The Paternal Catalyst 13
The Paternal Catalyst
Rating: PG
Word Count: Over 44,000 in all
Disclaimer: I own nothing you recognize except California. That I rule.
Spoilers: Up to the Maternal Congruence
Summary: Because of Penny's father, Penny finds herself hiding in the laundry room while Sheldon constructs a dating formula and Leonard performs human experiments.
Author's Note: In this fic, Bernadette and Howard are broken up. I originally had a subplot that revolved around their break-up and make-up. However, I couldn't really work it in without disrupting the flow. I MAY write it as a companion piece but as of now, consider this fic AU in that respect.
(This fic was beta'd by the charming talkingmetaphor without whom I would still have the shoddy grammar that comes from writing while an insomniac)
Chapter 1
Chapter 2
Chapter 3
Chapter 4
Chapter 5
Chapter 6
Chapter 7
Chapter 8
Chapter 9
Chapter 10
Chapter 11
Chapter 12
13
Penny
I went to the stupid audition anyway.
The waiting room had no less than ten fake palm trees in it, as if to remind anyone within what state they were in. There were these leather chairs like what the airport has and many women had to stand with lack of room. I walked up to the receptionist, a bored looking woman with a perfect black bob and no-nonsense glasses had taken my name down with as much enthusiasm as one would muck the stalls.
I went to stand by a group of calmly chattering girls. I had gone to enough auditions to see the types, the cliques within the auditioning room. I was placed easily into the bright-eyed-and-hopeful category while these girls were the confident type; acting like they’d already gotten the part and the audition was merely arbitrary. There was a leggy brunette in shiny bark-colored hair. She turned her bright blue eyes on me at my arrival. ‘What part are you going for?’ she asked with a slight sniff.
‘Gilda,’ I told her, hating how defensive I sounded.
Now she turned her whole body to face me. ‘Really?’ she asked.
I was honest. ‘I just felt like taking on the antagonist.’ Because she gets to murder people, including her ex-boyfriend. I’d usually comb through the character list and pick one I felt I could play. I’d always audition for the sweet one, the friend, the kindly one. Sometimes I’d go for the seductress as well. Gilda wasn’t a part I thought I could play. She was gritty, broken, flawed, and at times, despicable. But her anger was understandable, even if I was just feeling the way I had from the freshness of the wound. I wanted an excuse to yell at someone, to get angry but without actually admitting all those things I’d admitted to Sheldon. I wanted to lash out at someone, not cry.
The corner of her mouth lifted, pinching the skin in the hollows of her cheeks. She had the strongest, almost manliest jaw I’d ever seen but her gorgeous eyes and envious lips made the package ravishing. ‘Well since everyone here’s for the part of Madeline so you’ll probably get Gilda, if just by default.’
I tried not to bristle at that comment. I was sick of other aspiring actresses talking down to me. But I knew it wouldn’t ingratiate me to those holding the auditions if I started a cat fight.
Not noticing, she sighed and surveyed the swollen room. ‘Maybe I shouldn’t audition for Madeline. I’m certainly not getting any roles going for the main character. Set my sights a little lower, you know?’
‘You haven’t gotten any jobs?’ I asked.
She chuckled and batted at the air. ‘I’ve been here three years and haven’t gotten anything but a spot on a tampon commercial for Leaklow. I’ve been to so many auditions, I’ve stopped being nervous or excited and have just seen it as old hat.’
That might explain the bored indifference she shared with the other girls but still. She didn’t look ‘too midwest’ and looked as if she could pull off a good girl or a bad. Not to mention she had envy-worthy looks that made me feel like a total dump next to her. ‘Didn’t that get recalled because they found dead beetle larvae crushed in the cotton?’ I asked.
‘Exactly,’ she said meaningfully.
I laughed at that then felt a bit bad. ‘Well I only got the parts of Mimi in Rent and Anne Frank in The Diary of Anne Frank; both stage productions and both to audiences that, combined, wouldn’t fill a minivan. I moved here from Nebraska four years ago.’
‘Nebraska?’ she echoed, one eyebrow quirking up, ‘Which city?’
‘Omaha,’ I answered, hesitantly. Sure she was being nice so far, but I’d gotten enough accusations of being a hick to be on my guard.
But she only beamed. ‘Me too! Well, Bellevue. But same difference, right?’
It was rare I ever met anyone from Nebraska, or at least anyone who admitted to calling the state home. ‘My family owned a farm just outside of the city. I’m Penny, by the way.’
‘Tabitha.’ We shook hands, just as the receptionist called, ‘Tabitha Gray?’
