Fresh start chapter 35
Series: Fresh start
Chapter: 35
Written by: Parishs
Rating: pg-13
Summary: Reid is a neuro surgeon in Dallas with a burn out who tries to figure out what life is really about (Reid's POV).
Disclaimer: I own nothing
Thanks to zzzfreckles (Pamela) for the beta!!!
previous chapter
I looked at his face in the mirror-wall of the elevator. It looked different from when I faced him and it shocked me for a second because this way he looked familiar but wasn't my Luke. I inhaled his scent and caressed his ass while I held his gaze. I had always been horny when I was in this space, it brought me to the man I was going to have sex with.
But it was different to Luke; it had been his safe haven for so long. He was doing his work here but he also tried to hide from the world.
"How are you feeling?", I asked.
"Weird", he said. "It's a good thing to come here again and hand over my stuff to Mart but it's unreal, I can't even remember how I lived here. Did I lock myself up here in this building? What was so bad that I couldn't face it anymore?".
We walked into his office and he looked around as if he saw it for the first time in his life.
"I can almost smell the stress again Luke", I said. "I was always worried when I came here and saw you with your eyes fixated on the screens. The noise of messages coming in and the phone, man I got dizzy when I watched you work. I couldn't understand why you liked it".
Luke sat down in his chair and turned around to face me. "Me neither", he said softly. "My bio-dad introduced me into the business and I liked it, it was fast and exciting to see how you could make money out of nothing. The stock market is a bubble Reid, it's about emotions and trust but you can earn so much money when you get it. I can recall the feeling of victory when I had bought the right stocks for my clients. Without wanting to sound too pleased with myself I was good at it".
"Don't you miss it?", I asked while I sat down on his desk.
"I don't know", he said softly. "It's as if it wasn't me, as if I have dreamed it. Maybe because I didn't have a life then. For me it was hiding from the people I didn't want to see anymore because they all had an opinion about me and didn't hesitate to ventilate it.
But also a way of coping from the things I had lost, my relationship and the things I liked to do when we were in LA, writing and going to school. Looking back I didn't allow myself to grief, I just threw myself into something so time-consuming that I didn't have to think.
I am so glad that I met you Reid, and that you let me know that you wanted me. That was the first time I realized that there was a life outside these walls, that someone was patient enough to come here and wait till I was ready, who didn't judge me for making my own choices.
I have to admit that I have been stalling in here a few times. I had to be sure that you would be still there even if it took me a lot of time. I needed someone who would wait for me till I was ready. And you did. You surprised me when you blindfolded me and kidnapped me to my bed; I never thought you would do something like that. But it was a different kind of attention you asked, not the kind Noah came up with. He always accused me of things, it was always negative. How could I have said no when you seduced me?".
"I got inspired by the things I found in your bedroom drawer", I said. "And although I don't know the function of most of the things in there I knew I could draw your interest with the blindfold".
"You never used toys before?", Luke asked surprised.
"At the risk of you thinking of me as extremely boring I have to say no to that, or better yes, I never used toys before in the bedroom. But you did obviously".
Luke smirked. "Do you want to know this?", he asked and looked at me intensely. "Can you handle it when I talk about me and other guys?".
"As in plural?".
"Yes".
"At the same time?".
"Yes, but not all the time".
"Why are you with me Luke? It must be boring to be with just me", I said and felt my heart throb in my chest. What was I thinking? I didn't have a lot of experience before I met Luke and now I heard he had been in threesomes or more I started to doubt my ability to keep him satisfied.
I felt his hands on my upper legs comforting me. "Hey", Luke said. "Stop that Reid, look at me. When Noah....(o fuck, not him too, don't bring him up) when we lived in LA and things didn't turn out the way he wanted we came back to Oakdale. I hadn't been to the university for months so for me things didn't really change, I bought an office here and went on with the things I already did in LA.
