GL - A FEW DAYS MORE - Chapter 14
TITLE: A Few Days More
FANDOM: Guiding Light
PAIRING: Otalia
SUMMARY: Set mid-friendship, this will contain elements of hurt/comfort as I'm a hurt/comfort junkie. Olivia, Natalia and Emma have returned from their few days away and follows canon around the 'Decker days'...hopefully more interesting than the summary suggests. Please request before archiving.
RATING: PG for now
AUTHOR's NOTE: This is my second attempt at fanfic and I have to say I am more nervous with this one than the first, partly because I fear there could be a level of expectation to overcome. So please be gentle with me, I hope you enjoy the formula I have decided to go with this time because personally, I think the best Otalia story and in particular ‘hurt/comfort’ story was the one shown on TV. As always my thanks to my Canadian Buddy, Critic2000, who read this through and offered useful suggestions and insight, let alone put up with my endless angst and anguish as to whether this story would be worth posting, bless ‘er.
An additional thanks to those of you who have actively encouraged me to right this sequel and offered your support, it truly is an inspiration
ADDITIONAL NOTE: This does loosely follow on from my first story 'A Few Days Away' hence I have said it is a sequel but as I never fully intended to write this, it’s been an interesting experience to find a way to make it fit within the time period I wanted to cover, therefore please gloss over any inconsistencies from one story to the next. It is not essential to have read the first story, but some things may make more sense if you do.
What can one say except here's another chapter, I hope you like it and well, um... well I'll wait and see what you have to say first
DISCLAIMERS: I do not own Guiding Light or any of the characters.
( Chapter 1 ) ( Chapter 2 ) ( Chapter 3 ) ( Chapter 4 ) ( Chapter 5 ) ( Chapter 6 ) ( Chapter 7 ) ( Chapter 8 ) ( Chapter 9 ) ( Chapter 10 ) ( Chapter 11 ) ( Chapter 12 ) ( Chapter 13 )
Chapter 14
Natalia bypassed her designated room and found herself going downstairs again, her inner voice berating her cowardly behavior. She couldn’t understand why she had all but fled from Olivia’s room and to say she was confused did not even begin to scratch the surface. It had been just over a week since their return from the cabin and here finally was an opportunity, partially self-constructed, to spend some time with the woman who seemed to be edging out all other thoughts and she was heading in the opposite direction.
Something about Olivia turned Natalia around, nothing was ever easy, nothing was ever straightforward or as it seemed and the way they could fight each other one minute and then work so flawlessly the next was as perplexing as it was satisfying. They could be yelling at each other to the point of anguish and then do something so unexpected and kind, looking out for each other or their children, that it was totally mystifying but Natalia recognized for all the push and pull they were connected and there was balance.
Currently though, she felt off balance, her thoughts in turmoil.
Natalia had watched over and out for Olivia for so long it had become second nature to her. She could identify nearly all of the little signals and ticks which gave away what Olivia was thinking or feeling but since the onset of this dream, whatever it was, it was as if a veil hung between them.
So what is this dream about… she wondered and then thinking back considered, and is it dream or is it memory?
Natalia vividly recalled how she had handled Olivia in a fevered state before as she relived her past, at times their past in an onslaught of recurring dreams, nightmares really and at the time, as hurtful as it had been, Natalia believed she had helped Olivia by giving her the reassurances she needed to allow herself to open up and trust.
Their professional relationship continued to flourish but since their return to Springfield, for all the progression they had made in their personal relationship, whenever the nightmare raised its ugly head again she had been pushed away, told to leave and back off.
Although this had never worked in the past as Natalia always felt she knew better and refused, there was something in Olivia’s eyes, in her reaction that sparked a modicum of doubt in Natalia’s mind. Why? Why had Olivia said the things she’d said? Was she trying to provoke a reaction? Trying to push me away and distance herself to give the illusion of being in control again? She has to know it’s not that easy, not now after so much has happened between us. Or is it that she was just being Olivia and saying what she was thinking out loud, regardless of how much it might hurt anyone else to hear it?
