PoT Fic: Sitting On A Log (InuKai)

[prillalar]

Still sick. Thus, fic of the self-indulgent variety.

Sitting On A Log
InuKai, PG13, 1100 words.
Inui, Kaidoh, moon, and stars.

NB: I couldn't figure out if there was a particular Japanese idiom for earthshine so I just went with the one I knew.

Comments

[neci_ouida]

I truly enjoyed this fic. There were some points that I think Inui would have responded slightly more *him*, but overall a lovely read! Thank you.

[prillalar]

Thank you, I'm glad you liked it. :)

There were some points that I think Inui would have responded slightly more *him*

Do you want to elaborate? I'm always happy to get crit, but without details, I won't be able to improve.

hmm..

[neci_ouida]

okay so I printed it out and it now reads fine...wtf. It could be that Inui was kind of set back, though I liked that too. I think the section that reads as not quite right was the "As your senpai I suppose ites my duty to obey you" *tone*...I think for a couple of parts the statement or comments are made by Inui that don't give a hint to his expression or I mean his feelings...maybe I am just crazy. But I did love the ending and the little points you made about his lack of ability to sleep when his brain is filled with data and Kaido's training habits. You did good babe. Their love is so freakn sweet in this story. I love the lack of a kiss.

Re: hmm..

[prillalar]

okay so I printed it out and it now reads fine...wtf.

Hee! Someone else said the same thing. I swear I didn't change it.

But actually, I think that bears out what you said: I think for a couple of parts the statement or comments are made by Inui that don't give a hint to his expression or I mean his feelings. It's not that Inui is OOC, but that I didn't give enough context to his early remarks, especially given that he's the POV character.

I think that when you re-read it, because you already had the entire context available to you, it was easier to work out how Inui was feeling.

So, thanks for taking the time to think about this -- it's really helpful. :) I may edit this later on, before I archive it.

Re: hmm..

[neci_ouida]

okay...that makes sense. Someone else said that too? funny.