But Noah was lost, he thought he would be the next brilliant director but no one was waiting for him. He started a film with my money but he got lost in the process, and although I supported him as much as I could he lost his interest. And then one day he told me he hated the damn thing and wanted to go back to Illinois. I was glad because I was tired of his rants; I was a little home sick and craved to be with people who loved me. I didn't feel loved by Noah then.
And I was right; when I checked his phone by accident I saw messages from other guys and a Grindr account. I wasn't the only one he was with. I didn't ask him because I didn't want to become the bitch who didn't want his man to be happy but it hurt me, that he didn't say anything about it. And it made me doubt about my abilities in bed. Maybe I was boring him; maybe he needed more than I could give him. I didn't allow myself much time to think about it, I dug into my work even more trying to forget the things I had read on his phone".
"Why didn't you end things with him Luke?", I asked flabbergasted. "Why didn't you confront him with it? And what does that say about you? Do you think it's okay if I have sex with other guys? I don't know what to think anymore, you got me confused".
Luke stood up and caressed my face. "Don't you know me by now Reid?", he asked and my heart cried a little when I heard the devastation in his voice. "I want the people around me happy so when you need someone beside me who can provide you with things I can't give you then yes, I can accept that. I am me and I am so damn grateful with what we have.
You told me yourself that you didn't want me to change; you want me the way I am. That goes both ways Reid; I want you to be you around me. But that doesn't mean that I am the whole package, I accept the fact that you ...I don't know.....need things beside me. Is that weird? I love you so much that I don't see that as a threat. I know what you feel for me. I know you and I are going to be together for as long as it's good. I hope that his is going to last until I die, but who knows? The world around us changes every day, we change. I don't need your promise in a wedding vow, it means nothing to me".
I let him caress my body because I was so confused that I didn't move. In one minute he turned my world upside down in a way I hated. When we came here I was horny as hell and I couldn't wait to throw him on his bed. But now... I didn't know what I wanted anymore, if I was relieved or jealous, he just swept away the floor from under my feet with a few simple words.
next chapter
Chapter: 35
Written by: Parishs
Rating: pg-13
Summary: Reid is a neuro surgeon in Dallas with a burn out who tries to figure out what life is really about (Reid's POV).
Disclaimer: I own nothing
Thanks to zzzfreckles (Pamela) for the beta!!!
previous chapter
I looked at his face in the mirror-wall of the elevator. It looked different from when I faced him and it shocked me for a second because this way he looked familiar but wasn't my Luke. I inhaled his scent and caressed his ass while I held his gaze. I had always been horny when I was in this space, it brought me to the man I was going to have sex with.
But it was different to Luke; it had been his safe haven for so long. He was doing his work here but he also tried to hide from the world.
"How are you feeling?", I asked.
"Weird", he said. "It's a good thing to come here again and hand over my stuff to Mart but it's unreal, I can't even remember how I lived here. Did I lock myself up here in this building? What was so bad that I couldn't face it anymore?".
We walked into his office and he looked around as if he saw it for the first time in his life.
"I can almost smell the stress again Luke", I said. "I was always worried when I came here and saw you with your eyes fixated on the screens. The noise of messages coming in and the phone, man I got dizzy when I watched you work. I couldn't understand why you liked it".
Luke sat down in his chair and turned around to face me. "Me neither", he said softly. "My bio-dad introduced me into the business and I liked it, it was fast and exciting to see how you could make money out of nothing. The stock market is a bubble Reid, it's about emotions and trust but you can earn so much money when you get it. I can recall the feeling of victory when I had bought the right stocks for my clients. Without wanting to sound too pleased with myself I was good at it".
"Don't you miss it?", I asked while I sat down on his desk.
"I don't know", he said softly. "It's as if it wasn't me, as if I have dreamed it. Maybe because I didn't have a life then. For me it was hiding from the people I didn't want to see anymore because they all had an opinion about me and didn't hesitate to ventilate it.
