Life and Breath Part 24
Title: Life and Breath
Author: Pink Rabbit Productions
Fandom: Guiding Light
Pairing: Olivia/Natalia
Part: 24
Date: 11 Jan, 2010
Rating: R -- NC-17
Disclaimer: The characters and situations belong to CBS, Proctor and Gamble, and Telenext. The actual arrangement of words, however, remains my own. There is likely to be all female romantic and sexual activity ahead, so if this is likely to get you, me, or anybody else arrested should you take a gander, or if you find this offensive, please move along.
Archiving: The Pink Rabbit Consortium
Spoilers: Some early scenes definitely, plus anything through the spa trip is fair game.
Timeline: Don't have an exact scene where it takes off, but it's set after the spa trip, before Rafe's release from the halfway house, & after Natalia admits she's in love with Olivia to Father Ray.
Earlier Parts: | Part 1 (Prologue) | Part 2 | Part 3 | Part 4 | Part 5 | Part 6 | Part 7 | Part 8 | Part 9 | Part 10 | Part 11 | Part 12 | Part 13 | Part 14 | Part 15 | Part 16 | Part 17 | Part 18 | Part 19 | Part 20 | Part 21 | Part 22 | Part 23 |
Author's Note: My apologies for how long it's been between posts. That wasn't the plan, but best plans of bunnies and women and all that. The joys of living a life where currently the only stable fact is how very unstable things are.
Author's Note #2: Alas, I had to cut this scene into two parts due to LJ's length limits. Sorry about that. Not my preference. Please imagine that Parts 24-25 are in the same document.
Life and Breath
by Pink Rabbit Productions
Part24
Olivia was just sliding into the beginnings of a pleasantly erotic dream when the sound of pounding intruded. At first she simply registered it as one more element in the dream and swore to fire whoever it was interrupting the silky liaison taking place on one of San Cristobel's prettier beaches. Lips still moving over satin and velvet, she growled a low, threatening curse even as a tiny bit of her mind was busy puzzling on how someone could be knocking on the door to a beach.
More knocking led to more puzzling and she pushed up on her hands, eyes drinking in soft curves gilded in the colors of a reflected sunset even as she muttered another curse and vowed to geld Greg.
And what the hell was he pounding on anyway? She'd told him to pound sand more than once, but usually it didn't echo like that.
She was still musing on the problem when sand and skin suddenly melted away, morphing into the shadowed textures of sheets and pillows right before her disappointed eyes.
A dream.
"Well, crap," she muttered out loud as she dragging a hand through her hair. It took another moment to realize that the one real element of her dream had been the pounding. Pushing up on one hand, she peered over her shoulder, calling out a cranky, "Coming," as she swung her legs over the side of the bed. "I'm coming," she called out again when another knock rattled the door. She flicked on the bedside lamp, yawning sleepily and rubbing her eyes between squinty blinks. Gah, Greg was dead, she decided grumpily. Absolutely dead. When she could summon the energy to stand up, that was.
"Olivia?" Faintly muffled by the door, Natalia's voice was nonetheless, more than clear enough to be recognized.
The irritation instantly faded from Olivia's expression as she hurried to the door, afraid there was a problem. "What is it?" she demanded as she swung the door wide, noting as she did so that the clinging, Beacon-issue, guest robe flattered soft curves in all the right ways. Shaking herself, she snapped her gaze up to meet dark eyes. "Has something happened...Rafe...what?"
"No," Natalia shook her head instantly as she abruptly realized how her unexpected visit had been taken. "No, nothing's wrong," she added quickly, instantly contrite for frightening the other woman. "I just...I..." she mumbled, not knowing how to explain what she was feeling. "Can I come in?" she asked after a beat.
"Of course," Olivia said, stepping aside to make room. Despite Natalia's assurances, her gaze was still worried. "Are you sure there's nothing wrong?" she questioned as she pushed the door closed in the other woman's wake. "Because you look a little...rattled."
Natalia couldn't hold back a small, exhausted laugh. Hard to believe it had been just a little over an hour since Olivia had pushed her out the door in the name of observing her wishes. Mentally, it felt like they'd been apart for ages. "Rattled," she repeated and nodded. "That's probably a good word for it."
Something clenched in the pit of Olivia's stomach, fear knotting tightly. "What's wrong?" she demanded breathlessly, suddenly so terrified she could barely breathe. So many things stood against them, religion, Rafe, Father Ray, Natalia's own guilts and fears, and-
Seeing the other woman's terror and knowing how Olivia thought, Natalia curved a tender hand to her cheek. "Nothing," she said firmly, knowing she needed to stop the other woman's fear in its tracks before she did anything else.
Green eyes remained alert and wary.
Still stroking the taller woman's cheek, Natalia peered closely at her, feeling some of her own terror ease as she stared into eyes that were bright and intelligent, and not fading in death the way her mind had briefly imagined. "Everything's okay, Olivia." She took a deep breath, steadying herself and pushing down her fears. "I just needed to see you."
"Okay," the older woman said cautiously. She reached up, catching the hand at her cheek to rub the pad of her thumb against Natalia's palm. "What's going on?" she asked, calmer now that Natalia had offered some reassurance, but still uneasy with the raw look in the other woman's gaze.
