Dreams are Forgotten or Misunderstood - Part Two
Part One
Art by insteadofdeath
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Eduardo shakes his head. "It's complicated."
Sean almost laughs, but stops himself. "Everything is." He stops and then looks like he's going to say something else, but Eduardo cuts him off.
"It turned out that … I mean. What Mark wanted and what I wanted, it wasn't the same thing, in the end. He wasn't …" And he can't finish that sentence, it hurts too much. It's the only thing about that whole part of his life that he can't make stop hurting.
"Eduardo?" There's concern in Sean's voice, but Eduardo can't look at him.
He stares out at the window. "I keep telling myself that I should've seen it coming. But I always thought I knew him, you know? But Mark, he wasn't the person I thought he was." Eduardo stops and then sighs, turning back toward Sean. "That's not the truth either. I always knew what kind of person Mark was and I was his friend, regardless. It's just …" He stops, staring at his hands, his dinner.
Sean's voice is quiet when he speaks. "It's just he wasn't the person you wanted him to be, in the end."
Eduardo looks up, startled. "Yeah."
Sean shrugs a bit, a smile playing across his lips. "People say that about him all the time."
"Doesn't it bother him?" Eduardo asks and then rolls his yes. "Of course it doesn't. Why should it?"
Sean smiles, properly. "There are things you just accept, being friends with Mark."
"Yeah." And for a moment Eduardo's lost in memories of college.
He remembers eating dinner with Chris, Dustin and Mark. He remembers them all hanging out in Mark's room. He remembers the shitty frat parties and how things changed between them as Facebook grew, as Eduardo joined the Phoenix Club. But he remembers that, through it all, Mark was always there. Wanting him for something, needing him. Eduardo liked that, he wanted Mark to succeed. He wanted Facebook to work and he liked being part of something so big. He also remembers, when he was all but fired from Facebook, thinking that if he'd known this would happen, he never would've gotten involved. But now, these few years later, he knows better. He would've done everything the same, even if he knew he'd be fucked over in the end.
"Eduardo?" Sean's voice interrupts his thoughts.
"Sorry, I was just … Remembering something." He manages.
Sean just nods, not pressing, and Eduardo's grateful. If Sean asked, Eduardo would have to explain that he'd allow himself to get fucked over by Mark, every time. And Eduardo doesn't think he knows how to explain it without sounding like some sort of lovesick puppy, which he knows he's not -- he wasn't then and he certainly isn't now. There was just something about Mark, something he couldn't resist.
He feels Sean's hand on his own, their fingers twisted together, and he pushes all thoughts of college away. He curls his hand around Sean's and they spend a few minutes like that. Eduardo staring at Sean's hand and Sean watching Eduardo. Eventually Eduardo pulls his hand free and begins to clean up. Sean helps and they box the food up and do the dishes in silence, the only sound the water from the faucet and the rain.
When the dishes are dry, Eduardo hangs up his dishtowel and turns to Sean. They don't say anything, but Sean walks to him and presses his mouth against Eduardo's. He shifts, leaning into Sean as they kiss, letting his arms slide around him, pulling him closer. Eduardo's back against the counter, the edge digging into his side, but he doesn't care. Sean's knee between Eduardo's legs, pressing and Eduardo knows it won't take much to get him hard. He bites at Sean's mouth, dragging his fingers along his back, secretly happy that neither of them have shirts on. Sean kisses his way along Eduardo's jaw, down his throat toward his neck. Eduardo shivers, pushing his fingers into Sean's hair and for the briefest of moments, he misses the longer hair Sean used to have. But not for long, because Sean's biting at collarbone, making Eduardo moan.
Sean pulls back, a sheepish grin on his face and Eduardo can't help laughing. "Sorry." Sean mumbles. "Can't help myself."
Eduardo shakes his head. "S'all right." He replies, dropping his hands to Sean's sides, where the pajama pants have dropped low. He rubs his thumbs against Sean's hips. "We could shower." He says, almost without thinking.
Sean's eyes light up, making Eduardo laugh again. Sean kisses him, all dirty and hot. "I'd like that." He whispers against Eduardo's mouth.
Eduardo tugs Sean toward the bathroom, shutting off lights as they walk from the kitchen, through the living room and down the short hall. He flips the light on in the bathroom, turning to see Sean's shoving off his pajama pants. Eduardo does the same, then leans in, turning the water on. He feels Sean pressing up against his ass and he shudders a little. He feels Sean's mouth against his back, biting at the back of his neck. When the water's hot enough, he steps in and Sean follows. Eduardo pulls the door shut and steps under the spray, Sean joins him, their bodies pressed close together.
The water is hot and Eduardo leans back, against Sean. His head rests on Sean's shoulder and he lets his eyes close. He feels Sean's head settled against his and he feels content, almost relaxed, which is a nice, though almost startling, change. He doesn't expect it to last, doesn't need it to. And then it doesn't, because he feels Sean move. His arms wrap around Eduardo's shoulders, his chest. Eduardo turns his head, kissing Sean hard on the mouth through the spray of the shower. One of Sean's hands slides down, over Eduardo's chest, then down further, fingers around his cock.
Eduardo moans softly into Sean's mouth, bucking slightly against his hands. He feels Sean growing hard against his ass, but he doesn't do anything, but Sean's fingers are moving against his own cock. Stroking, slow and languid, making Eduardo's knees turn to water. Eduardo shivers, thrusting against Sean's hand. Sean's fingers move around his cock, thumbing the tip, then down, full handed thrusts and Eduardo finds he's far too close already, though he doesn't ache. Sean's mouth against his, kissing him hard, then against his jaw, his neck, along the back of his shoulders. Eduardo's gasping for air, barely able to stand, save for Sean's arm holding him up, strong across the chest.
It doesn't take much, Sean biting his shoulder hard, and Eduardo comes with a small sound. He's breathing hard, feeling almost spent. But he manages to turn in Sean's arms, which hold him up and close. He presses his mouth against Sean's, kissing him roughly. It takes him a moment, then two, to gather his strength back, but then he slides his hand between their bodies, curling around Sean's cock. He strokes once, twice, as they kiss, and then he pulls back. Sean makes a frustrated noise and Eduardo can't help the quiet laugh. Then he sinks to his knees, head tipped up to look at Sean. There's something on Sean's face that makes Eduardo shudder. Sean's fingers against Eduardo's face as he rubs his thumbs along Sean's hips again. His hands pressing against wet skin, then he slides one around Sean's cock. Sean shifts back, leaning against the wall and Eduardo goes with him. He strokes Sean's cock roughly, making him moan, louder than the shower.
