GL - A FEW DAYS AWAY - Chapter 14
TITLE: A Few Days Away
FANDOM: Guiding Light
PAIRING: Otalia
SUMMARY: Set mid-friendship, this is a hurt/comfort piece as I'm a hurt/comfort junkie. Olivia, Natalia and Emma decide to have a few days away...hopefully more interesting than the summary suggests. Please request before archiving.
RATING: PG for mild violence
Author's note: This is my first ever attempt at fanfic so I'm having to gather a lot of nerve to post it. With very deep thanks to my Canadian Buddy, Critic2000, who beta'd and prodded for this story to see a conclusion and provided insightful and useful comments throughout. I know most of Europe loves her for providing us with Otalia clips as soon as possible but to me, she's my very dear friend. (Course, the clips help ;o))
ADDITIONAL NOTE: Apologies if this isn't everyone's cup of tea but huge thanks again for those that are sticking with it, even if it's not going in the direction most probably hope or want it to go and it is certainly not my goal to scare anyone... but I have stated it's a hurt/comfort piece and it will remain in that vein throughout - you have been warned ;o)
Thank you again for your comments and I endeavour not to keep you waiting too long. I'm also delighted that this is giving people an opportunity to see and learn some of the earlier stages of their relationship...I wish there had been more fic about for that time period Thanks for reading :)
DISCLAIMERS: I do not own Guiding Light or any of the characters.
Chapter 14
She couldn’t look at her, couldn’t stop the voice of directed anger and fear resounding in her head. It was stupid, the woman was here, alive, if a little worse for wear at the moment but she was alive. It was stupid to still feel so responsible for what could have happened, what might have been?
Natalia felt awash with guilt, found herself questioning again how she could have done something so malicious, so callous all because of her own insecurities. How differently their lives would’ve turned out if not for her actions.
A part of her brain was calling out for reason, that it was egotistical of her to believe the magnitude of her role in the events of the past year but unfortunately, that part of her brain was being dominated by the part which was linked to her heart. The part which, in a moment of self-revelation, had worked out that she really didn’t want, hadn’t wanted, Olivia to die.
Yes, she had felt anger at this woman, continued to feel it as she had come to understand her but it had been tempered by that understanding. The knowledge that she, in some way, had gotten past the defences that Olivia Spencer had built and become her confidant, her friend.
Olivia had continued to surprise her, when she thought the woman could stoop no lower, she had even had the gall to ask for her wedding ring. Her wedding ring!
“Congratulations. You got the ring, the dress, the guy. It only cost me my life. I hope it was worth it.”
Looking back on it, the dress had come off, Olivia had, in a tragic fashion, gotten the guy and then she had asked for the ring as well. Still it didn’t seem to be enough.
But she’d surprised her again by returning the ring. There were other things, other moments when Natalia saw a different side to Olivia the rest of the world weren’t privy to see.
For this moment though, she was horrified to see through the window of Olivia’s mind and revisit her least finest hour. Did Olivia still harbour resentment towards her? Buried deep but there, beneath the surface of their every day existence, was Olivia secretly despising the younger woman, plotting some form of revenge while reaping the benefits of Natalia’s sweet, caring nature?
Natalia shook her head. She didn’t believe so. Not now, maybe not ever. She’d seen the many faces of Olivia, wallowing in guilt, depression, apathetic, motivated, driven, charming, winsome, flirty, determined, challenging, angry, defiant, rumpled, sharp, exhausted, drunk, scared and funny. The list could go on.
For this moment though, glancing over at the woman on the bed looking intently at her with a thoughtful expression, Natalia felt such a wave of compassion, of connectedness...of love, she was truly shamed of her past actions.
Olivia had turned to reach for the remnants of her water bottle. Pleased to have an excuse to leave the room, Natalia had to stop herself from running to the kitchen, calling over her shoulder, “I’ll get another bottle.” All before Olivia had a chance to speak.
***
Olivia had reclined onto the bed, luxuriating on the clean, cool linen and pondering what exactly had happened that had changed the entire atmosphere of the room. Maybe I’m delusional or something, she smirked to herself.
Something about that statement though had her thinking and looking over at the Latina woman, who had kept her distance from her since her return to bed. Whatever was going through the younger woman’s mind had taken the dimples away.
Olivia was saddened by this.