Natalia let loose an exasperated sigh and shook her head as if the act could dispel her frustration and jostle her thoughts into some semblance of logical order. Finding her inner calm again and drawing on her very deep well of patience, Natalia reasoned the events of the previous night coupled with Olivia’s observation of her need to mother someone served only to have her over thinking her actions and motivations which ultimately left her paralyzed to do anything.
She paused on her way through the lounge to close her eyes briefly; the flicker of frustration flaring again as her heart, her mind, her very soul screamed at her… her inaction was wrong.
Her instincts yelled Olivia needed her but now Natalia feared she had missed her opportunity and could see no way to retrace her steps, walk back into Olivia’s room and start again.
Disgusted with herself Natalia reentered the kitchen and regarded the unfinished packing; she decided it could wait until tomorrow morning. She glanced at the clock, this morning she corrected. Besides, if they were all staying over they might need some of the items for a breakfast of sorts, she might be able to cobble something together; they had coffee at least.
Switching off the kitchen light she entered the lounge and choosing to think about something other than Olivia for the moment, couldn’t resist imagining what it would be like if this was her home. She pictured how her things would look, the convenient alcove where she could stand her books, the shelf she could place her statue of the Virgin Mary on and the wall space where she could hang her pictures and her cross. I bet this place looks magical at Christmas.
She sat on the couch and allowed her thoughts free reign.
Unsurprisingly, Olivia edged her way into her musings and Natalia imagined her puttering around in the kitchen as she helped her clear away their dinner things while Emma played outside, pictured her in casual wear comfortably curled up on the couch after their home cooked meal and chatting over coffee on the porch like they had at the cabin.
She could have very easily soaked up the ambience of the farmhouse and allowed her thoughts to entertain her for probably the rest of the night but the evening was catching up with her and the energy from her earlier euphoria was wearing off.
Still undecided about why she had just left Olivia alone and a little frustrated she had done so, she was startled by a loud thud. She had been drowsy and starting to drift but the noise had her jumping in her seat, heart racing slightly as she was unable to determine the source and which direction it had come from.
Her first thought was there was somebody at the door. Scaring herself with thoughts of how isolated the farmhouse was and set away from the main road, she started to hold her breath at the possibility someone was trying to break in.
Did we lock the door?
She edged toward the window to peer out, dreading the prospect of seeing a face looking back at her.
I’m being ridiculous she thought as she balled her hands, gulped and then reached up to pull the curtain aside. Maybe Decker or the Xiao’s came back because they forgot something.
Heart hammering she began to pull on the drape when she heard movement above her.
Her hand stilled and she listened intently.
Having located the direction of the noise her fear dwindled and her curiosity peaked. Moving away from the window, feeling slightly foolish for allowing her imagination to run wild, she cautiously but quickly ascended the stairs.
Reaching the top she peered around the landing, ears straining for any other noise. Not hearing anything, she pushed open the door to Olivia’s room, the light from behind her cutting a slice into the darkness and revealing the bed, notably slept in but presently empty.
“Olivia?” she whispered into the apparently vacant room. Concerned, she switched on the light and entered, peering around the disordered bed; sure of what she was looking for but unsure what she would find.
Nothing. Olivia was not there.
She couldn’t explain why, maybe because she had just spooked herself silly but Natalia was trying very hard not to panic. Olivia couldn’t have gone far she reasoned maybe she had to go to the bathroom.
However, the door to the en suite was open and clearly unoccupied.
Natalia opened the door to Olivia’s suite and stopped in her tracks.
The bed had been slept in, the linen left half hanging off it and on the floor items lay discarded cluttering up the room in a way Natalia hadn’t seen since Olivia was first out of surgery.
From her place in the doorway she cast her eyes around the room to also notice an empty pill container on the bedside table and having paid witness to Olivia’s state of mind when she was first released tried to ignore the potential implications and conclusions she was drawing with every new find,
Taking in the scene before her she drew in a worried breath before tamping down on her rising anxiety and calling out hopefully, “Olivia?!”
No response.
Only the previous day she had spoken with Olivia to try and gain some advice on how to deal with Alan and his attempts to lure Rafe into his little world, she was unhappy with the way he was trying to rearrange his life for him and she wanted him to stop. Now she was trying to return the favour by looking for Olivia so she could put Ava’s mind at ease.
