PoT Fic: Sitting On A Log (InuKai)

[prillalar]

Still sick. Thus, fic of the self-indulgent variety.

Sitting On A Log
InuKai, PG13, 1100 words.
Inui, Kaidoh, moon, and stars.

NB: I couldn't figure out if there was a particular Japanese idiom for earthshine so I just went with the one I knew.

Comments

[miss_girl]

So much love.

It's too bad you didn't keep going with their adventure in the woods. Seriously, you spoil (okaysortanotreally) the momokai fans with the occasional smutty adventures, it's just not fair to the other side of the ukekaidoh fandom. :)

...not that I'm complaining about fluff. :D

[prillalar]

I'm glad you liked it. :) And you're right about the MK. Hee! I'll have to see what I can do to even things up at some point.

[neci_ouida]

I truly enjoyed this fic. There were some points that I think Inui would have responded slightly more *him*, but overall a lovely read! Thank you.

[prillalar]

Thank you, I'm glad you liked it. :)

There were some points that I think Inui would have responded slightly more *him*

Do you want to elaborate? I'm always happy to get crit, but without details, I won't be able to improve.

hmm..

[neci_ouida]

okay so I printed it out and it now reads fine...wtf. It could be that Inui was kind of set back, though I liked that too. I think the section that reads as not quite right was the "As your senpai I suppose ites my duty to obey you" *tone*...I think for a couple of parts the statement or comments are made by Inui that don't give a hint to his expression or I mean his feelings...maybe I am just crazy. But I did love the ending and the little points you made about his lack of ability to sleep when his brain is filled with data and Kaido's training habits. You did good babe. Their love is so freakn sweet in this story. I love the lack of a kiss.

Re: hmm..

[prillalar]

okay so I printed it out and it now reads fine...wtf.

Hee! Someone else said the same thing. I swear I didn't change it.

But actually, I think that bears out what you said: I think for a couple of parts the statement or comments are made by Inui that don't give a hint to his expression or I mean his feelings. It's not that Inui is OOC, but that I didn't give enough context to his early remarks, especially given that he's the POV character.

I think that when you re-read it, because you already had the entire context available to you, it was easier to work out how Inui was feeling.

So, thanks for taking the time to think about this -- it's really helpful. :) I may edit this later on, before I archive it.

[mushroom18]

It was gorgeous, but...

...no kiss? *is sad*

Sigh, love.

[prillalar]

Hee! I did think about putting in a kiss, but it didn't really fit in the structure of the story. So you'll just have to imagine what they did on their walk. :)

[miko_no_da]

*purrs and loves on*

Ahhhh, I love your Kaidou so MUCH! And your Inui, too. I usually read InuKai only because it's the only way to read ANY Kaidou, but YOURS I actually look forward to. ^____^

*continues to quietly wave MomoKai flag, however, and tempt you to join the game as Momo so we can have a proper triangle going* (The Inui player is also a MomoKai fan, we could have so much fun! ^___^)

[prillalar]

Aw, thanks. :) That's good to hear.

Still no time to RP, though, fun as I'm sure it would be. I need that time to write and ponder my own triangle-y thoughts.

[meemobunny]

Mmm, so pretty :) I like the kinda quiet and serene mood that this story has.

And this: "You lead," Inui said. "I'll follow."
There's just something about it that makes me go *eee*.
As always, the last line is absolutely perfect. :D

[prillalar]

Thank you! I was happy with the way the mood came out. It was calmer than I had originally intended.

And this: "You lead," Inui said. "I'll follow."
There's just something about it that makes me go *eee*.

Yay! I liked Inui's deliberate role-reversal in this story; I wish I'd developed it a bit more.