won’t go away! Unless you tell me you don’t love me anymore! Unless you can honestly say that in you heart there’s not even the slightest trace of the feelings we shared, no, the feelings we are sharing, remained… Unless you tell me this, I won’t even budge as much as a step from here!” the Keio student said determined. “And before you say anything!...” he added quickly when he saw Masaki opening his lips to speak. “Just… hear me out! Just give me a chance to explain what happened!”
Masaki stared at him silently. His eyes spoke loud enough. ‘As if there’s anything to be explained about you being with a girl!’ Sho could easily understand his message but he decided already that he won’t give up on Masaki, on them that easily! And since the younger boy didn’t exactly tell him to not to speak… So Sho talked…
Masaki didn’t want to hear whatever Sho wanted to tell. He was already at his limit; torn between his heartbroken feelings and his longing for the older boy’s love. Sho might have reasons for what he did; he might be able to move on, to step over him as easily as he seemed to do as well but Masaki wasn’t. His only chance to survive and keep on living with his broken heart was if he could get as far away from Sho as possible. Cause he’ll never ‘be able to honestly say that in his heart there wasn’t even the slightest trace of the feelings’ he believed they only used to share… Cause for him Sho was his one and only love. With time he might be able to like enough someone else too but that won’t be the same cause his heart was already and will always be Sho’s and Sho’s only - even if the older boy didn’t care about that…
Despite his efforts to tune out his brother’s voice, somewhere in the back of his mind Masaki registered what he was talking about. How his father asked his help; how he just wanted to protect their family and first of all, Masaki’s dream to become a vet…
“I could blame it all on father’s doing. I could but I won’t. I know it was me who made a wrong choice. I didn’t think it over properly. My mind just shut down at the thought that I have to protect you and I thought if I have to suffer for you then let it be but I didn’t think that I will hurt you that way more… Then when I realized what I have done to you… I was just too ashamed of myself and I avoided you… which again just caused more pain to you…” Sho said and his guilt was obvious in his voice. “I know I have no right to ask you to forgive me but… but if you’d give me a second chance… if you could go that… I’d spend the rest of my life to make it up to you!” the older boy swore with serious expression on his face.
Masaki looked back at him with a blank face for a while and the heavy silence fell on them again. Then as he felt the baby goat fidgeting in his arms he crouched to the ground to put it down…
“I’d rather want a boyfriend than a slave…” he commented without looking up and kept caressing Gacchan for a while.
Hope glinted in Sho’s eyes.
“You mean you’d…?”
“Why?” Masaki asked suddenly interrupting his brother and stood up to face him. “Why couldn’t you say something to me? Am I that unreliable? Childish? Did you took what we had seriously enough to at least consider that you should talk about that with me before you’re jumping head first into this… display-relationship?... Did you think that I might be support you or help you someway if you’d tell me? I’d rather broke up with you properly so you can go out with her to please father than having to through that in front of them… Can you even imagine how stupid I seemed to be when we saw you with her on the festival?... Can you imagine how I felt then? How it was that our friends looked at me with that pity in their eyes… Of course you can’t, cause as always you didn’t think at all, honor student!” Masaki yelled and he felt angry tears filling his eyes, threatening with over-spilling. “I just wanted to die or disappear from the back of the earth…” he added whispering. If he could’ve thought clear, he’d admit that his choice of word might have been too strong but he couldn’t care less about grammatical problems at the moment…
Once again, Sho found himself speechless in front of Masaki. After all what’s there to say to consol such an endless pain that resounded in the younger boy’s voice?
“I’m so sorry…” Sho mumbled wincing inwardly how lame he sounded. “I know saying just this won’t change what I did or erase the pain I caused you… But… I’m sorry…”
Masaki turned his head away and refused to reply to Sho’s apology.
“I understand if you can’t forgive me now… or ever… But I’ll be waiting for you. No matter how much time it takes, I’ll be waiting for you. Either it takes days, weeks, months… or till I turn ojii-san… It doesn’t matter. I’ll still be waiting for you and only you…”
Sho reached his hand out for Masaki’s but just before he could touch him, he lost his courage and dropped his hand back to his side. From the corner of his eye, Masaki saw this clearly, just as the pain that flashed over his brother’s face. He took a shaky breath before speaking up.
