GL - A FEW DAYS AWAY - Chapter 20
TITLE: A Few Days Away
FANDOM: Guiding Light
PAIRING: Otalia
SUMMARY: Set mid-friendship, this is a hurt/comfort piece as I'm a hurt/comfort junkie. Olivia, Natalia and Emma decide to have a few days away...hopefully more interesting than the summary suggests. Please request before archiving.
RATING: PG for mild violence
Author's note: This is my first ever attempt at fanfic so I'm having to gather a lot of nerve to post it. With very deep thanks to my Canadian Buddy, Critic2000, who beta'd and prodded for this story to see a conclusion and provided insightful and useful comments throughout. I know most of Europe loves her for providing us with Otalia clips as soon as possible but to me, she's my very dear friend. (Course, the clips help ;o))
ADDITIONAL NOTE: Apologies if this isn't everyone's cup of tea but huge thanks again for those that are sticking with it, even if it's not going in the direction most probably hope or want it to go... but I have stated it's a hurt/comfort piece and it will remain in that vein throughout - you have been warned ;o)
Thank you for your continued interest, I know there is a lot of very good fic out there so I'm touched when you stop by to read mine. You've all been very kind - huge thanks
DISCLAIMERS: I do not own Guiding Light or any of the characters.
More as promised, hope you enjoy...
( Chapter 1 ) ( Chapter 3 ) ( Chapters 4 & 5 ) ( Chapter 6 ) ( Chapter 7 ) ( Chapter 8 ) ( Chapter 9 ) ( Chapter 10 ) ( Chapter 11 ) ( Chapter 12 ) ( Chapter 13 ) ( Chapter 14 ) ( Chapter 15 ) ( Chapter 16 ) ( Chapter 17 ) ( Chapter 18 ) ( Chapter 19 )
Chapter 20
Olivia had been unable to quell the sudden emotions that overcame her as they sat the table discussing her daughter. Whether it was her still less than perfect health or the nightmare that kept returning to plague her waking state, she didn’t know but hearing Natalia comment how lucky she was to have her daughter was firing off synapses left and right.
Images flashed across her mind’s eye, emotions swelled in waves and it was all she could do to excuse herself from the room as her brain threatened to expand outside the confines of her skull.
Her love for her daughter was beyond measure, beyond ‘taking a bullet for you’ love to ‘blow the whole planet up for you’ love.
She didn’t understand why this was suddenly affecting her like it was but it was.
Where these days were meant to have allowed her the opportunity to step away from the busy norm of her working life and absent herself from the stares, the sympathy and the pity, it was apparent now that it had only served to clear the way of all other obstacles, to permit her brain free rein on whichever traumatic event it had decided to dig up and scrutinise.
With daily distractions removed, she was in turn being forced to confront issues thought long buried, whether she wanted to or not.
As she reached the bedroom, Olivia could feel the prickling sensation of new tears. Making her way around the bed to sit with her back to the door, she lowered her head to her hands and allowed the tears to fall.
Like a hostage forced to stare at the same random pictures over and over while bombarded with deafening noise in an attempt to brainwash, Olivia watched the catalogue of personal dramas like a slideshow in her mind.
When she thought she might pass out from the onslaught, there was a sound from the doorway.
“Hey,” a voice said, “What’s going on?”
***
Natalia watched Olivia virtually scurry away from the kitchen and debated whether to follow.
Give her some time, she decided.
After such a glorious start to the day, Natalia wondered what had been said in the last few minutes that had Olivia going so quiet. It had been an intense quiet, like a drop in temperature, more than the sudden cessation of sound, it was as if Olivia had physically withdrawn from the room before practically running from it.
Reviewing their conversation there was nothing as far as Natalia could recollect that could have caused this change in behaviour. She knew Olivia could turn on a dime, a fact that both infuriated and intrigued her. She recalled how fast and furious Olivia’s temper flared and yet how surprisingly sympathetic and caring she could be in the thump of a heartbeat.
Dishes done, Natalia, curious and eager to check on her friend, had indulged Olivia long enough. Approaching the bedroom she could see Olivia with her hands covering her face, shoulders moving in the telltale shudder of tears.
“Hey,” she said, “What’s going on?”
Olivia jumped, clearly startled by the voice behind her. Wiping at fresh tears she turned slightly and shook her head, gathering in a breath and seeming to be trying to puzzle out the answer before expelling a frustrated, plaintive, “I don’t know.”
The words were spoken with so much anguish that Natalia could feel her heart clenching. Wasting no more time, she moved to sit next to Olivia and pulled her into a hug.
Natalia considered the distressed woman once again held in her arms, “Well, what happened? Do you want to talk about it?”
Tears continued to fall as Olivia shook her head again, “I don’t know. I just...” Olivia sniffled.
