Need to find what makes me happy... again.

Last year was the best year of my life... and the first half of this year has paled in comparison. I thought leaving Bangkok would give me some clarity and happiness, but I'm just as unhappy in Berlin -- which had been my favorite city. It all goes back to me... and that's the hard part to fix.

sooo... my year studying abroad (for my master's) is nearly over. in the end, i'm leaving bangkok a month early and coincidentally my new flight is for april 14th, exactly a year to the date that i left berlin to go down to start the master's program in freiburg. i like when things are round like that. ;-) i'm also very happy to have experienced ( Read more... )

so i'm in berlin... it's in the negative degrees (celsius) and snow is everywhere. it's beautiful here, really. and this is still my favorite city. i landed thursday evening and it's been a jam-packed few days... homemade pizza and beer evening thursday, unpacking/laundry friday then shopping a bit with philip and celebrating because he got a new ( Read more... )

" in mallorca (spanish island) and am so infinitely happy... not only because of the landscape, but also .. " (last draft of an entry i was going to make last march when i was with philip & some of his family in mallorca ( Read more... )

SMILING ( Read more... )

tomorrow is my last official day of au pair work AND the weather suddenly went from -4 degrees fahrenheit (-20 celsius) to 37.5 degrees fahrenheit! it seriously feels like paradise; i don't think it has been above freezing for weeks now. and and and i can hear the snow & ice melting outside. haha, really, such an amazing feeling. also, it ( Read more... )

my mom just left to go back to the states... i can't help but to feel terrible and guilty for being a not-so-ideal daughter. we clashed a lot during her month-long stay here, but got into a horrible fight her last night and didn't really spend the last couple of days together because of me having to work and me not wanting to go out touring berlin ( Read more... )

01. What did you do in 2009 that you'd never done before ( Read more... )

things have gotten much much better here. i'm not sure if it has caused me to have a significantly more positive outlook/mood, or vice versa. either way, i'm looking forward to the future & hopefully getting into graduate school. i've only been looking at schools in germany, but not berlin in particular. the only program that i'm really considering ( Read more... )

i can't listen to your old music because it is too melancholy and invokes too painful of memories... but i wish i could tell you how beautiful your new track is and i wish i wasn't remembering the good times, when i know the bad times were too unbearable.

never, never repeat.