“Feel free to do what ever you wishes dictates. It doesn’t concern me anymore… And right at this moment… I can’t even face you or being around you anymore…” he said without turning his face to Sho. “If you excuse me, it’s getting late and I have things to do so… Please,… go!…” Masaki finished silently.
Sho nodded dejected.
“Wakatta… Sorry for wasting your time so long…” he said just as silently. He had to force his body to remember how to turn around and walk away. Away from the person who was the dearest to his heart…
“S…samui…” Sho breathed out with clattering teeth.
Since Ayako-san practically just pushed him out the door before dawn broke and after that he was too pre-occupied with how he should face Masaki; in this mess he completely forgot to take care of accommodation as well… When he got back from the farm last night it was already too late to find any place to sleep. Like this he had no other choice and had to spend the night on the train station, waiting for the first train and slouching away as the looser he was…
“It must be cosmic punishment for what I did, for sure…” he groaned when the dawn brought slow but steadily falling cold rain as well.
He pulled his coat tighter around his body as if that already drenched piece of clothing could protect him from the freezing cold as he sat on a bench with his legs pulled up to his chest…
Suddenly he noticed he wasn’t soaking anymore. He looked up at the umbrella over his head and then at the person who held it.
“Masaki!...” he breathed out shocked.
“Here!” the younger handed him a canned, hot coffee with an unreadable expression on his face.
“Arigatou…” Sho mumbled and took the can in his hands, a soft sigh escaping his lips as the warmth sipped into his frozen fingers.
“Just so you know, I’m absolutely objecting having to share you with Miki or anyone else for the matter!” he declared seriously and dragged his suitcase next to his feet…
Sho immediately jumped from the bench, his face strained between extreme shock and ultimate happiness.
“You mean you forg…?” he wanted to ask but was interrupted.
“It only means that I’m weak” Masaki interjected. “And that you have a second chance…”
The brightest, widest smile bloomed on Sho’s face.
“But if you make such a small mistake as this…!” he said on a warning tone showing a tiny distance between his thumb and forefinger.
“No! Never!” Sho said swearing seriously but the next minute his wide smile returned to his face. He reached his hand out brushing his fingers against Masaki’s cheek as he stepped and leant closer to kiss him but the younger boy pushed him away, making him stumble back a step.
“Don’t!” he said firmly. “Not until you’re related to that girl in any form!”
Sho’s face fell at this in shock.
“But… I can’t just dump her out of a blue! You can’t want her being heartbroken just like that. I need time to…”
“I refuse!” Masaki said stomping his foot to the ground forcefully. “Why should I be considerate to her feelings when we can’t tell the same about her? She obviously didn’t care that my heart ended up broken thanks to her!”
“She couldn’t even know we’re related like that…” Sho tried to be reasonable. He didn’t want to be responsible for more broken hearts…
“Whatever! I still refuse to be considerate about her or let you kiss me or do anything with me! Choose which head of yours you want to think with!” the younger demanded pointing at Sho’s crotch and forehead; making the older boy’s cheek turn redder.
Actually Masaki didn’t like the idea of giving ultimatums to Sho and practically blackmailing him. It just wasn’t his way of handling things… But after thinking all night, he realized he was too soft, that was why everyone simply stepped over him and his feelings. After what he had to go through because of Sho, he had every right to act this way!
Sho stared at the younger boy for a minute then he realized it’s the least he owes him.
“Got it. No kissing or other stuff till I broke up with Miki properly” he agreed nodding.
“Good” Masaki nodded as well then held his hand out to Sho. The older stared at it dumbly which made Masaki sigh. “To show you that my heart’s not out of stone… I let you hold my hand for now. But it’s a special occasion so don’t get use to it too much yet!” he said warning.
Sho beamed happily again.
“Hai!” he said and immediately entwined his fingers with Masaki’s. Till he can regain his beloved’s trust and love completely, he’ll accept whatever he can get from him and will do his best to prove him that for Masaki, he can change for the better…
A/N: uwa... it's really ugly... broken Sakuraiba... it brakes my heart actually... I think it's far the angstiest thing I ever wrote probably... but I think the end where Masaki lets Sho hold his hand is kinda funny and cute... (there goes my DoS image... well, whatever! XD) anyway, I hope you enjoyed it as much as possible. and to note you: it's soon ending... be prepared! jya, see you in the next chap! ;)
Author: Saana
Pairing: (broken) Sakuraiba (main), Ohmiya, JunxToma (side)
Rating: PG-15
Genre: AU, angst (a lot)
Warning: incest-ish - don’t like, don’t read!
