Chasing Dreams - Chapter 11
Title: Chasing Dreams
Author: raven_kerry
Beta-reader: onthaedge
Artist: marsmaywander
Word-count: 44’038
Rating: M
Summary: Growing up as a psychic in Ohio is difficult. Throw in being gay and a dream-boyfriend and it’s that much more difficult.
Kurt has always been able to see things through other people’s eyes, hear their thoughts and feel their pain and emotions as if they were his own. It’s difficult to go on when you literally feel how much people hate you. This is his story.
Pairing: Kadam
Warnings: suicide attempt and ideation, mentioned non-con towards adults and children, violence, pagan beliefs
Author’s Note: A thousand thanks to my beta and artist for choosing to work with me. It’s been amazing. :)
Chapter 1 | Chapter 2 | Chapter 3 | Chapter 4 | Chapter 5 | Chapter 6 | Chapter 7 | Chapter 8 | Chapter 9 | Chapter 10 | Chapter 11 | Chapter 12 | Chapter 13 | Chapter 14 | Chapter 15 | Epilogue | Excerpt: Of Meetings
Chapter 11
It was of no surprise to Kurt when his father pulled him and Finn out from class to tell them that he and Carol were going to get married. As a matter of fact, he rather expected it after he’d gone to the trouble of telling Carol about the family abilities.
Kurt also knew that Carol wanted to have another baby - she’d always wanted to have another kid, but after Finn’s father had passed away, she’d figured that it was never going to happen. With the promise of a new marriage, she hoped that her dream might finally come true. Kurt, for his part, would welcome another sibling. He didn’t know how Finn would handle it though.
Kurt figured that at least the kid would likely only inherit the same sense for danger that his father had. The fact that there had been several generations between him and his grandmother spoke for the idea that any baby likely wouldn’t have to worry about having visions like Kurt. Carol was worried that it was too late for her though, since she was in her late thirties. Kurt hoped that she would eventually bring it up to his father. He knew his father would never say no. After all, he loved kids.
Kurt was over the moon about being able to plan his father’s wedding. Kurt and Burt’s connection with Carol had deepened since they’d saved her. After they’d arrived home, Burt had told her how he’d had a bad feeling and Kurt had suddenly slipped into one of his visions. He’d been conflicted what to do - try and find her or stay to take care of Kurt. In the end, Kurt telling him where to find her had sealed the deal. He’d put Kurt in the truck, buckled him up, and had gone out to find and rescue her. She’d talked things over with Eliza that weekend and things had settled.
The one thing Kurt had not expected was for his father to find out about Karofsky - though he didn’t tell him everything. He hadn’t told anyone everything - not even Adam. Blaine and Adam knew about the original kiss. Neither of them knew about the death threats or stalking. After Burt phoned Eliza later that night, Kurt got a real dressing-down for not have at least confided in her about it.
Shortly after the wedding, Kurt found out that Karofsky was returning. He had a small panic attack. He didn’t understand why, though. After all, he was just in the same boat as before. It shouldn’t be different now than it was before. According to Eliza, though, the reason he had it was because he thought he was free and then it had come swooping back. While he’d gradually gotten used to the fear, he hadn’t had to deal with it for a bit. When it all returned at once, it was too much.
Kurt’s father and Carol debated various options of where to send Kurt. They didn’t really want to homeschool him, unless it was as a last resort. Neither of them really had the time to watch over him and help him learn the material. That meant hiring tutors and teachers, which they couldn’t really afford. The other options were various schools nearby. Kurt refused to go to Carmel High, citing that he didn’t want to become an automaton drone like the rest of Vocal Adrenaline.
In the end it was decided that Kurt would go to Dalton. He had a friend there and they had an anti-bullying policy. Kurt hated to break it to his friends - especially right before Sectionals - but he didn’t have any choice. The next few weeks were crazy as he’d studied like mad for various tests for scholarships at Dalton, of which he’d scored a few. The best one was his French scholarship. The teacher had taken one look at his scores, had conversed with him in French for half an hour and deemed him well enough to test out of French. He had done the test and she’d organized a big French scholarship for him in return for tutoring her students in his free time.
He was surprised that he was allowed to apply for scholarships in the middle of the year, but it was explained to him that they’d had way too many mid-student transfers, due to their anti-bullying policy, to only hand them out at the beginning of a semester. A lot of them were from poorer families, who were scrounging where they could to get the money together to pay for keeping their kid safe. That’s why they had the scholarships. The only rich children that actually got scholarships were the ones who were head of their class.
