As I said somewhere above, choosing between pieces came down to splitting very fine hairs. I really enjoyed your piece - the writing of the MC was strong and you really did hint at his abusive nature and show it in action and for the most part indirectly in thought, and I thought the idea of making him abusive so that there's the satisfaction of him getting his just desserts at the end was quite clever
( ... )
Oh I didn't even think about that movie - I don't watch a lot of mainstream movies and television. But having looked it up on IMDB now I see yes I should have chosen a different title. Live and learn!
And yeah, with the MC - in my first draft there was more of his internal dialogue and about their relationship that I wound up cutting to save space (the first draft clocked in at about 2000 words which was wayyyyy too long). I think what I kept maybe didn't reflect enough of him still loving her enough to come back for her, in spite of his obvious shortcomings.
I went through several really different reactions to it. I didn't like it all that much on first reading, because the ending seemed really jarring - I don't mind twist endings, at all, but that one didn't seem like it really flowed naturally from the story. But then on re-reading it, I began to see that it did, and that all the way through, there were two different ways to read what was happening, and then I began to appreciate the story a lot more, because I thought the multilayered aspect of it was really quite brilliantly done.
So ironically, I started out intending to vote for yours for least, and ended up, after a couple of re-readings, voting for it for best instead. I don't think I've ever done that before with one story!
Oh thank you! I'm glad that re-reading it made it resonate with you. If I had more room and more time to revise it, I think I would have put in more clues along the way what was about to happen, I suppose - so it wasn't quite as jarring.
And also to put in more backstory, so we understand why the narrator even though he's kind of a bastard comes back for his ex-wife.
Reply
Reply
And yeah, with the MC - in my first draft there was more of his internal dialogue and about their relationship that I wound up cutting to save space (the first draft clocked in at about 2000 words which was wayyyyy too long). I think what I kept maybe didn't reflect enough of him still loving her enough to come back for her, in spite of his obvious shortcomings.
Ty much for the feedback!
Reply
So ironically, I started out intending to vote for yours for least, and ended up, after a couple of re-readings, voting for it for best instead. I don't think I've ever done that before with one story!
Reply
And also to put in more backstory, so we understand why the narrator even though he's kind of a bastard comes back for his ex-wife.
But hey, 1000 words, you fit in what you can. =)
Reply
Leave a comment