When Olivia did not respond to her call she listened to her inner voice and it was yelling at her, “Something is wrong.”
She had stated it quietly to herself needing to voice her nagging fear out loud and for a moment she sucked in her bottom lip trying to determine what to do next.
Stepping into the room she fished in her handbag for her cell and called the one person she thought would most want to know and would be able to help. Thankfully, the call was answered.
“Hi, Jeffrey, it's Natalia.”
“Natalia, what's wrong?”
“I'm in Olivia’s room right now. Ava's been calling the front desk because she can't get a hold of her. It's a mess in here. It looks like she was upset or something, and she's not picking up her cell phone. I'm so sorry to bother you with this but I just feel like it might be better if you called your daughter.”
“Okay, I'll take care of Ava and then I'll get back to you. I'm sorry you keep getting roped into all of her dramas. I'll talk to you later, okay?”
Natalia was at a loss, she had no idea where Olivia might be and she spent the next ten minutes trying to piece together anything within the room that would shed some light on the mystery. After a while she went back down to reception, cornering Jeffrey as he entered the Beacon and together they rode back up to Olivia’s suite. Jeffrey explained he had tried phoning her regular haunts in hopes of locating her when a further idea stuck him and he tried another number.
Reentering the suite again, Jeffrey finished his latest call and confirmed, “Well, she's not answering her cell phone, okay, and she's not at Company and she's not at the doctor.”
“No,” Natalia said confused, “I mean, I don't know.” She didn’t think Olivia would have gone far but the state of the room coupled with her often mercurial behavior… she didn’t want to think about that, didn’t truly believe Olivia would do something that stupid, that selfish, not intentionally anyway.
Determined to keep looking but frustrated by her inability to zero in on the woman’s whereabouts with the clues she had to hand she gave up and suggested, “Have a look around, maybe you can figure out where she might be.”
“Well, it looks like she was here recently,” Jeffrey circled the bed, “but she left in a hurry.”
“But where?” Natalia resisted rolling her eyes at the blindingly obvious statement having already concluded Olivia had hastily departed but she was truly perplexed, not to mention growing more concerned by the minute. “She's just starting to get around, you know? It's not like she can just jump up and take off.”
Something must have happened or come up… what would make her rush off like that? An idea came to her, one she couldn’t believe she hadn’t thought of before.
She searched for her phone again while Jeffrey continued his investigation and tried to justify Olivia’s behavior by saying, “Yeah, well, it is Olivia. Look, you know what? I'll find her-- this is not your job, you don't have to....”
Natalia silenced him with her hand, this wasn’t about her ‘job’, this was something… someone she had come to care about, more than she was presently prepared to admit. Her call connected, “Hi, this is Natalia Aitoro. I'm on the list for Emma Spaulding. Can you please tell me if she's at school today?”
Having a feeling her idea was going to pan out, she moved to exit, Jeffrey following curious in her wake.
The school informed her there was a planned trip to the courthouse today. Sharing the information with Jeffrey they headed over there and split up, Natalia taking the upper level while Jeffrey entered the court itself.
Her choice paid off.
Natalia opened the door, the dual emotion of annoyance and relief warring within her as she spotted Olivia wedged into the corner of the bench her eyes steadfastly fixed on the activity below.
“Why don't you have your cell phone on?” she admonished.
Olivia did not look up but let out a “Shh…”
Natalia looked in the same direction as Olivia and saw a group of children, Emma among them, respectfully listening to Jeffrey as he explained who he was and what his role within the court involved.
Olivia brushed back her hair and quietly said, “I volunteered to chaperone for this day a long time ago, long before any of this.”
Natalia singled Emma out, her eyes naturally drawn to the charming child, “Emma looks like she's having fun.”
“Yeah,” Olivia smiled broadly and then her smile fell. “The driver brought me over here,” she explained. “I barely could make it up the steps. I just don't want Emma and her friends to see me like this.”
Natalia was confused, “Like what? You look fine.”
Then Olivia looked at her and she could see how pale the older woman looked, the heaviness around her eyes as if she hadn’t slept properly in a while, “Okay, maybe you need a little touchup.”
Olivia smiled again and returned her gaze to Emma.
