do you have any idea how sad i am right now journal?  um... hello?  i'm writing again... that should tell you something.  i was reading the last post i entered a lil over a year ago and i smiled.  my life has changed so much since then, as have i.  i feel so lost.  like i don't know who i am anymore.  i really don't.  i'm funny, yes ok, but all ( Read more... )

SO, I'M AT THE POINT IN MY LIFE WHERE I FEEL READY TO MOVE ON WITH IT, AS IN, GROW UP... ALL THE WAY.  MOVE OUT, BE INDEPENDANT THE WHOLE SHIBANG!   I HAVE MADE THE DECISION TO MOVE UP NORTH, ITS REALLY HARD BEING SO FAR AWAY FROM DJ ALL THE TIME, AND SINCE HE CANT MOVE OUT HERE, THE ONLY OTHER OPTION WOULD BE FOR ME TO MOVE UP THERE.  NOW, JOURNAL ( Read more... )

so i'm over it.  LOL!!!!!  i don't understand how i get over things so quickly. its funny really.  whatevs, if he can't see me, its not a big deal.  i'll have fun with mark and lil b.  it hurts to know that he puts other things in front of our relationship, and things that are important to me,  but there's nothing that i can do to change that... ( Read more... )

"I'm so tired of staring at the wall, but i know i've got to put you down. i keep trying to make sense of it all, but i keep going round and round"

Journal, i'm freaking out. i have a feeling that it's just me though. you know how i get crazy. dj is like, playing shows all week, and he hasn't been calling me as he usually does. not even a txt ( Read more... )

THIS IS SO BAD. ITS ALMOST OVER, HE'S ALMOST HOME. I DON'T KNOW HOW TO EXPLAIN WHAT I'M FEELING. ITS ALMOST LIKE A PANIC ATTACK, BUT A LIL DIFF. ITS REALLY SAD HOW MUCH I DEPEND ON HIM. I LOVE HIM SO. HE'S BEEN GONE FOR TWO WKS. I'VE BEEN TRYING NOT TO THINK OF IT ALL THAT MUCH. ITS SO HARD. I CAN'T NOT. HE'S ON MY MINE LIKE... ALL DAY. ( Read more... )

I LOVE HIM!  NO NO, I AM COMPLETELY IN FUCKING LOVE WITH HIM. I'M NOT AFRAID TO SAY IT OR ADMIT IT, OR COME TO GRIPS WITH IT.  I'M READY... ALTHOUGH I DON'T THINK HE IS.  LOL.  I DON'T CARE.  HE'S PERFECTLY UN-PERFECT.  WE'RE BACK TOGETHER.  I RECEIVED A PHONE CALL FROM HIM LAST NIGHT, HE SAID THAT HE LOVED ME AND THAT HE WAS GOING TO LOOK PAST THE ( Read more... )

what can i say?  nothing.  i knew this was coming.  I AM ALIVE!  heartbreak has a funny way of showing it.  omg, journal!  my life is surely that stain on the wall that will never wash off.  its stuck, ugly, sad, and fucks the whole decor up.  i'm in love... and some how i have managed to fuck that up.  i am a bad person.  i'm 24, married to ( Read more... )

lol, i'm so dramatic sometimes.  i haven't spoken to jon in like a week.  i think i'm kinda sore by the whole thing.  idk, its weird.  i do miss him tho.  but there's nothing to really talk about i guess.   he's not that interested in what i have to say anymore.  he doesn't have time for me.  i guess its whatevs.

things are going ok with me and ( Read more... )

"WHEN THERE'S NO WAY OUT, THE ONLY WAY OUT IS TO GIVE IN"

hey journal, you know when your so sad that you want to cry... i mean, your insides clench and your heart feels like its tearing?  that's how i feel.  i'm not gonna lie, my eyes swell, they tear up, but i am usually able to stop the tears from flowing down my face.  what's the cause of ( Read more... )

oh... what to say?  hmm... i keep feeling these lil shocks all over my body.  almost as if there are bugs biting me.  ouch!  maybe their bed bugs... ew!  i'm happy now.  very happy.  i had a really good conversation with john the other day.  He was talking about how important it is to have honesty in a relationship.  he said that if i love dj, i ( Read more... )