Dear Guy Who Asked Me Out;
Hey. Thanks for asking me out earlier this week when I was downtown. I think you are pretty cute too. Sure, I'd love to get Chinese with you some time and chat. Wednesday? Great.
But yeah, guy, with the plaid shorts. Thanks for picking me up! No really, it was so cute that you picked me up and acted like you didn't care nor wanted to be there. It was starting to feel like a teen movie- a Cute guy asks out the slightly socially awkward girl in glasses on a dare, they have a date, he ends up falling for the hot bitch chick despite actually having lots of fun with glasses girl, ugly girl cries about it and plaid shorts and glasses ends up together in the end anyway.
But if this was only a C grade summer movie.
I only thought it was a little demoralizing that you kept staring at my tits the entire time you moved your Schezuan shrimp around in their highlighter orange grease sauce. Yep. They're tits. This dress makes them look nice, wouldn't you agree? Oh sorry, I was trying to make conversation with you. Sorry, yeah, no, please don't let me interrupt you as you stare at the 4.5x2.4 glowing screen of your iPhone.
Normally when you go out to eat you offer your date a taste of your food. Instead of a "No thanks" or polite decline, you look as if I've just offered to take a shit in your mouth. Its not shit, it's tofu.
"Tofu doesn't do it for me".
Oh, excuse me. Let me slather Broccoli Beef over your cock instead.
"I'm tired." You say.
And I know our date has ended. No box, Chinese Ma'am. I don't want a boxed memory in my fridge when I go for the cranberry juice of Plaid Shorts and his iPhone and his obsession with my milk making organs.
Oh, and that seat belt move? Why did you un-click it when I was leaving your car? Did you honestly think you were going to get a kiss goodbye?
I'd rather take a shit in your mouth.
But yeah, guy, with the plaid shorts. Thanks for picking me up! No really, it was so cute that you picked me up and acted like you didn't care nor wanted to be there. It was starting to feel like a teen movie- a Cute guy asks out the slightly socially awkward girl in glasses on a dare, they have a date, he ends up falling for the hot bitch chick despite actually having lots of fun with glasses girl, ugly girl cries about it and plaid shorts and glasses ends up together in the end anyway.
But if this was only a C grade summer movie.
I only thought it was a little demoralizing that you kept staring at my tits the entire time you moved your Schezuan shrimp around in their highlighter orange grease sauce. Yep. They're tits. This dress makes them look nice, wouldn't you agree? Oh sorry, I was trying to make conversation with you. Sorry, yeah, no, please don't let me interrupt you as you stare at the 4.5x2.4 glowing screen of your iPhone.
Normally when you go out to eat you offer your date a taste of your food. Instead of a "No thanks" or polite decline, you look as if I've just offered to take a shit in your mouth. Its not shit, it's tofu.
"Tofu doesn't do it for me".
Oh, excuse me. Let me slather Broccoli Beef over your cock instead.
"I'm tired." You say.
And I know our date has ended. No box, Chinese Ma'am. I don't want a boxed memory in my fridge when I go for the cranberry juice of Plaid Shorts and his iPhone and his obsession with my milk making organs.
Oh, and that seat belt move? Why did you un-click it when I was leaving your car? Did you honestly think you were going to get a kiss goodbye?
I'd rather take a shit in your mouth.