Natalia watched as she seemed to consider something before turning back to her to ask, “Can you help me? I... I... it took everything I had just to get over here and I really...” Olivia wiped under her eyes with her knuckle, “I don't want to scare my daughter.”
Natalia couldn’t say no but wasn’t going to turn down an opportunity when presented with such an easy line, “Well, I can't promise any miracles.”
“That's funny,” Olivia scoffed, “That's funny. That's good.”
Natalia, pleased she had made her smile, held out her hand and waited until Olivia took it. Supporting her as she rose, she aided her towards the door, waving at Jeffrey as they left and Olivia reluctant to look away until the last possible moment.
They shared a quiet journey back to the Beacon, Natalia, noting how unsteady Olivia appeared, was anxious to return her to her room so she could sit down again and relax. It was too soon for her to be traipsing about all over town; she needed time to take care of herself and heal properly. As her self-appointed guardian, Natalia was determined this would happen.
With Olivia finally seated back at her suite, Natalia busied herself around the room fetching drinks, tidying up the mess and generally fussing about. It had scared her earlier, ridiculous as it might be she felt responsible for the older woman and she was discovering she genuinely cared about her.
Knowing Emma would be out of school shortly she put some cookies on a plate in an effort to make the hotel room more of a home for the adorable little girl.
As if echoing her thoughts Olivia, who had been a little withdrawn after her expedition, spoke up, “Emma's going to be home soon.”
“Don't worry,” Natalia reassured, “you look good.”
She always looked good, even when she was at death’s door the woman was still stunning in her beauty.
“You mean, not zombie-like?”
Always joking. Natalia smiled at her ready with a witty response but before she could say it, Emma came rushing into the room diving straight into her mother’s arms.
“Mommy!”
“Hello sweet girl,” Olivia returned the hug with vigour.
“I missed you so much!”
“I missed you, too.”
Natalia looked on, impressed as ever by the astuteness of Olivia’s child as she asked, “Are you still sick?”
“I'm trying not to be.” There was a slight pause, “Do you know what? Even if I'm not with you, I'll always love you, remember that.”
“I love you, too.” Emma fell forward into another hug and Natalia felt her heart tug for the troubled woman and her predicament.
“That's my girl,” Olivia whispered.
When the hug ended Emma turned and smiled at Natalia who had previously gone unnoticed in the room, “Hi Natalia.”
“Hi Emma.”
Emma looked like she was going to ask something and then her eyes spied the cookies on the table and she turned back to her mommy, “Can I have a cookie mom?”
“Sure honey but just one.”
Emma took her time choosing the biggest one on the plate, at least to her eyes, and then taking a bite and chewing announced, “Hmm… these are good. Can I take it to my room? I want to draw a picture of the courthouse, we went there today.”
“Oh yeah?” Olivia said.
Emma nodded and was torn between saying more and taking another bite of the cookie, “I saw Jeffrey.”
“And did he have lots to tell you?”
“Uh huh,” the cookie was winning out over the conversation.
“Well then I look forward to seeing what picture you come up with ‘bean,” Olivia said as she reached to tickle Emma’s tummy.
Emma giggled and turning, ran off to her room cookie pieces flying as she went.
Wanting Olivia to realize how her daughter cared more about her being there than how she looked Natalia had to point out, “I told you she'd be happy to see you.”
“Thanks.”
“I did it for Emma,” Natalia confirmed, refusing to let Olivia know how much she had worried her, then thinking maybe she would tweak the other woman a bit said, “You were a little scary.”
Recalling the incident and kicking herself for being slow on the uptake again, Natalia put two and two together and knew where Olivia had to be.
Crossing the landing she approached the room Emma was in and could detect Olivia’s deep, throaty whisper through the unclosed door. Peering through the gap she could make out her form clad in only her blouse and panties as she knelt beside the bed, her upper body draped over the edge of the mattress and her head bent forward causing her hair to obscure her face in the semi-darkness.
Pushing lightly on the door and stepping a little further into the room Natalia noticed Olivia’s fingers, hovering reverently over Emma’s hair as if afraid to touch and she could tell she was crying, “Olivia?”
Olivia looked up, looked through her, unfocused; tears ran freely down her face, her green eyes swollen red.
