100 Fubaru Themes (001-010, repost with new 010)

[puppe]

A repost of the first ten themes, the tenth one being completely new!

100 Fubaru Themes (001-010)
puppe; 10/01/05 - 11/22/05

100 themes dealing mostly with X17+ Fuuma and Subaru.

Comments

[apapazukamori]

I separated my comments into grammar/writing based and my more subjective opinions (i.e. those based on characterization and canon). As a disclaimer: I'm a canon whore. I will read any pairing if it is well done; but for me, "well done" must include as much canon as possible.

Theme #10 is an interesting subject, however the setting is a problem. In the manga, directly after Fuuma kills Nataku, there is a scene with him and Subaru. In that scene, Fuuma doesn't seem particularly bothered by what he's done. This is not to say he isn't, but he certainly doesn't show such emotion in front of Subaru. The scene itself is important, as it introduces Sakurazukamori-Subaru and gives the readers a glimpse of Fuuma's own Wish. Unless your fic is AU, the scene setting doesn't work.

The last comment I have is that your Fuuma talks too much. Actually, both of them do, but where Subaru sometimes has long monologues when talking to Kamui or Seishirou in the manga. Fuuma chooses his words carefully and keeps most things to himself. He's cryptic and keeps secrets. That's why he's interesting. Even before he became Kamui, he gave us very little in terms of his personality.

And I agree with tanuki_dono in that you leave out the biggest motivating factor for one of your characters. It is not possible to write Fuuma believably by ignoring Kamui. You do yourself a disservice by ignoring him. You address Subaru's issues with Seishirou, so why leave out Fuuma's canonical other half? Kamui is the main character of the story, and as such he has influence on every character in it. Canonically, Kamui is the only one who can grant Fuuma's Wish. If you want to write believable Fuuma/Subaru, then you must find a way to deal with Kamui in a way that does not include a) leaving him out or b) killing him to promote your pairing.

[ryutsuki]

As an afterthought, I'm thinking that maybe I should have wrote this in somewhere, but this isn't replacing their relationship in canon. I mean, the canon events have already happened in my mind, and I'm just filling in the gaps in a way to set up their relationship and whatnot. Theme #10 happens after the manga scene. At least, that's what I was going for. Does that make sense of anything now? I really should put a note in about that.

I'm a canon whore. I will read any pairing if it is well done; but for me, "well done" must include as much canon as possible.
Well, this is probably where our differences are going to stem from. My view is that if I wanted something totally canon, I'd read the manga/watch the anime itself. I just view fanfiction as entertainment and up to interpretation from the writer and reader. I'm not saying it's okay to be wildly out of character, but little fluctuations have always been fine by me because, hey, I like variety. I try to avoid writing characters the same way twice. But hey, I'm one of those fanfiction-is-for-fun-and-entertainment people.

Actually, now that I think of it, that explains most everything, probably. This first part of the story still deserves a major revision, though.

Thanks again for your comments :) I really appreciate it.

[apapazukamori]

Okay, I can understand wanting to fill in the gaps. I do that with my own writing. But the problem with #10 is that the conversation you have them have already takes place. The scene in the manga has Fuuma telling Subaru that Nataku died.

But hey, I'm one of those fanfiction-is-for-fun-and-entertainment people.

I'm pretty sure that describes all fanfic authors, actually. Fun-and-entertainment is hardly a reason to not put out the best possible work.

[ryutsuki]

Okay, I can understand wanting to fill in the gaps. I do that with my own writing. But the problem with #10 is that the conversation you have them have already takes place. The scene in the manga has Fuuma telling Subaru that Nataku died.
Yeah, that...already happened. This is that night...(err, I'm not understanding what you mean)

I'm pretty sure that describes all fanfic authors, actually.
It wouldn't seem like it, haha! The majority of the fanfiction writers I've encountered in X seem unusually serious about their writing. But that's just my opinion. Personally, I don't consider this fandom a very fun place, but I still like the series and characters. Besides, I wanted some input with the story since I really didn't get any from the friends of this writing journal (which I graciously got, thank you).

Fun-and-entertainment is hardly a reason to not put out the best possible work.
Well, I have no obligation to strive for absolute perfectionism, either. I'm not saying that this story doesn't need work (and it's not like it's finished anyway), but I don't think that every fanfic has to be totally in character and in line with CLAMP. It's refreshing to deviate sometimes. But again, not to say that my Fuuma doesn't need work.

Anyway, I'm not going to try to make the characters perfect, but they definitely do need a revision. Thank you!