Tabitha turned around and gave me a nervous smile. ‘Well, here goes!’
‘Good luck,’ I called as she retreated through the heavy oak door, never to be seen again. Many auditions were held in a sort of one-way type set-up. Girls entered and waited in the waiting room, but exited out a back way. I think this is so they don’t compare notes or something.
About ten girls were called before it was my turn. I’d just taken a recently-vacated seat when the receptionist said my name.
The auditioning room was designed, it seemed, to make the actor nervous. The walls were solidly paneled and the room was empty save for one long table with three people sitting at it. From left to right was a guy with slicked-back hair and thick-lensed glasses. He reminded me of the be-speckled man who chose to break my heart. I looked away from him to the sandy-gray haired lady with a round face and over-large nose. She had on a tan cashmere sweater and a look of utter indifference. The man on her other side was similar in age, but with balding dark hair and a precise thin mustache.
All three just stared at me expectantly. They knew what part I was reading for and I could see my portfolio open in front of them. So I merely said, ‘Scene.’
I’d carefully chosen the monologue section of the pilot episode of the tentatively named Hell School which aspired to be a prime time network show. In the scene, my character had walked in on her boyfriend banging another girl. What I was playing was my visit to the therapist a short while later.
‘With Lisa,’ I stressed. ‘My best friend said she has been sleeping with Kirk pretty much the entire time we were together. She knew I was dating him and she did it anyway. What kind of person does that, Doc? I’m her friend and I thought she was there for me. She was the one who insisted I ask him out; she was the one who, during a fight when I suspected him of cheating, to tell me to give him a chance! She must just get off on screwing guys who are taken.’ I closed my eyes as if in recollection but I couldn’t imagine the fake Kirk or the fake Lisa. Only Leonard. And then, because he had the misfortune to have glasses on, I superimposed my ex-boyfriend’s face over my interviewer’s. ‘And he, that prick was always so loving and seemed so sincere. He’d tell me how beautiful I was, always called me baby, made me feel special, you know? I don’t expect to find the one so early in my life but I thought he was something different, someone good.
‘Do you know what he said to me?’ I asked and my voice wobbled as I began talking about someone not entirely fictional. I couldn’t stop it but pressed on. The sooner I got done with the audition, the better. ‘He told me he’s in love with both of us, equally, and he couldn’t just have one. When I told him it was bullshit he just said my “low self-esteem” was the only reason I lashed out. How dare he, pretend he knows me only after a few months, I said. But apparently Lisa’s been blabbing about me to him because he started pointing out failures I had never told him. She’d been badmouthing me, the stupid bitch.
‘Then he asked me if, after this all “blew over” we could be friends. The asshole had the nerve to suggest we might tack on some benefits to that. Benefits! As if the problem was because I’d made our relationship too, too, narrow or something. As if it was my fault. I’m not won’t lie to you, doc. I wanna kill him. I want to kill them both. I know, I know we’ve talked about these urges and how I must fight them. But I don’t know if I can! Not when I see both of them every day, making out in the hallway, something, I should add, he’d always claimed to be disgusting. I want to strap him down and skin him, top to bottom. Then put toothpicks in his eyeballs. I--’The balding guy stuck his hand up, cutting me off. ‘Thank you, Penny. You may go now.’
And just like that, my audition was done. I was breathing heavily, my eyes stinging when the nerd guy showed me out the back way. The light seemed to burn into my brain and I gulped for fresh air.
‘Damn,’ said a husky voice. I looked up to see Tabitha leaning against the wall, smoking a cigarette. She put out the light against the brick wall and eased herself off it. ‘You either had a really bad audition or a really good one.’
‘Oh,’ I said, using the hell of my hands to squeeze the last of the tears from my eyes. I tried to laugh casually but it came out sounding sick. ‘These,” I gestured to the leftover evidence of my distress, “were just from the part where Gilda visits the shrink.’
She nodded knowingly. ‘Hey, if you’re not doing anything, you want to go get some coffee? I think you might be the only actor I’ve run into who hasn’t acted like a prima-donna without actually have gotten any parts.’
‘Uh, sure,’ I said.
There was a bistro close by so we left our cars and walked there. The sun was warm but the wind cool, which made it perfect. We swapped stories of Omaha, Bellevue and compared our different experiences on coming to California. Unlike me she’d actually traveled a bit before she’d moved here, so she hadn’t been as bright-eyed as I had. But she’d been forced to take a crappy apartment since she made even less than I did, bartending. She told me about her boyfriend Ben and I flitted over my recent breakup. She didn’t ask for details, so that was a relief. And she didn’t seem like the gossiping type. I did notice one thing that might have grated on me and that was her supposed superiority on movies. I could give my opinion on anything but if it was movies and that opinion didn’t agree with hers, it was wrong. She was also dry-humored and tending to make fun of people for her amusement. But, I noticed, she also made fun of herself so it seemed reasonable.
