i don't enjoy being on bad terms with a co-worker. in fact, i avoid it at all costs (especially when the co-worker in question is an old hag pushing her ninth decade, and has worked as a Holiday Inn banquet waitress since the establishment opened circa 1959). tonight, however, contention was unavoidable ( Read more... )

ce soir matt and i made SCRUMPTIOUS sandwiches. arugula wrapped in smoked salmon between a mini-baguette spread with garlic and herb cheese and topped with scandalous capers. DELECTABLE.

IN OTHER NEWS, check out hall and oates' DID IT IN A MINUTE (lamenting, in a JUICED-UP manner, the dismal condition that is premature ejaculation). OBSERVE ( Read more... )

so, in grade school i abhorred gym class. absolutely abhorred that ish! to circumvent going to class, i told my mother i felt very uncomfortable taking off my clothes and exposing my vaginay to other young ladies. my sisters got wind of this, and for weeks they continually sang, "once, there was this girl, who, wouldn't go and change with the ( Read more... )

SAM, I WAS HERE. YOU AS A HOST = HORRIBLE. BUT I WANT TO SUCK YOUR PENIS. MUAH!

sleep is just not happening at this ungodly hour. i've decided to stay awake & read until 8.30. then i will proceed to the dickinson dining hall and find out the difference between the waffle and the georgian waffle ( Read more... )

my sister just asked me if i'd be opposed to taking zoloft. i figured her and my mother were in cahoots. making big plans to remedy my CURIOUS condition. but bitch was tripping. she meant zyrtek, since othello will be spending the vacation with us ( Read more... )

last week my chemistry TA asked me on a date. i said yes, but then it hit me: WHOA, HUGE CONFLICT OF INTERESTS, so i suggested we wait for the end of the semester. then i talked to him on the phone, and he kind of seems like an uber-herb (i.e. "if we start dating, i have to warn you, i love to cuddle," or even, "i got my ass kicked a lot in high ( Read more... )

the cast, producers, director, what have you, from animal house are so god damn self-congratulatory. give a group of drama turds a meager budget, top it off with a semi-classic movie and they walk all over. they actually had the audacity to compare it to the godfather and citizen kane. PERVERSE! moreover: "john belushi is the best physical ( Read more... )

the twenty-eighth was my father's fifty-fifth birthday. i sent him a package -- INCONSEQUENTIAL. i wrote him a letter. telling him things i have not mustered up the courage to tell him in years. i miss you. i love you. there has been such a void in my life since you've been gone. i still regard you as highly -- as a man and as a father-- as ( Read more... )

some of you have already been informed, but i'd like to get the word out on the street. i'm writing a book. it will be entitled Pink Chocolate: Anatomy of the African-American Vagina. my experience with writing books is nil, but, nevertheless, i'm optimistic ( Read more... )