What you are trying to do only works in B-grade horror movies.

We don't discriminate against idiots. We have a wide and varied selection.

Dear person on the T ( Read more... )

Hey. Thanks for asking me out earlier this week when I was downtown. I think you are pretty cute too. Sure, I'd love to get Chinese with you some time and chat. Wednesday? Great ( Read more... )

Dear Parents of the Child for Whom I Babysit,

It is good to be mindful of what you say and do in the presence of your children, and I appreciate that you are. However, obsessing at length about minor things will accomplish nothing other than self-torture. Especially if you're not honest with yourself about your own hopes and desires ( Read more... )

Dear A__ ( Read more... )

Wow. Apparently I'm crazy to expect a professional blogger to be able to express his own opinions clearly and accurately. Not "to have opinions that reflect the use of intelligence or discernment," not "to argue in favor of those opinions in a persuasive, skillful way." Expecting someone who is paid actual money to regurgitate their mental chatter ( Read more... )

hey asshole. if i've mispronounced your last name for the last 2 years, it was up to you to correct me. you don't have to seethe in silence like you were "hearing nails on chalkboard each time." this is what grown-ups do; they tell each other rationally. you're fucking 40 for christ's sake; i'd think you'd know that by now.

Dear stupid in my law class,

The two words you do not want to say while arguing case law is "I feel". Just... no. If I were the judge I would have tossed you out the door and told you go back to law school. Back it up with facts or get out.

No Love,
Me

This isn't a direct snark but it belongs here. I'm sure you all will find a good use for it.

"The internet is telling you to Fuck Off"