After we’d gotten done and she had to get to her job, we swapped phone numbers and made plans to hang out in the upcoming weekend, maybe go to a club. I walked away not knowing why I liked her but knowing immediately that she was good friend material.
I got home and took a long hot shower, the first in; I was embarrassed to admit, three days. The soap felt stupidly good and when I got out, I felt strangely energized. I burned through Age of Conan grinding at a stupid pace before I went in search for a clan to join. While I waited, I just walked around, talking to a few people. Some turned me down sort of rudely, others, I suspected, were leeches and a few were polite but said, no. I had just decided to get off and check for a response later when there was a familiar knock on the door.
Knock, knock, knock. ‘Penny.’ Knock, knock kno--I opened the door before he could finish. ‘Sheldon, I told you. I don’t want to play Halo tonight… what’s this?’
Sheldon wasn’t alone. Howard and Raj both had at least five grocery bags hanging from each arm, cradling various boxes and paper bags against their chest. They were each struggling under the parcels, while the Howard kept shooting aggravated looks Sheldon’s way. Sheldon was only holding a white cardboard microwave-sized box by the handle. ‘Can we come in?’ he asked as if I was being very rude by just gaping.
‘Please,’ rasped Howard from behind a rather colorful box.
I stepped aside. ‘Um, sure, what’s going on?’
‘Penny, are you aware you are at risk for heart conditions later in life?’ asked Sheldon, stepping in after the other two had squeezed through the doorway, and haphazardly dumped the bags onto the floor. Raj was rubbing his arm and had joined Howard in glaring at the taller man. When I didn’t answer Sheldon, he went on. ‘Your father mentioned having a heart attack a few years ago, and your grandmother died from the very same problem. But you don’t have to, Penny. There are many preventatives in the form of a daily low dose of aspirin, exercise, and a healthy diet. Did you know that pets have also been proven as effective? Pets are so commonly accepted because those who lack the warmth of human companionship or otherwise prefer the more feral to the vocal have found companionship in the creatures. Studies have shown that pets can stave off depression as well, and lower stress. Felines in particular have a veritable leg up in this field. The rapidly dilating and contraction of the glottis has a calming, focusing effect. Just like the ohm chant.’
‘What?’ I asked. Even for Sheldon, that was random.
He held up the cardboard box and summarized, ‘I got you a cat.’
Only then did I notice the line of inch-wide holes lining the top and the words Pet Car printed on the side amongst paw prints. ‘What?’ I asked again, and took the box from him. I set it on the table and unhooked the top handles. Sure enough it was mostly empty except for a tiny white-and-orange ball of fluff. I reached in slowly so as not to spook it and pulled it out. It stared back at me with large, frightened blue eyes and let out a soft mew. ‘You got me a cat?’
‘And everything it could ever need for the rest of its life,’ added Howard dryly, who had plopped into my chair and was leaning against the side in exhaustion. The colorful box he’d been carrying had a picture of a litter box and a smiling cartoon kitty on it, and a few cat toys, treats, and other pet-related things had fallen out of the sacks.
I looked at Sheldon who was surveying my apartment with disgust. ‘Did Leonard set this up?’ I felt anger flare in me once again. So like him to presume I’d turn into a lonely cat lady after he’d broken up with me.
It was Howard who replied. ‘No, Psycho here came up with it all on his own. There we were, ordering our food when he had his damn epiphany. Now I’m hungry and tired.’
‘The cat is hypoallergenic,’ Sheldon added, helpfully.
I stared down at the kitten I cradled against my chest, hardly believing it. He’d gotten me a gift because, if I understood his monologue right, I was sad. Since his there-there’s and Sheldon’s-here’s are both ineffective and creepy, he opted for a . . . what are they called, proxy? Sheldon who I’d yelled at, when in reality, he hadn’t done anything wrong at that moment. He’d gotten me a cat.
The cat was getting rained on because tears instantly started flowing. ‘Sheldon, I can’t believe you bought me a cat!’
‘Your father mentioned you had left one in Omaha. Oh, now you’re crying.’ he said to me. He then looked to his friends. ‘My logic seemed so sound. What factor did I miss?’