Natalia started to speak only to have the words dry up. She wasn't quick with words the way Olivia was. She needed time to think and formulate her comments, particularly when she was, to use Olivia's words, rattled. "Can we sit?" she questioned, gesturing toward the bed.
Green eyes swung that way, and Olivia swallowed hard as she contemplated the rumpled bed covers.
"Olivia?" Natalia questioned a little uncertainly when the other woman still hadn't spoken a long moment later.
Shaking off her daze, Olivia waved the other woman toward her bed. "Please," she said quickly in an effort to cover her momentary paralysis. "Sit." She would have pulled away and put a little distance between them, but Natalia caught her hand, not letting her escape. Watching as the younger woman took a seat, Olivia briefly considered her options. Trying to remain standing with the awkward drag on her arm and sitting with her hip nudged against the warm curve of Natalia's side both seemed equally challenging, albeit in different ways. Finally, she compromised and knelt, gaining a little distance, but staying close enough to maintain the loose hold and peer up at Natalia through caring eyes. Focusing on her own reflection in those limitless orbs, she tried to ignore the flush that slid over her skin as she realized she was in absolutely perfect position to-
"So what's the problem?" Olivia asked, her voice breaking gently as a tender hand reached out, shattering her concentration and nearly her determination as it combed rhythmically though the hair at her temple.
"I love you...so much," Natalia breathed, overwhelmed by the flood of emotion as she stared at the other woman. Mentally testing the sense of family and love that no one else in her life had ever given her, she was astounded once again by the depth and breadth of emotion.
Olivia was her home. It was that simple and that unbelievably complex.
"Okay," Olivia whispered, heart thudding in her chest. Surely, all of this couldn't be leadup to an I-love-you-but moment. "I love you too. I hope you know that."
"I do," Natalia assured her with absolute sincerity. She ran her thumb along the full curve of Olivia's lower lip, feeling the shape and texture, the softness and strength. "You're everything I ever wanted." She felt the shift of muscles as Olivia smiled at that.
"I feel the same," the kneeling woman whispered raggedly, her eyes suspiciously bright. She blinked rapidly and swallowed hard. "I've never felt this way about anyone." She settled a hand on Natalia's knee. Full lips tipped up in a faintly embarrassed smile and her gaze dropped momentarily as she admitted, "You make me want to be a better person...the kind of person you deserve and can be proud of."
"I am proud of you, Olivia." Tucking her hand under the kneeling woman's chin, she drew her head up until their eyes met. "And so very, very grateful," she added seriously.
Feeling her heart thump against her sternum as she stared into rich, chocolate eyes, could only stare for the longest moment. "Grateful?" she repeated, not quite able to parse the word for the longest moment. No one had ever been grateful to have her in their life. Oh, more than a few had wanted, some had loved, a few had even needed. But gratitude? That was something new, and it warmed something deep in her soul.
"Grateful," Natalia confirmed as she trailed gentle fingers along the curve of Olivia's jaw. "You make me feel safe and loved...and a part of something greater...a family...our family." She swallowed hard. "I never felt any of that before...not really."
"I'm glad," Olivia whispered after a long moment of silence spent simply staring at one another. "That I give you those things, I mean...not that you feel you haven't had them before...because you should have had them. You deserve that...and everything else good in this world. You've done so much for me...and I'm so much better with you." Reaching up, she gently brushed dark hair away from Natalia's cheek. "Tell me what you're thinking," she commanded gently, wanting to know what was going on behind dark eyes. She could feel the speed at which Natalia's mind was running, almost see the tiny gears and cogs spinning inside her head. "Talk to me." Something was going on. She just wanted to understand.
Reaching out, Natalia ran the very tips of her fingers along the arch of Olivia's brow, gently smoothing away worry lines. "I went back to my room and I couldn't stop thinking about what your friend said..."
Arched brows drew together in a frown as Olivia struggled to come up with anything Holly might have said to set Natalia off this way.
"About regrets," Natalia clarified. "That it was the things she hadn't done that haunted her...and I-I just kept thinking about how well I know that feeling." She ran her fingers back from Olivia's brow into the edges of her hair to toy gently with the silky strands. Her gaze unfocused as she stared at a distant point somewhere past the other woman's shoulder. "When I found Gus again, I thought we'd have forever..." She shook her head slowly, her tone sad. "But it didn't work out that way."
Olivia's frown deepened as she felt a wash of sympathy slide through her along with just a hint of envy. Gus had loved this woman and been loved by her, and sometimes Olivia experienced the tiniest bit of fear that she would never quite measure up. "You had no way of knowing-"
"Maybe not," Natalia allowed, "but I knew Gus was a police officer...that he took risks..." She shook her head sharply, chin dropping as she was momentarily lost in her own thoughts. "And the ceremony was more important than the time." She tipped her head up, peering deeply into jade eyes.
"Natalia-" Olivia began, clearly intending to argue.
But Natalia didn't allow her to continue. "No, Olivia...it's the truth. Waiting wasn't that hard for me...or for Gus," she added, her voice thick with tears. "Maybe it was even a little bit of a relief," she admitted, giving voice to her darkest fear and most clinging guilt.
Olivia shook her head, dismissing even the possibility. "Gus loved you," she insisted. "And he wanted to make things right." He'd made his missteps, but he'd been trying to fix those old mistakes.
