Life and Breath Part 23
Title: Life and Breath
Author: Pink Rabbit Productions
Fandom: Guiding Light
Pairing: Olivia/Natalia
Part: 23
Date: 6 October, 2009
Rating: Personally, I'd call it an R, but some might consider it NC-17 at some point.
Disclaimer: The characters and situations belong to other folks far wealthier, more important (or at least with better lawyers), and hopefully more charitable and kinder than I. They include, but are not necessarily limited to CBS, Proctor and Gamble, and Telenext. The actual arrangement of words, however, remains my own as do any original characters. Meanwhile, there is likely to be all female romantic and sexual activity ahead, so if this is likely to get you, me, or anybody else arrested should you take a gander, please move along. Also, if you find that sort of thing offensive, you really probably shouldn't hang around anyplace I'm posting. Just sayin'....
Archiving: The Pink Rabbit Consortium
Spoilers: Some early scenes definitely, plus anything through the spa trip is fair game.
Timeline: Unlike some folks, I don't have an exact scene where this one takes off. However, it's definitely set after the spa trip, but before Rafe's release from the halfway house. Oh, and it's after Natalia admits she's in love with Olivia to Father Ray.
Earlier Parts: | Part 1 (Prologue) | Part 2 | Part 3 | Part 4 | Part 5 | Part 6 | Part 7 | Part 8 | Part 9 | Part 10 | Part 11 | Part 12 | Part 13 | Part 14 | Part 15 | Part 16 | Part 17 | Part 18 | Part 19 | Part 20 | Part 21 | Part 22 |
Life and Breath
by Pink Rabbit Productions
Part 23
Regret.
It was an emotion with which Natalia Rivera was all too acquainted, but which she'd rarely had time for during the course of her life. Sometimes she would have liked the luxury, but during the years when her feet and back were in agony from hours spent waiting tables and cleaning rooms and Rafe was sick and the rent was due and she was alone and scared with her mistakes and her choices, there'd been nothing left of her to spare on any emotion that didn't contribute to their survival.
And later, when she came to Springfield, she hadn't let herself think past her need to give her son his father, knowing that if she considered what that took, she wouldn't be able to live with herself.
Even after she'd signed the paperwork for Olivia to receive Gus' heart there'd been no time for regrets, not with a hurting son, a funeral to plan, and Olivia's survival to keep her busy.
Which was why it felt so odd to find herself at thirty-four years old, sitting on a crisp, clean set of cotton sheets, her hair still damp from a shower, skin soft and sweet smelling from the Beacon's expensive brand of almond-scented hand cream, body wrapped in Olivia's knit cotton shorts and tank top, while her mind was wrapped in the haunted look she'd seen in dark eyes.
Alone in the silence of a lonely hotel room, Holly Reade's poignant admission about her many regrets echoed inside Natalia's head, playing over and over like some whispering ghost that followed her from room to room, breathing dark reminders in her ear of her own past and all the things she should have done differently.
All the time she wouldn't have wasted making Rafe wait to meet his father, making Gus wait until they were married, making Olivia wait to hear the truth, making Olivia wait to be her lover.
With Gus, she'd thought she had forever. Only forever had run very short. Almost as soon as he'd entered her life, he'd been gone again.
And with those thoughts came the certain knowledge that as much as losing Gus had hurt, it hadn't wrought any great devastation on her life.
On the other hand...
Tentatively, like a child testing a particularly sore tooth, she considered how she would feel if she lost Olivia. It was a realistic possibility. The other woman was nearly ten years older with serious issues in her health history and a bad tendency not to take care of herself.
It could happen.
The mere thought nearly swamped her in misery as she saw a future laid out before her nothing but regrets for the loss of the time that might have been if only she'd chosen differently.
She wouldn't survive it, she realized in a beat.
Absolutely. Would. Not. Survive.
So she had to do something about it...
* * * * * *
TBC
Author: Pink Rabbit Productions
Fandom: Guiding Light
Pairing: Olivia/Natalia
Part: 23
Date: 6 October, 2009
Rating: Personally, I'd call it an R, but some might consider it NC-17 at some point.
Disclaimer: The characters and situations belong to other folks far wealthier, more important (or at least with better lawyers), and hopefully more charitable and kinder than I. They include, but are not necessarily limited to CBS, Proctor and Gamble, and Telenext. The actual arrangement of words, however, remains my own as do any original characters. Meanwhile, there is likely to be all female romantic and sexual activity ahead, so if this is likely to get you, me, or anybody else arrested should you take a gander, please move along. Also, if you find that sort of thing offensive, you really probably shouldn't hang around anyplace I'm posting. Just sayin'....
Archiving: The Pink Rabbit Consortium
Spoilers: Some early scenes definitely, plus anything through the spa trip is fair game.
Timeline: Unlike some folks, I don't have an exact scene where this one takes off. However, it's definitely set after the spa trip, but before Rafe's release from the halfway house. Oh, and it's after Natalia admits she's in love with Olivia to Father Ray.
Earlier Parts: | Part 1 (Prologue) | Part 2 | Part 3 | Part 4 | Part 5 | Part 6 | Part 7 | Part 8 | Part 9 | Part 10 | Part 11 | Part 12 | Part 13 | Part 14 | Part 15 | Part 16 | Part 17 | Part 18 | Part 19 | Part 20 | Part 21 | Part 22 |
Life and Breath
by Pink Rabbit Productions
Part 23
Regret.
It was an emotion with which Natalia Rivera was all too acquainted, but which she'd rarely had time for during the course of her life. Sometimes she would have liked the luxury, but during the years when her feet and back were in agony from hours spent waiting tables and cleaning rooms and Rafe was sick and the rent was due and she was alone and scared with her mistakes and her choices, there'd been nothing left of her to spare on any emotion that didn't contribute to their survival.
And later, when she came to Springfield, she hadn't let herself think past her need to give her son his father, knowing that if she considered what that took, she wouldn't be able to live with herself.
Even after she'd signed the paperwork for Olivia to receive Gus' heart there'd been no time for regrets, not with a hurting son, a funeral to plan, and Olivia's survival to keep her busy.
Which was why it felt so odd to find herself at thirty-four years old, sitting on a crisp, clean set of cotton sheets, her hair still damp from a shower, skin soft and sweet smelling from the Beacon's expensive brand of almond-scented hand cream, body wrapped in Olivia's knit cotton shorts and tank top, while her mind was wrapped in the haunted look she'd seen in dark eyes.
Alone in the silence of a lonely hotel room, Holly Reade's poignant admission about her many regrets echoed inside Natalia's head, playing over and over like some whispering ghost that followed her from room to room, breathing dark reminders in her ear of her own past and all the things she should have done differently.
All the time she wouldn't have wasted making Rafe wait to meet his father, making Gus wait until they were married, making Olivia wait to hear the truth, making Olivia wait to be her lover.
With Gus, she'd thought she had forever. Only forever had run very short. Almost as soon as he'd entered her life, he'd been gone again.
And with those thoughts came the certain knowledge that as much as losing Gus had hurt, it hadn't wrought any great devastation on her life.
On the other hand...
Tentatively, like a child testing a particularly sore tooth, she considered how she would feel if she lost Olivia. It was a realistic possibility. The other woman was nearly ten years older with serious issues in her health history and a bad tendency not to take care of herself.
It could happen.
The mere thought nearly swamped her in misery as she saw a future laid out before her nothing but regrets for the loss of the time that might have been if only she'd chosen differently.
She wouldn't survive it, she realized in a beat.
Absolutely. Would. Not. Survive.
So she had to do something about it...
* * * * * *
TBC