Sean's fingers in his hair, just holding on and Eduardo likes this. He didn't think he would, he hadn't the last time he'd given head. But it's Sean and Eduardo trusts him, maybe he shouldn't, maybe he should make Sean wear a condom, but he doesn't care. At least not now. He leans his head in, mouth around Sean's cock and he's rewarded with another moan. He works his way down, sucking at the tip and then opening his mouth as far as he can. He's not a good swallower, but he knows how to use his tongue. Sean tries to keep from thrusting into Eduardo's mouth, making them both shudder a little. Eduardo lifts both hands to Sean's hips, pressing them against the wall. He leaves one hand there, the other he slides down, gently rubbing at Sean's balls, then curling his fingers around the base of Sean's cock when he feels how close he is.
Eduardo lifts his gaze, looking up. Sean's eyes meet his, holding the look and then they flutter when Eduardo licks the length of Sean's cock. He's close, Eduardo thinks, and works faster. His mouth opening as far as he can, taking Sean in as much as he can. Sean shudders and then comes, partly into Eduardo's mouth and partly onto his face. Sean sinks to his knees and they're both laughing, though Sean seems embarrassed. Eduardo shakes his head, leaning in and kissing him. Sean licks the come from Eduardo's face and then they're kissing against. Softer, almost gently.
They stand, slowly, Eduardo's knees aching a little, but Sean's arms are there, around him and, offhandedly, Eduardo thinks that Sean's fiancé is a lucky woman. They stay in the shower for a long time, though the water's still hot when they get out. The bathroom is fogged up, but Eduardo doesn't care. He grabs two towels, drying himself off while watching Sean do the same. He expects Sean to reach for the pajama pants, discarded on the floor, but he doesn't. Instead he takes Eduardo's hand.
"Show me your bedroom." He says, his voice cutting into the silence.
Eduardo nods, kicking their discarded pants aside and turning off the bathroom light. He guides them down the darkened hallway toward his bedroom. The bed's big, just the way he likes it. He doesn't turn the light on, but he doesn't have to. Sean crawls into the bed and Eduardo follows. He feels Sean stretching out under the covers, but he doesn't expect for Sean to pull him close, but he does.
He shifts, resting his head against Sean's shoulder. Sean's hand along Eduardo's shoulder. The rain pounds harder and Eduardo knows the storm'll hit shortly. And then it does. Though the blinds in his bedroom are closed, the lightening is clearly visible. Sean jerks a bit, startled, and Eduardo wraps his arms around Sean. They're both too old to be scared of thunderstorms, but Eduardo understands that it's not really about the storm. He nuzzles Sean, then they curl around each other. Underneath the sound of the storm, Eduardo can hear Sean's heart beating.
There's a lull, when it's just rain and distant rumbles of thunder. Eduardo pulls back a little and he can feel, if not see, Sean looking at him. He takes a breath and thinks there's no time like the present, to ask the question that's really been bothering. He feels Sean shifting, resting against Eduardo. Now, Eduardo tells himself.
"Does Alex know you're here?" His voice seems sharp in the darkness and he almost wishes he could turn on a light.
Sean shifts again and when he speaks, his voice is soft and close. "She does."
"Does she … I mean, does she know about this?" Eduardo has trouble getting the words out.
Sean doesn't answer right away and in a flash of lighting, Eduardo can see that he's thinking, not hesitating. "She knows this was something I had to do, before. Before our forever."
Eduardo waits for the ache in his heart, the sign that will tell him it hurts, to hear this. But it's not there. Instead he finds himself smiling, reaching for Sean. "I'd hate to destroy your marriage before it even happened."
Sean laughs, Eduardo can both hear and feel it. "Alex has been through a lot with me. She knows there are things, in my past, that I needed to work out." He pauses and then smiles against Eduardo's shoulder. "You'd like her, I think."
"Maybe someday you'll come visit, again." Eduardo's voice is firm and there's no strain and he's surprised that he doesn't feel anything but good and maybe comfortable.
Sean nods, almost absently and then yawns. Eduardo pulls him close. He's never been into cuddling, at least not like this, but Sean's solid, comfortable. He won't run in the morning, even if he has to leave, and that makes Eduardo content, in a sleepy sort of way. So he doesn't fight it, when Sean curls closer or when he feels Sean's breathing evening off into sleep. He lets his eyes close and though he knows tomorrow will bring an end to this, he doesn't care. Instead, he lets Sean's breathing lull him into sleep.
The sun streams through the slats of the blinds when Eduardo wakes up. For a moment he wonders what the fuck happened, but then he feels a body next to him, remembers that it's Sean, and he can't keep the smile off his face. He turns, notices Sean's awake and watching him. He almost blushes, feeling himself start to flush. Sean shifts, leaning in and kissing him. He returns the kiss, morning breath be damned. He feels Sean start to climb on top of him then stop. Sean doesn't say anything, just slips out of bed and disappears out into the hall. Before Eduardo's had time to process what happened, Sean's back. He drops a condom and the bottle of lube onto the night stand, making Eduardo smile. Then he crawls back into bed. Eduardo shifts, rolling onto his side and then kisses Sean fiercely. If this is goodbye, and Eduardo knows it is, then he wants to do this right. He crawls on top of Sean without breaking the kiss. He can feel Sean arching up, pressing against him.
Eduardo's never been one for one night stands, but this is something else entirely. Sean kisses him hungrily, hands roaming along his back, down against Eduardo's ass, then back up again. Eduardo grinds down, his cock pressing against Sean's. He wants to fuck Sean, he will fuck him. But not quite yet. Instead they make out, sliding against each other, pressing and hold, kissing. It's almost like they're teenagers, but Eduardo likes it and based on the sounds coming from him, so does Sean. And then Sean's almost begging, please, Eduardo he whispers, over and over and Eduardo gives in, too quickly but he doesn't, refuses to, care.
