(Untitled)

[petrichor_fizz]

Hey guys, I thought I'd post my first

Comments

[recrudescence]

This is beautiful, from the quote at the beginning to just that barest flicker of hope at the end. You've captured the loneliness and impersonality of the situation perfectly. The second-to-last paragraph is my favorite--just lovely.

[petrichor_fizz]

Oh, thank you! I'm so glad it works for you. I stole borrowed a lot of it from Prufrock, but I tried to keep it subtle enough that if you knew the poem really well then it would enrich it, but that you didn't need to know it. But I wasn't sure if it all hung together properly, so I'm so pleased that you say that.

Oh, yeah, I tried to walk the fine line between homage and plagiarism, too. Hopefully I'm not causing Thomas to spin in his grave...

[recrudescence]

Reading it again with that in mind makes it even cooler, though, and it's cogent either way. Oblique literary influences FTW. It's like The Love Song of J. Evan Prufrock. Gayness sold separately.

[petrichor_fizz]

I always wanted to write something called The Love Song of J. Evan Wilson, but I thought it would need a lot of dedication to make it worthy of the title, and I'm... not so much with the dedication.

I think Prufrock is a srsly gay poem! He dedicated it to Verdenal and everything. But then, I like to slash literary and historical figures. And if that makes me wrong, I don't want to be right.

[deelaundry]

Beautiful. Easy to feel what Wilson is feeling, as cold as that is. At once he feels the absence of every pair of arms that has ever held him, is heart-rending - Wilson missing not him caring for someone else but someone else taking care of him in a chain that goes back all the way to his infancy.

[petrichor_fizz]

Thank you! That really means a lot to me. I love how much you got out of that line - sometimes the reader sees more than the writer does, you know? It's great when that happens.

I don't know why I write so much angst. I'll try something a bit lighter soon, I think...

[silsbee329]

This is gorgeous. Painful, but with the spark of hope at the end. Great job, and a wonderful approach to the prompt. :)

[petrichor_fizz]

Thanks so much! I can't seem to manage utter hopelessness, somehow... maybe it takes practice?

[toolazytowork]

Oh, I am going to just echo the statements of 'gorgeous' and be totally uncreative with my praise.

This is very realistic and says so much in such a short package. Very sad, but not without hope.
Fantastic!

[petrichor_fizz]

Thanks! I'm so glad it felt realistic to you, because... well, because I couldn't exactly draw on personal experience here, so I really hoped I was getting into the mindset in a convincing way.

Now get off my LJ, if you can't be original. Go on, get. I'm not having your derivative compliments cluttering the place up, dammit!

[toolazytowork]

Fine!
Don't need you!
Don't need anybody!

[petrichor_fizz]

JEEBUS CRISPS!

All right, you can stay, just stop doing that. It's deeply terrifying.

[apiphile]

Sometimes I find it worrying how well you know loneliness.

[petrichor_fizz]

No need to put me on suicide watch just yet, I assure you.

Thanks.

[apiphile]

Not quite how it was intended, hrm. But yes, this is rather powerful