She knew Natalia had to be exhausted, god knows she was but why had Natalia been crying? What exactly had happened and why did she feel so responsible for it?
Try as she might, she could not get her jumbled brain to deliver up the relevant information. So she continued to watch her friend, uncaring if she was staring, for any hint, any sign of what was wrong. Whatever it was, Olivia wanted to fix it. That’s one of the things she was good at wasn’t it? Fixing things? Or had she gotten that wrong, wasn’t she the one who usually messed things up? The woman who managed to ruin most of the good things she had, whose timing always sucked?
Olivia, who never caught a break, always came in second.
Fearing a fall into self-pity and not really having the energy to do that at the moment, Olivia turned from the object of her contemplation and reached for the practically empty water bottle. Before she’d even lifted it off the table, Natalia was bolting out of the room advising she was getting another.
Olivia waited.
***
Now that she had reached the kitchen and retrieved another bottle from the fridge, Natalia felt awkward about returning to the other room. Momentarily, she sagged against the fridge door and tried to stem the recent flow of tears. Try as she might, she could not shake the image of Olivia sneering at her and venomously attacking her with her words.
Time to get a grip Natalia. She offered up a silent prayer and reluctantly made her way back to her patient.
Olivia looked up at her as she walked in and Natalia found herself looking away again.
“I brought you some more water.”
“So I see,” Olivia said coolly.
Natalia moved around the bed to put it in reach for Olivia.
“You really need to drink as much as you can, replenish your fluids”
Olivia raised an eyebrow at the nervous delivery, “So I understand.”
“Umm...”
“Natalia?” Natalia looked up but avoided eye contact again, “What’s going on?”
“Huh?” This time she looked down at her hands.
“Hey, seriously. What’s going on here,” Olivia waved her hand between the two of them, “Did something happen? Did I say something?”
Natalia could hear the worry in Olivia’s voice.
“It’s nothing, really.”
“Why don’t I feel like this is nothing?”
An awkward silence.
“Why won’t you look at me?”
Natalia raised her head and locked eyes with Olivia immediately unnerved by the intensity of Olivia’s green gaze.
“You know, I’m really beat, I can’t believe that you haven’t had enough today and now,” she sighed trying to be diplomatic, “I really don’t have the energy for whatever this is so please? Forgive me for seeming a little uncaring or unsympathetic but I don’t have a lot of time here.”
“Stop saying that!” Natalia exploded.
Olivia jumped and looked shocked.
“Stop saying you’re running out of time.”
Olivia for her part looked confused and taken aback by the outburst and tension which was now pouring off the woman in front of her.
“Stop it! I know it was my fault, okay? I get it, truly I do but please, please stop saying that.”
Olivia really didn’t know what had come over the woman and began levering herself up again, hoping that maybe if she wasn’t laying in such a vulnerable position, it might help her take control of the situation again. As she sat forward, Natalia moved back.
Pausing in her action, Olivia was nonplussed at this current turn of events. Had Natalia actually stepped away from her? Head tilted in query, Olivia didn’t know what to do.
“Natalia, I...”
“No! No you...you have to,” her shoulders began to shake as the dam began to break against the wall of tears she had been building. Arm raised to stop Olivia’s approach, she backed away again, her other hand against her mouth to stop the sobs.
Sympathetic tears pooled in Olivia’s eyes as she looked at the other woman, pushing her away, actually pushing her away and Olivia was stuck between action and inaction.
Unable to stand the distressed, silent sobs no more, Olivia rose from the bed and cautiously approached.
“Natalia,” she tried to keep her voice steady, “I don’t understand...what?”
“You. You blamed me.”
“I blamed you? Natalia, what are you talking about?” Olivia was shaking her head, edging closer.
“Your heart,” eked out between sobs, “You blamed me,” Natalia hiccupped and pulled in juddering breaths.
“My heart?” Olivia was still trying to put the pieces together. Why was Natalia talking about her heart? What had brought that up now? “Natalia, did something happen? Have I said something that...”
“You blamed me and you were right. It was my fault, all of it. You were right, I was threatened, who wouldn’t be, you’re Olivia Spencer right? So I did something terrible, something I will always regret and there are no ways to apologise to you enough but you were right. I’m to blame, me!” and with that Natalia beat herself on her chest, emphasising her statement.
Olivia could only look on in horror.
TBC...