He reaches for the lube, pushing the covers back as he settles between Sean's legs. He slicks his fingers, pressing one into Sean, then two. He glances up at Sean, making sure it's okay, and judging by the look on Sean's face, it's more than okay. He doesn't need to know if this is the first time, but he can so clearly tell that it's not. It makes him relax, even more. He twists two fingers, then three, inside Sean. He leans forward, licking Sean's cock, making him almost writhe, which Eduardo finds almost disgustingly hot. He thrusts his fingers a bit faster, then pulls them out. Sean whimpers a little, blushing at the sound, which makes Eduardo smile and almost laugh. He reaches for the condom, sliding it over his cock and then covers his hands with more lube, stroking himself.
Sean watches him and it makes Eduardo blush, but then he's shifting. Sean's eyelids flutter and he spreads his legs, lifting his hips. Eduardo wants it like this, Sean on his back, Eduardo over him. It's not about power, it's about being able to see, to watch. He pushes against Sean's ass, pressing slowly and then thrusting in. Sean moans, barely audible and his head tips back. Eduardo speeds his thrusts up a bit, leaning forward as he does. Sean surges up, a bit, to meet him. They kiss, Sean's hands digging into Eduardo's shoulders. The kiss is hard, hot, intense. It gets deeper the harder Eduardo thrusts and he doesn't ever want to stop. Sean moans under him, breathing gone ragged, and Eduardo only just remembers to slip a hand between them.
His fingers around Sean's cock, stroking almost in time with his thrusts. They find a rhythm, steady and unhurried, but at the same time Eduardo can't help feeling like he doesn't want this to end. It's goodbye and there's a bittersweet taste to it. But every time Sean moans, that feeling's pushed further and further away. He moves his hips faster, Sean squeezing around him. He bites at Sean's mouth, kissing him as rough and hard as his hand moves around Sean's cock. And then Sean's coming, over both of them. Eduardo's close, Sean's kissing him now, Eduardo breathing hard and then he comes.
Sean's arms around him, Eduardo slumping down, face pressed in Sean's neck. It's nothing like Eduardo thought it would be like and it's better, so much better. He doesn't pull out right away and Sean doesn't move, doesn't push him away. They lay like that, pressing together, sticky and sweat-slick. And then Eduardo moves, kissing Sean, then pulling out. He peels the condom off, dropping it into the trashcan next to his bed. He sits on the edge, staring at the wall. He feels Sean move, feels him sit up, then sit next to him, then lean on his shoulder. They don't talk, but Sean does slip his hand into Eduardo's.
Eduardo turns his head, planting a kiss on Sean's forehead. "We should clean ourselves up." He says softly.
Sean nods, seemingly unwilling to move, but he does. They clean up in silence. A trip to the bathroom, using the washcloth again. Eduardo tries not to look at Sean in the mirror and all Sean does is watch him. It's not awkward, it's not sad, not really. But it's something that Eduardo can't quite figure out. It makes him ache, just a tiny bit. Eduardo turns and then finds Sean right there, kissing him. He wraps his arms around Sean and they kiss for a moment, then two, until Sean pulls back.
"I should get dressed," he says quietly.
Eduardo nods and watches Sean's back as he walks to the living room, where his clothes are. After a moment, Eduardo turns away and walks to his bedroom. He dresses as well. When he returns to the living room, he doesn't see Sean. He can hear him, though, in the kitchen. He doesn't go in, instead he gathers up his dirty clothes, and then the pajama pants from the bathroom floor, and deposits them into the hamper in his bedroom. Then, after a moment of telling himself to stop being stupid, he walks to the kitchen.
Sean's dressed, wearing his jeans, shirt and tie, standing at the stove, cooking breakfast. Eduardo can't help laughing. Sean looks up and there's a smile on his face.
"I wanted to do something for you." Sean says.
Eduardo looks at him, surprised. "You already have."
"I mean, something that wasn't about sex." He replies, holding Eduardo's gaze.
After a moment Eduardo nods and crosses the room, sitting at the breakfast nook's table. "All right," he finally says.
They're both quiet, Eduardo stares out the window, at the bright sunny morning. He listens to the sounds of eggs cooking. When Sean speaks, it startles him.
"I could stay," he says, so softly that Eduardo thinks he imagined it. But when he turns, Sean's looking at him. "My ticket's open ended."
"But?" Eduardo says, just as quietly.
Sean shakes his head. "There's no but."
"You shouldn't." Eduardo says, though he wishes he could tell Sean to stay. He likes what they did, what they have, the way they don't have to explain everything, all their secrets.
"I know." There's something in Sean's voice that Eduardo can't put a name to.
Which is when he realizes that this was a chance for him to fuck things up. He could've told Sean to stay. He could've begged and pleaded and Sean could've stayed. Maybe he'd call off the wedding, they could live happily ever after in Singapore. But Eduardo doesn't, he wouldn't and he won't. Eduardo's many things, but stupid's never been one of them. Blind to the obvious, maybe, but not stupid. And he knows that what Alex and Sean have is a good thing and he won't destroy it.
"You should go back." To her, he doesn't say, because he doesn't need to. Their lives will go on, but he'll never have to wonder what it could've been like, with Sean, because now they know. And he finds he's weirdly okay with that. He has a meeting this afternoon, around four. A dinner thing and then tomorrow Rachel's coming back and they have plans for dinner and a show. His life is here, Sean's life is back in the United States.
"I will," Sean says, breaking into Eduardo's thoughts.
Eduardo looks up and sees there's a smile on Sean's face. And he thinks, maybe part of Sean wanted him to ask him to stay, but most of him loves Alex, as he should. Which is why Sean came here and when Eduardo should feel used, because he was, he can't. He feels happy, he feels relieved, of all things. It could work, he thinks as Sean serves them breakfast. It might have worked, but it doesn't have to and he doesn't need to know if it really would work. They had this time together, and because of that, everything seems to be okay now.
Maybe it shouldn't be that easy, but Eduardo finds he doesn't care. They eat toast and eggs in silence, but it's not awkward or tense, it's just two friends, eating together. For a brief moment Eduardo expects Sean to reach across the table and grab his hand, like at dinner last night, but it doesn't happen and again he feels relieved.