I set the kitten down and it immediately ran under the sofa. I threw myself into Sheldon, wrapping my arms around his neck. ‘Sheldon, that’s so sweet of you!’ I cried. I felt his hands awkwardly pat my back and I released him from his discomfort. ‘Why did you do it?’
‘I told you,’ he said. ‘Pets have been known to--’
Apparently my drug-addled ramblings were right in him being just ‘full of love’. Yeah he’d helped me that night but I couldn’t remember if it was because I’d twisted his arm or he actually cared. Yet he’d actually thought about something to cheer me up, put thought and heart into the gift then spent made sure to get the accessories, as well.
He now held out a vanilla-colored card. ‘That veterinary clinic is highly recommended but also within your price range. I’d suggest making an appointment as soon as possible--Penny.’ He let out an annoyed gasp as I squeezed him again. I didn’t care, though. I was so touched by his gesture I didn’t know what to do with myself. Again, he ‘hugged’ me back but didn’t push me away. Maybe he could relate on his glee over getting Leonard Nimoy’s signature. Wow, Sheldon relate?
Raj and Howard went across the hall to grab the scratching post (many complaints from Howard’s end. I could kind of understand since Sheldon didn’t offer to do anything but help me coax out the kitten from under the couch).
I just babbled at poor Sheldon. It truly was the nicest thing anyone had ever done for me. I wasn’t lying; I truly could not think of someone’s actions that topped a random purchase of a kitten. And of course I missed Chuck terribly. The little white thing wasn’t going to replace him, but it was nice to have something warm and furry to curl up next to.
‘Sheldon, sweetie,’ I asked as Raj and Howard were assembling the contraption they insisted was a litter box in my bathroom. Sheldon and I were sitting side by side on my couch. I was holding the kitten who sort of relaxed in my arms in a sort of, I give up fashion. I rubbed her ears. ‘Why did you do this?’ As he was opening his mouth, I held up a finger. ‘Okay, what made you decide to? Gift giving isn’t something you like to do. In fact, I’m pretty sure you hate it.’
‘Today’s Halo Night,’ he told me.
I laughed, which made the poor kitten shrink into my elbow. ‘You bribed me with a kitten so I’d play Halo with you? What are you going to do next wednesday? Buy me a pony?’
‘Horses aren’t allowed in the city,’ he told me sternly. ‘And no, he’s not a bribe. I was just afraid that you’d get like you were a few years ago with Age of Conan. I’ve got a dissertation to work on, Penny.’
Well that made sense. Though it saddened me a little, that it was something so . . . selfish. I decided to change the subject. ‘What’s his name?’
‘The shelter gave him the name Andrew but it was suggested the owner, i.e. you, give him a personal name to start the bonding process.’
Kitten and I appraised each other. There was only one name that came up and it fit perfectly. ‘I think I’ll call him Schrödinger. You know, after the cat-in-the-box guy, Schrödinger?’
Sheldon actually smiled at me. ‘Why, Penny! I must say: brilliant.’ It was only a little insulting how surprised he sounded. Nevertheless:
Sheldon Cooper called me brilliant.
I was smiling all through Halo, which they brought over so I didn’t have to leave Erwin. Sheldon wanted me on his team, mostly so I didn’t kick his ass, but Howard insisted that since I’m taking the place of Leonard and Leonard was always with Howard, I should be with him. Sheldon could not argue with logic he understood. For his part, Sheldon didn’t pitch too big a fit when we won. I wondered if he noticed that I’d purposefully seek him out in the game so I could kill him. I didn’t feel bad for it because he did the same thing. I was just better. I got worried when Sheldon took out an inhaler. One, I didn’t even know he had asthma and two, I was afraid I was making it worse. He assured me it was a genetic condition that he’d had since birth and it never acted up when he was flustered. That’s the Penny’s Notes version. His actual explanation took us through three matches and had so many big words I was surprised I’d understood it.
I’d been so down in the dumps that feeling actually comfortable, maybe something close to happy, felt alien to me. But I didn’t even think about Leonard or worry about my audition. Howard and Raj didn’t act any differently towards me than they ever had. Maybe girls and guys were different in this aspect?
Chapter 14
Author's Note: And another one bites the dust. While it wasn't entirely a subplot, I had Tabitha more prominent in the story but a lot of the scenes had to be taken out because they just seemed kind of like… I don't know, random and not part of the same story. Even the first part here seems that way but many parts (Penny actually making friends, then her audition, etc.) are necessary. So please forgive the random character drop-in. She does have a couple more scenes but I promise she's not a plot device. She was actually inspired by TFLN <--go for lulz.