"He cared for me," Natalia allowed. "...wanted my body...wanted to make up for the past and have the family we should have had..." She shook her head a little sadly. "But he didn't even know me anymore." She shrugged. "And I didn't know him." She ran her thumb along the curve of Olivia's lower lip. "Harley was the love of his life." She saw Olivia draw breath to argue and laid gentle fingers over her lips, silencing the denial unspoken. "I didn't understand that before...but I do now." Leaning forward, she searched green eyes, studying the shape and striations of color, noting the way black pupils expanded and contracted ever so slightly as they tracked her, seeing her own reflection lean close. "We'd been each other's firsts...had a child...and I thought that meant we had to be in love...that it had to be more powerful than what they had." She shook her head as she tried to find a way to explain what she was feeling. "Harley tried to tell me once. She said I'd lost a prom date...and she'd lost a husband. I didn't get it then." She continued stroking silky hair with gentle fingers as though tactile sensation could communicate the emotions that words seemed hopelessly inadequate to express. "I do now."
"Natalia-" Olivia started to argue, but Natalia laid gentle fingers over her lips.
"Shhh," the younger woman hushed. "Do you know what I understand now?" she asked after a beat.
Olivia didn't dare let herself presume, so she shook her head ever so slightly.
"With Gus I needed those symbols...the rings and the ceremony..." She leaned closer still, peering deeply into jade eyes. "...to feel even remotely right about being with him." Her fingers were still tenderly stroking Olivia's lips, exploring and caressing somewhat randomly, moving almost of their own accord. "I needed some proof of a commitment neither one of us really felt..." She looked down for a brief moment, then up again. "With you, I may want all of those trappings, but I don't need them." She caught Olivia's hand in her own, and drew it up, laying her palm on her chest above her heart. "I know how committed this relationship is. I feel it here and I see it in your eyes and hear it in your laugh."
Suddenly dry-mouthed and trembling gently, Olivia could only stare.
"And I was sitting in my room...and all I could think about was how I'd feel about waiting if anything ever happened to you...and I realized I couldn't live with it," Natalia explained a little desperately. "I don't ever want to look back and agonize over the time we could have been together and I chose not to be."
"Natalia," Olivia whispered when she finally managed to get a breath, "are you saying that..." She trailed off, uncertain quite how to phrase what she was trying to ask.
A beatific smile graced full lips. "I don't want to waste another moment waiting for gestures meant to symbolize what we already feel."
Green eyes slid closed and Olivia's fingers tightened on Natalia's knee.
Still idly sifting her fingers through auburn silk, Natalia leaned down and pressed a kiss to the top of Olivia's downbent head. "And I don't want to spend another night apart from you," she whispered and felt the raw tremor that slid through the other woman.
Her heart pounding so hard she could barely hear past the thudding in her ears, Olivia swallowed hard, then wet her lips as she struggled to formulate a response. Her body was a roiling mass of coalescing want, making her slightly insane and leaving her brain several beats behind the conversation. "I-I want to...but I...I honestly don't think I can just lie next to you and not..." she trailed off, still convinced that even if Natalia didn't want to be apart, she'd still need the ring and the official approval before she'd ever-
"Olivia," Natalia's voice was soft as silk yet somehow razor sharp, slicing right through the conversation on a whisper, leaving silence in its wake. In that moment, she had a sudden epiphany. All of her fears and trepidation were for nothing. This was Olivia. She already trusted the other woman with her home, her heart, her son's future. Her body was nothing next to that. They might have to fumble and experiment at first, but that had its appeal too. She tucked a single finger under Olivia's chin. "Who says I want you to just lie next to me?"
Arched brows shot toward Olivia's hairline.
"In fact," Natalia drawled, her voice dropping low, eyes gleaming with wicked lights as she leaned closer, "who says I'd let you?"
Do. Not. Pass. Out. The thought went through Olivia's brain as it struggled to integrate what she was hearing with what she believed and kept coming up with a grand slam inconsistency.
Her finger still lightly braced under Olivia's chin, Natalia leaned forward, closing the remaining distance between them. Olivia's lips were velvet, her mouth satin and silk. A sharp contraction of taut stomach muscles drove the breath from Olivia's lungs and Natalia drank in the soft exhalation, absorbing the warmth and life of her.
Do. Not. Pass. Out. The thought again echoed inside Olivia's head as that too-soft-for-words mouth played havoc with her ability to think and function. Heat and want flared and danced over every nerve ending in her body, making her tremble and moan. She'd thought she knew what desire was, but as sensation pulsed and coalesced at the very heart of her, she realized she hadn't a clue.
Then Natalia eased back, straightening slowly, and Olivia followed, nearly levitating as she was guided by the gentle finger under her chin and soft lips that refused to release their possessive contact. Reaching past Natalia, she curled strong fingers into the thick comforter on either side of slim hips, pulling herself upright when trembling thigh muscles threatened to fail. Olivia Spencer was a woman who'd always been in control in her sexual relationships, always set the pace and made the demands. For the first time in her life, she gave herself over to the whims and desires of a lover, enraptured by her touch and lost utterly in the promise of being hers.
Enjoying the rich rush of erotic power, Natalia gloried in the way Olivia trailed after her as she leaned back. Tiny, hungry moans vibrated up from the kneeling woman's chest while her hands clawed into the blankets, clinging desperately. Natalia loved every moment of it-the desperation, the hunger, the raw need. For the first time in her life, she truly wanted all of that.