After they finish, he carries the dishes over to the sink. He turns the water on, squeezing soap into the sink and vows he'll start using his kitchen more. He glances over at Sean, who's waiting with the towel. He washes, Sean dries, all in silence. Again, it's companionable and Eduardo thinks that it's not fair they couldn't be like this, six or seven years ago. Why couldn't everything have been different. He frowns, staring at the soapy water before handing over the last pan to be dried.
"Eduardo?" Sean's voice cuts through his thoughts.
He turns, emptying the sink as he does. "Yeah?"
"You okay?" Sean's voice is full of concern.
"I …" Eduardo stops, taking the towel from Sean to dry his hands. "I was just thinking, why did it take so long."
Sean frowns, leaning back against the opposite counter. "Us fucking or something else?"
Eduardo almost smiles, but shakes his head. "No, not that. The rest of … why couldn't --" He stops himself, because he realizes he already knows the answer. "No, never mind."
"Eduardo."
Silence as Eduardo tries to explain it. "I don't know why I'm even thinking about this. Until you came here …" He trails off.
"I worried about that, honestly," Sean says, running a hand through his short hair.
"That you'd make me feel bad?"
Sean nods.
Eduardo laughs, finding that more amusing than he can adequately explain.
Sean gives him an odd look.
"It's just. You came here so we could fuck and you're worried about me feeling bad … about what? Facebook? Sex?" Eduardo arches an eyebrow at him.
Sean shrugs, looking a bit ashamed. "It's … Well, kind of. I knew, well, I hoped that we could at least talk. I never thought, well maybe a little, that we'd fuck but that wasn't … I mean, it wasn't the only thing." He stumbles over his words, looking a bit chagrined and Eduardo feels kind of bad, though he's not exactly upset.
"Sean, it's always going to be complicated. Facebook makes our lives complicated, we can't escape that. And you should, I mean, you were there, before any of us." He hangs the towel up and crosses to him, but doesn't touch.
"I expected you to be more upset, you know," Sean finally says after a long silence.
Eduardo chews on his bottom lip, thinking. "I did, too." He holds Sean's gaze. "But I'm oddly okay with this."
Sean looks at his feet, then back up to meet Eduardo's gaze. "No guilt?"
Eduardo shakes his head.
"Why not?" Sean asks, then looks at though he hadn't meant to actually say the words out loud.
"Because it's not … Why should I? And." He stops and reaches out, pressing his hand against Sean's chest, over his heart. "We were just finishing something we started a long time ago."
Sean lifts his hand up, covering Eduardo's, not letting him pull away, as if he'd wanted to. "Things could've gone differently."
"Yeah. The Winklevii could've been the ones who made Facebook, instead of us," he replies with a slight smirk.
Sean laughs, "that's not what I meant, but yeah."
"I know." Eduardo turns his hand over, curling his fingers around Sean's. "We could've slept together, that night in Mark's bedroom, but we didn't."
"And then you left."
"I couldn't stay."
Sean grows quiet and then nods. "I understand that, especially now."
Eduardo steps in closer, but doesn't lean in, doesn't kiss him, though he wants to. "I couldn't give Mark what he needed." Eduardo's voice is low, almost a whisper.
"And I could?" Sean replies, questioning.
"You did."
Sean leans in, bridging the short distance between them and kisses Eduardo hard. "You don't regret any of it?"
Eduardo returns the kiss, biting at Sean's mouth before answering. His lips move against Sean's as he speaks. "Not a second of it." And as soon as he says it, he knows it's the truth.
Maybe he should regret leaving, or the way it ended. Maybe he should feel bad that he took his best friend to court, that he sued Mark. But he can't. He can't regret any of it because he doesn't know what his life would've been like otherwise. He doesn't want to know. It's not about the money, it's never been about the money. It's not even about this moment, about Sean or Facebook. He kisses Sean harder, pressing their bodies together, and then pulls back, leaving them both breathing hard.
"I refuse to regret any of it," Eduardo says softly.
Sean watches, but says nothing.
"If I did, then I'd just spend all my time feeling sorry for myself. I don't want to do that."
Sean tilts his head, obviously thinking, and then he smiles. "You're too good for that."
Eduardo smiles, then laughs. "At least someone thinks so." His laughter is contagious and Sean laughs along with him and for another moment everything is absolutely perfect.
Then Sean's phone rings, interrupting their laughter. Sean looks at the ID and answers. "Hello? Yeah." He pauses, listening and he gently pushes away from Eduardo. "I'm leaving soon. Yeah." He glances at Eduardo as he talks. "I'll see you … Yeah. Of course." A long pause, and then. "I love you, too."
"Alex?" Eduardo asks when Sean hangs up.
He nods. "She wanted to know when I'm coming home."
Eduardo waits for something inside him to break or crack, maybe, but there's nothing. "Do you need me to call you a car?"
Sean shakes his head. "They can do it downstairs, yeah?"
Eduardo nods.
Sean takes a breath and then steps in. He presses his mouth against Eduardo's and kisses him. This, Eduardo thinks, this is really goodbye. He closes his eyes, his hand against the back of Sean's neck. It's goodbye and thank you and we'll never do this again, but we had this one day and it was enough. The kiss deepens and then Eduardo pulls back. He won't make Sean be the one breaking it off, not this last time.
"I'll see you around," Sean says.
Eduardo nods. "I expect an invitation to the wedding." He's only half joking and he knows Sean can tell.
"We'll see if you and Mark can stand to be in the same room at the same time," Sean replies and they both laugh, but it's a little tense.
Goodbyes, Eduardo thinks, are always hard. Even when you don't love the other person. Or love them anymore than you should. He doesn't leave the kitchen, just leans against the counter, listening to Sean packing up his backpack. After a moment he does walk out to the living room. Sean's by the door, hand on the knob. He turns, looking at Eduardo.
"Thank you," Sean says softly, "for everything."
Eduardo smiles, feels it everywhere when Sean smiles back. "You're welcome."
And then Sean's twisting the knob, glancing over his shoulder as he leaves. Eduardo locks the door behind him, resting his head against the door. There, he thinks, there's that twist, that knot in his chest. But then his phone rings, he glances at the caller ID. It's Rachel, back early from her trip. He answers and it's almost as if Sean was never there at all.