“Shh...take your time,” advised Natalia, caressing the damaged woman as tenderly but reassuringly as possible, “You’ll only make yourself sick again.”
***
Trying to control her breathing and stem the flow of tears, Olivia pulled away from their embrace and sat up, shaking her head as if to negate what was happening.
Time to suck it up, this isn’t me.
Natalia was watching her, her eyes lined with sadness as she took in the obviously piteous creature before her.
Yeah, that’s right Olivia, self-pity that always works. Damn it - get mad! Get mad at yourself, at the world, anything...anger’s something you understand isn’t it?
Not going your way? Fine, you’ve got two choices, get angry and fight or lay down and die, not like I haven’t been around that merry-go-round before is it?
But I’m through with just taking it, you hear me? You can scream at me all you want but I’m done. Think all these memories scare me? They’re nothing. I’ve lived them, that was scary enough and I’ve survived so...bring it on, I’m ready.
Nothing scares Olivia ‘freaking’ Spencer. Nothing.
A hand on her arm broke through her internal efforts to shore up her strength of will and as she focussed on her surroundings again, she realised with a stark clarity, her last statement wasn’t true.
Natalia.
Natalia scared her.
Natalia made her think and feel and approach things in a way that was almost alien to the woman Olivia Spencer had become. And as much as she was trying to cast out her sudden overwhelming and debilitating sorrow with the one emotion she understood in spades, Natalia’s mere presence and unflagging support poked through and jabbed at the hastily erected walls, to leave Olivia feeling once again exposed and raw.
Olivia reasoned if she were honest with herself, she was actually scared of many things but if not for Natalia, she could probably go on ignoring them.
***
Natalia was becoming alarmed. Thinking Olivia was about to launch into some explanation of why she was so upset, she didn’t know what to make of it when instead, Olivia merely sat back and assumed a trance-like state, her eyes unfocussed as if looking inward.
Searching for other visual clues of what was going on, Natalia noticed the same clenching and unclenching of Olivia’s hands, as they had last night when caught in her nightmare. Her breathing pattern was still uneven, disrupted occasionally as a result of her earlier crying and tears continued to cascade freely down her reddened face to drop away from her tightened jaw.
Wondering if Olivia had developed some form of narcolepsy and fallen asleep where she sat, Natalia reached for her again and placed a hand on her arm, ready to guide her should her body fully relax and fall.
The contact though had Olivia, rather than startling back, slowly rising up from whichever depths of her psyche she had been plunged to.
Eyes held. Olivia’s changing once again from sad, to angry, to afraid.
Afraid?
“Hey, where did you go? Are you alright? Is it your heart? Olivia?”
Staring eyes, holding her own, trying to communicate.
No answer.
***
Olivia blinked.
The abrupt silence in her brain almost as deafening as her nightmare. Natalia was staring intently at her and she vaguely recalled a question.
“...’m fine,” she cleared her throat and started again, “I’m fine.”
“Hey, what’s going on?” the dark haired woman’s concern was evident, her face pulled into an expression of intense puzzlement and worry, one hand maintaining contact with Olivia’s arm and the other twitching with hesitation, to reach out or not to reach out?
“Olivia, you’re scaring me. Is it your heart? Talk to me.”
Frightened herself, Olivia could feel the fresh tears falling and regardless of how much it pulled her side to do so, leant forward to lay her head on Natalia’s lap, one arm curled and draped over a convenient thigh in the satisfying form of a hug.
***
After what seemed an eternity, Olivia’s response to her questions was to blink.
Having broken through the apparent paralysis, Natalia could see Olivia working to speak, a barely heard, ‘fine’, coming from her lips before her throat was cleared and a stronger, yet still unconvincing, “I’m fine,” followed.
Disturbed by the return of this shell-shocked version of Olivia, Natalia feared another recurrence of their encounter last night and was torn with indecision whether to hug the woman or not.
Giving voice to her main concerns she asked, “Olivia, you’re scaring me. Is it your heart? Talk to me.”
It was then that Olivia surprised her again and as new tears fell, Olivia sank forward, her head coming to rest on Natalia’s lap and Natalia felt herself being pulled into a one-armed hug.
Perplexed yet strangely pleased, Natalia began a soothing sweep of her fingers through Olivia’s hair, scraping lightly at her scalp, her other hand naturally resting on Olivia’s side.
Olivia exhaled.
Knowing that as much as she wanted to push, Olivia was not going to talk about this until she was ready. Natalia tried a different tack.
“Do you still want me to wash your hair?”
Olivia’s head nodded.
“Okay but first you need to take your medication.”
Olivia nodded again and as serious as the last few minutes had been, Natalia couldn’t help a wry smile at how badly her last statement could be interpreted.
She continued stroking Olivia’s hair, content to wait until Olivia was ready to move.
TBC...