Rating: PG
Word Count: Over 44,000 in all
Disclaimer: I own nothing you recognize except California. That I rule.
Spoilers: Up to the Maternal Congruence
Summary: Because of Penny's father, Penny finds herself hiding in the laundry room while Sheldon constructs a dating formula and Leonard performs human experiments.
Author's Note: In this fic, Bernadette and Howard are broken up. I originally had a subplot that revolved around their break-up and make-up. However, I couldn't really work it in without disrupting the flow. I MAY write it as a companion piece but as of now, consider this fic AU in that respect.
(This fic was beta'd by the charming talkingmetaphor without whom I would still have the shoddy grammar that comes from writing while an insomniac)
Chapter 1
Chapter 2
Chapter 3
Chapter 4
Chapter 5
Chapter 6
Chapter 7
Chapter 8
Chapter 9
Chapter 10
Chapter 11
Chapter 12
13
Penny
I went to the stupid audition anyway.
The waiting room had no less than ten fake palm trees in it, as if to remind anyone within what state they were in. There were these leather chairs like what the airport has and many women had to stand with lack of room. I walked up to the receptionist, a bored looking woman with a perfect black bob and no-nonsense glasses had taken my name down with as much enthusiasm as one would muck the stalls.
I went to stand by a group of calmly chattering girls. I had gone to enough auditions to see the types, the cliques within the auditioning room. I was placed easily into the bright-eyed-and-hopeful category while these girls were the confident type; acting like they’d already gotten the part and the audition was merely arbitrary. There was a leggy brunette in shiny bark-colored hair. She turned her bright blue eyes on me at my arrival. ‘What part are you going for?’ she asked with a slight sniff.
‘Gilda,’ I told her, hating how defensive I sounded.
Now she turned her whole body to face me. ‘Really?’ she asked.
I was honest. ‘I just felt like taking on the antagonist.’ Because she gets to murder people, including her ex-boyfriend. I’d usually comb through the character list and pick one I felt I could play. I’d always audition for the sweet one, the friend, the kindly one. Sometimes I’d go for the seductress as well. Gilda wasn’t a part I thought I could play. She was gritty, broken, flawed, and at times, despicable. But her anger was understandable, even if I was just feeling the way I had from the freshness of the wound. I wanted an excuse to yell at someone, to get angry but without actually admitting all those things I’d admitted to Sheldon. I wanted to lash out at someone, not cry.
The corner of her mouth lifted, pinching the skin in the hollows of her cheeks. She had the strongest, almost manliest jaw I’d ever seen but her gorgeous eyes and envious lips made the package ravishing. ‘Well since everyone here’s for the part of Madeline so you’ll probably get Gilda, if just by default.’
I tried not to bristle at that comment. I was sick of other aspiring actresses talking down to me. But I knew it wouldn’t ingratiate me to those holding the auditions if I started a cat fight.
Not noticing, she sighed and surveyed the swollen room. ‘Maybe I shouldn’t audition for Madeline. I’m certainly not getting any roles going for the main character. Set my sights a little lower, you know?’
‘You haven’t gotten any jobs?’ I asked.
She chuckled and batted at the air. ‘I’ve been here three years and haven’t gotten anything but a spot on a tampon commercial for Leaklow. I’ve been to so many auditions, I’ve stopped being nervous or excited and have just seen it as old hat.’
That might explain the bored indifference she shared with the other girls but still. She didn’t look ‘too midwest’ and looked as if she could pull off a good girl or a bad. Not to mention she had envy-worthy looks that made me feel like a total dump next to her. ‘Didn’t that get recalled because they found dead beetle larvae crushed in the cotton?’ I asked.
‘Exactly,’ she said meaningfully.
I laughed at that then felt a bit bad. ‘Well I only got the parts of Mimi in Rent and Anne Frank in The Diary of Anne Frank; both stage productions and both to audiences that, combined, wouldn’t fill a minivan. I moved here from Nebraska four years ago.’
‘Nebraska?’ she echoed, one eyebrow quirking up, ‘Which city?’
‘Omaha,’ I answered, hesitantly. Sure she was being nice so far, but I’d gotten enough accusations of being a hick to be on my guard.
But she only beamed. ‘Me too! Well, Bellevue. But same difference, right?’
It was rare I ever met anyone from Nebraska, or at least anyone who admitted to calling the state home. ‘My family owned a farm just outside of the city. I’m Penny, by the way.’
‘Tabitha.’ We shook hands, just as the receptionist called, ‘Tabitha Gray?’