Disc.: this is a fanfiction, which means I’m a fan and this is a fiction
Summary: It’s never easy when your parent suddenly decide to remarry but if you get an unexpected brother with he package that just makes things worse… Or at least that was what Sho thought when the news hit in…
Previous chapters:
Prologue: Breaking the news Chapter 1: Moving to a new life Chapter 2: Longest summer Chapter 3: New school, new troubles Chapter 4: Blooming Love Chapter 5: Annoyed with Love Chapter 6: Closing Love Chapter 7: Starting this beautiful Love Chapter 8: It’s hard loving you… Chapter 9: First date Chapter 10: Troubles, troubles on the way… Chapter 11: When we become one Chapter 12: Love is hard but happy? Chapter 13: Love or duty? Chapter 14: Drifting apart Chapter 15: The price of stupidity
A/N: get your tissues ready!!!
Chapter 16: Winning you back
“What are you doing here, Sho?”
“I came to take you home!”
Was that an eternity or just mere seconds? Masaki had no idea. Those words from Sho practically short-circuited his mind and all he could do was to stare at the older with slightly ajar lips while Sho looked back at him with those burning, dark eyes. Oh, how much his heart longed for those words! How much he wished them to be true! How much he wanted Sho choose him… He was desperate to believe him… He was desperate but he couldn’t… Not again…
It was hard enough to pick up the pieces during these months away from Tokyo; from Sho. He wasn’t sure if he’d given in to his heart’s wishes, he’ll be able to stand up again when his brother lets him down one more time… When he will let him down again… When Sho will choose Miki over him for good and all…
Masaki took a deep breath to strengthen his heart for what was coming.
“Then you just wasted your time. I’m not planning to go home. I have work to do here. Shimura-san offered to hire me officially. I decided to take him up to his offer. I’m going to transfer to Sapporo University as well to finish my studies here. I’m not going home…” he said on the flattest tone he managed to force out of himself. “If you excuse me, I have to feed Gacchan” he added raising the baby goat in his arms a little. “Have a safe trip home! Say hi for me to everyone… even Miki-chan…” he said before turned on his heels and headed to the shed hastily…
Sho stared after him speechless and unable to move. ‘I’m not going home… You just wasted your time… I’m not planning to go home…’ Masaki’s words swirled around in his head and he felt as if someone stabbed knifes in his heart every time they resounded in his ears.
‘No, no, no! This can’t be happening for real!’ he screamed in his heart. ‘I won’t let you walk away from me like that again…’ Awaking from his frozen state, Sho ran after the younger boy and grabbing his elbow he managed to stop him before he entered the shed.
Masaki tensed up at his touch. If possible it hurt Sho even more than his words did but he knew that he deserved all this pain for what he did, even more actually…
“Would you be so kind and let go of me? As I said, I have a job to do here…” Masaki looked at the hand on his arm as he talked on the coldest tone Sho ever heard from him.
“Why… why are you talking to me as if we’re strangers?” he asked and immediately wanted to kick himself for letting the stupidest question of all slip his lips.
There was silence again and Sho started to fear that Masaki will just yank his arm free to be able to leave so he tightened his grip a bit on the latter’s overall.
“Cause we are strangers…” Masaki said finally. “I don’t know this new person you’re turning into! I don’t know you anymore!… The Sho I knew would never lie to people, never keep secrets or sneak around behind everyone’s back! The Sho I knew would never betray those whom he claims to love…” he said and for the first time he looked straight into Sho’s eyes. Due to the pain he saw there, Sho immediately let go of Masaki’s arm and lowered his head in guilt.
“I know…” he whispered. “I know I did something unforgivable but…”
“Good” Masaki interrupted him on the cold tone. “If you know it already then there’s no need for us to keep up this conversation. Go home, Sakurai-san!...”
