Comments | puppe: 100 Fubaru Themes (001-010, repost with new 010)

puppe

100 Fubaru Themes (001-010, repost with new 010)

Nov 29, 2005 21:21

A repost of the first ten themes, the tenth one being completely new!

100 Fubaru Themes (001-010)
puppe; 10/01/05 - 11/22/05

100 themes dealing mostly with X17+ Fuuma and Subaru.

( 001: Savings box )

x, 100_themes

Comments 16

starswan December 1 2005, 08:06:40 UTC

These are all nice, of course. ^^
Burn is the best of the lot now to me...
I love how Subaru is sort of slow to realize what is happening but also exceedingly aware of himself.

I especially like how this is phrased:
He couldn't deny the similarities in the two, however, or the similarities in his heart rate in reaction to them: an increase upon sight and a skip upon burn.

puppe December 1 2005, 20:52:34 UTC

Thanks ^^

Part 1 tanuki_dono January 5 2006, 04:51:46 UTC

1: I’m not a liar; therefore, I will say that I enjoyed this one. The atmosphere was very serene, and Fuuma’s words are very human ( ... )

Re: Part 1 puppe January 5 2006, 05:52:32 UTC

I want to say, like...thank you so much. Seriously :D It makes me very, very happy! Especially since this project is kind of like my "baby" now...

It’s hard to take Fuuma seriously when he’s being comical, which is really weird given how mature and adult-like he is in X. And the speech made me think of those femmy commercials for lip cremes. “Make my lips moist and smooth.”
This entire fic is serious...but then it isn't so serious. I'm actually happy you wrote that! It just makes me giggle.

However, when Seishirou died, Subaru was finally able to see Fuuma for who he was. He wouldn’t really need a photograph to figure this out.
After re-reading it, I kind of know what I mean now. It's not that he's finally seeing who he really is, he's seeing Fuuma not as Kamui but...this kid, you know? This younger man instead of the big bad scary weird dude, you know? Or not. And then finally he sees him in a different light which is, and I'm not really spoiling anything since you've read it all, all hearts and shit like that (not really ( ... )

Re: Part 1 tanuki_dono January 5 2006, 23:56:14 UTC

Well, I think the humor is jarring when juxtaposed with all the seriousness myself. As for him seeing Fuuma as a kid...CLAMP themselves have commented on the aspects of Fuuma's maturity, so it just seems like it's...not Fuuma, that's all. I am fine with Subaru seeing Fuuma in a different light. But Fuuma isn't very believable for me. Fuuma is too complex to write off as just some kid in my mind. I believe in showing his humanity, just...this portrayal of him was diffifcult, that's all. As for letting the dialogue carry the character, I dislike that. Because these characters, especially Fuuma who is cryptic and choosy with his words, carries his dialogue with absolute control. And Subaru has developed a notable level of control as well. Your lack of planning with Subaru's usefulness was a down point, really. I think it would be better if it was something unveiled and building with time.

Re: Part 1 puppe January 6 2006, 01:25:55 UTC

Well, I meant physically a kid, and, well, something can be both funny and serious, right? I mean, I know you like pain and all that, but isn't life both funny and serious?

We all have differences of opinion, I guess. I mean, I write for entertainment, not to have an exact replica of CLAMP. I mean, that's nice sometimes to read, but sometimes I think varieties in character are okay. I'm not saying that he's not out of character or anything, but we just have a difference in fundamental views, I think.

I'm not so serious, actually, with what I write or do. It's not like this is my career or I'm getting paid for it at all.

Thread 5

tanuki_dono January 5 2006, 04:56:51 UTC

6: I love it so far. The words are smooth and the peripheral details involving Sakurazukamori are nice. Subaru throwing up over the fax is a good detail, too. Oh my God. This is so my favorite. This is wonderful characterization of Subaru. I adore how you tackled the assasination and the death and the lingering presence of Fuuma at the edges of the fic. You handle the essence of killing so easily. People are fragile. People are so fragile. They are easy to kill. It’s mind-shattering. I would have liked the ideas this approaches in any situation ( ... )

apapazukamori January 5 2006, 16:55:16 UTC

First, I applaud you for trying to write 100 fics. That's difficult to follow through with regardless of the pairing. So for that alone, good job. Your writing shows promise. Your spelling is good.

I do think that you use too many words. I'm no Hemmingway fan, but in some cases, less really is more.

For example:
It was impossible to follow the no-photography rule in this day and age with technology becoming ever-present in society.

"It was impossible to follow the no-photography rule with technology becoming ever-present."

There was simply no possible way to avoid being photographed, though he took as many precautions as an onmyouji could against the possibility of photography and psychic attack.

"There was no possible way to avoid being photographed, though he took as many precautions as he could."

In both cases, you can remove at least three or four words and not change the meaning of the sentence. If you tighten your prose, it reads more easily and sometimes can have more impact.