But also a way of coping from the things I had lost, my relationship and the things I liked to do when we were in LA, writing and going to school. Looking back I didn't allow myself to grief, I just threw myself into something so time-consuming that I didn't have to think.
I am so glad that I met you Reid, and that you let me know that you wanted me. That was the first time I realized that there was a life outside these walls, that someone was patient enough to come here and wait till I was ready, who didn't judge me for making my own choices.
I have to admit that I have been stalling in here a few times. I had to be sure that you would be still there even if it took me a lot of time. I needed someone who would wait for me till I was ready. And you did. You surprised me when you blindfolded me and kidnapped me to my bed; I never thought you would do something like that. But it was a different kind of attention you asked, not the kind Noah came up with. He always accused me of things, it was always negative. How could I have said no when you seduced me?".
"I got inspired by the things I found in your bedroom drawer", I said. "And although I don't know the function of most of the things in there I knew I could draw your interest with the blindfold".
"You never used toys before?", Luke asked surprised.
"At the risk of you thinking of me as extremely boring I have to say no to that, or better yes, I never used toys before in the bedroom. But you did obviously".
Luke smirked. "Do you want to know this?", he asked and looked at me intensely. "Can you handle it when I talk about me and other guys?".
"As in plural?".
"Yes".
"At the same time?".
"Yes, but not all the time".
"Why are you with me Luke? It must be boring to be with just me", I said and felt my heart throb in my chest. What was I thinking? I didn't have a lot of experience before I met Luke and now I heard he had been in threesomes or more I started to doubt my ability to keep him satisfied.
I felt his hands on my upper legs comforting me. "Hey", Luke said. "Stop that Reid, look at me. When Noah....(o fuck, not him too, don't bring him up) when we lived in LA and things didn't turn out the way he wanted we came back to Oakdale. I hadn't been to the university for months so for me things didn't really change, I bought an office here and went on with the things I already did in LA.
But Noah was lost, he thought he would be the next brilliant director but no one was waiting for him. He started a film with my money but he got lost in the process, and although I supported him as much as I could he lost his interest. And then one day he told me he hated the damn thing and wanted to go back to Illinois. I was glad because I was tired of his rants; I was a little home sick and craved to be with people who loved me. I didn't feel loved by Noah then.
And I was right; when I checked his phone by accident I saw messages from other guys and a Grindr account. I wasn't the only one he was with. I didn't ask him because I didn't want to become the bitch who didn't want his man to be happy but it hurt me, that he didn't say anything about it. And it made me doubt about my abilities in bed. Maybe I was boring him; maybe he needed more than I could give him. I didn't allow myself much time to think about it, I dug into my work even more trying to forget the things I had read on his phone".
"Why didn't you end things with him Luke?", I asked flabbergasted. "Why didn't you confront him with it? And what does that say about you? Do you think it's okay if I have sex with other guys? I don't know what to think anymore, you got me confused".
Luke stood up and caressed my face. "Don't you know me by now Reid?", he asked and my heart cried a little when I heard the devastation in his voice. "I want the people around me happy so when you need someone beside me who can provide you with things I can't give you then yes, I can accept that. I am me and I am so damn grateful with what we have.
You told me yourself that you didn't want me to change; you want me the way I am. That goes both ways Reid; I want you to be you around me. But that doesn't mean that I am the whole package, I accept the fact that you ...I don't know.....need things beside me. Is that weird? I love you so much that I don't see that as a threat. I know what you feel for me. I know you and I are going to be together for as long as it's good. I hope that his is going to last until I die, but who knows? The world around us changes every day, we change. I don't need your promise in a wedding vow, it means nothing to me".
I let him caress my body because I was so confused that I didn't move. In one minute he turned my world upside down in a way I hated. When we came here I was horny as hell and I couldn't wait to throw him on his bed. But now... I didn't know what I wanted anymore, if I was relieved or jealous, he just swept away the floor from under my feet with a few simple words.
next chapter