“No!” Sho flat out refused and Masaki’s eyes widened at the strength of his voice. “I won’t go away! Unless you tell me you don’t love me anymore! Unless you can honestly say that in you heart there’s not even the slightest trace of the feelings we shared, no, the feelings we are sharing, remained… Unless you tell me this, I won’t even budge as much as a step from here!” the Keio student said determined. “And before you say anything!...” he added quickly when he saw Masaki opening his lips to speak. “Just… hear me out! Just give me a chance to explain what happened!”
Masaki stared at him silently. His eyes spoke loud enough. ‘As if there’s anything to be explained about you being with a girl!’ Sho could easily understand his message but he decided already that he won’t give up on Masaki, on them that easily! And since the younger boy didn’t exactly tell him to not to speak… So Sho talked…
Masaki didn’t want to hear whatever Sho wanted to tell. He was already at his limit; torn between his heartbroken feelings and his longing for the older boy’s love. Sho might have reasons for what he did; he might be able to move on, to step over him as easily as he seemed to do as well but Masaki wasn’t. His only chance to survive and keep on living with his broken heart was if he could get as far away from Sho as possible. Cause he’ll never ‘be able to honestly say that in his heart there wasn’t even the slightest trace of the feelings’ he believed they only used to share… Cause for him Sho was his one and only love. With time he might be able to like enough someone else too but that won’t be the same cause his heart was already and will always be Sho’s and Sho’s only - even if the older boy didn’t care about that…
Despite his efforts to tune out his brother’s voice, somewhere in the back of his mind Masaki registered what he was talking about. How his father asked his help; how he just wanted to protect their family and first of all, Masaki’s dream to become a vet…
“I could blame it all on father’s doing. I could but I won’t. I know it was me who made a wrong choice. I didn’t think it over properly. My mind just shut down at the thought that I have to protect you and I thought if I have to suffer for you then let it be but I didn’t think that I will hurt you that way more… Then when I realized what I have done to you… I was just too ashamed of myself and I avoided you… which again just caused more pain to you…” Sho said and his guilt was obvious in his voice. “I know I have no right to ask you to forgive me but… but if you’d give me a second chance… if you could go that… I’d spend the rest of my life to make it up to you!” the older boy swore with serious expression on his face.
Masaki looked back at him with a blank face for a while and the heavy silence fell on them again. Then as he felt the baby goat fidgeting in his arms he crouched to the ground to put it down…
“I’d rather want a boyfriend than a slave…” he commented without looking up and kept caressing Gacchan for a while.
Hope glinted in Sho’s eyes.
“You mean you’d…?”
“Why?” Masaki asked suddenly interrupting his brother and stood up to face him. “Why couldn’t you say something to me? Am I that unreliable? Childish? Did you took what we had seriously enough to at least consider that you should talk about that with me before you’re jumping head first into this… display-relationship?... Did you think that I might be support you or help you someway if you’d tell me? I’d rather broke up with you properly so you can go out with her to please father than having to through that in front of them… Can you even imagine how stupid I seemed to be when we saw you with her on the festival?... Can you imagine how I felt then? How it was that our friends looked at me with that pity in their eyes… Of course you can’t, cause as always you didn’t think at all, honor student!” Masaki yelled and he felt angry tears filling his eyes, threatening with over-spilling. “I just wanted to die or disappear from the back of the earth…” he added whispering. If he could’ve thought clear, he’d admit that his choice of word might have been too strong but he couldn’t care less about grammatical problems at the moment…
Once again, Sho found himself speechless in front of Masaki. After all what’s there to say to consol such an endless pain that resounded in the younger boy’s voice?
“I’m so sorry…” Sho mumbled wincing inwardly how lame he sounded. “I know saying just this won’t change what I did or erase the pain I caused you… But… I’m sorry…”
Masaki turned his head away and refused to reply to Sho’s apology.
“I understand if you can’t forgive me now… or ever… But I’ll be waiting for you. No matter how much time it takes, I’ll be waiting for you. Either it takes days, weeks, months… or till I turn ojii-san… It doesn’t matter. I’ll still be waiting for you and only you…”
Sho reached his hand out for Masaki’s but just before he could touch him, he lost his courage and dropped his hand back to his side. From the corner of his eye, Masaki saw this clearly, just as the pain that flashed over his brother’s face. He took a shaky breath before speaking up.
