Re: QUESTIONS?etiam_quietusMay 25 2011, 15:37:03 UTC
Hey, I think this comments thread is locked erroneously (and sorry if someone's already mentioned it!) And because I haven't said it enough recently, you are amazing!
It wasn't the one I voted as my favorite, but it was a strong piece. It made me laugh in a good way. I enjoyed the characterization and the humor a lot.
I enjoyed it, though it felt a bit... I don't know, lightweight to me? I guess it was just the contrast of the other stories posted for this challenge being darker and more serious in tone that made it feel a bit lacking in substance. Context has a lot of influence on how that sort of thing is perceived. But it was definitely very entertaining, nonetheless.
I'd very much appreciate any feedback, positive or negative or mixed. I'm curious about why this story hit so many people negatively - I don't think I've ever had more than one or two negative votes before (the one time I thought I had, it turned out to be an error). Then again, at this stage in the contest, sometimes it's not so much a case of not liking a story as just liking it less than the others, and all the ones in this challenge (well, all the others - obviously I can't be objective about my own!) were really strong. I know I found it agonizing to try and choose one for my own "least" vote, because I liked them all
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I agree - I thought all the entries were very strong and choosing (both least and most favorite) was an exercise in splitting hairs for me.
I didn't have a negative reaction to your story and it wasn't my least favorite (although again, my "least" favorite was a story I liked quite a bit anyway), but I felt like I'd read the story of the fall from grace from Satan's POV fairly frequently, and given that it was in first person POV and, as he even says in the narration, the story is well known, I craved a little more personality in his voice or more of a novel reason to retell the story. I wanted more of a sense that there was a story in his words besides the one that he was telling - a glimpse into things he was unwittingly revealing about himself (that's so often the appeal of first person POV for me.)
But the end was quite poignant and I think had there been a touch more emotion besides disdain when talking about humans, it could have been my favorite.
And you're right, it is important to be careful with oft-told stories, to try and make sure you're actually adding something new. What I had wanted to do was explore the idea of denying someone something "for their own good", which I had Lucifer being critical of God for doing with the tree, but at the same time doing himself, by contriving to get them cast out of the garden on the basis that it would be better for them. So there was meant to be a touch of hypocrisy there. And then the other major theme I had in mind was that the idea that it's better not to have something can easily be an exercise in sour grapes - "I can't have X, but that's OK because I didn't want it anyway! So there!" And be a way of covering that maybe you really did want that thing, with all your heart
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It was really hard to choose a least favorite - I thought all the stories were good. What made me choose yours though was the cliche factor - it's been done before to the point of being kind of overdone. And the title being from John Milton just didn't sit right, I felt it should have been titled originally at least.
That being said the character voice was strong and it did have its good points. Obviously you're an awesome writer for having made it this far!
I'm not planning on participating in round two myself, as I'm also doing drabbles and poetry and that's enough deadlines for me. =) But I will be reading and writing and I'm looking forward to seeing more of your stories.
As I said somewhere above, choosing between pieces came down to splitting very fine hairs. I really enjoyed your piece - the writing of the MC was strong and you really did hint at his abusive nature and show it in action and for the most part indirectly in thought, and I thought the idea of making him abusive so that there's the satisfaction of him getting his just desserts at the end was quite clever
( ... )
Oh I didn't even think about that movie - I don't watch a lot of mainstream movies and television. But having looked it up on IMDB now I see yes I should have chosen a different title. Live and learn!
And yeah, with the MC - in my first draft there was more of his internal dialogue and about their relationship that I wound up cutting to save space (the first draft clocked in at about 2000 words which was wayyyyy too long). I think what I kept maybe didn't reflect enough of him still loving her enough to come back for her, in spite of his obvious shortcomings.
I went through several really different reactions to it. I didn't like it all that much on first reading, because the ending seemed really jarring - I don't mind twist endings, at all, but that one didn't seem like it really flowed naturally from the story. But then on re-reading it, I began to see that it did, and that all the way through, there were two different ways to read what was happening, and then I began to appreciate the story a lot more, because I thought the multilayered aspect of it was really quite brilliantly done.
So ironically, I started out intending to vote for yours for least, and ended up, after a couple of re-readings, voting for it for best instead. I don't think I've ever done that before with one story!
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I didn't have a negative reaction to your story and it wasn't my least favorite (although again, my "least" favorite was a story I liked quite a bit anyway), but I felt like I'd read the story of the fall from grace from Satan's POV fairly frequently, and given that it was in first person POV and, as he even says in the narration, the story is well known, I craved a little more personality in his voice or more of a novel reason to retell the story. I wanted more of a sense that there was a story in his words besides the one that he was telling - a glimpse into things he was unwittingly revealing about himself (that's so often the appeal of first person POV for me.)
But the end was quite poignant and I think had there been a touch more emotion besides disdain when talking about humans, it could have been my favorite.
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And you're right, it is important to be careful with oft-told stories, to try and make sure you're actually adding something new. What I had wanted to do was explore the idea of denying someone something "for their own good", which I had Lucifer being critical of God for doing with the tree, but at the same time doing himself, by contriving to get them cast out of the garden on the basis that it would be better for them. So there was meant to be a touch of hypocrisy there. And then the other major theme I had in mind was that the idea that it's better not to have something can easily be an exercise in sour grapes - "I can't have X, but that's OK because I didn't want it anyway! So there!" And be a way of covering that maybe you really did want that thing, with all your heart ( ... )
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That being said the character voice was strong and it did have its good points. Obviously you're an awesome writer for having made it this far!
I'm not planning on participating in round two myself, as I'm also doing drabbles and poetry and that's enough deadlines for me. =) But I will be reading and writing and I'm looking forward to seeing more of your stories.
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And yeah, with the MC - in my first draft there was more of his internal dialogue and about their relationship that I wound up cutting to save space (the first draft clocked in at about 2000 words which was wayyyyy too long). I think what I kept maybe didn't reflect enough of him still loving her enough to come back for her, in spite of his obvious shortcomings.
Ty much for the feedback!
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So ironically, I started out intending to vote for yours for least, and ended up, after a couple of re-readings, voting for it for best instead. I don't think I've ever done that before with one story!
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