And more.
She wanted every inch of flesh, every tiny sound that signaled desire, every tremor and flex of muscle, every ragged breath and every beat of a remodelled heart.
She wanted it all.
All of Olivia Spencer, all of their lives together, all of the things that any lovers had a right to enjoy without guilt or judgment.
And she meant to have it.
Olivia had no idea what had changed inside Natalia's head, but she was insanely grateful. Or rather, she would have been had she been even remotely capable of thought. Which was less and less the case with every passing moment. Moaning low in her throat, she continued to pursue the woman seated in front of her, eagerly falling into the warmth of her until she was finally brought up short by the solid press of hard knees into her chest.
Craning her neck in the effort to maintain the sweet kiss, Olivia whimpered in disappointment when Natalia's mouth finally broke from hers, then a beat later, warm arms draped themselves over her shoulders and fine-boned hands spread against her upper back. For a long moment, all she could do was stare into the depths of mahogany eyes, then full lips slowly turned up in a longing, sensual smile, silently inviting her to explore all the fantasies they were both having. "You're so beautiful," she exhaled the first coherent thought that went through her head.
"I feel that way whenever you look at me," Natalia whispered, still amazed by the way this woman could touch her, give her confidence, create a sense of her own appeal. Tipping her head to one side, she stared deeply into jade eyes, seeing the gleam of intellect and love amid bands of subtle color and the inky depths of gently flexing pupils. "I think you should join me up here," she whispered after a long moment.
Olivia swallowed hard, heart hammering in her chest, and nodded, the motion short and unsteady. Adrenaline flooded her system and every muscle in her body seemed to simultaneously turn to jelly.
Oh, hell.
Natalia smiled tenderly, fingers still playing over Olivia's shoulders and upper back. "You're going to have to move to do that," she prompted after a long moment of silence and absolute stillness.
"I know," Olivia admitted raggedly, then drew a deep breath as she tried to calm herself and make trembling muscles respond to her command. "Just...ahm...having a little trouble acting on that plan." She wanted to rise and join Natalia. She really did. More than she could express. Unfortunately, it didn't seem to be happening. Her thigh muscles contracted, wobbled, and showed absolutely no intention of holding her weight.
Crap.
Then Natalia leaned back into her space and reclaimed her mouth, the contact demanding in the gentlest of ways.
Damn, the woman knew how to motivate a body.
Olivia was never quite sure how, but suddenly she was standing, bent over, hands still braced on the mattress, mouth still bound to Natalia's and heart beating so hard it was a wonder it hadn't burst free of her chest and flown away under the power of its own palpitations.
"Knew you could do it," Natalia exhaled when their lips parted to no more than a hand's breadth. The arms still draped around Olivia's shoulders tightened fractionally, while dark eyes made a thousand promises.
"Apparently I really can do anything for you," Olivia whispered breathlessly. Another soft kiss followed and lasted until her back protested. Hold that position much longer and she was going to be out of the game before they even got started. Breaking away from the temptations of that silky mouth, Olivia stroked Natalia's cheek with a tender hand as she straightened. A hard swallow and a deep breath helped clear her head a bit. More reality made its way through her brain as she remembered a few choice details about where they were and what they were doing. A fluttery, one-handed gesture followed. "Ahm...door..." Olivia said a little raggedly.
Her mind and body tumbling with a kind of want and need she'd never before experienced, it took Natalia an extra beat to process the single word. It didn't help that of all the responses she might have predicted, that was nowhere on the list. "Um...huh?" she questioned dazedly.
"Door," Olivia repeated and waved at her bedroom door. "I need to lock the door," she clarified as she got a few synapses working again. "Emma sometimes comes in late at night." And being interrupted that way was nowhere on the list of things she wanted to do-ever.
Suddenly understanding what Olivia was telling her, Natalia nodded. "That wouldn't be good," she agreed. "You should probably do something about that." She took a deep breath, nerving herself up as she ran a possessive gaze over Olivia, starting at the tips of crimson-painted toenails and not stopping until she'd assessed the last auburn hair on the top of her head. Only Olivia Spencer could look that good wearing nothing more than a loose tank top and light cotton pajama bottoms. "Then come join me," she drawled, heart pounding in her chest at the daring way she was inviting the other woman, but determined not to wait even one minute longer than necessary.
Do. Not. Pass. Out, Olivia reminded herself yet again, a little light-headed as need quicksilvered through her veins. She nodded and turned away, breathing slow and deep, focused not falling over in a dead faint as she crossed to the door and flipped the lock. Tomorrow there would have to be a discussion with Emma about privacy and knocking in the future-she knew her daughter well enough to realize that locking her out wouldn't go over well, so rules would have to be established-but for tonight, the lock would have to do.
Then Olivia turned around and froze as any remaining blood between her ears rushed away, bound for parts further south.
Natalia had used the time while Olivia was turned away to slip into bed. Her robe was tossed across the foot and bare shoulders peeked out from under the comforter, the smooth tan line broken only by the narrow straps of the borrowed tank top. As their eyes met, the younger woman's mouth turned up in a shy smile while dark eyes reflected less nervousness than Olivia would have predicted. Amazing, considering her own knees were threatening to knock together in an adrenaline-driven, rhumba beat.
