I find myself going through extreme mood swings. Depression technically. One day I'm perfectly fine and the next day - sometimes the same day - life is no good. I go through periods of hyperventilating, crying for no reason, and a pit of depair in my heart. I find distractions to get through it. Laundry, dishes, cleaning, etc. The ( Read more... )

I can't stop crying. It's really quite annoying.

"I tear my heart open, I sew myself shut
My weakness is that I care too much"

There are days I wonder if I'll be able to get through church without crying. Or if I'll be able to drive to church without crying. Or listen to a sad song without crying. Or watch a movie. Hell, even watch a commercial ( Read more... )

It came up so unexpectedly that I almost didn't have time to leave the room. During the middle of the couples dance, where the DJ weeded out the couples until we found out who had been married the longest, I got sad. Very very sad. I took a deep breath to calm down, which was noticed by one of my "plus ones". I lied and said I was okay, sat for ( Read more... )

I started crying in church Sunday. During my best friend's son's baptism. For no apparent reason. Normally I cry during church because I miss my mom. But Sunday wasn't like that. I just started crying. Somehow I managed to stop by the recessional hymn, and the in-laws didn't say anything about it. But it definitely left me quiet and sad, ( Read more... )

Do you ever find that it's easier to explain yourself to anonymous readers than to your loved ones? Or that it's easier to talk to acquantainces and fringe friends about deep things? Do you have days when you just want to stay inside all day and not talk to anyone? That's me today. I'll be fine soon. But today...today sucked.

I woke up crying. For some strange reason a song my mom wrote in her younger days was running through my head. And I missed her. I walked out the door to go to work and found myself in a whiteout. I drove through falling snow, barely able to see 5 car lengths in front of me, and tried to control my crying so I'd still have decent control over ( Read more... )

Today is a weird day. Today is...would have been...my mom's birthday. It's been popping in and out of my head throughout the week, but today it really hit me. That, combined with missing SteelersBoy , truly overwhelmed me. I stood in the middle of a field, watching a meet, and broke down. I miss them. I miss them both. But today, I'm really ( Read more... )

I've been in a particularly bad mood this past week. I don't think I've talked about this yet, but SteelersBoy is going back home to take care of his mom's estate. He's not sure how long that's going to be, although we're both trying to be optimistic that it will be short. I'm trying not to be too sad about it, but its difficult. So because I'm ( Read more... )