It didn’t take long for Kurt to realize that they were talking about people needing the scholarships in a relative way - namely over the entire time Dalton had been around. There were only a few kids like him, who didn’t come from rich families. Even though there wasn’t any outright bullying, Kurt didn’t feel comfortable.
Most of the rich kids looked down on him for being a scholarship student. The other scholarship students welcomed him into their folds, but he didn’t share a lot of interests with them. Mostly they just studied together, to make sure to keep their scholarships.
The Warblers were a little too stuffy for Kurt’s comfort. He was used to the easy way the New Directions acted. Having known Blaine outside of Dalton, he expected him to be similar. However, inside Dalton, he tried to act the same as everyone else. He’d rarely ever completely let loose. Kurt started to treasure his memories of the carefree Blaine who sang and danced in parking lots.
Kurt finally understood the duality of Blaine’s personality. He acted according to what he thought was how other people expected him to. He played a role to be better accepted. He wasn’t really true to himself. The times he’d let go were the times where he gave up the pretense - and that was the Blaine Kurt liked. That was the Blaine that gave Kurt butterflies in his stomach - sometimes. The thing that continued to bug him is that Blaine had very set ideas of conduct. Anyone who didn’t hold to them, he looked down on. Everything had to be organized, structured and planned. He planned and scheduled everything.
Kurt, for his part, found this rather annoying. He was a free spirit. He didn’t want to be tied down by rules and regulations. They were there to be bent. That’s one of the reasons he wore the clothes he did. He wanted to provoke people - get them to leave their set ideas of what should and shouldn’t be. He figured that was the first step to curing them of their homophobia.
As time went on, Kurt’s crush started to diminish. It was becoming more and more clear to him that Blaine wouldn’t ever return his feelings. At least it was, until he started harboring romantic feelings for someone. Kurt had thought they might have a chance then and had opened up, only to find out they were for another guy. And, seriously, how was Kurt supposed to know who they were for if the information wasn’t being broadcast by Blaine’s mind.
The last straw was when Blaine chose Rachel over Kurt - despite the fact that he was gay. Kurt knew he was. There was no physical attraction that Blaine experienced when he looked at girls. Kurt had felt it from other guys, so he knew what he was talking about. He knew that Brittany felt that attraction towards girls and guys. So he was fine with bisexuals - if they actually were bisexual and not trying to be something they weren’t.
Kurt was almost over Blaine, when Pavarotti died and suddenly Blaine seemed to actually see him. Suddenly he knew he was the center of Blaine’s world. He didn’t understand, but he’d felt the shift. He was there when it happened.
When he kissed Blaine, it was different from kissing Adam. When he kissed Adam it was like he was in Adam and Adam was in him. Half of that was missing with Blaine: Blaine didn’t sink into him the same way. Kurt wondered passively if that was because Blaine wasn’t psychic like him or if it was normal for physical relationships in contrast to psychic ones.
Occasionally, he’d find himself wishing that it was Adam there instead of Blaine, and would have to turn those thoughts off. They weren’t fair to Blaine. He shouldn’t be comparing them like that. He couldn’t stop though. The person he really wanted was Adam; Blaine was just a placeholder until Adam came along - if he came along.
Eliza had grown worried about Kurt and his growing apathy towards things in life. She prescribed him a low dose of anti-depressants again, which she took him off of shortly after he returned to McKinley, because he was much happier again. He had slowly been suffocating at Dalton. McKinley was like a breath of fresh air to him.
***
Time continued to pass quickly. Kurt, much to his dismay, was elected Prom Queen. They went to New York, where Kurt fell in love with the city of his dreams. Summer vacation came and went and he found himself in his senior year. At this time, Kurt had grown attached to Blaine, but still wasn’t able to return his statements of love. Instead, he’d say something that Blaine would read to mean that he loved him as well.
The main thing he was worried about, though, was their sex-life. He knew it was stupid to want to wait for Adam. He was still a guy though and so was Blaine. He wanted to experience it and Adam refused to show him while they were in their childhood forms.
When Sebastian entered the picture, though, he grew even more afraid. Despite his inhibitions, he slept with Blaine. It was gentle and sweet. Something shifted in him and suddenly he found himself able to return Blaine’s words of love. More and more often he found himself picking up and acting on Blaine’s thoughts and feelings. Blaine loved it, so Kurt kept on doing it.