Scene TBC in Next Post
Author: Pink Rabbit Productions
Fandom: Guiding Light
Pairing: Olivia/Natalia
Part: 24
Date: 11 Jan, 2010
Rating: R -- NC-17
Disclaimer: The characters and situations belong to CBS, Proctor and Gamble, and Telenext. The actual arrangement of words, however, remains my own. There is likely to be all female romantic and sexual activity ahead, so if this is likely to get you, me, or anybody else arrested should you take a gander, or if you find this offensive, please move along.
Archiving: The Pink Rabbit Consortium
Spoilers: Some early scenes definitely, plus anything through the spa trip is fair game.
Timeline: Don't have an exact scene where it takes off, but it's set after the spa trip, before Rafe's release from the halfway house, & after Natalia admits she's in love with Olivia to Father Ray.
Earlier Parts: | Part 1 (Prologue) | Part 2 | Part 3 | Part 4 | Part 5 | Part 6 | Part 7 | Part 8 | Part 9 | Part 10 | Part 11 | Part 12 | Part 13 | Part 14 | Part 15 | Part 16 | Part 17 | Part 18 | Part 19 | Part 20 | Part 21 | Part 22 | Part 23 |
Author's Note: My apologies for how long it's been between posts. That wasn't the plan, but best plans of bunnies and women and all that. The joys of living a life where currently the only stable fact is how very unstable things are.
Author's Note #2: Alas, I had to cut this scene into two parts due to LJ's length limits. Sorry about that. Not my preference. Please imagine that Parts 24-25 are in the same document.
Life and Breath
by Pink Rabbit Productions
Part24
Olivia was just sliding into the beginnings of a pleasantly erotic dream when the sound of pounding intruded. At first she simply registered it as one more element in the dream and swore to fire whoever it was interrupting the silky liaison taking place on one of San Cristobel's prettier beaches. Lips still moving over satin and velvet, she growled a low, threatening curse even as a tiny bit of her mind was busy puzzling on how someone could be knocking on the door to a beach.
More knocking led to more puzzling and she pushed up on her hands, eyes drinking in soft curves gilded in the colors of a reflected sunset even as she muttered another curse and vowed to geld Greg.
And what the hell was he pounding on anyway? She'd told him to pound sand more than once, but usually it didn't echo like that.
She was still musing on the problem when sand and skin suddenly melted away, morphing into the shadowed textures of sheets and pillows right before her disappointed eyes.
A dream.
"Well, crap," she muttered out loud as she dragging a hand through her hair. It took another moment to realize that the one real element of her dream had been the pounding. Pushing up on one hand, she peered over her shoulder, calling out a cranky, "Coming," as she swung her legs over the side of the bed. "I'm coming," she called out again when another knock rattled the door. She flicked on the bedside lamp, yawning sleepily and rubbing her eyes between squinty blinks. Gah, Greg was dead, she decided grumpily. Absolutely dead. When she could summon the energy to stand up, that was.
"Olivia?" Faintly muffled by the door, Natalia's voice was nonetheless, more than clear enough to be recognized.
The irritation instantly faded from Olivia's expression as she hurried to the door, afraid there was a problem. "What is it?" she demanded as she swung the door wide, noting as she did so that the clinging, Beacon-issue, guest robe flattered soft curves in all the right ways. Shaking herself, she snapped her gaze up to meet dark eyes. "Has something happened...Rafe...what?"
"No," Natalia shook her head instantly as she abruptly realized how her unexpected visit had been taken. "No, nothing's wrong," she added quickly, instantly contrite for frightening the other woman. "I just...I..." she mumbled, not knowing how to explain what she was feeling. "Can I come in?" she asked after a beat.
"Of course," Olivia said, stepping aside to make room. Despite Natalia's assurances, her gaze was still worried. "Are you sure there's nothing wrong?" she questioned as she pushed the door closed in the other woman's wake. "Because you look a little...rattled."
Natalia couldn't hold back a small, exhausted laugh. Hard to believe it had been just a little over an hour since Olivia had pushed her out the door in the name of observing her wishes. Mentally, it felt like they'd been apart for ages. "Rattled," she repeated and nodded. "That's probably a good word for it."
Something clenched in the pit of Olivia's stomach, fear knotting tightly. "What's wrong?" she demanded breathlessly, suddenly so terrified she could barely breathe. So many things stood against them, religion, Rafe, Father Ray, Natalia's own guilts and fears, and-
Seeing the other woman's terror and knowing how Olivia thought, Natalia curved a tender hand to her cheek. "Nothing," she said firmly, knowing she needed to stop the other woman's fear in its tracks before she did anything else.
Green eyes remained alert and wary.
Still stroking the taller woman's cheek, Natalia peered closely at her, feeling some of her own terror ease as she stared into eyes that were bright and intelligent, and not fading in death the way her mind had briefly imagined. "Everything's okay, Olivia." She took a deep breath, steadying herself and pushing down her fears. "I just needed to see you."
"Okay," the older woman said cautiously. She reached up, catching the hand at her cheek to rub the pad of her thumb against Natalia's palm. "What's going on?" she asked, calmer now that Natalia had offered some reassurance, but still uneasy with the raw look in the other woman's gaze.