Tabitha turned around and gave me a nervous smile. ‘Well, here goes!’
‘Good luck,’ I called as she retreated through the heavy oak door, never to be seen again. Many auditions were held in a sort of one-way type set-up. Girls entered and waited in the waiting room, but exited out a back way. I think this is so they don’t compare notes or something.
About ten girls were called before it was my turn. I’d just taken a recently-vacated seat when the receptionist said my name.
The auditioning room was designed, it seemed, to make the actor nervous. The walls were solidly paneled and the room was empty save for one long table with three people sitting at it. From left to right was a guy with slicked-back hair and thick-lensed glasses. He reminded me of the be-speckled man who chose to break my heart. I looked away from him to the sandy-gray haired lady with a round face and over-large nose. She had on a tan cashmere sweater and a look of utter indifference. The man on her other side was similar in age, but with balding dark hair and a precise thin mustache.
All three just stared at me expectantly. They knew what part I was reading for and I could see my portfolio open in front of them. So I merely said, ‘Scene.’
I’d carefully chosen the monologue section of the pilot episode of the tentatively named Hell School which aspired to be a prime time network show. In the scene, my character had walked in on her boyfriend banging another girl. What I was playing was my visit to the therapist a short while later.
‘With Lisa,’ I stressed. ‘My best friend said she has been sleeping with Kirk pretty much the entire time we were together. She knew I was dating him and she did it anyway. What kind of person does that, Doc? I’m her friend and I thought she was there for me. She was the one who insisted I ask him out; she was the one who, during a fight when I suspected him of cheating, to tell me to give him a chance! She must just get off on screwing guys who are taken.’ I closed my eyes as if in recollection but I couldn’t imagine the fake Kirk or the fake Lisa. Only Leonard. And then, because he had the misfortune to have glasses on, I superimposed my ex-boyfriend’s face over my interviewer’s. ‘And he, that prick was always so loving and seemed so sincere. He’d tell me how beautiful I was, always called me baby, made me feel special, you know? I don’t expect to find the one so early in my life but I thought he was something different, someone good.
‘Do you know what he said to me?’ I asked and my voice wobbled as I began talking about someone not entirely fictional. I couldn’t stop it but pressed on. The sooner I got done with the audition, the better. ‘He told me he’s in love with both of us, equally, and he couldn’t just have one. When I told him it was bullshit he just said my “low self-esteem” was the only reason I lashed out. How dare he, pretend he knows me only after a few months, I said. But apparently Lisa’s been blabbing about me to him because he started pointing out failures I had never told him. She’d been badmouthing me, the stupid bitch.
‘Then he asked me if, after this all “blew over” we could be friends. The asshole had the nerve to suggest we might tack on some benefits to that. Benefits! As if the problem was because I’d made our relationship too, too, narrow or something. As if it was my fault. I’m not won’t lie to you, doc. I wanna kill him. I want to kill them both. I know, I know we’ve talked about these urges and how I must fight them. But I don’t know if I can! Not when I see both of them every day, making out in the hallway, something, I should add, he’d always claimed to be disgusting. I want to strap him down and skin him, top to bottom. Then put toothpicks in his eyeballs. I--’The balding guy stuck his hand up, cutting me off. ‘Thank you, Penny. You may go now.’
And just like that, my audition was done. I was breathing heavily, my eyes stinging when the nerd guy showed me out the back way. The light seemed to burn into my brain and I gulped for fresh air.
‘Damn,’ said a husky voice. I looked up to see Tabitha leaning against the wall, smoking a cigarette. She put out the light against the brick wall and eased herself off it. ‘You either had a really bad audition or a really good one.’
‘Oh,’ I said, using the hell of my hands to squeeze the last of the tears from my eyes. I tried to laugh casually but it came out sounding sick. ‘These,” I gestured to the leftover evidence of my distress, “were just from the part where Gilda visits the shrink.’
She nodded knowingly. ‘Hey, if you’re not doing anything, you want to go get some coffee? I think you might be the only actor I’ve run into who hasn’t acted like a prima-donna without actually have gotten any parts.’
‘Uh, sure,’ I said.
There was a bistro close by so we left our cars and walked there. The sun was warm but the wind cool, which made it perfect. We swapped stories of Omaha, Bellevue and compared our different experiences on coming to California. Unlike me she’d actually traveled a bit before she’d moved here, so she hadn’t been as bright-eyed as I had. But she’d been forced to take a crappy apartment since she made even less than I did, bartending. She told me about her boyfriend Ben and I flitted over my recent breakup. She didn’t ask for details, so that was a relief. And she didn’t seem like the gossiping type. I did notice one thing that might have grated on me and that was her supposed superiority on movies. I could give my opinion on anything but if it was movies and that opinion didn’t agree with hers, it was wrong. She was also dry-humored and tending to make fun of people for her amusement. But, I noticed, she also made fun of herself so it seemed reasonable.
