100 Fubaru Themes (001-010, repost with new 010)

[puppe]

A repost of the first ten themes, the tenth one being completely new!

100 Fubaru Themes (001-010)
puppe; 10/01/05 - 11/22/05

100 themes dealing mostly with X17+ Fuuma and Subaru.

Comments

Part 1

[tanuki_dono]

1: I’m not a liar; therefore, I will say that I enjoyed this one. The atmosphere was very serene, and Fuuma’s words are very human.

2: I like the focus on commonplace objects - lip creme. Wanting to understand. Fuuma remains in character with his aloofness and of course, the focus on Wishes in the beginning. But the latter bit made me laugh. It’s hard to take Fuuma seriously when he’s being comical, which is really weird given how mature and adult-like he is in X. And the speech made me think of those femmy commercials for lip cremes. “Make my lips moist and smooth.” I can’t stop laughing because then I connect it to Herbal Essences commercial, and suddenly I’m reminded of this dumb Naruto fic I read yesterday about Neji and shampoo. @.@

3: Grammar. Friend is really repetitive in the second paragraph, making it sound redundant to me. (but...who knows what you were going for) It’s all right, but I don’t like it as much as the first two. The focus on photographs is nice, and the peripheral information is nice - like the fact that they were absent from school. However, when Seishirou died, Subaru was finally able to see Fuuma for who he was. He wouldn’t really need a photograph to figure this out. In volume 17, he murmurs that Seishirou is gone from the world. And since he, presumably has no Wish, he is able to see Fuuma. Personally, going with the theme of seeing clearly, I would like to see a short piece addressing Subaru’s thoughts on finally being able to see Fuuma - observations and such. And the last line, while I admire the poetics of this, is a bit rushed. There are no other indications of a relationship, so there’s not really any background information to tie this to in a smooth manner. But I like the theme of seeing clearly.

4: Grammar: The “he” in the second sentence is vague. Given that it is Fuuma’s dialogue you’re starting off with, and he is leading the dynamic sentences, I think it might work better if you referred to Subaru as “the other man” or something. But this is just my preference. You’re not really wrong, it just sound odd to me. It might be the lateness of the hour. Okay I don’t like this part:
"Yeah. It was like...Seishirou always had you in mind in everything he did for us. Wanting to see you, harass you a little, make sure your memory of him hadn't faded..." Fuuma went on as Subaru looked at the wall in discomfort with the potential subject. "I guess my image of you, based on what I saw at the time combined with everything he said and did...I guess it was a little distorted. And I don't admit to this sort of thing lightly."
This section destroys Fuuma for me. It takes away his elevated status and freakiness for me. The fact that he could see desires and wants and desires and motivations is what attracted me to him, especially in the later X volumes. And the latter dialogues concerning Subaru bug me somehow. I mean, the dialogue itself is interesting. It’s just weird coming out of those characters’ mouths. Subaru’s nervousness seems odd to me, because even in X, he doesn’t mean to be nervous or stuttering at all. Even when he deals with Seishirou, he doesn’t outwardly show signs similar to his self in Tokyo Babylon, which is what his dialogue and body language peripherall reminds me of. On the other hand, I like you approaching the theme of Subaru’s strength and usefulness, I just feel that he should be more curt/cold. Sorry I didn’t like this one as much. >.> Gomen nasai, as young Subaru might say.

5: The prose is very pretty so far. I like this one, not because of the sexiness and not because of the inclusion of Seishirou, I swear. I like it because it occurs within a dreamscape, and I am mad!crazy about any kind of dream sequence. I can’t help it. Plus, your words and descriptions were particularly interesting here. Fuuma got into mischief as well - something I love in him, methinks. I loved the last line as well. Oceans are vast and make me think of the heart and deep thoughts, so it was lovely.

Re: Part 1

[puppe]

I want to say, like...thank you so much. Seriously :D It makes me very, very happy! Especially since this project is kind of like my "baby" now...

It’s hard to take Fuuma seriously when he’s being comical, which is really weird given how mature and adult-like he is in X. And the speech made me think of those femmy commercials for lip cremes. “Make my lips moist and smooth.”
This entire fic is serious...but then it isn't so serious. I'm actually happy you wrote that! It just makes me giggle.

However, when Seishirou died, Subaru was finally able to see Fuuma for who he was. He wouldn’t really need a photograph to figure this out.
After re-reading it, I kind of know what I mean now. It's not that he's finally seeing who he really is, he's seeing Fuuma not as Kamui but...this kid, you know? This younger man instead of the big bad scary weird dude, you know? Or not. And then finally he sees him in a different light which is, and I'm not really spoiling anything since you've read it all, all hearts and shit like that (not really, but you know what I mean).

But yeah, I did a bad way of telling it. It's a good standalone, but it doesn't really tie into the whole project very well. I don't suppose you noticed how it didn't go in with the timeline of the fic, did you? Haha.