Natalia started to speak only to have the words dry up. She wasn't quick with words the way Olivia was. She needed time to think and formulate her comments, particularly when she was, to use Olivia's words, rattled. "Can we sit?" she questioned, gesturing toward the bed.
Green eyes swung that way, and Olivia swallowed hard as she contemplated the rumpled bed covers.
"Olivia?" Natalia questioned a little uncertainly when the other woman still hadn't spoken a long moment later.
Shaking off her daze, Olivia waved the other woman toward her bed. "Please," she said quickly in an effort to cover her momentary paralysis. "Sit." She would have pulled away and put a little distance between them, but Natalia caught her hand, not letting her escape. Watching as the younger woman took a seat, Olivia briefly considered her options. Trying to remain standing with the awkward drag on her arm and sitting with her hip nudged against the warm curve of Natalia's side both seemed equally challenging, albeit in different ways. Finally, she compromised and knelt, gaining a little distance, but staying close enough to maintain the loose hold and peer up at Natalia through caring eyes. Focusing on her own reflection in those limitless orbs, she tried to ignore the flush that slid over her skin as she realized she was in absolutely perfect position to-
"So what's the problem?" Olivia asked, her voice breaking gently as a tender hand reached out, shattering her concentration and nearly her determination as it combed rhythmically though the hair at her temple.
"I love you...so much," Natalia breathed, overwhelmed by the flood of emotion as she stared at the other woman. Mentally testing the sense of family and love that no one else in her life had ever given her, she was astounded once again by the depth and breadth of emotion.
Olivia was her home. It was that simple and that unbelievably complex.
"Okay," Olivia whispered, heart thudding in her chest. Surely, all of this couldn't be leadup to an I-love-you-but moment. "I love you too. I hope you know that."
"I do," Natalia assured her with absolute sincerity. She ran her thumb along the full curve of Olivia's lower lip, feeling the shape and texture, the softness and strength. "You're everything I ever wanted." She felt the shift of muscles as Olivia smiled at that.
"I feel the same," the kneeling woman whispered raggedly, her eyes suspiciously bright. She blinked rapidly and swallowed hard. "I've never felt this way about anyone." She settled a hand on Natalia's knee. Full lips tipped up in a faintly embarrassed smile and her gaze dropped momentarily as she admitted, "You make me want to be a better person...the kind of person you deserve and can be proud of."
"I am proud of you, Olivia." Tucking her hand under the kneeling woman's chin, she drew her head up until their eyes met. "And so very, very grateful," she added seriously.
Feeling her heart thump against her sternum as she stared into rich, chocolate eyes, could only stare for the longest moment. "Grateful?" she repeated, not quite able to parse the word for the longest moment. No one had ever been grateful to have her in their life. Oh, more than a few had wanted, some had loved, a few had even needed. But gratitude? That was something new, and it warmed something deep in her soul.
"Grateful," Natalia confirmed as she trailed gentle fingers along the curve of Olivia's jaw. "You make me feel safe and loved...and a part of something greater...a family...our family." She swallowed hard. "I never felt any of that before...not really."
"I'm glad," Olivia whispered after a long moment of silence spent simply staring at one another. "That I give you those things, I mean...not that you feel you haven't had them before...because you should have had them. You deserve that...and everything else good in this world. You've done so much for me...and I'm so much better with you." Reaching up, she gently brushed dark hair away from Natalia's cheek. "Tell me what you're thinking," she commanded gently, wanting to know what was going on behind dark eyes. She could feel the speed at which Natalia's mind was running, almost see the tiny gears and cogs spinning inside her head. "Talk to me." Something was going on. She just wanted to understand.
Reaching out, Natalia ran the very tips of her fingers along the arch of Olivia's brow, gently smoothing away worry lines. "I went back to my room and I couldn't stop thinking about what your friend said..."
Arched brows drew together in a frown as Olivia struggled to come up with anything Holly might have said to set Natalia off this way.
"About regrets," Natalia clarified. "That it was the things she hadn't done that haunted her...and I-I just kept thinking about how well I know that feeling." She ran her fingers back from Olivia's brow into the edges of her hair to toy gently with the silky strands. Her gaze unfocused as she stared at a distant point somewhere past the other woman's shoulder. "When I found Gus again, I thought we'd have forever..." She shook her head slowly, her tone sad. "But it didn't work out that way."
Olivia's frown deepened as she felt a wash of sympathy slide through her along with just a hint of envy. Gus had loved this woman and been loved by her, and sometimes Olivia experienced the tiniest bit of fear that she would never quite measure up. "You had no way of knowing-"
"Maybe not," Natalia allowed, "but I knew Gus was a police officer...that he took risks..." She shook her head sharply, chin dropping as she was momentarily lost in her own thoughts. "And the ceremony was more important than the time." She tipped her head up, peering deeply into jade eyes.
"Natalia-" Olivia began, clearly intending to argue.
But Natalia didn't allow her to continue. "No, Olivia...it's the truth. Waiting wasn't that hard for me...or for Gus," she added, her voice thick with tears. "Maybe it was even a little bit of a relief," she admitted, giving voice to her darkest fear and most clinging guilt.
Olivia shook her head, dismissing even the possibility. "Gus loved you," she insisted. "And he wanted to make things right." He'd made his missteps, but he'd been trying to fix those old mistakes.
