GL - A FEW DAYS AWAY - Chapter 15
TITLE: A Few Days Away
FANDOM: Guiding Light
PAIRING: Otalia
SUMMARY: Set mid-friendship, this is a hurt/comfort piece as I'm a hurt/comfort junkie. Olivia, Natalia and Emma decide to have a few days away...hopefully more interesting than the summary suggests. Please request before archiving.
RATING: PG for mild violence
Author's note: This is my first ever attempt at fanfic so I'm having to gather a lot of nerve to post it. With very deep thanks to my Canadian Buddy, Critic2000, who beta'd and prodded for this story to see a conclusion and provided insightful and useful comments throughout. I know most of Europe loves her for providing us with Otalia clips as soon as possible but to me, she's my very dear friend. (Course, the clips help ;o))
ADDITIONAL NOTE: Apologies if this isn't everyone's cup of tea but huge thanks again for those that are sticking with it, even if it's not going in the direction most probably hope or want it to go and it is certainly not my goal to scare anyone... but I have stated it's a hurt/comfort piece and it will remain in that vein throughout - you have been warned ;o)
Thank you for your continued interest, I know there is a lot of very good fic out there so I'm touched when you stop by to read mine :)
DISCLAIMERS: I do not own Guiding Light or any of the characters.
Chapter 15
Incapable of movement, frozen and still reeling from the veracity of the younger woman’s statement, Olivia frantically trying to decipher exactly what had happened in the last twenty minutes or so and how she could or should respond.
The room was thick with silence and tension and it was only as Natalia moved past her to exit the room, that time seemed to speed up again and Olivia became aware of how strangely, as the only occupant of the room, the room had seemed to get smaller, closing in on her.
Grabbing her jeans, she pulled them on, jammed her feet into her open laced trainers and pulled her shirt around her. Then in a fog, she stumbled out of the room, crossed the cabin seeking her own escape and exited, the door shutting behind her with a distinctive ‘snick’.
Once the cool night air hit her a remote part of her brain wished she had worn more adequate clothing. Her body was still leaking sweat from her fever and with the chill, she experienced goosebumps. Shivering slightly, she stood on the porch, leant against the support beam and played back Natalia’s words as if stuck on repeat mode.
“I’m to blame, me!” the dull thud of a fist impacting on Natalia’s chest.
Olivia flinched in memory.
Fists impacting on her chest, was that the sound it made? Is that what this is all about? My heart? Gus’ heart? Natalia the one to blame? Why...
Like a balloon popping, the moment of clarity was almost so intense, if the post hadn’t been there supporting her she was convinced she would have fallen down. She still thinks I blame her?
Unsure how she could possibly make this right, how this particular hatchet could be buried once and for all, her mind spun in wheels. She had done this; she had put that look of guilt and sadness upon Natalia’s face. It was her mind that had dredged up from the depths events best left forgotten. Was she still harbouring some resentment for those actions of so long ago? Hadn’t the woman proven herself to Olivia time and again with her stalwart presence and quick thinking? Hadn’t it been Natalia who had saved her face when she’d so nearly fallen flat on it in front of Decker?
Ultimately, hadn’t it been Natalia who had saved her life? Not once, not twice but three times? Allowing her to have Gus’ heart, refusing to give up on her and having the presence of mind to know where the defibrillator was kept when she collapsed outside of Company.
So why? Why had her mind seen fit to drag up something that so obviously hurt the woman who had done nothing but love?
Convinced that she had once again managed to irreparably damage something so vital, that she had come to rely upon and depend upon, Olivia allowed her grief to pour forth.
***
While Olivia just stood there, saying nothing, Natalia could feel the adrenaline surge through her body, her limbs trembling and her chest trying to diffuse the force of the blow she’d impacted upon herself. Catching her breath from the rant she’d thrown out and not receiving the contradiction or the absolution a large part of her craved, her only recourse was to escape.
She needed to get out, she needed to get out and hide away, give herself some time to gain some perspective, to calm down a bit and maybe seek solace and guidance through prayer.
As casually as she could she walked past the still unmoving Olivia and reached the bathroom. Standing at the sink she ran some water and scooped it up to splash over her tearstained face. Then she looked up and stared deep into the eyes looking back at her from the mirror. What she saw was shame.
Unable to maintain eye contact with herself any longer, she towelled her face and sat on the toilet lid, hands clasped together in an effort to focus her prayer. Contrite and pleading, she first looked down and then skyward, as if by will alone she could obtain the answers she sought.
Not going to help me out here huh? Natalia thought back to that devastating day when Gus died and Rick told her he was a match, that she could make a difference and had the power to give Olivia back her life. She remembered how robbed she had felt of all the days and moments she could have had with Gus but didn’t because he was with Olivia. How, because he had really cared for Olivia, loved her even, he was racing around to be there for her and ultimately had died.
Even after costing Olivia her first chance at a heart, it was too much, too much to ask of her to give her this second opportunity and Natalia shuddered in memory of her decision to say no. I was going to say no.