The street light near the court hummed and ( ... )

ryutsuki January 6 2006, 00:08:57 UTC

I know you're trying to help, and I really, really do appreciate that, but the mechanics of how I write things is the one thing, oddly enough, that I'm really not going to change unless I'm not satisfied with it. But I will keep your suggestions in mind.

Read that sentence aloud with no pausing. If you can't do it in one breath, it's a run-on and needs to be broken up. Try: "The street light near the court hummed and flickered overhead. The sound of a bouncing basketball reverberated through the empty lot."
I'm sorry, but I really don't like your revision of that. I guess I have my own way of doing things and that's just my style. (And I can read that longish sentence aloud without pause, by the way. I'm not trying to be snarky or anything, though.)

On the research, ah, well, I suppose I could change the scent of camellia and cherry entwined to cherry flowers. It just wasn't something I considered while writing. I'm not even sure what cherries themselves smell like. And, I have to admit, I have no idea about Tokyo, so I try ( ... )

apapazukamori January 6 2006, 01:05:13 UTC

All my revisions were suggestions. Do something differently if you like, but just because you can read it through in one breath doesn't make it not a run on. If you need to make it one sentence, then it's best to use a semi-colon.

I kind of thought I explained the uruku part reasonably well, though. Apparently not?

Not at all. Especially not when you have Subaru imply that they have spiritual properties. What would they be, exactly? And barring its spiritual properties, what is it? Is it a plant? A mineral? A chemical? Obscure references should be explained, or left out. Uruku is obscure.

Why write generalities when it would take you five minutes to research and use a specific? Adding details correctly gives your story more authenticity and depth, especially when you're writing about another culture. It shows an understanding and respect for the culture.

ryutsuki January 6 2006, 01:32:44 UTC

Not at all. Especially not when you have Subaru imply that they have spiritual properties. What would they be, exactly? And barring its spiritual properties, what is it? Is it a plant? A mineral? A chemical? Obscure references should be explained, or left out. Uruku is obscure.
Well, I Googled lip balm for ideas and I found a site that sold lip balm for uruku in it. Apparently, uruku is known for its spiritual properties, but I really don't know. I just saw it as something to use since I was a little stuck at the time. I still don't consider it that big of a deal. I'll look into revising that segment, however.

Adding details correctly gives your story more authenticity and depth, especially when you're writing about another culture. It shows an understanding and respect for the culture.Ah, it's that adding details correctly bit. Why risk being specific and wrong when I can be safe and general? But that's just me. If it's not that big of a deal, then I won't research it. I'm not that much of a perfectionist when it comes to ( ... )

apapazukamori January 5 2006, 17:14:03 UTC

I separated my comments into grammar/writing based and my more subjective opinions (i.e. those based on characterization and canon). As a disclaimer: I'm a canon whore. I will read any pairing if it is well done; but for me, "well done" must include as much canon as possible ( ... )

ryutsuki January 6 2006, 00:55:27 UTC

As an afterthought, I'm thinking that maybe I should have wrote this in somewhere, but this isn't replacing their relationship in canon. I mean, the canon events have already happened in my mind, and I'm just filling in the gaps in a way to set up their relationship and whatnot. Theme #10 happens after the manga scene. At least, that's what I was going for. Does that make sense of anything now? I really should put a note in about that.

I'm a canon whore. I will read any pairing if it is well done; but for me, "well done" must include as much canon as possible. Well, this is probably where our differences are going to stem from. My view is that if I wanted something totally canon, I'd read the manga/watch the anime itself. I just view fanfiction as entertainment and up to interpretation from the writer and reader. I'm not saying it's okay to be wildly out of character, but little fluctuations have always been fine by me because, hey, I like variety. I try to avoid writing characters the same way twice. But hey, I'm one of ( ... )

apapazukamori January 6 2006, 01:21:08 UTC

Okay, I can understand wanting to fill in the gaps. I do that with my own writing. But the problem with #10 is that the conversation you have them have already takes place. The scene in the manga has Fuuma telling Subaru that Nataku died.

But hey, I'm one of those fanfiction-is-for-fun-and-entertainment people.

I'm pretty sure that describes all fanfic authors, actually. Fun-and-entertainment is hardly a reason to not put out the best possible work.

ryutsuki January 6 2006, 01:44:06 UTC

Okay, I can understand wanting to fill in the gaps. I do that with my own writing. But the problem with #10 is that the conversation you have them have already takes place. The scene in the manga has Fuuma telling Subaru that Nataku died.
Yeah, that...already happened. This is that night...(err, I'm not understanding what you mean)

I'm pretty sure that describes all fanfic authors, actually.
It wouldn't seem like it, haha! The majority of the fanfiction writers I've encountered in X seem unusually serious about their writing. But that's just my opinion. Personally, I don't consider this fandom a very fun place, but I still like the series and characters. Besides, I wanted some input with the story since I really didn't get any from the friends of this writing journal (which I graciously got, thank you).

Fun-and-entertainment is hardly a reason to not put out the best possible work.Well, I have no obligation to strive for absolute perfectionism, either. I'm not saying that this story doesn't need work (and it's not like it's ( ... )