This section destroys Fuuma for me. It takes away his elevated status and freakiness for me. The fact that he could see desires and wants and desires and motivations is what attracted me to him, especially in the later X volumes.
I have to admit, #4 wasn't really a favorite, and I didn't really know what I was going for when I was writing. Really, I just wanted to get the theme over with so I could continue. I guess, though, that I'm trying to portray Fuuma as someone who's not just Kamui and wish-seeing and all...he's also human. But I can't really defend this one very well. I'll be the first to admit that it was poorly written.

And the latter dialogues concerning Subaru bug me somehow. I mean, the dialogue itself is interesting. It’s just weird coming out of those characters’ mouths. Subaru’s nervousness seems odd to me, because even in X, he doesn’t mean to be nervous or stuttering at all.
Haha, this is me writing without reference, letting the dialogue carry the characters instead of the other way around. I actually do that frequently, hmmm.

On the other hand, I like you approaching the theme of Subaru’s strength and usefulness, I just feel that he should be more curt/cold.
I had no idea where I was going with that, by the way. I have no idea why Fuuma would want Subaru to be useful, especially when he states that he doesn't really have to do anything. But I guess that's later in the timeline, huh... (I suppose you could see it as Subaru being intimidated by Fuuma, er...)

5: The prose is very pretty so far. I like this one, not because of the sexiness and not because of the inclusion of Seishirou, I swear.
Thank you! This one is pretty to me, too. I like Fuuma's part in it, haha...okeee, next comment...

Re: Part 1

[tanuki_dono]

Well, I think the humor is jarring when juxtaposed with all the seriousness myself. As for him seeing Fuuma as a kid...CLAMP themselves have commented on the aspects of Fuuma's maturity, so it just seems like it's...not Fuuma, that's all. I am fine with Subaru seeing Fuuma in a different light. But Fuuma isn't very believable for me. Fuuma is too complex to write off as just some kid in my mind. I believe in showing his humanity, just...this portrayal of him was diffifcult, that's all. As for letting the dialogue carry the character, I dislike that. Because these characters, especially Fuuma who is cryptic and choosy with his words, carries his dialogue with absolute control. And Subaru has developed a notable level of control as well. Your lack of planning with Subaru's usefulness was a down point, really. I think it would be better if it was something unveiled and building with time.

Re: Part 1

[puppe]

Well, I meant physically a kid, and, well, something can be both funny and serious, right? I mean, I know you like pain and all that, but isn't life both funny and serious?

We all have differences of opinion, I guess. I mean, I write for entertainment, not to have an exact replica of CLAMP. I mean, that's nice sometimes to read, but sometimes I think varieties in character are okay. I'm not saying that he's not out of character or anything, but we just have a difference in fundamental views, I think.

I'm not so serious, actually, with what I write or do. It's not like this is my career or I'm getting paid for it at all.

Re: Part 1

[tanuki_dono]

Oh, well. Physically, he is a young man, in my humble opinion. ^_^ Something can be both funny and serious. There are plenty of fics that have have me laughing at one minute and then sobbing the next. It's just that some of the themes running beneath the surfaces seem to clash at times to me, that's all. It jumps around rather than smoothly transitioning at times. I think it would be more smooth if the sections were longer and more developed, but since they're drabbles it creates a problem. Perhaps that's part of what creates the feeling of discordance. I think I would like some of them more as standalong, more developed pieces, you know?

My opinion in regards to CLAMP. For me, when I read a piece of fic, whatever pairing it may be, when the characters are written in such a way that they are so believable it's like they themselves, mannerisms and all, stepped from the pages, it makes the fic ... believeable. I'm not objective the the characters undergoing change, but for the change to be more smooth, usually more time for them to become dynamic (in that they change, of course) is neccessary. Uhm. Does that make sense? And that for me is entertaining.

I would appreciate if you didn't imply that I was against writers who are not replicas of CLAMP, because if that was the case, then I would be dissing almost all of the fandom. ^^; And I'm quite positive that most do in fact write for entertainment purposes. I do think varieties on characters are all right, but usually I prefer there to be either a smooth transition to a new characteristic, such as Subaru gaining a new Wish, or sufficient explanation/exposition, you know? As far as fundamental views go, although it is irrelevant to the matter at hand, I believe that when characters are changed beyond recognition (and I'm NOT saying that this is the case in your fic, I'm just stating my beliefs), I wonder if writing original fiction might be a more enjoyable alternative. That's all. I'm not trying to be elitist or formidable in my views, it is simply what I wonder.

Now, back to the matter at hand. I'm not so serious either. Just writing and critiquing. It is something I do enjoy. It stimulates my brain. Heck, I'm going to be a radiologist, not a writer or critic. ^~ But that doesn't mean that I can't write or attempt to critique if I want to, ne?