Natalia almost took a full step back, the visage before her evoking such a sense of sorrow and loss, all conflicted thoughts and emotions were cast aside but she remained by the doorway, mindful of Emma.
“What is it? What’s wrong?” she said in hushed tones.
Olivia’s shoulders hitched and her words sounded distant, “She’s okay.”
Natalia was unsure the anguished woman was even aware she was there. Puzzled once again she assumed Olivia was referring to Emma, still thankfully sleeping and blissfully unaware of the drama around her. “Of course she’s okay.”
“I had to save her.” Olivia’s voice had taken on a breathy quality as her silent sobs refused to subside.
“You did save her, remember?” Still unsure they were actually having a conversation Natalia began to think she understood now, Olivia was somehow reliving the horrifying moment when Emma had fallen into the raging river.
Confident in her actions and sure this was something she understood and could handle, Natalia finally approached and squatted down next to the bed. Her head level with Olivia’s she attempted to maintain eye contact with her and tried to ascertain whether Olivia was truly awake or had succumbed to some strange form of somnambulism.
Olivia was watching Emma sleep, her hand wanting to touch to garner proof of her existence but clearly not wanting the child to wake. Dropping her head she turned and blinked freeing another river of tears.
Natalia watched as they tracked their way down to her chin and hung suspended until their combined weight caused them to fall and further darken the growing patch of wetness on the carpet below.
“I made a choice,” Olivia continued as she sucked in a breath that made her lower lip tremble. “Had to save her.”
Okay, this was getting a little unnerving and Natalia could feel her brow furrowing as she tried to keep up with the seemingly needless repetition. “You were amazing,” she reassured, “you knew what you had to do and you did it.”
Olivia’s eyes tracked to Natalia’s mouth as if watching the words and thinking she was on the right path Natalia continued, “You saved your daughter Olivia, you should be proud of that.”
Olivia’s bloodshot eyes flicked up to Natalia’s and held them with a look that burned with anger, her voice appalled, indignant and loud, Natalia didn’t get it, “What I did was wrong!”
Natalia was shocked at this unexpected fury and could see Emma stirring, her mother’s vehemence finally penetrating the child’s slumber.
“Mommy?” Emma said sounding as puzzled as Natalia felt.
Olivia instantly tried to quiet her child, her intention had not been to wake her, “Shh baby, it’s okay, it’s alright. Go back to sleep now.” She placed her fingers delicately over Emma’s lips as a signal to say nothing and then stroked her cheek to soothe her.
Emma’s eyes adjusted to the room and saw her mother was crying. Alarmed she spoke up, “Why are you crying mommy?”
It was apparently too much.
Natalia watched in bewilderment as Olivia keened forward, bending double as inconsolable sobs shook her.
Emma looked terrified and Natalia, completely surprised by the turn of events, was equally at a loss of what to do. Following her natural instinct to try and comfort the woman before her she was finally propelled into action when Emma, obviously distressed at seeing her mother so upset, started to cry herself. She had to do something, torn between mother and daughter.
“Emma, sweetie it’s okay,” Natalia glanced at Olivia before returning her attention to the distraught child. “Look at me Emma, look at me,” she instructed as Emma watched her mother transfixed. Gaining her attention Natalia brushed back Emma’s hair to cradle her face, “Your mommy is going to be okay, she’s just had a bad dream and she’s upset okay?” At least Natalia hoped that was all it was.
Emma searched her face for any trace of deception and nodded trustingly as she sniffed, “Okay.”
“You know how we said we’d help her?” Natalia really wanted to calm Emma down so she could concentrate on Olivia and was trying to find a way to do both. She waited until Emma nodded again. “Well this is what we’re going to do; I’m going to look after your mommy okay?” She smiled with as much confidence as she could muster to try and reassure and Emma tentatively smiled back, her tears slowing.
Both of them were very aware of the other figure in the room, the only sound beyond their hurried conversation the jagged attempts to breathe through unrelenting tears.
“Will you let me get your mommy settled and then I’ll come back and I’ll help you go back to sleep, does that sound okay?”
Emma took a quick look at her mother again and weighed her decision before nodding agreement.
