Sorry, sweetie. I tend to run away either emotionally or literally when I get really stressed out or embarrassed as well, and know how frustrating it can be when people try to "help" when all you want is to be left alone. Time away is sometimes all that will help. *hug*
I do this too. Often I have no idea how much I'm holding in until I explode. I'm glad you have a release valve, even it vents at inopportune times, because the alternative usually involves far worse outcomes. You are very loved, just as you are. And you are wonderful, just as you are. Our brains are not something we choose how to wire, and even thought this part of yours isn't how you'd like it to be, it's still part of you which means I and all your friends accept and love that part of you just as much as any other part. And there's nothing you can do to change that. So there.
Maybe when it is not squishy we can go to the real place the meditation is based on and actually connect that way... Since I wrote it.. I was picking it apart while it was being said.... You guys have to come over when we are not having a gathering...
There are hugs available if you require them, and hugs require no words. They're just there. And just about anyone will be more than happy to provide one.
Not every ritual will speak to everyone (though I like to think that our rites speak to more people than the average Pagan rite out there). This one didn't speak to you, and that's okay. It happens. If we could get you into that awesome OMGIt'sReligionTime! frame of mind every time, we'd be a cult or drug dealers, not a group of tree-hugging-dirt-worshipers. (James, in his Varieties of Religious Experience, indicates that one of the primary determining factors of a mystical experience is that it cannot be reliably induced).
Anyway, it's not you that's broken if you don't get stuff out of it. It just means that we need to figure out what it is that didn't work for you and fix it for next time.
Seamus and I have comments about the rite, what was going right and what was going wrong. We'll be reviewing them. It wasn't perfect. It was good, but there is, as there always is, room for
just know we care about you and we don't always know how easy it is to embarass you or upset you. Sometimes things are said as our way of coping... you do belong in the grove. you are wanted, loved and needed. I don't know what we can do or say to prove it to you. I am truly sorry that I made matters worse for you yesterday. My intent was pure but I am learning about all the people of the grove and their ways...HUGS
Seamus, firstly, I want to let you know I'm not upset with you. That's the hardest part of feeling what I feel. I'm not mad at you or Nick or Joe or anyone
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*hugs and loves*
Jan
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Not every ritual will speak to everyone (though I like to think that our rites speak to more people than the average Pagan rite out there). This one didn't speak to you, and that's okay. It happens. If we could get you into that awesome OMGIt'sReligionTime! frame of mind every time, we'd be a cult or drug dealers, not a group of tree-hugging-dirt-worshipers. (James, in his Varieties of Religious Experience, indicates that one of the primary determining factors of a mystical experience is that it cannot be reliably induced).
Anyway, it's not you that's broken if you don't get stuff out of it. It just means that we need to figure out what it is that didn't work for you and fix it for next time.
Seamus and I have comments about the rite, what was going right and what was going wrong. We'll be reviewing them. It wasn't perfect. It was good, but there is, as there always is, room for
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you do belong in the grove. you are wanted, loved and needed. I don't know what we can do or say to prove it to you. I am truly sorry that I made matters worse for you yesterday. My intent was pure but I am learning about all the people of the grove and their ways...HUGS
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*hug*
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