Disbelieving now that she could have made that choice she recalled how she had walked away from the room and came upon Emma, sweet darling Emma and her bouquet of flowers for her mommy. Natalia recalled the moment of epiphany as Emma offered her a flower and she knew with such startling clarity what she had to do, what all the signs, subtle and not so subtle, were pointing at.
Yes, she had made a mistake but...I made things right didn’t I?
When no heavenly voice called down to her, her heart clenched in abandonment. What do I do? Where do I go from here?
At that moment, a gentle ‘snick’ could be heard and curious; Natalia stood and peered around the bathroom door. Feeling emboldened when no further noise could be heard, Natalia forced herself to walk back to the bedroom and was surprised when it was empty. She checked the other rooms, no Olivia.
Worried now, Natalia moved to the main door and opened it.
Before her, silhouetted by the moonlight and leaning against one of the support struts, was Olivia’s dejected form. Entranced and afraid, Natalia waited and watched, knowing her presence had not yet been detected.
Olivia appeared to slump against the post and then look skyward in a way that seemed to mimic Natalia’s earlier actions. Then, over the blanketed night-time chorus, she heard a sniffle. A sniffle which seemed to grow in intensity and as Natalia made out Olivia’s shoulders shaking, the sniffle became a sob.
Unable to remain hidden any longer, moved once again by the intensity of emotion coming from the other woman, Natalia set aside any embarrassment she felt for her earlier actions, forgot any assignation of blame or guilt and moved towards Olivia like a moth to a flame.
***
Olivia was startled. She’d been so self-absorbed she hadn’t heard the door opening or noticed Natalia until the younger woman was practically in front of her. Caught by surprise, angry at the way she felt and not sure how to deal with any of it, she found their earlier positions reversed as this time she backed away.
One arm raised forward to ward Natalia away, the other holding onto the post, unaware how both objects in reach were lifelines and she was currently hanging onto the wrong one.
“Olivia,” a tentative voice, Natalia seemed to be hurt once again by her actions. Was there no end to this god-awful day?
“Please,” Olivia gulped through her tears, “Just go back inside...leave me,” she paused and wiped her eyes and face, “Please just leave me alone.”
Natalia stepped forward again.
Shaking her head, Olivia could feel her ire rising again, she didn’t want to hurt Natalia but apparently it was something she could do without even trying. Gathering up the nerve to just cut the cord, end this, whatever this was, Olivia spat, “I’m toxic! Please, you don’t need to be around that. Why don’t you run away, go back to...to...”
Natalia was still working her way towards her, unrelentingly. Arms reached for her and her grip on the post transferred to the very tangible lifeline before her. Running out of steam and reaching exhaustion, Olivia collapsed into the welcoming hug. Uncaring how tightly she was held, Olivia savoured the sensation.
***
Natalia would not be deterred.
She’d been through this before, she’d been pushed away. Now that she had regained some composure she could not allow this distance to remain any longer. She knew Olivia, she could see the lines of exhaustion in her face, the set of her shoulders, the fever still upon her as her skin seemed to shine in the moonlight and the tears running down her face.
She could feel the vitriol and venom as Olivia attempted to use words as well as gestures to keep her at arm’s length but this time, Natalia would not be deterred.
As resolute in her advance as Olivia had been only the previous day in her efforts to reach the cabin, Natalia caught Olivia in a full embrace, aware that the other woman had released her hold on the post and was virtually hanging on to her for dear life.
Relishing the hug, trying to communicate all of her concern, compassion and love into that one simple hold, Natalia was aware Olivia was barely able to remain standing. Shuffling towards the bench, she lowered her into a seated position and crouched down before her, hands reaching up to wipe away tears and stray strands of hair.
“Why?” Olivia seemed to collect herself again and shaking her head continued, “How can you...?”
Not letting her finish, Natalia broke in with, “Olivia Spencer, it’s late, I’m tired, you’re practically about to keel over and I for one cannot, will not let this continue.”
Olivia blinked.
“When will you realise you cannot push me away or scare me,” she smiled, head canted to one side like a dimpled puppy, “Well that’s not true, you often scare me but not in the way you think,” she corrected.
“You are an amazing person,” Natalia continued. Olivia began to shake her head again, tears continuing to fall, “You are, you just don’t recognise it.”
Olivia raised her hand and smiling, lightly caressed Natalia’s cheek, her eyes seemingly mesmerised by the woman before her. Overwhelmed, she leaned forward and kissed Natalia’s forehead and then leant their foreheads together.
“You know what else?”
Olivia wasn’t sure she really wanted to know, Natalia was right, it was late, she was about to keel over and she was still reeling from the absolute power of forgiveness and compassion the Latina woman seemed to have in abundance.
“No, what?” her curiosity won out.
“You’re also an idiot coming out here without a jacket on, look at you, you’re freezing,” it was a gentle telling off, delivered with a smile and a hand running up and down her arm. “Come on, let’s get you inside.”
Allowing herself to be assisted to her feet, they shuffled back into the cabin.
TBC...