After we’d gotten done and she had to get to her job, we swapped phone numbers and made plans to hang out in the upcoming weekend, maybe go to a club. I walked away not knowing why I liked her but knowing immediately that she was good friend material.
I got home and took a long hot shower, the first in; I was embarrassed to admit, three days. The soap felt stupidly good and when I got out, I felt strangely energized. I burned through Age of Conan grinding at a stupid pace before I went in search for a clan to join. While I waited, I just walked around, talking to a few people. Some turned me down sort of rudely, others, I suspected, were leeches and a few were polite but said, no. I had just decided to get off and check for a response later when there was a familiar knock on the door.
Knock, knock, knock. ‘Penny.’ Knock, knock kno--I opened the door before he could finish. ‘Sheldon, I told you. I don’t want to play Halo tonight… what’s this?’
Sheldon wasn’t alone. Howard and Raj both had at least five grocery bags hanging from each arm, cradling various boxes and paper bags against their chest. They were each struggling under the parcels, while the Howard kept shooting aggravated looks Sheldon’s way. Sheldon was only holding a white cardboard microwave-sized box by the handle. ‘Can we come in?’ he asked as if I was being very rude by just gaping.
‘Please,’ rasped Howard from behind a rather colorful box.
I stepped aside. ‘Um, sure, what’s going on?’
‘Penny, are you aware you are at risk for heart conditions later in life?’ asked Sheldon, stepping in after the other two had squeezed through the doorway, and haphazardly dumped the bags onto the floor. Raj was rubbing his arm and had joined Howard in glaring at the taller man. When I didn’t answer Sheldon, he went on. ‘Your father mentioned having a heart attack a few years ago, and your grandmother died from the very same problem. But you don’t have to, Penny. There are many preventatives in the form of a daily low dose of aspirin, exercise, and a healthy diet. Did you know that pets have also been proven as effective? Pets are so commonly accepted because those who lack the warmth of human companionship or otherwise prefer the more feral to the vocal have found companionship in the creatures. Studies have shown that pets can stave off depression as well, and lower stress. Felines in particular have a veritable leg up in this field. The rapidly dilating and contraction of the glottis has a calming, focusing effect. Just like the ohm chant.’
‘What?’ I asked. Even for Sheldon, that was random.
He held up the cardboard box and summarized, ‘I got you a cat.’
Only then did I notice the line of inch-wide holes lining the top and the words Pet Car printed on the side amongst paw prints. ‘What?’ I asked again, and took the box from him. I set it on the table and unhooked the top handles. Sure enough it was mostly empty except for a tiny white-and-orange ball of fluff. I reached in slowly so as not to spook it and pulled it out. It stared back at me with large, frightened blue eyes and let out a soft mew. ‘You got me a cat?’
‘And everything it could ever need for the rest of its life,’ added Howard dryly, who had plopped into my chair and was leaning against the side in exhaustion. The colorful box he’d been carrying had a picture of a litter box and a smiling cartoon kitty on it, and a few cat toys, treats, and other pet-related things had fallen out of the sacks.
I looked at Sheldon who was surveying my apartment with disgust. ‘Did Leonard set this up?’ I felt anger flare in me once again. So like him to presume I’d turn into a lonely cat lady after he’d broken up with me.
It was Howard who replied. ‘No, Psycho here came up with it all on his own. There we were, ordering our food when he had his damn epiphany. Now I’m hungry and tired.’
‘The cat is hypoallergenic,’ Sheldon added, helpfully.
I stared down at the kitten I cradled against my chest, hardly believing it. He’d gotten me a gift because, if I understood his monologue right, I was sad. Since his there-there’s and Sheldon’s-here’s are both ineffective and creepy, he opted for a . . . what are they called, proxy? Sheldon who I’d yelled at, when in reality, he hadn’t done anything wrong at that moment. He’d gotten me a cat.
The cat was getting rained on because tears instantly started flowing. ‘Sheldon, I can’t believe you bought me a cat!’
‘Your father mentioned you had left one in Omaha. Oh, now you’re crying.’ he said to me. He then looked to his friends. ‘My logic seemed so sound. What factor did I miss?’