Art by insteadofdeath
---
Eduardo shakes his head. "It's complicated."
Sean almost laughs, but stops himself. "Everything is." He stops and then looks like he's going to say something else, but Eduardo cuts him off.
"It turned out that … I mean. What Mark wanted and what I wanted, it wasn't the same thing, in the end. He wasn't …" And he can't finish that sentence, it hurts too much. It's the only thing about that whole part of his life that he can't make stop hurting.
"Eduardo?" There's concern in Sean's voice, but Eduardo can't look at him.
He stares out at the window. "I keep telling myself that I should've seen it coming. But I always thought I knew him, you know? But Mark, he wasn't the person I thought he was." Eduardo stops and then sighs, turning back toward Sean. "That's not the truth either. I always knew what kind of person Mark was and I was his friend, regardless. It's just …" He stops, staring at his hands, his dinner.
Sean's voice is quiet when he speaks. "It's just he wasn't the person you wanted him to be, in the end."
Eduardo looks up, startled. "Yeah."
Sean shrugs a bit, a smile playing across his lips. "People say that about him all the time."
"Doesn't it bother him?" Eduardo asks and then rolls his yes. "Of course it doesn't. Why should it?"
Sean smiles, properly. "There are things you just accept, being friends with Mark."
"Yeah." And for a moment Eduardo's lost in memories of college.
He remembers eating dinner with Chris, Dustin and Mark. He remembers them all hanging out in Mark's room. He remembers the shitty frat parties and how things changed between them as Facebook grew, as Eduardo joined the Phoenix Club. But he remembers that, through it all, Mark was always there. Wanting him for something, needing him. Eduardo liked that, he wanted Mark to succeed. He wanted Facebook to work and he liked being part of something so big. He also remembers, when he was all but fired from Facebook, thinking that if he'd known this would happen, he never would've gotten involved. But now, these few years later, he knows better. He would've done everything the same, even if he knew he'd be fucked over in the end.
"Eduardo?" Sean's voice interrupts his thoughts.
"Sorry, I was just … Remembering something." He manages.
Sean just nods, not pressing, and Eduardo's grateful. If Sean asked, Eduardo would have to explain that he'd allow himself to get fucked over by Mark, every time. And Eduardo doesn't think he knows how to explain it without sounding like some sort of lovesick puppy, which he knows he's not -- he wasn't then and he certainly isn't now. There was just something about Mark, something he couldn't resist.
He feels Sean's hand on his own, their fingers twisted together, and he pushes all thoughts of college away. He curls his hand around Sean's and they spend a few minutes like that. Eduardo staring at Sean's hand and Sean watching Eduardo. Eventually Eduardo pulls his hand free and begins to clean up. Sean helps and they box the food up and do the dishes in silence, the only sound the water from the faucet and the rain.
When the dishes are dry, Eduardo hangs up his dishtowel and turns to Sean. They don't say anything, but Sean walks to him and presses his mouth against Eduardo's. He shifts, leaning into Sean as they kiss, letting his arms slide around him, pulling him closer. Eduardo's back against the counter, the edge digging into his side, but he doesn't care. Sean's knee between Eduardo's legs, pressing and Eduardo knows it won't take much to get him hard. He bites at Sean's mouth, dragging his fingers along his back, secretly happy that neither of them have shirts on. Sean kisses his way along Eduardo's jaw, down his throat toward his neck. Eduardo shivers, pushing his fingers into Sean's hair and for the briefest of moments, he misses the longer hair Sean used to have. But not for long, because Sean's biting at collarbone, making Eduardo moan.
Sean pulls back, a sheepish grin on his face and Eduardo can't help laughing. "Sorry." Sean mumbles. "Can't help myself."
Eduardo shakes his head. "S'all right." He replies, dropping his hands to Sean's sides, where the pajama pants have dropped low. He rubs his thumbs against Sean's hips. "We could shower." He says, almost without thinking.
Sean's eyes light up, making Eduardo laugh again. Sean kisses him, all dirty and hot. "I'd like that." He whispers against Eduardo's mouth.
Eduardo tugs Sean toward the bathroom, shutting off lights as they walk from the kitchen, through the living room and down the short hall. He flips the light on in the bathroom, turning to see Sean's shoving off his pajama pants. Eduardo does the same, then leans in, turning the water on. He feels Sean pressing up against his ass and he shudders a little. He feels Sean's mouth against his back, biting at the back of his neck. When the water's hot enough, he steps in and Sean follows. Eduardo pulls the door shut and steps under the spray, Sean joins him, their bodies pressed close together.
The water is hot and Eduardo leans back, against Sean. His head rests on Sean's shoulder and he lets his eyes close. He feels Sean's head settled against his and he feels content, almost relaxed, which is a nice, though almost startling, change. He doesn't expect it to last, doesn't need it to. And then it doesn't, because he feels Sean move. His arms wrap around Eduardo's shoulders, his chest. Eduardo turns his head, kissing Sean hard on the mouth through the spray of the shower. One of Sean's hands slides down, over Eduardo's chest, then down further, fingers around his cock.
Eduardo moans softly into Sean's mouth, bucking slightly against his hands. He feels Sean growing hard against his ass, but he doesn't do anything, but Sean's fingers are moving against his own cock. Stroking, slow and languid, making Eduardo's knees turn to water. Eduardo shivers, thrusting against Sean's hand. Sean's fingers move around his cock, thumbing the tip, then down, full handed thrusts and Eduardo finds he's far too close already, though he doesn't ache. Sean's mouth against his, kissing him hard, then against his jaw, his neck, along the back of his shoulders. Eduardo's gasping for air, barely able to stand, save for Sean's arm holding him up, strong across the chest.
It doesn't take much, Sean biting his shoulder hard, and Eduardo comes with a small sound. He's breathing hard, feeling almost spent. But he manages to turn in Sean's arms, which hold him up and close. He presses his mouth against Sean's, kissing him roughly. It takes him a moment, then two, to gather his strength back, but then he slides his hand between their bodies, curling around Sean's cock. He strokes once, twice, as they kiss, and then he pulls back. Sean makes a frustrated noise and Eduardo can't help the quiet laugh. Then he sinks to his knees, head tipped up to look at Sean. There's something on Sean's face that makes Eduardo shudder. Sean's fingers against Eduardo's face as he rubs his thumbs along Sean's hips again. His hands pressing against wet skin, then he slides one around Sean's cock. Sean shifts back, leaning against the wall and Eduardo goes with him. He strokes Sean's cock roughly, making him moan, louder than the shower.
