Things have not been great lately. To put it bluntly, this week sucked. One of my oldest and best friends died two years ago last Friday (April 12). It was hard to deal with. I felt it hit again, become reality. So often it's a distant concept, without substance. An intangible anomaly. I don't like reality much.

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I've been having a lot of thoughts lately. Reflecting. Here I'll try to summarize, or perhaps just expound. Either way, I hope they make sense. I suppose my words are mostly stream of consciousness. They spur from recent reflections, and also therapy last Friday.

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A year ago I'd been ghosted by the one I loved. It still hurts. I don't care to tell how much. I'd lost my job. My stepfather was dying of cancer. My family frayed.
( Melancholy meanderings... )

He's beautiful. That's what I always told him. He didn't know why. I think it was because his soul is beautiful. It's so bright and full of hope. He sees the world we should have and holds hope for it. He believes in spite of himself. Cynicism hasn't dampened his optimism. Though, I think he is measured with it. Careful. He wants a better world, ( Read more... )

I've never felt so low. I'm trying to hold on to things that are positive. It's just so hard. I feel sadness. Like drowning. The abyss is within me. Where I felt happiness before. I can barely breath. Life is unstable. I thought I'd have found a job by now. I'm worried how that's going. What's going to happen with the holidays here? Family dynamics ( Read more... )

So, here is the final installment of my life story series of posts. Knowing me, I'll want to come back and edit things. That might be time consuming considering how many parts I've had to break it in to.

( The rest of my story... )

It looks like I can get things to fit with just one more post after this. To think, I didn't include so many things. How long could this have been?

( Even more of my story... )

I hadn't realized just how long this had grown.

( More of my story... )

LJ is making me break this up into multiple pieces to post. So bear with me. There will be several.

( More of my story... )

I'm not quite sure why I'm sharing something this personal. Then again, few people still use LiveJournal. It's possible no one will even see this. That's probably for the best. The point of a journal is to keep a record for ourselves more than sharing with others ( Read more... )