I set the kitten down and it immediately ran under the sofa. I threw myself into Sheldon, wrapping my arms around his neck. ‘Sheldon, that’s so sweet of you!’ I cried. I felt his hands awkwardly pat my back and I released him from his discomfort. ‘Why did you do it?’
‘I told you,’ he said. ‘Pets have been known to--’
Apparently my drug-addled ramblings were right in him being just ‘full of love’. Yeah he’d helped me that night but I couldn’t remember if it was because I’d twisted his arm or he actually cared. Yet he’d actually thought about something to cheer me up, put thought and heart into the gift then spent made sure to get the accessories, as well.
He now held out a vanilla-colored card. ‘That veterinary clinic is highly recommended but also within your price range. I’d suggest making an appointment as soon as possible--Penny.’ He let out an annoyed gasp as I squeezed him again. I didn’t care, though. I was so touched by his gesture I didn’t know what to do with myself. Again, he ‘hugged’ me back but didn’t push me away. Maybe he could relate on his glee over getting Leonard Nimoy’s signature. Wow, Sheldon relate?
Raj and Howard went across the hall to grab the scratching post (many complaints from Howard’s end. I could kind of understand since Sheldon didn’t offer to do anything but help me coax out the kitten from under the couch).
I just babbled at poor Sheldon. It truly was the nicest thing anyone had ever done for me. I wasn’t lying; I truly could not think of someone’s actions that topped a random purchase of a kitten. And of course I missed Chuck terribly. The little white thing wasn’t going to replace him, but it was nice to have something warm and furry to curl up next to.
‘Sheldon, sweetie,’ I asked as Raj and Howard were assembling the contraption they insisted was a litter box in my bathroom. Sheldon and I were sitting side by side on my couch. I was holding the kitten who sort of relaxed in my arms in a sort of, I give up fashion. I rubbed her ears. ‘Why did you do this?’ As he was opening his mouth, I held up a finger. ‘Okay, what made you decide to? Gift giving isn’t something you like to do. In fact, I’m pretty sure you hate it.’
‘Today’s Halo Night,’ he told me.
I laughed, which made the poor kitten shrink into my elbow. ‘You bribed me with a kitten so I’d play Halo with you? What are you going to do next wednesday? Buy me a pony?’
‘Horses aren’t allowed in the city,’ he told me sternly. ‘And no, he’s not a bribe. I was just afraid that you’d get like you were a few years ago with Age of Conan. I’ve got a dissertation to work on, Penny.’
Well that made sense. Though it saddened me a little, that it was something so . . . selfish. I decided to change the subject. ‘What’s his name?’
‘The shelter gave him the name Andrew but it was suggested the owner, i.e. you, give him a personal name to start the bonding process.’
Kitten and I appraised each other. There was only one name that came up and it fit perfectly. ‘I think I’ll call him Schrödinger. You know, after the cat-in-the-box guy, Schrödinger?’
Sheldon actually smiled at me. ‘Why, Penny! I must say: brilliant.’ It was only a little insulting how surprised he sounded. Nevertheless:
Sheldon Cooper called me brilliant.
I was smiling all through Halo, which they brought over so I didn’t have to leave Erwin. Sheldon wanted me on his team, mostly so I didn’t kick his ass, but Howard insisted that since I’m taking the place of Leonard and Leonard was always with Howard, I should be with him. Sheldon could not argue with logic he understood. For his part, Sheldon didn’t pitch too big a fit when we won. I wondered if he noticed that I’d purposefully seek him out in the game so I could kill him. I didn’t feel bad for it because he did the same thing. I was just better. I got worried when Sheldon took out an inhaler. One, I didn’t even know he had asthma and two, I was afraid I was making it worse. He assured me it was a genetic condition that he’d had since birth and it never acted up when he was flustered. That’s the Penny’s Notes version. His actual explanation took us through three matches and had so many big words I was surprised I’d understood it.
I’d been so down in the dumps that feeling actually comfortable, maybe something close to happy, felt alien to me. But I didn’t even think about Leonard or worry about my audition. Howard and Raj didn’t act any differently towards me than they ever had. Maybe girls and guys were different in this aspect?
Chapter 14
Author's Note: And another one bites the dust. While it wasn't entirely a subplot, I had Tabitha more prominent in the story but a lot of the scenes had to be taken out because they just seemed kind of like… I don't know, random and not part of the same story. Even the first part here seems that way but many parts (Penny actually making friends, then her audition, etc.) are necessary. So please forgive the random character drop-in. She does have a couple more scenes but I promise she's not a plot device. She was actually inspired by TFLN <--go for lulz.