Sean's fingers in his hair, just holding on and Eduardo likes this. He didn't think he would, he hadn't the last time he'd given head. But it's Sean and Eduardo trusts him, maybe he shouldn't, maybe he should make Sean wear a condom, but he doesn't care. At least not now. He leans his head in, mouth around Sean's cock and he's rewarded with another moan. He works his way down, sucking at the tip and then opening his mouth as far as he can. He's not a good swallower, but he knows how to use his tongue. Sean tries to keep from thrusting into Eduardo's mouth, making them both shudder a little. Eduardo lifts both hands to Sean's hips, pressing them against the wall. He leaves one hand there, the other he slides down, gently rubbing at Sean's balls, then curling his fingers around the base of Sean's cock when he feels how close he is.
Eduardo lifts his gaze, looking up. Sean's eyes meet his, holding the look and then they flutter when Eduardo licks the length of Sean's cock. He's close, Eduardo thinks, and works faster. His mouth opening as far as he can, taking Sean in as much as he can. Sean shudders and then comes, partly into Eduardo's mouth and partly onto his face. Sean sinks to his knees and they're both laughing, though Sean seems embarrassed. Eduardo shakes his head, leaning in and kissing him. Sean licks the come from Eduardo's face and then they're kissing against. Softer, almost gently.
They stand, slowly, Eduardo's knees aching a little, but Sean's arms are there, around him and, offhandedly, Eduardo thinks that Sean's fiancé is a lucky woman. They stay in the shower for a long time, though the water's still hot when they get out. The bathroom is fogged up, but Eduardo doesn't care. He grabs two towels, drying himself off while watching Sean do the same. He expects Sean to reach for the pajama pants, discarded on the floor, but he doesn't. Instead he takes Eduardo's hand.
"Show me your bedroom." He says, his voice cutting into the silence.
Eduardo nods, kicking their discarded pants aside and turning off the bathroom light. He guides them down the darkened hallway toward his bedroom. The bed's big, just the way he likes it. He doesn't turn the light on, but he doesn't have to. Sean crawls into the bed and Eduardo follows. He feels Sean stretching out under the covers, but he doesn't expect for Sean to pull him close, but he does.
He shifts, resting his head against Sean's shoulder. Sean's hand along Eduardo's shoulder. The rain pounds harder and Eduardo knows the storm'll hit shortly. And then it does. Though the blinds in his bedroom are closed, the lightening is clearly visible. Sean jerks a bit, startled, and Eduardo wraps his arms around Sean. They're both too old to be scared of thunderstorms, but Eduardo understands that it's not really about the storm. He nuzzles Sean, then they curl around each other. Underneath the sound of the storm, Eduardo can hear Sean's heart beating.
There's a lull, when it's just rain and distant rumbles of thunder. Eduardo pulls back a little and he can feel, if not see, Sean looking at him. He takes a breath and thinks there's no time like the present, to ask the question that's really been bothering. He feels Sean shifting, resting against Eduardo. Now, Eduardo tells himself.
"Does Alex know you're here?" His voice seems sharp in the darkness and he almost wishes he could turn on a light.
Sean shifts again and when he speaks, his voice is soft and close. "She does."
"Does she … I mean, does she know about this?" Eduardo has trouble getting the words out.
Sean doesn't answer right away and in a flash of lighting, Eduardo can see that he's thinking, not hesitating. "She knows this was something I had to do, before. Before our forever."
Eduardo waits for the ache in his heart, the sign that will tell him it hurts, to hear this. But it's not there. Instead he finds himself smiling, reaching for Sean. "I'd hate to destroy your marriage before it even happened."
Sean laughs, Eduardo can both hear and feel it. "Alex has been through a lot with me. She knows there are things, in my past, that I needed to work out." He pauses and then smiles against Eduardo's shoulder. "You'd like her, I think."
"Maybe someday you'll come visit, again." Eduardo's voice is firm and there's no strain and he's surprised that he doesn't feel anything but good and maybe comfortable.
Sean nods, almost absently and then yawns. Eduardo pulls him close. He's never been into cuddling, at least not like this, but Sean's solid, comfortable. He won't run in the morning, even if he has to leave, and that makes Eduardo content, in a sleepy sort of way. So he doesn't fight it, when Sean curls closer or when he feels Sean's breathing evening off into sleep. He lets his eyes close and though he knows tomorrow will bring an end to this, he doesn't care. Instead, he lets Sean's breathing lull him into sleep.
The sun streams through the slats of the blinds when Eduardo wakes up. For a moment he wonders what the fuck happened, but then he feels a body next to him, remembers that it's Sean, and he can't keep the smile off his face. He turns, notices Sean's awake and watching him. He almost blushes, feeling himself start to flush. Sean shifts, leaning in and kissing him. He returns the kiss, morning breath be damned. He feels Sean start to climb on top of him then stop. Sean doesn't say anything, just slips out of bed and disappears out into the hall. Before Eduardo's had time to process what happened, Sean's back. He drops a condom and the bottle of lube onto the night stand, making Eduardo smile. Then he crawls back into bed. Eduardo shifts, rolling onto his side and then kisses Sean fiercely. If this is goodbye, and Eduardo knows it is, then he wants to do this right. He crawls on top of Sean without breaking the kiss. He can feel Sean arching up, pressing against him.
Eduardo's never been one for one night stands, but this is something else entirely. Sean kisses him hungrily, hands roaming along his back, down against Eduardo's ass, then back up again. Eduardo grinds down, his cock pressing against Sean's. He wants to fuck Sean, he will fuck him. But not quite yet. Instead they make out, sliding against each other, pressing and hold, kissing. It's almost like they're teenagers, but Eduardo likes it and based on the sounds coming from him, so does Sean. And then Sean's almost begging, please, Eduardo he whispers, over and over and Eduardo gives in, too quickly but he doesn't, refuses to, care.