"He cared for me," Natalia allowed. "...wanted my body...wanted to make up for the past and have the family we should have had..." She shook her head a little sadly. "But he didn't even know me anymore." She shrugged. "And I didn't know him." She ran her thumb along the curve of Olivia's lower lip. "Harley was the love of his life." She saw Olivia draw breath to argue and laid gentle fingers over her lips, silencing the denial unspoken. "I didn't understand that before...but I do now." Leaning forward, she searched green eyes, studying the shape and striations of color, noting the way black pupils expanded and contracted ever so slightly as they tracked her, seeing her own reflection lean close. "We'd been each other's firsts...had a child...and I thought that meant we had to be in love...that it had to be more powerful than what they had." She shook her head as she tried to find a way to explain what she was feeling. "Harley tried to tell me once. She said I'd lost a prom date...and she'd lost a husband. I didn't get it then." She continued stroking silky hair with gentle fingers as though tactile sensation could communicate the emotions that words seemed hopelessly inadequate to express. "I do now."
"Natalia-" Olivia started to argue, but Natalia laid gentle fingers over her lips.
"Shhh," the younger woman hushed. "Do you know what I understand now?" she asked after a beat.
Olivia didn't dare let herself presume, so she shook her head ever so slightly.
"With Gus I needed those symbols...the rings and the ceremony..." She leaned closer still, peering deeply into jade eyes. "...to feel even remotely right about being with him." Her fingers were still tenderly stroking Olivia's lips, exploring and caressing somewhat randomly, moving almost of their own accord. "I needed some proof of a commitment neither one of us really felt..." She looked down for a brief moment, then up again. "With you, I may want all of those trappings, but I don't need them." She caught Olivia's hand in her own, and drew it up, laying her palm on her chest above her heart. "I know how committed this relationship is. I feel it here and I see it in your eyes and hear it in your laugh."
Suddenly dry-mouthed and trembling gently, Olivia could only stare.
"And I was sitting in my room...and all I could think about was how I'd feel about waiting if anything ever happened to you...and I realized I couldn't live with it," Natalia explained a little desperately. "I don't ever want to look back and agonize over the time we could have been together and I chose not to be."
"Natalia," Olivia whispered when she finally managed to get a breath, "are you saying that..." She trailed off, uncertain quite how to phrase what she was trying to ask.
A beatific smile graced full lips. "I don't want to waste another moment waiting for gestures meant to symbolize what we already feel."
Green eyes slid closed and Olivia's fingers tightened on Natalia's knee.
Still idly sifting her fingers through auburn silk, Natalia leaned down and pressed a kiss to the top of Olivia's downbent head. "And I don't want to spend another night apart from you," she whispered and felt the raw tremor that slid through the other woman.
Her heart pounding so hard she could barely hear past the thudding in her ears, Olivia swallowed hard, then wet her lips as she struggled to formulate a response. Her body was a roiling mass of coalescing want, making her slightly insane and leaving her brain several beats behind the conversation. "I-I want to...but I...I honestly don't think I can just lie next to you and not..." she trailed off, still convinced that even if Natalia didn't want to be apart, she'd still need the ring and the official approval before she'd ever-
"Olivia," Natalia's voice was soft as silk yet somehow razor sharp, slicing right through the conversation on a whisper, leaving silence in its wake. In that moment, she had a sudden epiphany. All of her fears and trepidation were for nothing. This was Olivia. She already trusted the other woman with her home, her heart, her son's future. Her body was nothing next to that. They might have to fumble and experiment at first, but that had its appeal too. She tucked a single finger under Olivia's chin. "Who says I want you to just lie next to me?"
Arched brows shot toward Olivia's hairline.
"In fact," Natalia drawled, her voice dropping low, eyes gleaming with wicked lights as she leaned closer, "who says I'd let you?"
Do. Not. Pass. Out. The thought went through Olivia's brain as it struggled to integrate what she was hearing with what she believed and kept coming up with a grand slam inconsistency.
Her finger still lightly braced under Olivia's chin, Natalia leaned forward, closing the remaining distance between them. Olivia's lips were velvet, her mouth satin and silk. A sharp contraction of taut stomach muscles drove the breath from Olivia's lungs and Natalia drank in the soft exhalation, absorbing the warmth and life of her.
Do. Not. Pass. Out. The thought again echoed inside Olivia's head as that too-soft-for-words mouth played havoc with her ability to think and function. Heat and want flared and danced over every nerve ending in her body, making her tremble and moan. She'd thought she knew what desire was, but as sensation pulsed and coalesced at the very heart of her, she realized she hadn't a clue.
Then Natalia eased back, straightening slowly, and Olivia followed, nearly levitating as she was guided by the gentle finger under her chin and soft lips that refused to release their possessive contact. Reaching past Natalia, she curled strong fingers into the thick comforter on either side of slim hips, pulling herself upright when trembling thigh muscles threatened to fail. Olivia Spencer was a woman who'd always been in control in her sexual relationships, always set the pace and made the demands. For the first time in her life, she gave herself over to the whims and desires of a lover, enraptured by her touch and lost utterly in the promise of being hers.
Enjoying the rich rush of erotic power, Natalia gloried in the way Olivia trailed after her as she leaned back. Tiny, hungry moans vibrated up from the kneeling woman's chest while her hands clawed into the blankets, clinging desperately. Natalia loved every moment of it-the desperation, the hunger, the raw need. For the first time in her life, she truly wanted all of that.