Previous Chapter | Next Chapter
Author: raven_kerry
Beta-reader: onthaedge
Artist: marsmaywander
Word-count: 44’038
Rating: M
Summary: Growing up as a psychic in Ohio is difficult. Throw in being gay and a dream-boyfriend and it’s that much more difficult.
Kurt has always been able to see things through other people’s eyes, hear their thoughts and feel their pain and emotions as if they were his own. It’s difficult to go on when you literally feel how much people hate you. This is his story.
Pairing: Kadam
Warnings: suicide attempt and ideation, mentioned non-con towards adults and children, violence, pagan beliefs
Author’s Note: A thousand thanks to my beta and artist for choosing to work with me. It’s been amazing. :)
Chapter 1 | Chapter 2 | Chapter 3 | Chapter 4 | Chapter 5 | Chapter 6 | Chapter 7 | Chapter 8 | Chapter 9 | Chapter 10 | Chapter 11 | Chapter 12 | Chapter 13 | Chapter 14 | Chapter 15 | Epilogue | Excerpt: Of Meetings
Chapter 11
It was of no surprise to Kurt when his father pulled him and Finn out from class to tell them that he and Carol were going to get married. As a matter of fact, he rather expected it after he’d gone to the trouble of telling Carol about the family abilities.
Kurt also knew that Carol wanted to have another baby - she’d always wanted to have another kid, but after Finn’s father had passed away, she’d figured that it was never going to happen. With the promise of a new marriage, she hoped that her dream might finally come true. Kurt, for his part, would welcome another sibling. He didn’t know how Finn would handle it though.
Kurt figured that at least the kid would likely only inherit the same sense for danger that his father had. The fact that there had been several generations between him and his grandmother spoke for the idea that any baby likely wouldn’t have to worry about having visions like Kurt. Carol was worried that it was too late for her though, since she was in her late thirties. Kurt hoped that she would eventually bring it up to his father. He knew his father would never say no. After all, he loved kids.
Kurt was over the moon about being able to plan his father’s wedding. Kurt and Burt’s connection with Carol had deepened since they’d saved her. After they’d arrived home, Burt had told her how he’d had a bad feeling and Kurt had suddenly slipped into one of his visions. He’d been conflicted what to do - try and find her or stay to take care of Kurt. In the end, Kurt telling him where to find her had sealed the deal. He’d put Kurt in the truck, buckled him up, and had gone out to find and rescue her. She’d talked things over with Eliza that weekend and things had settled.
The one thing Kurt had not expected was for his father to find out about Karofsky - though he didn’t tell him everything. He hadn’t told anyone everything - not even Adam. Blaine and Adam knew about the original kiss. Neither of them knew about the death threats or stalking. After Burt phoned Eliza later that night, Kurt got a real dressing-down for not have at least confided in her about it.
Shortly after the wedding, Kurt found out that Karofsky was returning. He had a small panic attack. He didn’t understand why, though. After all, he was just in the same boat as before. It shouldn’t be different now than it was before. According to Eliza, though, the reason he had it was because he thought he was free and then it had come swooping back. While he’d gradually gotten used to the fear, he hadn’t had to deal with it for a bit. When it all returned at once, it was too much.
Kurt’s father and Carol debated various options of where to send Kurt. They didn’t really want to homeschool him, unless it was as a last resort. Neither of them really had the time to watch over him and help him learn the material. That meant hiring tutors and teachers, which they couldn’t really afford. The other options were various schools nearby. Kurt refused to go to Carmel High, citing that he didn’t want to become an automaton drone like the rest of Vocal Adrenaline.
In the end it was decided that Kurt would go to Dalton. He had a friend there and they had an anti-bullying policy. Kurt hated to break it to his friends - especially right before Sectionals - but he didn’t have any choice. The next few weeks were crazy as he’d studied like mad for various tests for scholarships at Dalton, of which he’d scored a few. The best one was his French scholarship. The teacher had taken one look at his scores, had conversed with him in French for half an hour and deemed him well enough to test out of French. He had done the test and she’d organized a big French scholarship for him in return for tutoring her students in his free time.
He was surprised that he was allowed to apply for scholarships in the middle of the year, but it was explained to him that they’d had way too many mid-student transfers, due to their anti-bullying policy, to only hand them out at the beginning of a semester. A lot of them were from poorer families, who were scrounging where they could to get the money together to pay for keeping their kid safe. That’s why they had the scholarships. The only rich children that actually got scholarships were the ones who were head of their class.