He reaches for the lube, pushing the covers back as he settles between Sean's legs. He slicks his fingers, pressing one into Sean, then two. He glances up at Sean, making sure it's okay, and judging by the look on Sean's face, it's more than okay. He doesn't need to know if this is the first time, but he can so clearly tell that it's not. It makes him relax, even more. He twists two fingers, then three, inside Sean. He leans forward, licking Sean's cock, making him almost writhe, which Eduardo finds almost disgustingly hot. He thrusts his fingers a bit faster, then pulls them out. Sean whimpers a little, blushing at the sound, which makes Eduardo smile and almost laugh. He reaches for the condom, sliding it over his cock and then covers his hands with more lube, stroking himself.
Sean watches him and it makes Eduardo blush, but then he's shifting. Sean's eyelids flutter and he spreads his legs, lifting his hips. Eduardo wants it like this, Sean on his back, Eduardo over him. It's not about power, it's about being able to see, to watch. He pushes against Sean's ass, pressing slowly and then thrusting in. Sean moans, barely audible and his head tips back. Eduardo speeds his thrusts up a bit, leaning forward as he does. Sean surges up, a bit, to meet him. They kiss, Sean's hands digging into Eduardo's shoulders. The kiss is hard, hot, intense. It gets deeper the harder Eduardo thrusts and he doesn't ever want to stop. Sean moans under him, breathing gone ragged, and Eduardo only just remembers to slip a hand between them.
His fingers around Sean's cock, stroking almost in time with his thrusts. They find a rhythm, steady and unhurried, but at the same time Eduardo can't help feeling like he doesn't want this to end. It's goodbye and there's a bittersweet taste to it. But every time Sean moans, that feeling's pushed further and further away. He moves his hips faster, Sean squeezing around him. He bites at Sean's mouth, kissing him as rough and hard as his hand moves around Sean's cock. And then Sean's coming, over both of them. Eduardo's close, Sean's kissing him now, Eduardo breathing hard and then he comes.
Sean's arms around him, Eduardo slumping down, face pressed in Sean's neck. It's nothing like Eduardo thought it would be like and it's better, so much better. He doesn't pull out right away and Sean doesn't move, doesn't push him away. They lay like that, pressing together, sticky and sweat-slick. And then Eduardo moves, kissing Sean, then pulling out. He peels the condom off, dropping it into the trashcan next to his bed. He sits on the edge, staring at the wall. He feels Sean move, feels him sit up, then sit next to him, then lean on his shoulder. They don't talk, but Sean does slip his hand into Eduardo's.
Eduardo turns his head, planting a kiss on Sean's forehead. "We should clean ourselves up." He says softly.
Sean nods, seemingly unwilling to move, but he does. They clean up in silence. A trip to the bathroom, using the washcloth again. Eduardo tries not to look at Sean in the mirror and all Sean does is watch him. It's not awkward, it's not sad, not really. But it's something that Eduardo can't quite figure out. It makes him ache, just a tiny bit. Eduardo turns and then finds Sean right there, kissing him. He wraps his arms around Sean and they kiss for a moment, then two, until Sean pulls back.
"I should get dressed," he says quietly.
Eduardo nods and watches Sean's back as he walks to the living room, where his clothes are. After a moment, Eduardo turns away and walks to his bedroom. He dresses as well. When he returns to the living room, he doesn't see Sean. He can hear him, though, in the kitchen. He doesn't go in, instead he gathers up his dirty clothes, and then the pajama pants from the bathroom floor, and deposits them into the hamper in his bedroom. Then, after a moment of telling himself to stop being stupid, he walks to the kitchen.
Sean's dressed, wearing his jeans, shirt and tie, standing at the stove, cooking breakfast. Eduardo can't help laughing. Sean looks up and there's a smile on his face.
"I wanted to do something for you." Sean says.
Eduardo looks at him, surprised. "You already have."
"I mean, something that wasn't about sex." He replies, holding Eduardo's gaze.
After a moment Eduardo nods and crosses the room, sitting at the breakfast nook's table. "All right," he finally says.
They're both quiet, Eduardo stares out the window, at the bright sunny morning. He listens to the sounds of eggs cooking. When Sean speaks, it startles him.
"I could stay," he says, so softly that Eduardo thinks he imagined it. But when he turns, Sean's looking at him. "My ticket's open ended."
"But?" Eduardo says, just as quietly.
Sean shakes his head. "There's no but."
"You shouldn't." Eduardo says, though he wishes he could tell Sean to stay. He likes what they did, what they have, the way they don't have to explain everything, all their secrets.
"I know." There's something in Sean's voice that Eduardo can't put a name to.
Which is when he realizes that this was a chance for him to fuck things up. He could've told Sean to stay. He could've begged and pleaded and Sean could've stayed. Maybe he'd call off the wedding, they could live happily ever after in Singapore. But Eduardo doesn't, he wouldn't and he won't. Eduardo's many things, but stupid's never been one of them. Blind to the obvious, maybe, but not stupid. And he knows that what Alex and Sean have is a good thing and he won't destroy it.
"You should go back." To her, he doesn't say, because he doesn't need to. Their lives will go on, but he'll never have to wonder what it could've been like, with Sean, because now they know. And he finds he's weirdly okay with that. He has a meeting this afternoon, around four. A dinner thing and then tomorrow Rachel's coming back and they have plans for dinner and a show. His life is here, Sean's life is back in the United States.
"I will," Sean says, breaking into Eduardo's thoughts.
Eduardo looks up and sees there's a smile on Sean's face. And he thinks, maybe part of Sean wanted him to ask him to stay, but most of him loves Alex, as he should. Which is why Sean came here and when Eduardo should feel used, because he was, he can't. He feels happy, he feels relieved, of all things. It could work, he thinks as Sean serves them breakfast. It might have worked, but it doesn't have to and he doesn't need to know if it really would work. They had this time together, and because of that, everything seems to be okay now.
Maybe it shouldn't be that easy, but Eduardo finds he doesn't care. They eat toast and eggs in silence, but it's not awkward or tense, it's just two friends, eating together. For a brief moment Eduardo expects Sean to reach across the table and grab his hand, like at dinner last night, but it doesn't happen and again he feels relieved.
