I got really bored today and made my cat's Myspace. I had a really... interesting conversation with some Narutard from Tullahomo too. I was both frightened and amused. It was pretty apparent he just wanted some fat chick for a booty call and I was his prey on this day. He would say something like, "I don't like trouble," And I would say, " ( Read more... )

Last night my dad was puking up blood, and today my mom has apparently dislocated her arm from the socket three times. My new friend Stephanie asked me, "Jesus, is there anything normal in your family?" We all know the answer to that... I felt like quoting Cape Fear, "Granddaddy used to handle snakes in church, Granny drank strychnine. I ( Read more... )

My mom doesn't have cancer. Whoo, and stuff. Although she was being pretty melodramatic for about a week. "I'm dying and this is the way you kids are treating me!" Now I bet she feels dumb ( Read more... )

I woke up at six o'clock this morning for some reason and decided it was an adequate day to be alive. So I went grocery shopping with my mom. Everything went fine and dandy, except for towards the end there, I had myself fist deep in a crate of pink lady apples and I noticed my hand was bleeding. Or had been, sometime this morning presumably ( Read more... )

Woke up at 5 this morning because I was in severe discomfort. That, and I had left a note asking my mom to check on me when she got up. You all know I had to have been feeling pretty bad to have actually done that. Eventually I fell back asleep. Woke up again, made a doctor's appointment -- they were actually able to see me at 10:30 this ( Read more... )

I just found a drug that's used to treat schizophrenia filled out in my mom's name. In her defense, it's also used to treat migraines. But that made me laugh really hard ( Read more... )

I just threw up in my mouth a little. My mom's like "OMG Jamie. My Victoria's Secret teddy came in the mail today!" And I was like, "Uh. That's... nice." So she showed it to me. Don't worry, she wasn't wearing it. But it opens down the front... and it comes with a thong ( Read more... )

I woke up today and my stomach felt like a pro wrestler had jumped on it. And then I felt that familiar gushing feeling and ended up flooding the house in a cascade of blood reminiscent of those hallway scenes from The Shining. Well, not really, but you get the picture. It hurt uber-bad. UBER. I was like, doubled-over, on my side. ( Read more... )