And more.
She wanted every inch of flesh, every tiny sound that signaled desire, every tremor and flex of muscle, every ragged breath and every beat of a remodelled heart.
She wanted it all.
All of Olivia Spencer, all of their lives together, all of the things that any lovers had a right to enjoy without guilt or judgment.
And she meant to have it.
Olivia had no idea what had changed inside Natalia's head, but she was insanely grateful. Or rather, she would have been had she been even remotely capable of thought. Which was less and less the case with every passing moment. Moaning low in her throat, she continued to pursue the woman seated in front of her, eagerly falling into the warmth of her until she was finally brought up short by the solid press of hard knees into her chest.
Craning her neck in the effort to maintain the sweet kiss, Olivia whimpered in disappointment when Natalia's mouth finally broke from hers, then a beat later, warm arms draped themselves over her shoulders and fine-boned hands spread against her upper back. For a long moment, all she could do was stare into the depths of mahogany eyes, then full lips slowly turned up in a longing, sensual smile, silently inviting her to explore all the fantasies they were both having. "You're so beautiful," she exhaled the first coherent thought that went through her head.
"I feel that way whenever you look at me," Natalia whispered, still amazed by the way this woman could touch her, give her confidence, create a sense of her own appeal. Tipping her head to one side, she stared deeply into jade eyes, seeing the gleam of intellect and love amid bands of subtle color and the inky depths of gently flexing pupils. "I think you should join me up here," she whispered after a long moment.
Olivia swallowed hard, heart hammering in her chest, and nodded, the motion short and unsteady. Adrenaline flooded her system and every muscle in her body seemed to simultaneously turn to jelly.
Oh, hell.
Natalia smiled tenderly, fingers still playing over Olivia's shoulders and upper back. "You're going to have to move to do that," she prompted after a long moment of silence and absolute stillness.
"I know," Olivia admitted raggedly, then drew a deep breath as she tried to calm herself and make trembling muscles respond to her command. "Just...ahm...having a little trouble acting on that plan." She wanted to rise and join Natalia. She really did. More than she could express. Unfortunately, it didn't seem to be happening. Her thigh muscles contracted, wobbled, and showed absolutely no intention of holding her weight.
Crap.
Then Natalia leaned back into her space and reclaimed her mouth, the contact demanding in the gentlest of ways.
Damn, the woman knew how to motivate a body.
Olivia was never quite sure how, but suddenly she was standing, bent over, hands still braced on the mattress, mouth still bound to Natalia's and heart beating so hard it was a wonder it hadn't burst free of her chest and flown away under the power of its own palpitations.
"Knew you could do it," Natalia exhaled when their lips parted to no more than a hand's breadth. The arms still draped around Olivia's shoulders tightened fractionally, while dark eyes made a thousand promises.
"Apparently I really can do anything for you," Olivia whispered breathlessly. Another soft kiss followed and lasted until her back protested. Hold that position much longer and she was going to be out of the game before they even got started. Breaking away from the temptations of that silky mouth, Olivia stroked Natalia's cheek with a tender hand as she straightened. A hard swallow and a deep breath helped clear her head a bit. More reality made its way through her brain as she remembered a few choice details about where they were and what they were doing. A fluttery, one-handed gesture followed. "Ahm...door..." Olivia said a little raggedly.
Her mind and body tumbling with a kind of want and need she'd never before experienced, it took Natalia an extra beat to process the single word. It didn't help that of all the responses she might have predicted, that was nowhere on the list. "Um...huh?" she questioned dazedly.
"Door," Olivia repeated and waved at her bedroom door. "I need to lock the door," she clarified as she got a few synapses working again. "Emma sometimes comes in late at night." And being interrupted that way was nowhere on the list of things she wanted to do-ever.
Suddenly understanding what Olivia was telling her, Natalia nodded. "That wouldn't be good," she agreed. "You should probably do something about that." She took a deep breath, nerving herself up as she ran a possessive gaze over Olivia, starting at the tips of crimson-painted toenails and not stopping until she'd assessed the last auburn hair on the top of her head. Only Olivia Spencer could look that good wearing nothing more than a loose tank top and light cotton pajama bottoms. "Then come join me," she drawled, heart pounding in her chest at the daring way she was inviting the other woman, but determined not to wait even one minute longer than necessary.
Do. Not. Pass. Out, Olivia reminded herself yet again, a little light-headed as need quicksilvered through her veins. She nodded and turned away, breathing slow and deep, focused not falling over in a dead faint as she crossed to the door and flipped the lock. Tomorrow there would have to be a discussion with Emma about privacy and knocking in the future-she knew her daughter well enough to realize that locking her out wouldn't go over well, so rules would have to be established-but for tonight, the lock would have to do.
Then Olivia turned around and froze as any remaining blood between her ears rushed away, bound for parts further south.
Natalia had used the time while Olivia was turned away to slip into bed. Her robe was tossed across the foot and bare shoulders peeked out from under the comforter, the smooth tan line broken only by the narrow straps of the borrowed tank top. As their eyes met, the younger woman's mouth turned up in a shy smile while dark eyes reflected less nervousness than Olivia would have predicted. Amazing, considering her own knees were threatening to knock together in an adrenaline-driven, rhumba beat.
Scene TBC in Next Post