After they finish, he carries the dishes over to the sink. He turns the water on, squeezing soap into the sink and vows he'll start using his kitchen more. He glances over at Sean, who's waiting with the towel. He washes, Sean dries, all in silence. Again, it's companionable and Eduardo thinks that it's not fair they couldn't be like this, six or seven years ago. Why couldn't everything have been different. He frowns, staring at the soapy water before handing over the last pan to be dried.
"Eduardo?" Sean's voice cuts through his thoughts.
He turns, emptying the sink as he does. "Yeah?"
"You okay?" Sean's voice is full of concern.
"I …" Eduardo stops, taking the towel from Sean to dry his hands. "I was just thinking, why did it take so long."
Sean frowns, leaning back against the opposite counter. "Us fucking or something else?"
Eduardo almost smiles, but shakes his head. "No, not that. The rest of … why couldn't --" He stops himself, because he realizes he already knows the answer. "No, never mind."
"Eduardo."
Silence as Eduardo tries to explain it. "I don't know why I'm even thinking about this. Until you came here …" He trails off.
"I worried about that, honestly," Sean says, running a hand through his short hair.
"That you'd make me feel bad?"
Sean nods.
Eduardo laughs, finding that more amusing than he can adequately explain.
Sean gives him an odd look.
"It's just. You came here so we could fuck and you're worried about me feeling bad … about what? Facebook? Sex?" Eduardo arches an eyebrow at him.
Sean shrugs, looking a bit ashamed. "It's … Well, kind of. I knew, well, I hoped that we could at least talk. I never thought, well maybe a little, that we'd fuck but that wasn't … I mean, it wasn't the only thing." He stumbles over his words, looking a bit chagrined and Eduardo feels kind of bad, though he's not exactly upset.
"Sean, it's always going to be complicated. Facebook makes our lives complicated, we can't escape that. And you should, I mean, you were there, before any of us." He hangs the towel up and crosses to him, but doesn't touch.
"I expected you to be more upset, you know," Sean finally says after a long silence.
Eduardo chews on his bottom lip, thinking. "I did, too." He holds Sean's gaze. "But I'm oddly okay with this."
Sean looks at his feet, then back up to meet Eduardo's gaze. "No guilt?"
Eduardo shakes his head.
"Why not?" Sean asks, then looks at though he hadn't meant to actually say the words out loud.
"Because it's not … Why should I? And." He stops and reaches out, pressing his hand against Sean's chest, over his heart. "We were just finishing something we started a long time ago."
Sean lifts his hand up, covering Eduardo's, not letting him pull away, as if he'd wanted to. "Things could've gone differently."
"Yeah. The Winklevii could've been the ones who made Facebook, instead of us," he replies with a slight smirk.
Sean laughs, "that's not what I meant, but yeah."
"I know." Eduardo turns his hand over, curling his fingers around Sean's. "We could've slept together, that night in Mark's bedroom, but we didn't."
"And then you left."
"I couldn't stay."
Sean grows quiet and then nods. "I understand that, especially now."
Eduardo steps in closer, but doesn't lean in, doesn't kiss him, though he wants to. "I couldn't give Mark what he needed." Eduardo's voice is low, almost a whisper.
"And I could?" Sean replies, questioning.
"You did."
Sean leans in, bridging the short distance between them and kisses Eduardo hard. "You don't regret any of it?"
Eduardo returns the kiss, biting at Sean's mouth before answering. His lips move against Sean's as he speaks. "Not a second of it." And as soon as he says it, he knows it's the truth.
Maybe he should regret leaving, or the way it ended. Maybe he should feel bad that he took his best friend to court, that he sued Mark. But he can't. He can't regret any of it because he doesn't know what his life would've been like otherwise. He doesn't want to know. It's not about the money, it's never been about the money. It's not even about this moment, about Sean or Facebook. He kisses Sean harder, pressing their bodies together, and then pulls back, leaving them both breathing hard.
"I refuse to regret any of it," Eduardo says softly.
Sean watches, but says nothing.
"If I did, then I'd just spend all my time feeling sorry for myself. I don't want to do that."
Sean tilts his head, obviously thinking, and then he smiles. "You're too good for that."
Eduardo smiles, then laughs. "At least someone thinks so." His laughter is contagious and Sean laughs along with him and for another moment everything is absolutely perfect.
Then Sean's phone rings, interrupting their laughter. Sean looks at the ID and answers. "Hello? Yeah." He pauses, listening and he gently pushes away from Eduardo. "I'm leaving soon. Yeah." He glances at Eduardo as he talks. "I'll see you … Yeah. Of course." A long pause, and then. "I love you, too."
"Alex?" Eduardo asks when Sean hangs up.
He nods. "She wanted to know when I'm coming home."
Eduardo waits for something inside him to break or crack, maybe, but there's nothing. "Do you need me to call you a car?"
Sean shakes his head. "They can do it downstairs, yeah?"
Eduardo nods.
Sean takes a breath and then steps in. He presses his mouth against Eduardo's and kisses him. This, Eduardo thinks, this is really goodbye. He closes his eyes, his hand against the back of Sean's neck. It's goodbye and thank you and we'll never do this again, but we had this one day and it was enough. The kiss deepens and then Eduardo pulls back. He won't make Sean be the one breaking it off, not this last time.
"I'll see you around," Sean says.
Eduardo nods. "I expect an invitation to the wedding." He's only half joking and he knows Sean can tell.
"We'll see if you and Mark can stand to be in the same room at the same time," Sean replies and they both laugh, but it's a little tense.
Goodbyes, Eduardo thinks, are always hard. Even when you don't love the other person. Or love them anymore than you should. He doesn't leave the kitchen, just leans against the counter, listening to Sean packing up his backpack. After a moment he does walk out to the living room. Sean's by the door, hand on the knob. He turns, looking at Eduardo.
"Thank you," Sean says softly, "for everything."
Eduardo smiles, feels it everywhere when Sean smiles back. "You're welcome."
And then Sean's twisting the knob, glancing over his shoulder as he leaves. Eduardo locks the door behind him, resting his head against the door. There, he thinks, there's that twist, that knot in his chest. But then his phone rings, he glances at the caller ID. It's Rachel, back early from her trip. He answers and it's almost as if Sean was never there at all.