Natalia almost sighed in relief knowing she could now turn her attention to Olivia. She smiled at Emma again encouragingly and then placing a hand on Olivia’s blouse covered back, gently rubbed it and coaxed, “Olivia, come with me, come on.”
Olivia shuddered as if unable to draw in the breath required to speak but looked up through blurry eyes and a veil of hair.
Natalia gathered her up in her arms and as Olivia stood on wobbly legs placed a supportive hand under her elbow to lead her from the room. They stopped as one as Olivia paused and turned back, “Emma,” she managed to croak out.
“It’s okay mommy,” with a maturity well beyond her years Emma climbed out of bed and hugged her mommy. “Natalia will take care of you,” she informed, “and I will too.”
Natalia hovered watchfully by her side as Olivia, apparently lost for words tightened the hug.
Emma dashed back to bed to sit cross-legged and await Natalia’s return.
The two women said nothing as they returned to Olivia’s room until Natalia deposited Olivia on the bed and turned to close the door.
Hurrying back to Olivia’s side, Natalia helped her lay back plumping and placing the pillow so Olivia could sit upright, the upset woman falling victim to hiccups as a result of her tears.
“Will you be okay while I go sort Emma out?” Natalia asked.
Wiping at her eyes Olivia nodded and hiccupped in response.
Natalia hated the misery she saw in Olivia’s face and was momentarily mesmerized as further tears started to fall. She needed to fix this, somehow, some way but first things first.
“I’ll be back in a bit,” Natalia promised. “Don’t go anywhere.”
***
Olivia had been startled and only vaguely hurt when her nightmare had caused her to fall out of bed. So disturbed by the images within the dream she had quickly roused herself to a state of wakefulness and crossed the landing in search of Emma.
Seeing her daughter so angelically sleeping Olivia had knelt beside the bed in awe of her sweet perfection, this was her child, so loving and thoughtful.
She wasn’t sure when she started to cry, possibly as far back as when she was caught within the dream but as she rested in her watchful position by the bed she could do nothing to stop it. Whether they were tears of relief, anger or joy she had no idea, only that the emotions she was currently experiencing were so intense and so great her body had no way to contain them.
When Natalia had tracked her down, Olivia found herself wanting to explain herself but for whatever reason the younger woman didn’t seem to be able to grasp exactly what it was Olivia was trying to tell her. She was getting frustrated and raising her voice, stupidly equating volume with enlightenment, was horrified when it served only to wake her child and cause further distress.
At the end of her rope, wanting to be strong for her daughter and yet failing pathetically, overwhelmed with memories, images and knowledge of actions taken, tired beyond belief and convinced of her inability to ever get anything right, Olivia broke.
Her surroundings faded beyond her level of awareness as she knew only her sadness and her desperate struggle to acquire air into her lungs.
Eventually another sensation broke through the fogginess, warmth on her back, a familiar hand rubbing up and down in an effort to calm and a voice enticing her, “Olivia, come with me, come on.”
She would not resist, could not.
Her head was starting to pound as her headache returned and she wanted nothing more than the chance to lay down again. Moving to stand, her strength again betraying her, she leaned heavily on Natalia. She couldn’t just leave though could she? Hadn’t she come here for a reason? Her throat constricted she turned and forced out, “Emma.”
Emma hopped off the bed and hugged her, encouraging, “It’s okay mommy, Natalia will take care of you and I will too.”
For a secondhand heart and one she should really take better care of, she feared it would simply burst with the love she felt for her daughter. Touched, she started back to her room Natalia by her side.
She sank relieved onto the bed and allowed Natalia to fuss around her getting her settled. The continuous tears had the unfortunate side effect of causing hiccups and although she was beat, she knew Natalia would want to talk.
“Will you be okay while I go sort Emma out?” Natalia asked.
In a fashion she would be but she still couldn’t stop the never-ending supply of tears and her twitching diaphragm was growing irritating as she hiccupped again; she nodded.
“I’ll be back in a bit,” Natalia promised. “Don’t go anywhere.”
Where was she going to go? She knew she was going to have to face this, maybe now she finally would.
To be continued...
Flashback scene taken from episode 19th May 2008 and can be seen here: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=UOnTTl_Ndb8 with thanks to OtaliaHD for the clip