“Feel free to do what ever you wishes dictates. It doesn’t concern me anymore… And right at this moment… I can’t even face you or being around you anymore…” he said without turning his face to Sho. “If you excuse me, it’s getting late and I have things to do so… Please,… go!…” Masaki finished silently.
Sho nodded dejected.
“Wakatta… Sorry for wasting your time so long…” he said just as silently. He had to force his body to remember how to turn around and walk away. Away from the person who was the dearest to his heart…
“S…samui…” Sho breathed out with clattering teeth.
Since Ayako-san practically just pushed him out the door before dawn broke and after that he was too pre-occupied with how he should face Masaki; in this mess he completely forgot to take care of accommodation as well… When he got back from the farm last night it was already too late to find any place to sleep. Like this he had no other choice and had to spend the night on the train station, waiting for the first train and slouching away as the looser he was…
“It must be cosmic punishment for what I did, for sure…” he groaned when the dawn brought slow but steadily falling cold rain as well.
He pulled his coat tighter around his body as if that already drenched piece of clothing could protect him from the freezing cold as he sat on a bench with his legs pulled up to his chest…
Suddenly he noticed he wasn’t soaking anymore. He looked up at the umbrella over his head and then at the person who held it.
“Masaki!...” he breathed out shocked.
“Here!” the younger handed him a canned, hot coffee with an unreadable expression on his face.
“Arigatou…” Sho mumbled and took the can in his hands, a soft sigh escaping his lips as the warmth sipped into his frozen fingers.
“Just so you know, I’m absolutely objecting having to share you with Miki or anyone else for the matter!” he declared seriously and dragged his suitcase next to his feet…
Sho immediately jumped from the bench, his face strained between extreme shock and ultimate happiness.
“You mean you forg…?” he wanted to ask but was interrupted.
“It only means that I’m weak” Masaki interjected. “And that you have a second chance…”
The brightest, widest smile bloomed on Sho’s face.
“But if you make such a small mistake as this…!” he said on a warning tone showing a tiny distance between his thumb and forefinger.
“No! Never!” Sho said swearing seriously but the next minute his wide smile returned to his face. He reached his hand out brushing his fingers against Masaki’s cheek as he stepped and leant closer to kiss him but the younger boy pushed him away, making him stumble back a step.
“Don’t!” he said firmly. “Not until you’re related to that girl in any form!”
Sho’s face fell at this in shock.
“But… I can’t just dump her out of a blue! You can’t want her being heartbroken just like that. I need time to…”
“I refuse!” Masaki said stomping his foot to the ground forcefully. “Why should I be considerate to her feelings when we can’t tell the same about her? She obviously didn’t care that my heart ended up broken thanks to her!”
“She couldn’t even know we’re related like that…” Sho tried to be reasonable. He didn’t want to be responsible for more broken hearts…
“Whatever! I still refuse to be considerate about her or let you kiss me or do anything with me! Choose which head of yours you want to think with!” the younger demanded pointing at Sho’s crotch and forehead; making the older boy’s cheek turn redder.
Actually Masaki didn’t like the idea of giving ultimatums to Sho and practically blackmailing him. It just wasn’t his way of handling things… But after thinking all night, he realized he was too soft, that was why everyone simply stepped over him and his feelings. After what he had to go through because of Sho, he had every right to act this way!
Sho stared at the younger boy for a minute then he realized it’s the least he owes him.
“Got it. No kissing or other stuff till I broke up with Miki properly” he agreed nodding.
“Good” Masaki nodded as well then held his hand out to Sho. The older stared at it dumbly which made Masaki sigh. “To show you that my heart’s not out of stone… I let you hold my hand for now. But it’s a special occasion so don’t get use to it too much yet!” he said warning.
Sho beamed happily again.
“Hai!” he said and immediately entwined his fingers with Masaki’s. Till he can regain his beloved’s trust and love completely, he’ll accept whatever he can get from him and will do his best to prove him that for Masaki, he can change for the better…
A/N: uwa... it's really ugly... broken Sakuraiba... it brakes my heart actually... I think it's far the angstiest thing I ever wrote probably... but I think the end where Masaki lets Sho hold his hand is kinda funny and cute... (there goes my DoS image... well, whatever! XD) anyway, I hope you enjoyed it as much as possible. and to note you: it's soon ending... be prepared! jya, see you in the next chap! ;)