It didn’t take long for Kurt to realize that they were talking about people needing the scholarships in a relative way - namely over the entire time Dalton had been around. There were only a few kids like him, who didn’t come from rich families. Even though there wasn’t any outright bullying, Kurt didn’t feel comfortable.
Most of the rich kids looked down on him for being a scholarship student. The other scholarship students welcomed him into their folds, but he didn’t share a lot of interests with them. Mostly they just studied together, to make sure to keep their scholarships.
The Warblers were a little too stuffy for Kurt’s comfort. He was used to the easy way the New Directions acted. Having known Blaine outside of Dalton, he expected him to be similar. However, inside Dalton, he tried to act the same as everyone else. He’d rarely ever completely let loose. Kurt started to treasure his memories of the carefree Blaine who sang and danced in parking lots.
Kurt finally understood the duality of Blaine’s personality. He acted according to what he thought was how other people expected him to. He played a role to be better accepted. He wasn’t really true to himself. The times he’d let go were the times where he gave up the pretense - and that was the Blaine Kurt liked. That was the Blaine that gave Kurt butterflies in his stomach - sometimes. The thing that continued to bug him is that Blaine had very set ideas of conduct. Anyone who didn’t hold to them, he looked down on. Everything had to be organized, structured and planned. He planned and scheduled everything.
Kurt, for his part, found this rather annoying. He was a free spirit. He didn’t want to be tied down by rules and regulations. They were there to be bent. That’s one of the reasons he wore the clothes he did. He wanted to provoke people - get them to leave their set ideas of what should and shouldn’t be. He figured that was the first step to curing them of their homophobia.
As time went on, Kurt’s crush started to diminish. It was becoming more and more clear to him that Blaine wouldn’t ever return his feelings. At least it was, until he started harboring romantic feelings for someone. Kurt had thought they might have a chance then and had opened up, only to find out they were for another guy. And, seriously, how was Kurt supposed to know who they were for if the information wasn’t being broadcast by Blaine’s mind.
The last straw was when Blaine chose Rachel over Kurt - despite the fact that he was gay. Kurt knew he was. There was no physical attraction that Blaine experienced when he looked at girls. Kurt had felt it from other guys, so he knew what he was talking about. He knew that Brittany felt that attraction towards girls and guys. So he was fine with bisexuals - if they actually were bisexual and not trying to be something they weren’t.
Kurt was almost over Blaine, when Pavarotti died and suddenly Blaine seemed to actually see him. Suddenly he knew he was the center of Blaine’s world. He didn’t understand, but he’d felt the shift. He was there when it happened.
When he kissed Blaine, it was different from kissing Adam. When he kissed Adam it was like he was in Adam and Adam was in him. Half of that was missing with Blaine: Blaine didn’t sink into him the same way. Kurt wondered passively if that was because Blaine wasn’t psychic like him or if it was normal for physical relationships in contrast to psychic ones.
Occasionally, he’d find himself wishing that it was Adam there instead of Blaine, and would have to turn those thoughts off. They weren’t fair to Blaine. He shouldn’t be comparing them like that. He couldn’t stop though. The person he really wanted was Adam; Blaine was just a placeholder until Adam came along - if he came along.
Eliza had grown worried about Kurt and his growing apathy towards things in life. She prescribed him a low dose of anti-depressants again, which she took him off of shortly after he returned to McKinley, because he was much happier again. He had slowly been suffocating at Dalton. McKinley was like a breath of fresh air to him.
***
Time continued to pass quickly. Kurt, much to his dismay, was elected Prom Queen. They went to New York, where Kurt fell in love with the city of his dreams. Summer vacation came and went and he found himself in his senior year. At this time, Kurt had grown attached to Blaine, but still wasn’t able to return his statements of love. Instead, he’d say something that Blaine would read to mean that he loved him as well.
The main thing he was worried about, though, was their sex-life. He knew it was stupid to want to wait for Adam. He was still a guy though and so was Blaine. He wanted to experience it and Adam refused to show him while they were in their childhood forms.
When Sebastian entered the picture, though, he grew even more afraid. Despite his inhibitions, he slept with Blaine. It was gentle and sweet. Something shifted in him and suddenly he found himself able to return Blaine’s words of love. More and more often he found himself picking up and acting on Blaine’s thoughts and feelings. Blaine loved it, so Kurt kept on doing it.
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